Chapter 35: The Ghost Gate Old Acquaintance

  "Chui Ming, what needs to be said has been said more or less, maybe some were said too much, some not enough, some well, and some wonderfully..."

  Family chatter is just casual talk, no need to draft a conversation. As the saying goes, there's no banquet that doesn't disperse, you're now a person of the living world, if you linger too long, perhaps you'll really die.

  "I know you love this place deeply, but don't be in a hurry, after death you will reside here permanently and become an official registered ghost." Looking at my ancestor's sentimental eyes, I was afraid he would delay further.

  To be honest, from the moment I appeared here, I wanted to run away, but there was no way out, and I couldn't escape.

  This scene in the underworld, who loves whom, whoever can make me never come here again, I'd sell my body and kidneys! Looking at my ancestors' distant gaze, my head is full of complaints.

  Afraid of being read by ancestors! So I silently recited Nalan Xingde's "Changxiang Si - Shan Yicheng": A mountain journey, a water journey, my body heads towards the Yu Guan shore, thousands of lanterns at midnight. One watch of wind, one watch of snow, the village heart and dream are broken, the old garden has no such sound.

  Strive to stir up the sorrowful cells in my heart, strive to create a lingering attachment. Cultivate the feeling of not wanting to leave the mortal world.

  No wonder, this sour intention came up, and it directly went to my head, almost being moved to tears by myself. It seems that having rich emotions is not all bad, thank you Nalan Xingde.

  Ancestor patted my shoulder and pointed to a narrow pass not far in front of us. "That's the Ghost Gate."

  Looking at the two towering yellow earth hills in front of me, with twin peaks facing each other and a middle section resembling a gate, the roadside began to appear with clusters of Higanbana flowers, the guiding flowers of the underworld, which looked like a carpet paved with blood.

  In front of the two mounds, which were called mountains but were actually earth hills, there was a city wall made of yellow sand. On the city wall, there was a horizontal wooden sign with three large characters "Ghost Gate Pass" carved on it, attracting people's attention.

  This visually crude city wall, sighing at the legend of walking through the Ghost Gate, I'm sure and certain that the publicity department of the underworld has exaggerated the report of the Ghost Gate again, I'm numb.

  "Your Yin Soldier Ghost Token is the road guide for passing through, don't lose it. These brain-dead certification officials can't recognize people, no matter which ghost soul comes here, they must be checked to see if they have a pass. For ghosts without a pass, the ghost soldiers have the power to kill first and then report, oh no, I mean, to behead first and then report!"

  I looked at my ancestors and said, "Is there a difference between beheading first and killing afterwards?"

  Ancestors one face black line, "Cut once does not necessarily die, pass on relationships."

  I am speechless and choked with emotion.

  Walking on this Huangquan Road paved with blood sand, I occasionally see Yincha ghost soldiers pressing the ghost citizens to pass by. As a public figure and image spokesperson for ancestors, they occasionally nod their heads in response, saying hello, busy but happy, completely a scene of leaders inspecting at the grassroots level.

  As I walked to the front of the city wall, I suddenly saw a weathered poster on the city wall. I vaguely recognized that it was undoubtedly my ancestor standing next to me, with a heavily Photoshopped ancestor grinning from ear to ear, and on the palm of his hand were written in bold blood-red letters: "Yin Cao Di Fu welcomes you".

  It seems that what the ancestors said about being a spokesperson for themselves is indeed true, this is clearly a promotional spokesperson for the underworld! It's just unknown whether to ask the ancestors about the confidentiality of this spokesperson fee.

  In the center of the city gate is a stone gate that can hold a cow, which is similar to Li Xiaogang's figure, and it should be sideways to pass through. Imagining Li Xiaogang passing through the Ghost Gate, I chuckled, and then suddenly thought that the current Li Xiaogang might be in close contact with those four poisonous things, and a faint sadness surged up again.

  On both sides of the pass, there were five ghostly soldiers lined up on each side, with green faces, bared teeth and claws, each with a different posture, vivid and lifelike. The yellow sand beside the pass was swirling, the sparrows chirping loudly, giving people a sense of eerie terror.

  Looking at the ghosts pouring in, I curiously asked my ancestors, "What's that thing with five colors on the paper that those ghosts are holding?"

  The ancestor glanced at me and said: "Those five-color papers are the road guides, they are the certificates for people to report to the underworld after death.

  Equivalent to the passport of the underworld, it is said that entering the underworld requires a road guide, and leaving the underworld requires a permit. The ghostly messenger must check the certificate. The standard road guide is three feet long and two feet wide, with the words "Issued by Yanluo Dadi, the Emperor of Fengdu" and "All people in the world must have this guide to be able to go to Fengdu's underworld and ascend to heaven". If not, it is a black household, and they will be dragged directly to the Blood River Pool, without needing verification from Ox-Head and Horse-Face!

  Ancestor said that, I think the management of this hell is much stricter than I imagined. Although these Yin messengers and ghost soldiers don't look very reliable, everything here is in order, it's hard to believe that these ghosts are so obedient, it's really "a stick produces a filial son", strict punishment brings about order.

  "How did you get this road permit?" I looked at the five-colored paper in Guimin's hand with great curiosity.

  The ancestors' academic style, "This road guide's handling, looking at people's dishes, good people are convenient and evil ones are difficult. Those who do good deeds in their lifetime will be helped by the yin after death. This one road guide requires three seals of 'Yan Wang Ye', 'Cheng Huang Ye' and 'Fengdu County Taigong' to have legal effect in the underworld."

  After handling is completed, it needs to be burned by the family members after the person's death in order to take effect.

  Those idle and licentious rascals, with their reckless and arrogant nature, wanting to take action, basically find it hard to get in the door, hard to show their face, and hard to get things done. Not taking action is not an option either, once caught by the patrolling yamen, they will be sent directly to hell, without even a chance for reincarnation.

  Even if some scalpers sneak in, they will still not escape the good and evil club of Niuhouma's face! The ending is equally miserable. It just adds a process of blood river pool."

  It seems that these good people are all high-end VIPs in the underworld, and it's true that good people have good rewards, although they may be a bit late.

  In front of me, one by one, the dark-faced, pupil-less ghost civilians were undergoing checks by the garrison ghost soldiers, their entire bodies... Several ghosts were even fondled, making lewd noises and seemingly enjoying themselves, a scene too repulsive to behold.

  Looking at this famous city wall in front of me, I thought of a sentence: "Floating clouds and misty rainbows, hidden red fog appears. Glowing tiles overlap with phoenix heads, shining glazed tiles like mandarin ducks." I reckon the person who wrote this sentence must have gone to the wrong place, it's completely not the style of this city wall's architecture.

  "Who is it that has opened this ghost gate?"

  "So many years have passed without change, still guarded by that door-squeezing ghost king and the ten ghostly Marten soldiers"

  At this time, I saw a stout figure who had just slipped into the Ghost Gate, and in this glimpse, I found it very familiar. I remembered that he was the coal boss, Hu Luhu, a technical staff member of the county-level city's coal mine on the outskirts of Chengmu, whom I met during my departure from Zhou Mu last year.

  This discovery left me stunned, this guy who claims to be physically strong, eats a lot of bitter melon, is a master of seeing ghosts, domineering and overbearing, relying on digging coal and selling coal, owing wages, accumulating primitive capital, but he's only in his 40s, how did he end up like this? Is it because rich people are reporting to the underworld tour? I'm going crazy.

  I pointed at the calabaza stuck in the city gate and said, "Ancestor, that fat guy stuck in the middle of the city gate I know, he's my former boss, a strong and powerful person who can't possibly be dead!"

  The ancestor glanced at him and said, "This guy's body has such a strong aura of decline, he must not be a good person. Since he is already in the Ghost Gate Pass, he will definitely die without a doubt."

  Due to my stout figure, I saw many ghostly soldiers exerting themselves to pull a gourd into the door. The pained gourd cried out in anguish, its wails unceasing, its appearance extremely sorrowful.

  I rushed forward, shouting "Inhale, retract your belly, lift your buttocks, hurry up and use force!" As a result, this calabaza, after my on-site guidance, not only didn't enter the body but instead let out a loud fart that was so powerful it almost killed him. The ghost with the Mohawk hairstyle kicked him violently, and he nearly fainted to death. No, I think he's already dead, which means he nearly fainted.

  Although this calabaza had deducted my salary before, and was usually stingy and despicable in his actions, I had cursed him countless times for not having children, eating instant noodles without seasoning and the like. He really wasn't a good guy, but now that he's here in the underworld, I suddenly feel a sense of closeness to an old acquaintance, and it's a great coincidence to have met him in this ghostly place. I looked at my ancestor with a pitiful expression, seeking help.

  "Stop it, all of you! Don't kick anymore. You've already kicked out a fart, and if you keep kicking, you'll only end up with shit!"

  I heard what our ancestors said is not only rhyming but also quite rhythmic.

  "Bring it in first, no matter what goods."

  That group of delinquents who styled their hair with gel, as soon as they saw their ancestors in front of them, suddenly became gentle and timid, like Pikachu or a coffee cat had possessed them.

  At this time, a head that had obviously been squeezed by the door popped out. In the middle of the head was a deep groove, and it was swollen like a dinosaur egg. It was clearly the ghost king who had his head squeezed by the door. "Ah, isn't this Lord Cui? Why aren't you at the Judge's Mansion? How did you end up in our poor place?"

  Then he yelled at the bunch of good-for-nothings behind him, "What are you staring at? A circle of foolish birds! Hurry up and bring a chair for the master to sit on, serve coffee, don't even have a bit of eye power."

  While talking, the ghostly soldiers who were just filming an action movie suddenly performed a literary and artistic ethics film. This acting skill is really amazing, casually pulling out one that must be a winner of the Golden Rooster Award.

  I took advantage of this rare break, squatted down and touched a calabaza.

  This guy, crying and shouting, Master, don't hit me, I was wrong, I shouldn't have grown so fat, damaging the public facilities of the underworld, I won't fart again, polluting the air quality of the underworld, please Grandpa, don't hit me...

  Is this still the same old coal boss Hu Lianbao who had two mistresses and ten bodyguards swaggering around when he first started out?

  Is this still a meal where ten chickens are eaten and not even a hair is left of the calabash?

  For a moment I had a kind of mistaken identity, but this figure, these facial features that were squeezed together due to obesity, was clearly Hu Lu Zhu?

  I said to the calabaza stuck in the door, "Isn't this Mr. Calabaza? Where are your mistress and bodyguard? Why are you alone playing at the ghost gate?"

  The gourd suddenly trembled with fear, "Who are you?"

  "I'm Cui Ming, no, I'm Zhuo Fan, the technician in your mine, the one you deducted money from, the Zhuo Fan who was forced to give you face!"

  "This calabash thought for a while, rummaged through the memories and searched for half a day, estimated that there was no effect, said 'I often say this, some can't remember, since it's our own people, then it's easy to handle, you're dead too?'"

  I quickly retorted, "You're the one who's dead!"

  The gourd cried and said, "Brother, I'm really dead! You have a good eye, you can even see that I'm dead!"