Chapter 23: The Arrogant Fat Ghost

  As I rolled up my sleeves, I saw the dark red flame patterns on both arms burning like they were on fire, rapidly moving and jumping between my arms, accompanied by a golden glow. I heard the sound of bones crackling from my shoulders to my fingertips, as if they were being reassembled.

  As I was wondering if it was the side effect of the Blood River Dan, a scorching pain almost made me pass out. My hands felt as if they were placed in a scalding oven to be gilded. Dazed, I saw that the mysterious fire tattoos on my arms had turned golden, and my hands seemed to have swollen to twice their original size. The palms and backs of my hands displayed dazzling gold colors, and when I rubbed them together, they emitted a metallic clanging sound, as if they were made entirely of pure gold.

  As the intense friction continued, both arms from shoulders to fingertips took on a metallic texture. As the friction persisted and gradually seeped in, I felt as if my hands had an inexhaustible strength, a kind of repressed beastly explosion of pleasure, and a strong urge to grab something and thrash it violently.

  With a "ding" sound, the ancestor signaled me to stop.

  I looked at my own hands and arms, which were emitting a faint golden glow. The dark turtle fire pattern was inlaid on the metallic skin, bursting with explosive power. My hands moved freely without any mechanical sounds as I had imagined. I bent down to try striking the ground, and the result was that the bluestone road was instantly smashed into a huge pit, leaving me shocked beyond words.

  Ancestors hurriedly pulled me up, looked around and said: "Fortunately, the city management ghost is not there, those beasts are crazy, my face is not given, let's go quickly."

  I held up my glittering golden hands and asked our ancestors: "How do I control this thing?"

  Ancestors looked at me, patted my head, "Forgot to tell you the location of the switch, it's very simple, just spit some saliva on the palm of your hands and rub them together." How come this thing in the underworld is so obscene to use?

  No choice, I could only follow the ancestors' words. I spat some saliva onto my palm and indeed, the golden color gradually faded away. My hands and arms slowly returned to their original shape.

  My ancestor pulled me along, saying: "The moves of this Yin-yang capture hand are relatively simple. Remember the 'Twelve Character True Words': carry, pull, twist, pinch, pull, grab, pat, hug, sweep, dismantle, stretch, and shake. These are all common household items that can be used to deal with ordinary ghosts. The moves aren't important, what matters is the effect. What's key is actual combat, as long as you're fierce and ruthless enough to pretend to be a master, that's fine. You can slowly improve in real battles later!" I nodded, thinking that I wouldn't expect to learn any high-level skills from my ancestor anyway.

  As I was pondering over these twelve characters of the mantra, I heard a commotion at the head of Naihe Bridge, as if something unexpected had happened.

  Looking from afar, a burly man was standing by the bridge, pulling and tugging at Oxhead and Horseface, apparently preparing to cross the bridge as ghostly commoners. Oxhead held up a scorched, bright red placard while being sat on by the ghost, who had his buttocks planted firmly on the ground. Horseface stood beside him, clenching his fists and kicking his legs out in preparation for assisting with his punches, and it was this Oxhead who let out the shout from under the fat ghost's bottom.

  "Go, go take a look, the ghosts are getting bolder and bolder now, is this okay?" Ancestor dragged me without saying a word, "whoosh", we arrived at the scene in an instant, this speed is far beyond those four-wheel drive or eight-wheel drive, it's simply childish.

  I don't know if it's the effect of Xuehe Danwan, but I feel that my muscles all over my body are expanding. Although I haven't eaten yet, I have endless energy throughout my body.

  I and my ancestors rushed to the scene, and I heard that fat ghost with no pupils sitting on the cow's head yelling: "The paralyzed old man is about to drink Meng Po soup, don't go down to the Blood River Pool, name a price! You dare to say it out loud, Grandpa will give you a start. You beast, if it were two days earlier, I would have killed you! You're the bad egg, your whole family are bad eggs, your whole village is full of bad eggs! Believe me or not, I'll smash you to death with hell money! Wanting me to stamp for you, didn't you ask around? Do you know who my dad is? My dad is Li Dajiang! Hurry up and let go, these twenty years of martial arts, do you think I've been eating vegetarian?! You dare to confront me again, watch me crush your egg yolk!"

  As they spoke, the fat ghost took out a stack of hell notes and began to count the ghost bills in a domineering manner. He tossed a handful onto Naihe Bridge, where the ghosts on the bridge started frantically scrambling for them, almost causing a stampede.

  "Tell me, how much is the Meng Po soup per bowl? I'll cover all the expenses! If it can bring me back to life, no matter how much it costs, I'll pay for it. What's a big deal about money, anyway? I don't have any other skills, but I do have plenty of money." It seems that the rumors about "having more money means being more foolish" are indeed true!

  Looking at this attitude, it's undoubtedly a second-generation official or rich second-generation before death, this arrogance has become habitual, and even in death, there is no repentance.

  "Money can make a ghost grind! Those few guys in the back who looked like ghosts came to me with all sorts of tricks, and I was so anxious to rush on the road that I'm exhausted. If I had known better, I would have driven my sports car to the underworld!" This fat ghost's pretentious appearance is indeed quite impressive.

  Looking at this guy's arrogant attitude, my anger suddenly flared up. I've seen many of these spoiled second-generation officials before, and the humiliation I've suffered is even more. It's not just that they're arrogant in the mortal world, but also as ghosts, they're still so overbearing. Truly, their fatness has blinded their hearts. This sin will be punished in the future.

  I place my hands on my waist and quietly observe the changes.

  At this time, the fat ghost saw me and my ancestor standing beside him, pointing at my ancestor and saying: "Black servant, have you never washed your face or has the cannon exploded on you? Although you look a bit disfigured, fortunately, your body is still good. Will you do bodyguard work for me?"

  Ancestors heard it, beards stood up, middle fingers erected.

  "Say that last sentence again!" said the whole body trembling with rage.

  The fat ghost said with a grin: "Don't get excited, it's just a bodyguard job, I'm asking you to be my bodyguard, will you do it or not?"

  "Not this sentence, the one before it!"

  "How's your body holding up?"

  "Not this sentence, the one before it!"

  This fat ghost was obviously confused by his angry ancestors, pinching his fingers and thinking about what he said earlier!

  "I remembered, I said you look a bit off, is it this sentence?"

  It's better not to say this, for the ancestors who have always claimed to be invincible in terms of appearance, this is simply a great insult! The ancestor was about to go up and fight.

  "Old Cui, don't forget you're the leader. Do you still remember that Gui Wang who was kicked out and never allowed to return because of his fighting? A leader must pay attention to their demeanor, demeanor!" Meng Po's voice was like that of an 18 or 19-year-old girl, if one only listened to her voice, it was quite captivating, making one's bones feel numb. But if paired with her face and the wrinkles on her forehead, it immediately became something that couldn't be taken seriously.

  As I watched my ancestors' anger tremble with rage, unable to bear it and wanting to rush forward to tear apart this fat ghost, the ghosts waiting in line on the bridge suddenly became lively, whistling, applauding, booing, throwing fruit peels, all sorts of things, truly a chaotic scene where nothing is too big or too small.

  But as the saying goes, "the official is afraid of the evil person, and the cow head is afraid of the evil ghost". This cow head was pressed to the ground, struggling desperately but unable to move an inch. Its eyes were staring at being sat on, gasping for breath, with more air coming out than going in. The cow's life was not guaranteed, and it was about to hang in there when suddenly, without knowing when, the horse-faced brother who was hiding behind me and my ancestors, still hadn't finished his preparation activities, looked like he was grinning from ear to ear, jumping up and down, kicking his legs and swinging his hips. But his footsteps were getting farther and farther away!

  I'm guessing that by the time this horse face finishes its activities, this cow head will be sat into beef jerky. This friendship, I won't even mention it. If things go on like this, those ghostly civilians on the bridge are going to riot...

  This fat ghost sat on the cow's head, constantly sniffing his nose, "I rely on it, what kind of smell is so smelly, shit in pants, really not particular." I closed my mouth in embarrassment and switched to nasal breathing. The ancestors couldn't take action due to the underworld discipline, so this fat ghost started to be even more arrogant!

  Who knew that as soon as he heard the word "rely", his ancestor's leadership demeanor instantly disappeared into thin air, completely disregarding his cool image, and with a large hand, he gave that guy a loud slap on the forehead, sending him flying to one side. It seems that my ancestor really loves me, the force of his slap was at least 9.9 times stronger than usual, just looking at it makes me hurt!

  "Paralyzed, in front of Judge Cui, you're talking nonsense, you're paralyzed and looking for death!" At this point, Niu Tou quickly got up and tightly hugged his ancestor. "Brother Cui, don't take action yet, our work hasn't been arranged, you can't be fired!" This deeply affectionate and protective posture was truly in place.

  Ancestor let out a long sigh: "If it were the year when I was still in my prime, you this fatty, I would have squeezed every last bit of fat from your body!" Seeing that Ancestor wasn't going to make another move, the cow-headed man took a step back and hid behind me and Ancestor along with Horse Face, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth as if he was really preparing to fight!

  The fat ghost who was slapped to one side by his ancestors is indeed spoiled at home, and even in the underworld, he doesn't know how to restrain himself. On one hand, he's holding his head and wailing loudly, on the other hand, he's doing a fish-like flip with his belly, but his "life ring" is too big and hasn't stood up yet, so he directly rolls over and gets up, crying out: "I'm going to rely on my dad, you know who I am, you dare to move me? My dad is Li Dagang, do you know that? Are your ears deaf? Remember my name, I'm Li Xiaogang, dare to provoke me, and I'll make you die in the toilet!" While shouting and scolding, he's about to come up and violently beat my ancestors.

  Before I could think of a way to help my ancestors, this blind ghost rushed towards me. I indignantly thought: This sense of direction is also too damn bad!

  This fat ghost came up and was a big ear slap, fanning me to the ground, with fire on my face. I thought I was a scholar, generally just verbal sparring, never having fought before, clearly lacking in combat experience! The moves I thought of on the spot were obviously ineffective!

  Watching Meng Po simmering soup on the side, Ox-Head and Horse-Face practicing boxing behind their ancestors, the ancestors puffed up with a pose, waiting for the ghosts to pass by and drink the toast, I thought: can only rely on myself!

  I went up and gave him a bear hug, wanting to throw this dead ghost to the ground and regain some face, because my ancestors were present, I completely ignored the identity of this dead ghost.

  Familiarity breeds contempt.