Chapter 21

  Lu You had lunch with her deskmate and chatted naturally. He, who didn't talk much, seemed to have a lot to discuss with her, without any awkwardness or embarrassment.

  I'm so jealous of their tacit understanding, and I've been remembering her appearance in my heart all day: she looks older than me, more mature than me, quieter than me; My hair is much shorter than hers, my legs are a little thinner, maybe even longer, and her clothes and that big poor-quality leather bag look really rustic. Yao Li also said I'm prettier than her.

  But all these put together are not as good as Lu You smiling at her once. The words they exchanged while eating were more than the total number of words I've ever spoken with Lu You in class.

  I feel like I've completely lost, both my momentum and confidence have collapsed like a landslide.

  The more I think about it, the more heartbroken I become. This feeling of longing for something that can't be had is just too despairing. I returned to my dorm and burst into tears, then packed up my things and went home to recover from my emotional wounds for a while.

  This is a period of true "heartbreak". I'm not interested in anything, watching movies, TV shows, listening to love songs all remind me of Lu You, my emotions are really complicated. On the one hand, I think he's great, excellent, steady, smart and quiet, there's no better boy than him in this world; but such a good person doesn't like me.

  When I go out to play cards and play ball with friends, everyone comes in pairs, and I sit alone on the side watching these loving couples. Out of sight, out of mind, I pick up the cue stick and walk with Fu Andong to the billiard table for a game. He's so lucky that it makes me want to cry, he can hit the ball into the pocket from across the entire table.

  I'm out of energy, I threw down my golf club: "Forget it, I'll treat today. You guys take your time."

  Fu An Dong walked up with a smile: "If you lose, don't fight anymore. I've never seen anyone as shameless as you, Xu Shen Shen."

  "No, I don't want to play anymore." I clearly expressed that I wanted to slack off, staring blankly at the billiard table while sipping Coke.

  He narrowed his eyes and teased me: "What's wrong? You're looking at people with objects now, are you lonely?"

  It was just a joke, but he said it at the right time and hit the nail on the head. I got annoyed: "What are you talking about? I have a boyfriend too, and I'm busy today!"

  Fu An Dong was stunned for a moment and asked incredulously: "You're telling me that Xu Shen Sheng is really...?"

  I raised my neck and turned my head sideways like a female martyr: "Really, why would I cheat you?"

  "Who's there?" He turned around and wiped the cue stick with a soft cloth.

  I felt a bit guilty and vaguely said: "From our school, several years older than me."

  "What kind of unlucky person is this, working so hard to save the young unmarried men of B City?" Fu Andong said with his back to me, bending down to hit the ball, his tone full of teasing.

  Normally, I would have taken it as a joke and brushed it off. But now, no matter how I listen to it, it sounds piercing. I stood up, walked to Pei Andong's side, looked at him and said loudly: "What do you mean, Pei Andong? Am I that bad?"

  "Bang——" The main ball was completely hit off, hitting the edge of the table and bouncing back; Fu Andong put down his racket and looked at me.

  The people on the opposite side of the court excitedly whistled: "Traveling, foul!"

  Fu An Dong fell silent for a moment before sneering, "Tsk tsk, so easily flustered, are you really that deep? With this attitude of yours, any man would be scared off."

  He mentioned it, and I suddenly remembered Lu You's "girlfriend" who looked obedient and listened to him, and my eyes turned red instantly. I couldn't hold back the tears: "What's wrong with me? Do you think others don't like me?"

  Fu An Dong was stunned: "Really?"

  I wiped away tears and walked away with my bag, but he caught up to me: "What's wrong with you today? You don't seem quite right?"

  "Mind your own business." The thorns that grew during the "heartbreak period" made me extremely sensitive and radical, whoever touched me would get pricked.

  24. Near the mid-term, the "Art Appreciation" class needs to submit a midterm report, in groups, and hand in one film review and analysis after watching. When Lu Youqun sent an email to notify everyone to attend the group discussion, I hadn't attended this class for about a month.

  There are five people in our group, including me, Lu You, Du Shaotu, Gong Fan from the History Department, and a Korean exchange student. The exchange student has not shown up since the first meeting, so we can ignore him. The topic of discussion at the meeting was which movie to choose. Everyone had basically seen popular movies, but they were not distinctive enough and it was easy to repeat with other groups; as for small art films, everyone had different opinions and couldn't find a widely accepted good one for the time being.

  When they were stuck, Du Shaotu supported his head and suggested: "Why don't we be bold and choose a offbeat one, like 'A Prague Romance'?"

  Gong Fan thought for a moment and agreed, saying: "The Prague Lovers is not bad. I've also read the original work, which is quite interesting to watch, and I think there aren't many people writing on this topic."

  Du Shaotu turned his head and asked me and Lu You: "What about you two?"