Chapter Fourteen

  Xu Ning came to look for Bai Libing, but she was not there. He went to Dao Jing's house and stood in the courtyard, asking: "Where did Little White go? Why is she not at home again?"

  Dào Jìng looked at Xǔ Níng's pretty face with a dejected expression, and smiled saying: "How would I know? She just never is home."

  Xu Ning originally got along well with Cui Xiu 'Yu', but later Cui Xiu 'Yu' went to Northeast China, and Bai Libing, this rich and charming woman, captivated him. These days they have been together often. However, Bai Libing has always had many social engagements, and sometimes when Xu Ning comes looking for her, he can't find her, so he comes to ask Dao Jing instead.

  Xu Ning sat on the bench and asked Jing in a daze: "Little Lin, what's going on with Bai Libing?"

  Dào Jìng didn't answer him, but instead asked: "Does Little Cui have a letter? Did she really go to join the Righteous and Brave Army?"

  Xu Ning's face suddenly turned bright red. This usually cheerful and lively young man became hesitant and couldn't speak up. He glanced at a portrait of Beethoven on the wall, then turned back with a helpless bitter smile and said: "Little Lin, don't misunderstand me, my love for Xiao Cui and Xiao Bai is different. If it weren't for my mom and our upcoming graduation, I would have joined the volunteer army in Northeast China with her... That Xiao Bai, I know..."

  "It's fine if you know." Dao Jing wouldn't say those sharp words, she wasn't satisfied with Xu Ning's attitude towards love, but all she could do was sincerely and directly tell him, "Xu Ning, don't forget about Xiao Cui. Look, that girl is really good."

  "Yes, Kobayashi. To be honest, I often think of her in my heart. And when I think of her, it's still a bit painful..." Xun Ning was moved by Dao Jing's sincere and friendly attitude, he looked at her as if talking to an intimate friend about his inner thoughts: "Originally, I didn't have much feeling for Xiao Bai, but she... really has a way with her. We also need to work together frequently, so... never mind her, I will restrain myself." He fell silent for a moment, then stood up and was about to leave.

  "Xu Ning," Dao Jing stopped him, "Have you seen Old Lu and Old Luo? How..."

  "Hey, you almost forgot. Old Lu asked me to tell you: tomorrow is the 'March 18 Massacre Memorial Day', and the students in Beiping are going to hold an enlarged memorial meeting, and it's possible that..., do you want to participate?"

  "What's going on?"

  "Oppose the Kuomintang's policy of non-resistance, oppose Japanese imperialism's stepped-up aggression against China, oppose imperialism and its running dogs, support socialist Soviet Union."

  "I'm going!" Dao Jing said without hesitation, "Are you going too? What about Old Lu?"

  "He's going, of course!" Xun Ning suddenly changed his expression and made a comical face at Dao Jing, waving his fist. "I'm definitely going! And Xiao Lin, you should try to get as many friends as possible to join in too. Old Lu said we should mobilize the masses widely. I'm off, see you tomorrow! We'll gather at 8 am at the Beida sports ground. Are you going?"

  Xu Ning had already walked far away. Dao Jing was still standing alone on the threshold, gazing at his back and smiling. She had never attended any *** gathering before, what would it be like with so many people gathered together? ... She was excited by a kind of novel and mysterious feeling that she couldn't calm down for a long time.

  Yu Yongze walked home with a stack of books under his arm, and Dao Jing forgot her emotions and pulled him: "Ze, tomorrow I will attend the 'March 18th' memorial ceremony, you can go together too."

  "What? What are you going to do?" Yu Yongze stared at Dao Jing in shock.

  "'March 18th' memorial day, you don't want to again?"

  Yu Yongze lazily put down the book, and it took half a day for him to open his mouth to speak. His tone was so desolate: "Jing, listen to me once, don't go. I heard that outside is often catching people... The matter of saving the country can be said, but what kind of memorial day is 'March 18th'? What if... Jing, be quiet for a moment! Heaven has unpredictable winds and clouds, who knows which cloud will rain..." He gazed at Daojing, and his face showed that kind of pleading sorrow again.

  "No way! If everyone were as timid as you, they'd be afraid of being killed by a falling leaf!" Dao Jing was relatively tolerant of Yu Yongze's other advice or nagging, but when it came to *** matters, she was extremely intolerant and would flare up at the slightest spark. "Forget it, I was even thinking of inviting you to come with me, but after all this fuss, you're still trying to hold me back. Forget it, let's just leave each other alone!" As soon as she finished speaking, she ran out.

  She found her good friend Wang Xiaoyan. Old Lu asked to mobilize as many people as possible, and she hoped to find a few more people to go together. But Xiaoyan asked her: "What's the matter?"

  "Oppose the aggression of Japanese imperialism, oppose the non-resistance policy of the Nationalist Party, oppose the running dogs of imperialism, support the socialist Soviet Union..."

  Xiao Yan remained silent for a long time, not making a sound. Dao Jing stood in front of her, looking at her with an uneasy expression, as if waiting for a verdict. Finally, Xiao Yan shook her head solemnly and said: "Xiao Lin, don't blame me. Dad told me before: young people should study more problems and talk less about -ism... You haven't even grown up yet, but you've already come up with a whole set of '-isms'. I really don't understand any of this."

  She furrowed her brow, her face slightly flushed, feeling both anxious and flustered inside.

  "Yan, aren't these all Hu Shi's theories? When did you also learn about these things?"

  Xiao Yan's eyes widened, and a naive yet confident light flickered within them. She said shyly, "Little Lin, don't ask me these things. I believe in Father's words; he is very cultivated...I advise you not to trust those leftists too much either. Reading books is the most important thing. What does socialism or the Soviet Union have to do with us?"

  Xiao Yan, although disapproving of her, had a gentle attitude and a kind heart. She just didn't believe it, unlike Yu Yongze's selfishness and cowardice. Therefore, Dao Jing only felt deeply disappointed and defeated, without the anger he had towards Yu Yongze. Besides, one can be temperamental with their loved ones, but how can they lose face in front of friends?

  The two friends stood facing each other in silence for a while, and Dao Jing had no choice but to run back home dejectedly.

  At night, Yu Yongze and she were chatting on the 'bed'. He told her about the love stories of some great writers and artists from ancient to modern times, both Chinese and foreign. How those people lived in beautiful nature, how they sacrificed everything for love... He stroked her hair, talking and talking, suddenly with infinite tenderness, he asked her in a low voice: "Jing, do you still remember? Our many past events on the beach of Beidaihe. One night, I sat with you on the sand, listening quietly to the sound of the 'waves'. Under the moonlight, the sea shone with silver light, I looked into your eyes - your eyes are as deep, bright and beautiful as seawater! Ah, it's extremely beautiful. Looking at them, my heart was like intoxication. Jing, at that time, I really wanted to hug you, kiss you... I will never forget that night. Never forget our life in Beidaihe. How wonderful it would be if people could live forever in such a poetic realm!" He closed his eyes, indulging in the memories of the past. After a while, he opened his eyes, revealing a painful expression. "But look at reality - the rolling dust, you fight me, everywhere is the smell of gunpowder, how heartbreaking..." He closed his eyes again, with a vague dreamy tone, hugged Jing's neck and sighed softly.

  Listening to Yu Yongze's narrative, the beautiful boundless sea, the bright moon and silver waves on the sea, really appeared before Dao Jing. She grasped his hand tightly, looking at him deeply: "Yes, Ze, that is indeed beautiful!" However, when she heard him say until the end, saying things about reality being filled with gunpowder smell, she suddenly became alert, slowly withdrew her hand, and whispered: "Ze, don't always make it difficult for me, okay? You should understand me... Of course, I won't forget Beidaihe, where we first met." Her heart was entangled with many complex emotions, loving the future yet unable to forget the past. In the depths of her soul, the future and past were two opposing extremes that couldn't coexist, yet simultaneously existed in her heart, confusing each other.

  "My dear, I don't oppose your righteous actions at all," Yu Yongze said gently stroking her hair. "One must live a meaningful life, I know that. But you're too young and lack experience in the complex society of goblins and monsters. That's why I'm worried about you. If we hadn't met in Beidaihe, who knows what kind of trouble you would have gotten into? You know, even within our university, there are Trotskyites, Nationalist Party factions, anarchist factions... not to mention the various factions of the Kuomintang. The party you truly believe in is very rare. I've heard that after the purge, it's all gone. Where is the true...? Are the people you're close to reliable? Do you know they're not just pretending to be something they're not? Jing, I'm not a stubborn and unyielding person, but you always misunderstand me, thinking I'm selfish and conservative... My heart really aches!" He sighed sorrowfully and couldn't continue.

  The small hut was still cold in the spring, and it was even colder at night. Moreover, the strong winds from the north were blowing fiercely outside the window, causing the window paper to make a rustling sound. Dao Jing leaned against Yu Yongze's thin shoulders, and she suddenly felt a chill in her heart.

  "'Selling dog meat under a goat's head'?... Lu Jia-chuan, Luo Da-fang, Xu Ning... Could they be? No! No!" She desperately brushed away the dark shadow that Yu Yong-ze had cast over her heart. "Don't believe him! Don't believe him!" she silently screamed and struggled, her eyes welling up with tears.

  "Zhe, don't destroy my faith, okay?" After a while, she rallied and said resolutely, "You've tormented me enough, I believe in them, I must believe in them! If I'm wrong, I'll take responsibility myself; if because of this I become bad or die, I won't blame anyone!"

  "That's not going to happen!" Yu Yongze, wearing only a vest, suddenly sat up, his small eyes flashing with a desperate and trapped light. "You are mine! Our lives have long been tied together. We will die together or live together; but we can't...can't leave! I won't let you go wandering around blindly! Qing, tomorrow's...you absolutely cannot participate in it. Do you understand? This is the first time I've interfered with your actions, but I must interfere!"

  "I didn't ask you to interfere!" Dao Jing also suddenly sat up and shouted towards the wall, "I only now understand that your purpose in talking all night was just two words - 'interference'! Why are you interfering? Am I going to set fires and rob people? Or am I going to find a lover to talk about love? You speak beautifully and movingly, but after making a big fuss for half the night, it's just a roundabout way of confusing people, shaking people... You're simply trying to take my life!"

  They quarreled, making it impossible for the neighbors in the apartment to fall asleep. Some people started coughing loudly, and they gradually quieted down.

  This night, Lin Daojing didn't sleep all night. As soon as the sky brightened, she glanced at Yu Yongze who was sleeping soundly beside her and quietly got out of bed. Like a thief, she tiptoed out of the door without even washing her face - she was afraid of waking him up, if he really stopped her again, it would be terrible to make a scene that everyone in the neighborhood would know about.

  She went to Peking University's female dormitory, where Wang Xiaoyan washed her face and tried to persuade her to join in, but she still refused. She then went alone to the back of the Red Building at Peking University.