Insufficient balance

  After a fierce political confrontation, under the strong mediation of the United Nations, both China and India took a restrained attitude. Although there were no large-scale friction conflicts on the border, elite troops from both countries continued to move to the border line, where energetic soldiers dug trenches with iron shovels along the 1,600-kilometer border line, establishing tens of thousands of semi-permanent fortifications and firepower points based on these trenches.

  The raid team that ambushed X Corps was pursued by all fifteen mercenary corps, but no one could reveal the true mastermind. When all the attention of the mercenary corps was focused on Guremu, they discovered that such a perverted monster existed. In the two-month pursuit, he single-handedly broke through 91 killing zones without even carrying heavy weapons, and successfully killed or injured 20 people in each raid battle.

  As his kill record continued to soar, and his battle exploits left everyone aghast, someone suddenly raised a question: "What kind of hellish training did the Chinese soldier who single-handedly clashed with him but didn't die receive? How many troops in China are at this level?"

  I slept for two whole months, completely unaware of the earth-shattering changes happening outside.

  "Are you awake?!" An eighteen or nineteen-year-old female nurse stared at me and shouted excitedly: "Doctor, Fu Yuxue is awake!"

  A sudden rush of footsteps echoed down the corridor, and the door to my ICU room was flung open with a loud crash. A dozen or so doctors burst in, surrounding me like I was some kind of prehistoric animal on display. I stared at them in confusion, my eyes wide with fear, until a nurse approached my bedside carrying a blood pressure monitor. As she reached for the white handle on the device, I let out a high-pitched shriek and scrunched into the corner of the bed, pulling the covers over my head. My legs kicked wildly, sending everything on the small table beside me crashing to the floor. I thrashed about, screaming at the top of my lungs: "Don't come near! Don't come near!!!"

  The female nurse stared at me incredulously, shrinking into a ball, and turned to ask everyone: "Is this the... hero who stood up and saved several thousand soldiers of the entire division when they were ambushed?!"

  Everyone closed their mouths and looked at me with sympathetic eyes. One of the doctors stretched out his hand to stop the nurse from approaching me again, and said in a low voice: "Go inform Captain Bu about it, whether it's good news or bad news, she should be the first to know."

  The nurse looked at the doctor's strange expression with suspicion and walked out of the ward. A few minutes later, a familiar footstep rushed to the door of the ward. I felt slightly relieved and lifted the corner of the quilt to take a peek outside. I found that there were still more than a dozen pairs of eyes surrounding me. Although they seemed to have no malice, seeing so many strange eyes around me still scared me!

  I let out a miserable cry, rolled and crawled to the ground, drilled under the bed and hugged the bed leg with all my might, trembling all over. The hospital bed made a "giggle" sound as I shook violently.

  Bosina stood dazed in front of the hospital bed for a full minute before turning to my attending physician and asking, "What's wrong with Yin Xue?"

  "What we were worried about has happened." The doctor in charge let out a long sigh and said, "As early as when he was having surgery, I found that he had suffered too great a shock. Not only would it cause temporary local amnesia, but his gallbladder had also been severed. Although it didn't put his life in danger, it could directly affect his personality. You see, a person's personality and behavior are determined by their blood type and bile secretion. People with abundant bile secretion tend to be impulsive, dare to take risks, and can withstand pressure. Those with less bile secretion are more conservative and reserved; once they're startled, they lose all will to fight. The phrase 'timid as a mouse' is used to describe people who secrete too little bile. And now, Fu Yinxue's gall... so even if he recovers and leaves the hospital, he'll become a coward who can't withstand any shocks. He won't be able to go back onto the battlefield again."

  Naomi crouched down beside me, forcing out a gentle smile and whispered, "Don't be afraid, with me here no one dares to hurt you!"

  I gazed at the woman with a bitter smile, her eyes filled with a familiar scent that made me feel safe. I hesitated and stretched out my left hand wrapped in bandages, and Bo Shanna gently grasped it, pulling me into her arms as I struggled slightly.

  I lay quietly in Kassandra's arms, her embrace warm and strong, her hands gently stroking my back, gradually driving out the fear from my heart. Listening to her powerful and rapid heartbeat, I felt a sense of calm wash over me, as if I had returned to my mother's womb. As my mind and body relaxed, an irresistible fatigue crept over me, and I tightly hugged Kassandra's neck, finally falling back into a peaceful sleep.

  Buxianna carried me back to the hospital bed, looking at a dozen or so doctors and said in a low voice: "Yin Xue needs quiet now, please trouble you all to go out, don't appear too many people in his ward at the same time in the future!"

  More than a dozen doctors quietly walked out of the ward, and after closing the door, the ward returned to silence. Bu Shanna hugged me in her arms, stretched out her hand to gently wipe my face, and her tears also fell heavily on my face. She sobbed: "It's good this way, you can't go to the battlefield again, at least you won't die because of your recklessness, and I don't have to worry about your craziness and bravery anymore. Don't worry, although you are no longer the original Fu Yuxue, as long as I am still alive, I will always be by your side!"

  In my sleep, I unconsciously let out a murmur, shifted my body, and found the most comfortable position on Bo Shana's chest. I gently sniffed the fragrance on her body and fell into a gentle doze with a smile.

  Because of Bu Shanna, I handed over all my work to my deputy. Every time I sleep without resting on her lap, I have non-stop nightmares and keep waking up. Only her gentle hands can soothe my tension and anxiety. Whenever the nurse needs to give me an injection or infusion, if Bu Shanna is not smiling by my side, I don't have the courage to let the long needle pierce my body. Even eating requires Bu Shanna to feed me mouthful by mouthful, otherwise I would throw a tantrum like a child.

  When Boshanna saw me now, she hid in the deserted corner and cried again and again, even she herself didn't know that she would have so many tears. Changsuntian and Yangqing, those two guys who were just knocked unconscious by Gulum with a tree branch, came to visit me at the hospital together, they simply couldn't believe their eyes, they absolutely couldn't believe that the trash in front of them who can't survive without Boshanna was Fuyin Xue!

  Chang Sun Ting suddenly grabbed my collar and roared: "In my heart, Fu Yinxue is a man who stands tall and proud, not a coward who can only hide in a woman's arms and survive in this world! Do you still remember our oath? Do you still remember how we competed for the position of class leader by bleeding ourselves to stimulate our potential on the oxygen-deficient plateau? If you are destined to live such a miserable life, I would rather have you die on the battlefield back then!"

  I burst into loud wails, desperately struggling but my whole body was trembling and I had no strength to break free from his restraints. I looked at Bu Shanna with pleading eyes, hoping she would come to rescue me. Seeing Bu Shanna's changing expression, Zhang Sun Ting suddenly let out a fierce roar: "If you want a sun that can become a hero of the ages to turn into a firefly that only dares to hide in the dark, then stand up and stop me! What can such trash bring to your side? The real Fu Yuxue is already dead, killed by this useless piece of garbage in front of us. Only by killing this piece of garbage can the real Fu Yuxue come back to life!"

  In extreme panic, I suddenly opened my mouth and bit down hard on Zhang Sun Ting's arm. Zhang Sun Ting remained expressionless, staring at me fixedly as my teeth sank deep into his muscle. He said in a cold voice: "Does it taste good? This is the flavor of blood, this is the breath of a warrior. You originally had this too, but it was temporarily lost in the depths of memory. If my blood can help you find your way back to the path of your soul, then suck harder!"

  I lifted my head in confusion, gazing into Chang Sunting's eyes, slowly releasing my teeth and opening my arms to hug him. Chang Sunting instinctively stretched out his two arms to hug me back, but his hands stopped abruptly in mid-air before heavily pushing against my body, coldly saying: "My brother is Fu Yansnow, not you, the scoundrel who murdered him! Don't try to find any so-called sense of security on me. If you want to survive, it's enough for some stupid woman who likes you and has enough power! Yang Qing, let's go!!!"

  Yang Qing gazed at me, his lips moving several times as if he wanted to say something but hesitated. Finally, he let out a long sigh and placed a bunch of wildflowers picked from the outskirts on my bedside table. In a low voice, he said, "Take care, big brother!" Then, he followed Long Sun Ting and walked away without looking back. As I watched their slowly disappearing figures in the distance, I stretched out my hands and let out a soft hum. Although I still couldn't remember anything about them, I instinctively felt that with their departure, I had lost some of the most important things in my life.

  A pair of arms gently wrapped around my waist from behind, and Bo Shanna leaned her head against my back, whispering softly: "Yin Xue, don't be sad, you still have me." At this moment, my heart felt like it had been pierced by something sharp, because I suddenly remembered that every time I woke up at night, I could see the tears she shed even in her sleep. Those tears were for me, or for that other me who no longer existed... the real Fu Yin Xue?

  "It's been three months, your body has basically recovered. Look at today's weather, why don't I take you out for a walk? You're here in Lhasa for the first time, right? This place is really interesting."

  Normally, I would have been overjoyed at this rare opportunity to take a break, but this time I just couldn't muster up any excitement. With Buxianna's help, I changed into a loose-fitting outfit and slowly walked out of the hospital with her, getting into her Hummer military jeep.

  We parked the car outside a bustling downtown area, and Boshina took my hand to take me on a leisurely stroll. Suddenly facing so many people, I timidly hid behind Boshina's back, not daring to look around, and walked in tandem with her. To outsiders, we looked like the most intimate lovers, reluctant to part even when walking. Many people kept approaching me with unskilled Mandarin, saying: "Come take a look at this beautiful hada! Only 10 yuan per piece, such hada represents not only the purest friendship but also the purest love, buy one and give it to your beloved girl, you'll definitely get her happiest smile!"

  There was a man wearing a Tibetan robe who set up a small stall, holding a small dharma wheel and shouting as he turned it left and right: "Come take a look! This dharma wheel has been blessed by a high-ranking monk. Using it can help calm your mind. Just hold it and turn it three times to the left and three times to the right, and you'll sleep soundly till dawn." Feeling Bo Xiangna's gaze on him, the man flashed a smile and said loudly: "Hey, comrade soldier! Come take a look! The living Buddha will bless you and your loved ones!"

  This nonsense somehow moved Bo Shuna, and in the end, we two each took a small dharma wheel and left the stall, leaving behind a smiling standard swindler.

  As I walked to a Tibetan restaurant, the fragrance wafting out of it stopped me in my tracks. Kasana glanced inside and said, "It's butter tea, would you like to try some?"

  I nodded vigorously, but no matter how much Bo Shenna said, I was unwilling to enter that restaurant. Bo Shenna could only helplessly say: "Then I'll go in and buy a cup of butter tea, you just stand here and don't go anywhere!"

  As soon as Bo Shanna stepped into the restaurant, I ran back along the original road. Panting and out of breath, I arrived at a stall in front of me. With trembling hands, I took out a hundred-yuan bill from my shirt pocket. In case we got lost in the crowd, Bo Shanna had given me a hundred yuan and a piece of paper with the hospital address and her phone number written on it, so that I could at least take a taxi back to the hospital by myself.

  "Seize him, someone has been robbed!"

  A commotion came from the other end of the street, I had heard that Tibet's public security still needs to be improved, but I didn't expect to encounter such a situation as soon as I left the city of Lhasa. I hastily took over the change and goods handed to me by the stall owner, just turned around and felt a blackness in front of my eyes, and collided heavily with a giant nearly two meters tall.

  I was knocked to the ground by him, and my hands loosened, scattering coins all over the floor. The things I had just bought also fell to the ground. I hurriedly crawled over to pick up the things I had just bought, but found that one end of it was being trampled on by a big foot. Without thinking, I stretched out both hands and hugged the foot, shouting: "Hurry up and lift your leg, don't dirty it!"

  I still didn't understand what was going on when a huge fist heavily slammed into my back, and with a thud I was beaten to the ground. I desperately hugged that foot and shouted loudly: "Quickly move your foot!"

  "Son of a bitch, you're looking for death!" In the midst of the crazy shouting, the surrounding vendors all let out a cry of surprise. The giant who had been holding my leg tightly pulled out a Tibetan knife over a foot long from his boot and with one swift kick sent me flying two or three meters away. He quickly followed up with another step, raised the knife and stabbed it viciously towards my chest.

  As I stared at the sharp Tibetan knife slicing through the air in a straight line towards my vital spot, my heavily injured body couldn't muster any evasive or resistant moves. Yet, in that moment, I didn't feel panicked or scream; instead, Bo Suna's desperate gaze and tears of sorrow involuntarily flashed before my eyes, as well as Zhang Sun Ting's furious roar. Maybe I'll die right now, which would be a relief for everyone anyway?

  I slowly closed my eyes, waiting for the icy blade to pierce my body. It seems that I was originally a very, very brave person, or else why would I be so calm in the face of death? What's this called, a final flash of insight?

  "No!"

  Buxianna's urgent gasp echoed through the streets, she had used up all her strength to rush over, but still more than 20 meters away, could only stare blankly as the dagger stabbed towards my chest. The dagger stopped miraculously just as it was about to pierce my chest, a voice whispered in my ear: "Tell me, when faced with death, why do you smile? If you're really a cowardly wretch, why not desperately cry out and struggle? You yourself also detest your current appearance, don't you?"

  I opened my eyes in surprise, looking at the robber in front of me taking off his hat to reveal his true face. It was actually Long Sun Ting, who had roughly pushed me away in the hospital room. The fat guy behind him shouting "Catch the thief" was naturally Yang Qing.

  Baoshan rushed over and pushed Changsuntang to the ground, causing him to roll over twice. The power she displayed was not something a woman should possess, and it shocked everyone around her. She pulled me up and slapped me twice, saying "Why did you run wildly? If something happened to you, what would I do?"

  I held out the thing in my hand and handed it to Buxiuna, pointing at Zhangsuntang's silly expression: "I wanted to give this to you, but it's already been trampled dirty by him."

  In my hand was a white hada with a huge footprint, I slowly tied the hada around Busena's neck, tilted my head and looked at her for a while, saying: "You look very beautiful wearing it."

  "Yin Xue..." Bu Shanna suddenly hugged me and burst into loud sobs, wailing: "What would you do if I weren't by your side? If I... died on the battlefield, who would take care of you?! I'm about to go on a mission, how can you bear to let me leave you?!"

  "Bu Shanna, if you go into battle with this mindset, you will undoubtedly die. Usually the ones who die first are those who have emotional burdens and can't put all their strength into the battlefield!" Chang Sun Ting got up and looked at us, saying sternly: "Fu Yinxue, if you don't want to get yourself and your closest people killed, then snap out of it!"

  Chang Sun Ting grasped my neck like he was grabbing a small chicken, and looking at all the people in the bustling streets, asked: "Don't you think this person is the weakest and most incompetent coward?"

  Everyone looked at me, red-faced and twisting my body under Long Sun Ting's giant claws, but didn't dare to launch any attack on him, could only make small movements like a mournful cry, more than half of the people nodded.

  "Then I'll tell you all, you're wrong!" Zhang Sun Ting loudly roared: "When he was still Fu Yansnow, he was my brother, the strongest and greatest warrior I've ever seen in this life! Fu Yansnow, take off your clothes!!!"

  Bosina rescued me from Changsuntian's palm and looked at me gently, saying: "What Changsuntian said is right, can you take off your clothes obediently?"

  I pouted, but still obediently took off my jacket, slowly unbuttoned the buttons of my shirt, and finally, with Bona's help, I took off my T-shirt.

  The two or three hundred onlookers, their gazes changed from initial disdain to shock, when I took off my undershirt, a murmur of surprise spread around me, and when I completely removed the T-shirt, all 200-300 people were stunned.

  Bo Shanna gently wiped every wound on my body, including gunshot wounds, surgical incisions, shrapnel cuts from grenade explosions, puncture wounds left by Gulem's four wooden sticks, burns caused by gunpowder to stop the bleeding, bruises left by Gulem's heavy punches that still haven't faded, abrasions from rolling around on the ground after being beaten, and a large bruise on my waist from falling off a speeding car...

  Every part of my body has different wounds, various scars are densely intertwined with each other, forming a picture that makes people's hair stand on end. No one dares to believe that a body can survive after suffering so many serious injuries. But everyone knows that the person who owns this body must have experienced a fierce battle that ordinary people cannot imagine. How could someone who has survived such a battle be a coward? Sometimes death is more comfortable and easier than survival.

  "He not only has temporary amnesia now, but his gallbladder is also broken. The bravest warrior has become the weakest coward. The doctor said he might be like this for the rest of his life, but I think a truly strong person doesn't rely on their own bile, but on their will and determination to face death with absolute calmness!" Zhang Sun Ting shouted wildly: "As long as his heart is not dead, he can definitely become my brother Fu Yuxue again! Use his will to create a new miracle! Please give him supportive applause, use your cheers for heroes, help him find the way back to himself!"

  Chang Sun Ting bowed down his proud waist, and a thunderous applause burst forth like a tidal wave. Bu Shanna grasped my hand tightly and said: "Yin Xue, did you hear that? This is the applause they're giving you! For everyone here, for me, for your brother, and for yourself, you must overcome yourself! Only then can I be at ease to carry out my own mission!"