Chapter 22: The Reaper of the Underworld

  I quickly knelt down, then helped the two ghostly guards up, and sincerely stared into Oxhead's eyes, saying: "Don't worry that there's no one to rely on ahead, who in the world doesn't swindle an ox? I will definitely keep my mouth shut like a bottle, otherwise it would be unfair to the beef slices I swindled by the side of the Great Ming Lake back then. I swear, if I break this promise, I won't be surnamed Chen!"

  The ox-headed and horse-faced man was suddenly moved to tears, looked up at the sky and let out a long sigh, boasting that his ancestors were of excellent stock, saying I had a loyal liver and righteous gallbladder, and insisted on tattooing "Descendant of Loyalty" in four large characters on my back.

  I won't die if I don't get it, can you tell how clever this thing is?

  I see both of them as if they are wearing masks, I really want to go up and pinch one, to see if there is a human face inside! Just worry that this hell has some "Yin World Animal Protection Law"!

  The ancestors are clearly in the rhythm of slapping their ears and preparing to dig dates: "Actually, the workload of you two comrades is indeed large, I also know that you are working hard, but hard work cannot be the reason for your laziness, do you still remember the oath under the soul flag? Do you still remember the lakeside of Daming Lake...

  In our vast underworld, who is just eating plain rice? Different positions, but the creed must be the same! Young comrades must rush to the front line to the most difficult places for training, only then can they improve and learn more skills.

  It seems that the official language is not much different between yin and yang, after so many years, it's not even thinking about innovating. Sounds grandiose, but after careful consideration, nothing has been said.

  To say that this beast's eyes are big, its field of vision is naturally wide! The cow-headed and horse-faced ones in front rubbed their legs, pounded their backs, and let out comfortable sighs.

  When eating someone's food, one's words are short; when taking someone's money, one's hands are soft. The ancestors immediately surrender.

  "Awesome, oh my... recently the court will publicly recruit a batch of civil servants, let's make some effort... remember to sign up! It's so cool... I have high hopes for you two comrades!"

  My jaw almost dislocated, what kind of rhythm is this? As soon as these two heard me say that, they excitedly let out a loud "moo, moo..." and wouldn't stop. In an instant, I had a sense of being in the wrong place, like I was on a farm.

  This posture is a typical mad cow disease attack, with the feeling of a wild horse disease explosion. Looking up at the sky and howling, legs kicking wildly.

  I don't know, where can I buy vaccine after being bitten by this ghost beast?

  No need to mention, the cow head really has a big brother style, with both hooves holding fists "Thanks to your honor for looking up to us brothers, thank you for giving us a slap in the face. Even ghosts know that this Judge's Mansion is famous for its many benefits and good treatment. Lord Cui loves his job, respects his profession, treats his employees well, and can work hard for his lord like a cow or horse. It's our two brothers' blessing to be able to follow you, whether it's roasting or boiling pot, all depends on your one word."

  My fighting cock's eyes stared at the huge cow's eyes and were moved. Damn it, look at this professional ethics, how high!

  After a deep affection, the cow suddenly let out a long "mooooo", revealing its excited emotions at this moment. I subconsciously took two steps back, fearing being kicked.

  Then, the horse face next to him started frantically touching himself, as if hiding something deep in his heart.

  I stared at the horse in shock, and from the pocket of my underwear I pulled out a black egg with red stripes. The wind carried a whiff of toilet stench, and a foul odor that had weathered many storms assailed me.

  I strongly suspect that the horse's violent movement just now was to rub off the dirt on its body and squeeze out this egg.

  The horse held the egg tightly in its hand, glanced at the cow head next to it, and with a sly smile, looked back at its ancestors, turned around, and whispered something to the cow head, as if they were plotting something.

  A moment later, the cow head and horse face turned around at the same time, nodded, and the horse face opened its palm to reveal a red-black medicinal pellet-like thing in its hand. However, the aura felt like it had gone bad for a long time. Thinking back to the earlier scene, I suspected that this thing was actually a bloody booger!

  The ox head observed from the side, the horse face said in a low voice, a picture of lurking jumped out of the dark.

  "Cui Ge, you also know that my two brothers are notoriously honest and thrifty, earning just enough to make ends meet. We can't even afford to give you valuable gifts. You're a renowned clean official, so even if we wanted to give you something, we wouldn't dare. And even if you were willing to accept it, we'd be afraid of being punished by the King of Hell for trying to bribe you. That would be trapping you in a situation that's not right! It's simply beneath your dignity!"

  This horse's mouth is open to the root of its ears, and it's indeed not a waste of food. This talent is absolutely a good tongue from the underworld.

  "Brother, I have another Blood River Dan here, condensed from over a hundred billion drops of evil ghost tears. It's quite domineering, but it's not worth much either. Consider it a local specialty, and I'll give it to Little Cui as a gift for our meeting. Since Little Cui's life hasn't ended yet, he will surely be reborn, so this must have some use."

  I have absolutely no interest in this nonsense, but when I heard about the resurrection, it suddenly made my heart skip a beat, with a kind of girlish excitement.

  The ancestors turned their heads, accompanied by my chicken eyes, and conveyed official words to the cow-headed horse-faced: "I just can't stand this kind of gift-giving and receiving atmosphere now. As leading cadres, no matter what we do for the ghostly people and ghosts, it's not excessive, it's should be! Young comrades shouldn't play this set, we need to work hard to create a good atmosphere in the land office that is clean and upright, and get rid of the bad atmosphere. If you want to give gifts, I certainly can't accept them, but... since this local specialty is given by you to Cui Ming, then I'll thank you two on his behalf."

  Before he had even finished speaking, his ancestor waved his hand and the red pill in the palm of his hand disappeared. As I felt my throat tighten, I felt something being swallowed down.

  I recalled the shape, aura and color of that thing, I quickly cleared my throat, staring at it with the intention to spit it out, when suddenly an ancestor gave a loud slap, firmly knocking it back into its original stomach!

  After swallowing the pill, my stomach started making a "ding ling" sound, like some kind of chemical reaction was happening. I couldn't stop hiccuping, and with each breath, a wave of foul odor rose up, as if my entire stomach was filled with feces and urine.

  Ancestors pinched their noses, and at the same time, they transmitted "hold back, don't spit, it'll be fine in a moment" into my consciousness. Seeing the message that ancestors transmitted to my mind, I used my hand to pinch my mouth, forcing myself to hold back the urge to vomit.

  It seems that the frequency of the ancestor's reading soul technique now should be considered as a meaning of internal line, or different tuning frequencies, I don't know if Ox Head and Horse Face are pretending to be deaf or really can't hear, at least it gives me the feeling that they completely can't hear my communication with the ancestor.

  "Chui Ming, don't look at this little thing as ugly, smelly, and disgusting. Its shape is like shit, its texture is like shit, and its taste is even more like shit..." I was afraid that our ancestor would say something so vicious that it's actually shit.

  It's okay, the ancestors didn't quite live up to my expectations. "This thing is just like stinky tofu in the mortal world - it smells bad but has a great effect, and is really nourishing. It can prolong life, beautify and rejuvenate the complexion, strengthen the kidneys and body... these minor functions are not worth mentioning. This thing and the Blood Refining Mystical Turtle in your body are a match made in heaven, both being pure yin substances. Your path to dispelling the curse will certainly be filled with hardships, but with this Blood River Elixir, you'll have the effect of warding off all poisons and evil spirits! The effects will be known soon!" The ancestor's thoughts were filled with barely concealed excitement.

  "This kind of yin soul in the mortal world is mostly transformed from resentment, can be seen but cannot be touched. The way to harm people is often by taking advantage of their emptiness and entering, controlling their thoughts, and then doing evil things. It belongs to spiritual crime. If you encounter a ghost that can be seen and touched, it must be a thug from the 36 evil spirits department of the underworld. If you encounter one, don't waste words, just run quickly. They are all serious criminals!" Listening to my ancestors' words, I guess encountering ghosts will become the theme of my life from now on?

  The ancestor squeezed a just matured acne, and then continued to read the soul transmission: "With this Blood River Dan solid foundation, the Xuanwu flames on your arms can be born with the Soul Capturing Hand, just like ordinary Yin messengers catching souls and ghosts. Haha- haha-ha-ha, after finishing, I will apply for a contract position as an external Yin messenger for you, and you will become a legitimate Yang affairs Yin messenger!"

  "Contract is signed, I'm going to be a civil servant?" At this moment, I nodded like a garlic press, and suddenly felt myself becoming awesome.

  "Even if it's just a wisp of thought, you can grasp it with ease!"

  I tilted my head, puffed on the incense smoke, propped up my waist, and tapped my feet, my body twitching as I calculated the efficacy of this pill and envisioned a grand future.

  "With this thing in your hands, many people can't even get a bite, and you're still complaining, truly unaware of the blessings you have!"

  Listening to the ancestor's words, I endured for a while, and this taste gradually dissipated in my mouth. My body didn't seem to have any special changes, and I don't know if the high-end functions that the ancestor mentioned are true or not. But thinking about it, the ancestor would never harm me, so I calmed down and savored the stench in my mouth, which seemed like I hadn't brushed my teeth for half a year.

  Looking at the ancestors, they didn't want to talk to themselves anymore. The ox-headed and horse-faced men bowed their hands and bid farewell to the ancestors, saying that it was time for them to go on duty and not disturb our family reunion. We are all from the same family, no need to be polite, just say something if you have anything to say! Who dares to offend me in the mortal world will be taken away directly!

  This time I've made friends with Hei Bai Wu Chang, Niu Tou Ma Mian became brothers, and by the way, I ate a Blood River Dan pill. This guy said that I will definitely return to the world of the living, and suddenly my mood improved greatly! These are all well-known figures, it shouldn't be bad to know more of them, but as for the quality of these few people, I really can't figure it out.

  When they were about to leave, the ancestors also gave these two guys two long "fragrant" cigarettes. The ox-headed and horse-faced men held the "fragrant" cigarettes given by their ancestors in their mouths, walked to the edge of Naihe Bridge with high spirits, continued to dance with the probe rod, examining the ghosts passing over the bridge, from time to time accompanied by a voice calling out, then the surrounding area responded with the sound of shouting falling into the pool water.

  It seems that there are still many wicked people in this world!

  "Ah, this Blood River Dan is a good thing, and it's truly fortunate to have encountered it today. These two guys are notorious for being stingy, and I was thinking of how to get one out of them. This thing is made from the tears of the evil spirits in the Blood River Pool, and even small grains like millet seeds take hundreds of years to form. It seems those two really splurged on this! Who would have thought it'd be so easy to obtain? What a good omen! With this, I can now properly arrange for you to have an external ghost servant, a contract-based yin officer! We'll re-tread the ancestral path and lift the family curse."

  Contract worker? Irregular employee?

  I was still immersed in joy, unable to extricate myself. Ancestor continued: "Cui Ming, clasp your hands together, rub repeatedly, rub, rub on the smooth palm." I followed Ancestor's words and rubbed my hands hard, except for feeling that my hands were scorching hot from rubbing and dropping a lot of dirt, there was no special sensation, could it be to generate electricity?

  I looked at my ancestor with an awkward smile, and my ancestor glanced around and said "I guess it's because of the back tide on the Naihe River, let's try over there." When we were a short distance away from the riverbank, I continued to rub my hands vigorously according to my ancestor's request. This time, the feeling was clearly different. Starting from my forearms, a rumbling sound like an engine starting up came, and my hands felt like they were on fire, getting hotter and hotter.

  "Lu Guan, Cui Ming!" The ancestors shouted anxiously.

  "Lu Guan, no way? Such an embarrassing request? There are so many people here! Besides, it's not like you can just do it whenever you want, okay?" I was stunned by my ancestor's perverted request.

  "What are you thinking about? I said sleeves, hurry up and roll them up!" This concise phrase is indeed... diabolical.