Chapter 24: Beating Ghosts in Hell

  Who knew this guy's belly was too big, the fat was too greasy, my arm span couldn't complete a week of binding, and instead I was caught by the wrinkled fat with both hands, directly knocked to the ground by the meat mountain, followed by a big squat, pressing my intestines almost vomiting, my stomach was like a landslide, and the organs in my belly all rushed to my throat.

  This thing called Li Xiaogang's fat ghost, a mountain of flesh spanning my back, slammed against the big package on my head with all its might, bang bang bang, like a percussion instrument, the surging pain made me cry and sob.

  As I listened to the commotion on Naihe Bridge, it seemed that some ghostly figures were starting to place bets on this fight between me and Li Xiaogang. Hearing my odds, I was so angry that I wanted to bite my tongue off.

  At this time, I understood the pain of Monkey King being pressed under the Five Elements Mountain back then. Who has been pressed knows it.

  This move is simply unsolvable, my lungs are already swollen and breathing is difficult. If I don't break free soon, I'll definitely die.

  At this critical moment, wisdom is still the most reliable.

  I suddenly had an idea and forcibly turned my head, shouting "Hey" at Li Xiaogang on my back.

  This smug fatty Li Xiaogang said to me "What's up!"

  I took a deep breath, then sprayed it at Li Xiaogang. The rolling stench poured out and attacked the fat ghost. To be honest, I was disgusted by myself, let alone him. This mouthful had an especially good effect! The fatty instantly softened up, and in this one-hundredth of a second opportunity, I grabbed hold of him.

  Just as Li Xiaogang stood up to protect his face, I turned around, put my hands together, and directly exploded the fat ghost chrysanthemum. This earth-shattering blow made everyone present stunned and unable to close their mouths. Then came various buns, cakes, fruits, and other objects flying towards me.

  I stood up with my hands clasped together and said to the ghosts on the bridge: "Brother has just arrived at your esteemed place, thank you to all the ghostly gentlemen, ghostly ladies, ghostly uncles, ghostly brothers, ghostly sisters, ghostly younger brothers, and ghostly little sisters for forcing me to eat. Brother is not hungry for now, these are all food cooked by my family members for you, I am ashamed to accept them."

  In an instant, I saw several ghosts on the bridge spitting white foam and jumping into the river voluntarily. In this era, even ghosts are committing suicide.

  At this moment, Li Xiaogang, who was holding the chrysanthemum with both hands, jumped up and down, crying out for his father and mother, shouting that he wanted to call his dad to kill me. This crazy posture, spraying saliva wildly, staring at me as if wanting to fight to the death!

  It's clear that I still have a chance to turn things around, if it comes down to a fight to the death, I'm basically in a rhythm of using jade to strike tiles, with my remaining IQ, I wouldn't do something so stupid.

  To show that I was not interested in fighting with him, I first did a somersault, then performed a set of military exercises, until the onlookers cheered, only then did I stop. I reckon Li Xiaogang was shocked by my agility and stood frozen in front of me, his eyes wide with surprise.

  I stood facing Li Xiaogang with a condescending attitude and shouted: "Hey, with my fighting skills, beating you up would be bullying the weak. Moreover, today I don't want to start killing, afraid that once I start I won't be able to control myself and will beat you until your soul flies away. So, consider yourself lucky today, I won't play a physical game with you. I'm a cultured person, a graduate of a famous university, with a bachelor's degree in literature. Let's have an intellectual battle instead, watch me defeat you!"

  At this moment, I was shocked by my own polite and elegant language, with a good sense of propriety and literary talent. Indeed, where there is a will, there is a way; when people arrive at the right time, they will find the right words to say.

  I quickly did a few push-ups with my tongue, and incidentally hooked up the cultural knowledge in my brain, hinting that the knowledge would soon burst out and lend me a helping hand.

  This mouth-to-mouth combat tactic, with its powerful and majestic rhetoric, has a very domineering rhythm. Even the ancestors were shocked and turned around to take out their phones, wondering what they were doing... Looking at the style of those two guys, Niutou and Mamian, it's estimated that they've reorganized the opening fist method again, while Meng Po covers her chest with both hands, looking like a weak and delicate woman, but actually being very intimidating!

  I stand up straight, chest out, head held high, move my lower jaw and get ready to start.

  Who knew this guy obviously hadn't gone to school, completely without manners, directly saying: "Fuck your sister! Stupid cunt! Before you were born, I was the one who fucked everyone's ass, how dare you fuck with me? Virgin explosion, I'll fucking kill you!" As he said that, he came over and prepared to punch me with his big fist.

  It's all thanks to my intelligence that I managed to land a hit just now. Although I have some flesh on me, Li Xiaogang and I are not in the same weight class at all. Just looking at the fat swaying with the wind makes me break out in cold sweat. This guy doesn't play by the rules, he doesn't follow the code of the Jianghu, it's really despicable.

  What should I do? I'm knocking on my remaining IQ! As the saying goes, the key to fighting is IQ. The higher the IQ, the better the skills. Even if the body isn't great, fighting is still possible.

  At this moment, I am thinking, he is running!

  I gave a death order to all the IQ in my brain, whether or not to produce creativity, it's all the same. It seems that at this critical moment of life and death, I still have to rely on IQ. Just as he was about to pounce on me with his teeth bared, I turned sideways and shouted:

  "What the heck, you weren't planning to fight me just now, why are you following me everywhere?!" Thinking that this guy was clearly looking for his ancestors, why is he still chasing after me?!

  "Grass, when Laozi was alive, he liked to pinch soft eggplants. Consider you a little unlucky, first kill you Y-typed show off your skills and then talk." Li Xiaogang obviously recognized me, with an attitude of a vicious dog pouncing on hot feces.

  Soft persimmon! Is it an insult to me?

  As the saying goes, adversity makes one strive harder. The poor man's child grows up early and takes charge of the household. At this critical moment, I snatched the plastic spoon from Meng Po and scooped a ladle of hot soup directly onto Li Xiaogang's face. Suddenly, a sizzling sound filled the air, accompanied by his ear-piercing screams, like a pig being slaughtered. I smoothed my hair, patted the ground, and struck a nonchalant pose.

  This is a contest without referees.

  The ancestor seemed to have no intention of turning back to help, and was tapping away on his phone as if he was chatting. Did he think that my fierce appearance had subdued him, and that this fat ghost didn't pose a threat to me at all? But just now, the ancestor was clearly sneaking glances at me, and the information revealed in that one glance was that he didn't recognize my rhythm! Ah, it seems like his face is still red, could it be that he's shy?

  This ladle of hot soup went up, and Li Xiaogang immediately softened, the big bubbles on his face could be compared to my big bag. The victorious flag opened, I was in a great mood, holding the plastic ladle, facing the cold wind, turning my head 45 degrees, posing a perfect master posture, throwing a few flirtatious eyes at the still stylish female ghost on Naihe Bridge.

  At the moment I was trying to create a pose, Li Xiaogang rushed to the opposite side of the pot. At this moment, my opponent and I were only separated by one pot, standing face to face. Just as I was thinking about the next step in the battle plan, without realizing it, this beast had made a move, no, not a verbal attack, but this beast suddenly let out a loud phlegm-filled spit on my face.

  This fat ghost seems to have gotten a fever too, it's yellow and sticky, cold and tastes bitter. With such a big mouth, it sprayed out about a bowl of saliva, directly splashing my face. I was wiping it off while sneezing, probably got a cold. Looking at the saliva dripping down onto the lace nightgown mother gave me, with urine and phlegm, my heart aches.

  "What kind of paralyzed quality is this? You'll be fined for spitting anywhere, damn it!"

  Who knew this dead ghost didn't know how to repent: "Hmph, I have plenty of hell money, love to spit wherever" Suddenly this guy started spraying non-stop, damn this mouth is like a diarrhea machine, looks like Li Xiaogang still has a lot of goods in his belly.

  How despicable, this fat ghost actually dares to scold people with a straight face: "You little brat are shameless and sinister, you dare to splash hot soup on me Li Xiaogang, do you know who my dad is? My dad is Li Dagang, I can even pick up chicks without spending money, you dare to provoke me! You little brat are dead for sure, watch me call my dad to get someone to kill you, with my dad backing me up, no one can touch me, screw your grandpa, screw your ancestors."

  We spat at each other while circling around the pot and cursed at each other.

  At this time, Mother Meng shouted "Stop".

  Is it going to make a move? As a result, Meng Po took out a pot lid from behind her back and covered the cauldron with it. "It's all sprayed into my pot, this makes other ghosts talk, affects the taste, and those who don't know think that Meng Po's craftsmanship has declined..." Although Meng Po's voice was very pleasant to listen to, the rhythm of her nagging was really annoying.

  I suddenly remembered that Li Xiaogang seemed to have cursed just now, "Wipe my ancestor?" I looked at the ancestor playing with his mobile phone beside me, and his face was full of black lines, his whole body was shaking violently, obviously about to explode.

  The ancestor finally couldn't bear it, turned his head back, and I found that he was so angry that his beard was crooked, his nostrils were emitting thick smoke, his whole body was shaking violently, looking at Meng Po, forcing himself to maintain a dignified demeanor, with an expression of "I'm too cool to bother with you".

  This endurance is really domineering.

  And I was circling around the hot pot, occasionally lifting the lid to take a spoonful of hot soup, which seriously affected the efficiency of the attack. Li Xiaogang splashed me with saliva during this time and kept sneezing. Seeing this dead ghost being so vicious, who knew he was so sinister, obviously wanting me to catch a cold and then make a fatal blow.

  So I increased the frequency of splashing soup, and in Li Xiaogang's loud roar, I estimated that if I persisted for another one or two hours, this guy would be cooked by me with hot soup! This move is indeed domineering to the point of being unresolvable.

  It's either I get spit to death or Li Xiaogang gets scalded to death, which has become a new topic of discussion among the ghostly citizens. I reckon it was my impressive skills earlier that made the dead ghosts on the bridge reevaluate me instantly. After reassessing my combat abilities, my betting volume increased significantly and finally surpassed Li Xiaogang's, which makes me quite pleased.

  There's a saying that when a master is making a move, you can't be distracted. I didn't realize the essence of this phrase until it was too late. Just as Li Xiaogang was laughing, he suddenly spat out a mouthful of thick phlegm and blurred my vision. Then, with his hands stretched across the pot, he poked two chubby fingers into my eyes. I shouted "Ah, mom, I'm doomed!"