Chapter Twelve: Prelude to Love

  The darkness outside has fallen, and my colleagues have all gone home. The vast company is empty except for me sitting under the lonely lamp light, staring at the black mouse cursor flickering non-stop on the pale white screen, with one black font after another jumping to fill up the blank canvas.

  The boss gave me an ultimatum, tomorrow as soon as I go to work, he wants to see the market research report. If I can't submit the research report on time and according to requirements tomorrow, then I'll have to pack up and leave.

  Although I tried hard to suppress the sadness in my heart and focus on the research report, I still couldn't help but wander off from time to time and feel a little self-pity.

  What will my parents do at this time? Today, I haven't had a chance to ask them how their property is divided, who the house belongs to, and who the electrical appliances in the family belong to. Are they going to live separately tonight? From now on, are they irrelevant to each other? Did thirty years of marriage turn into strangers overnight? And what about me? What am I? Who do I belong to? If I'm not an adult yet, they can't get rid of me even if they want to. But I'm almost thirty now, and neither of them will take responsibility for me.

  Was I just a clay doll they molded for their temporary amusement, and now that they're all gone, I'm left to face the wind and rain alone?

  After some thought, the intense sadness could no longer be suppressed. Teardrops fell onto the keyboard one by one.

  "How come you haven't left yet?" A gentle male voice sounded in my ear, I raised my head, and Yang Xiaofei had already appeared in front of me, looking at me with concern.

  He wore a black and blue security uniform, with a wide-brimmed hat that was slightly too big for him, the brim pressing down on his eyebrows, making them look like they had been painted with a brush stroke above each eye.

  "I have to work overtime to rush the research report. My boss said that if I couldn't finish it by tomorrow morning, he would fire me." I said with a look of grievance.

  He slammed his hand on the table, "This is too inhumane! Firing people at will, it's mental terrorism! I'm fed up with these heartless bosses, just because they have some dirty money!"

  "When you have money, you have everything. We don't have money, so we have to work for them." I was a bit surprised at Yang Xiaofei's extreme reaction, blinking my eyes and saying.

  "I'm really fed up, why can they bully people with their power, why can they make people work overtime at will, and fire them just by saying so? Is there no justice at all?"

  "After all, he's the boss, and what the boss says goes. What can we do? Besides, it's because I'm too useless," I tried to suppress the grievances in my heart and controlled myself from tearing up. "No skills, no abilities, of course, I'm dispensable in his eyes."

  "Alas, aren't we all ordinary people? How many ordinary people have real abilities... If someone really has ability, who would still be working for him?" Yang Xiaofei raised her head and said discontentedly.

  "I'm not only incompetent but also can't get on the boss's good side. Look at Liu Shanshan in our company, she dresses fashionably and knows how to flirt, speaking in a sweet voice and swaying her waist when talking to the boss, every sentence can touch the boss's heart. The same person, doesn't work more than me, but they have the skill of getting on the boss's good side. Zhang Xin is naturally beautiful, and also knows how to talk and get things done, when clients come, the boss can't wait to ask her to accompany them. An Nan is a true talent, just like today's fire extinguishing incident, it's clear that no one can match her work ability. Feng Ke and Old Wang may not be outstanding, but they often invite the boss out for dinner, showing off their good relationship with the boss... Only I, have no skills and don't know how to get on the boss's good side, whenever I see the boss, I want to avoid him, where would I say some nice words? In this company, I often feel like an outsider, I think the boss always looks at me disapprovingly, and could fire me at any time."

  Yang Xiaofei let out a long sigh and said, "Alas, it's because you're too honest and don't know how to make a fuss."

  "Honestly, isn't being incompetent or stupid the same thing? In this society, if you can't handle interpersonal relationships, especially with your boss, then what's the point of even trying?" I said with a bitter smile.

  "If all else fails, you can also go and flatter the boss, give him some small gifts. I know the benefits of this, my former colleague Old Zhang is good at this, the boss likes him very much, never arranges night shifts for him, and praises him at meetings, now he's become a management level person!"

  "I feel like I lack the ability to do so, nowadays everyone is advocating for being a loud and proud mother hen, no one advocates for silently working hard like an old yellow cow anymore. But no matter what, I just can't become a mother hen. So, I'm very troubled, feeling like I was born to be a big fool."

  "No, it's because you're too kind. When people are kind, they get taken advantage of; when horses are kind, they get ridden. It's been like this since ancient times. Actually, I'm also someone like you, so I can especially feel the bitterness in your heart. You don't want to lower yourself to ask for favors from others, nor do you want to take advantage of others by putting yourself above them. Whatever you do, you want it to be fair and just; you don't want to take advantage of others, even if it means you end up losing out. You're always worried about hurting others, but others aren't like that. They'd rather let everyone else lose out than themselves, and even when they gain an advantage, they think it's not enough. It's just like lining up for food - you don't cut in line, you want to follow the order fairly, but others aren't like that. The people in front of you won't let you go ahead, and those behind you will directly cut in front of you, so you're always falling back, never able to get a turn."

  "Yes, yes, that's exactly what I'm like." Yang Xiaofei's words struck a chord in my heart, and I felt a strong urge to pour out my feelings. "I'm not a noble person, but I've never taken advantage of others or gloated over their misfortunes. However, when I'm down on my luck, many people seem to enjoy the spectacle, as if they're waiting for me to fail. I don't understand, do they really benefit from my misfortune? But what's even more frustrating is that I tend to be unlucky, and it feels suffocating. I yearn for equal and friendly relationships with others, but often feel inferior, like there's something wrong with me. I struggle to fit in with their social circles and frequently feel lonely. I crave a kindred spirit, but find that my values differ from theirs - I prioritize emotions, while they seem to value profit more. In the end, as someone with no utilitarian value, I don't even qualify to be friends with others. What's going on? Is it because I'm not good enough or am I just too stupid? Is this really how society works? Are relationships between people solely based on self-interest?"

  "I'm also always confused about these issues, I've always thought it was because of not being with my parents. Sometimes, I wonder if it's because my personality is not healthy? Or, because of the lack of paternal and maternal love, my brain development is incomplete? You should know, since I was a child, I grew up in a cold and indifferent environment, suffered too much humiliation and indifference, all of which I had to bear alone, so I can feel more deeply the joys and sorrows of life..."

  Under the bright light, Yang Xiaofei's dark yellow face was shining brightly like it had been coated with mercury, and his desolate and lonely expression made me stare blankly, as if there were willow branches gently swaying in my heart, stirring up ripples.

  Savoring his words carefully, slowly, the corners of my eyes seemed to become sour, swollen, and aching. I couldn't help but let out a deep sigh in my heart. And Yang Xiaofei's voice suddenly dropped, gradually coming to a stop. He gazed at me silently, with something like water rippling in the depths of his eyes, like the deep pool of spring, carrying the chill of winter, yet unable to conceal the passion of summer.

  We gazed at each other silently, quietly hearing only our own breathing sounds.

  "Yang Xiaofei!" A sharp, shrill voice unique to women suddenly pierced through the tranquility.