Chapter Twenty

  In the dead of night, Xu Ning and Luo Dafang were still strolling along the wall of the North University's playground. Luo Dafang had his robust arm on Xu Ning's shoulder as they walked and talked. The clear moonlight illuminated the excited look on Xu Ning's face. Luo Dafang, who was usually joking around, was now completely serious, like a kind big brother patiently persuading a mischievous little brother. On that summer night, all the couples and friends strolling in the playground had dispersed, but the two of them were still talking tirelessly.

  "Lao Luo, don't worry, I will definitely persuade mom and you to go together. I understand how a person should properly arrange his life..."

  "Right! Little Hsu, I believe you will do so. ... How are you? When I think of that fiery battle life, my heart can't help but fly to the northwest immediately - 'A good man should be wrapped in horse leather'. I think it's time now."

  Lu Dafang gazed out at the vast and empty drill ground, the tall red building standing like a giant screen in the night sky. His heart was surging with excitement, and he couldn't help but grasp Xu Ning's hand firmly with his large hands.

  Xu Ning was also infected by this ***. He gazed at Luo Dafang's broad and exceptionally kind face, and suddenly felt that this person was so tall and majestic, in the dark night, his whole body seemed to be emitting brilliant light. ...He thought of his night in Xiaolingwei during his trip to the south, he thought of his tireless work in school, he thought of his resolute attitude towards his comfortable bourgeois family life, especially he thought of his magnanimous 'heart' that could treat a person who took away his loved one as if they were brothers without any jealousy. Xu Ning's heart was filled with admiration and shame at this moment. He looked at him, and after a long time, he excitedly said in a low voice: "I want to go persuade my mom - I'm grateful to you, Old Luo..."

  "Dear friends, if we can fight side by side, how happy that would be!"

  Lu Dafang's words were so natural and affectionate that they made Xu Ning unable to forget them for a long time.

  After parting with Luo Dafang, Xu Ning was indeed trying every means to persuade his mother, and at the same time, he was also trying every means to persuade himself. However, his mother had been a widow since she was young and only had him as her "only son", so it was very difficult for him to persuade her to allow her son to go to war. Therefore, when the classmates who were going to participate in the battle at Cha Bei were about to set off the next day, he still hadn't made a final decision on whether to go or not.

  In the evening, he walked back home to see his mother.

  His expression was dejected and uneasy. One last time - he had to make one final 'deal' with his mother.

  The mother was sitting on a small stool, lazily sewing the sole of a sock. As soon as she saw her son return, before he could even open his mouth, she began to complain while holding the sock. Her white hair trembled slightly on her head, and her hands shook as she held the needle and thread: "Child, are you coming to discuss leaving again? Alas, why hasn't this wretched old woman died yet? You were only three when your father passed away, leaving behind only you as my sole root. For your sake, I've lived in this world for twenty-three years, raising you with great difficulty... it's not easy! Now, you want to leave and go far away? That won't do!" Old Lady Xu's tears flowed continuously, and just as she was about to wipe them away with her sleeve, fearing that Xu Ning would interrupt her words, she hurriedly continued speaking: "Look at you now, a tall and big young man. When you were little, you were often ill and had many misfortunes. I didn't sleep for twenty nights in a month because of you. In front of the Buddha, I kowtowed countless times and burned incense... that one time you fell gravely ill, it seemed like all hope was lost, and I didn't want to live anymore either, so I swallowed opium..."

  Xu Ning couldn't bear it anymore, waved his hand and interrupted his mother's endless nagging: "Mom, I've heard these words from you at least a hundred and eighty times. My ears are full, can't fit in any more. Why do you always say these things? I haven't forgotten your kindness... Mom, to be honest, with the country in such a critical state now, how can I, as a young person, bear to stay like this? ...Mom, I'm going to join and it won't be dangerous. Many classmates have gone and they all wrote back saying it's fine..."

  Mrs. Xu hastily interrupted her son, not bothering to wipe away her tears: "Child, don't say anything else! I won't let you go anyway... If you really leave... I... I won't live..." She suddenly raised her head and gazed at her son with a sorrowful cry, "There are so many Chinese people, what difference would one person make!"

  At this point, Xu Ning looked at him and couldn't say anything else, so he got up in a huff and rushed towards the door. He took two steps out, then turned back to look at his still sniffling mother and said with a pout: "Mom, don't cry! Can't I just not go? —Hmph, if I have to go, you can't do anything about it anyway. It's so annoying, why do I always have to discuss things with you?"

  He ran alone to the earth mound in Beihai, and wandered for a whole night. On summer nights, the warm wind with heat blew on the pine trees on the mountain, making a rustling noise that was annoying.

  Here, tourists are scarce, he stared blankly at the dense starry sky that seemed to be shrouded in a gray misty veil. A young and slender shadow flickered before his eyes - was she now on Changbai Mountain or in the vast forest of Heilongjiang?...

  Choi Soo's 'jade' - the 'girl' he had once tried so hard to forget, now occupied his heart with such intensity that it filled him with shame and pain.

  She must have forgotten me - forgotten this coward. ... He pressed his temples hard, and Luo Dafang's voice came up in his ears at the same time: "Dear friend, if we can fight shoulder to shoulder, how happy it would be!" He felt hot, tore open his clothes, hugged his head with both hands, and sat on a cold stone for a long time.

  Xu Ning's father was a minor official who died young. Xu Ning's mother, a widow, relied on her husband's meager legacy to raise their son until he went to university. Xu Ning grew up in a warm and comfortable petit-bourgeois family, where his mother's excessive love had softened his soul. As a result, although he looked healthy and handsome, after being exposed to *** theory and getting close to Lu Jiaquan and others, he also enthusiastically inclined towards ***, and even participated in some activities with enthusiasm. However, when it came to critical moments, when it was really necessary to sacrifice something to blaze new trails, he would become like a beautiful small tree that could not withstand the strong winds, weakly collapsing.

  When Cui Xiuying 'Yu' joined the Northeast Volunteer Army to save her hometown and second homeland, she had also hoped that Xu Ning would go with her. But Xu Ning thought that he still had two years of university left, and his mother, and - this was something in his heart that he had never told anyone: he wasn't a Northeasterner, compared to Jiangsu - his hometown, the Northeast was so unfamiliar and desolate! Moreover, there was Bai Lidian's influence... As a result, Cui Xiuying 'Yu' left with other brave warriors, leaving him behind in university with his mother. Later, when the White Terror became severe, he even dared not participate in many activities. This time, the Chabei Anti-Japanese Alliance Army fought fiercely against the enemy, and under the encouragement of Lu Jiachuan and Luo Dafang, he also tried to make up for past mistakes by mobilizing his mother to let him join, but after discussing it several times, his mother did not permit it, and he lost the strength to resist. Therefore, while many classmates were in the midst of a fervent tide of enlistment, he was suffering and hesitating. In the end, a warm and comfortable life kept him behind. Although when he decided not to go, he ran down from the small mountain in Beihai, his legs trembling uncontrollably, his eyes filled with tears of shame.

  To avoid the attention of the Nationalist Party and others, the classmates who went to war took a train from Qinghuayuan Station outside Xizhimen to head north. Xu Ning wanted to see them off, but because he was shy, he walked to Xizhimen and then returned. He lay on his bed in the dormitory for a day, and in the evening, thinking of his mother, he listlessly walked back home. When he arrived home, he lifted the bamboo curtain and saw that his mother was kneeling in front of the idol, murmuring prayers: "Bodhisattva! Greatly compassionate and greatly merciful Guanyin! Protect, protect my child, let him be safe and sound, don't leave - never leave home. Protect him from changing his mind, like when he was a child, always staying with his mother..."

  Xu Ning let out a snort of laughter. His mother was startled and turned around to see her son standing at the door, as if he had dropped from heaven, she quickly got up and grabbed him, murmuring excitedly: "Child, child, you didn't leave? Good! Good! The Bodhisattva is protecting us, thank you Bodhisattva!" She immediately turned around again, knelt down in front of the statue, "Great Compassionate Guanyin! Your disciple has been keeping a vegetarian diet and reciting Buddhist scriptures, thank you for protecting my son..."

  Xu Ning smiled wryly and said: "Mom, don't mess around. What god? It's just that I didn't go myself... Let's 'find' something to eat, I'm hungry."

  The mother was teased by her son, but she was still very happy. She busied herself preparing a few delicious dishes for her son, cooking while stealing glances at him lying on the bed, afraid that her treasure would fly away.

  As she was eating, she suddenly asked her son: "Don't those classmates of yours who left have homes?"

  "How could it be! Who isn't born from between stones?"

  "So they're willing to let their mom call them away? ...How strange!" The mother stopped eating, holding her rice bowl and gazing at her son with a worried expression.

  "Who is as foolish as you!" Xun Ning indignantly glared at her mother, "They all understand the principle of patriotism and want to be a real mother... When the enemy comes, what's the difference between son, family, they'll all be finished!"

  His mother said nothing more, shook her head and sighed, then went to wash the dishes. After dinner, Xu Ning read a book for a while, didn't bother with his mother again, and fell asleep gloomily. He slept until midnight when he was woken up by a murmur of whispers. He listened carefully and found that his mother was praying in front of the Buddha statue: "Bodhisattva, great merciful and compassionate Guanyin! Bless... bless those young people who went to fight against the Easterners to be safe and sound, to return home early... Bodhisattva, don't blame me! I, I, I really can't bear to part with my son..."

  Xu Ning smiled secretly: "So she's like that too!" He was just about to greet his mother when a sudden loud banging on the door startled both Xu Ning and his mother. In an instant, a large group of soldiers and police burst into their house. The room was immediately filled with fierce-looking constables and policemen carrying rifles and pistols. His mother clutched at her son's sleeve in fright, while Xu Ning stood frozen by the door. A fat man wearing a fedora asked Xu Ning: "Are you Xu Ning?"

  "Mm." Xun Ning suppressed her panic and nodded.

  The mother grasped her son's arm even tighter and fainted.

  The police constables started rummaging around. They turned everything upside down for half a day, but couldn't find anything. One of the constables shook his head at the plainclothes fat man and asked with his eyes what to do next. The plainclothes fat man flashed his gold teeth and sneered: "Nothing? I'll take a look!"

  That fellow rummaged through the drawer for a moment, and immediately pulled out a copy of "Northern Red Flag" [the publication of the Northern Party organization at the time - original note], excitedly shouting: "Isn't this it? A genuine *** element!"

  For catching a *** party member, one can get a reward of 500 yuan. The secret agents despicably planted the stolen goods with the documents they brought themselves.

  "Evidence! The real party!" The agents shouted again shamelessly.

  "Take it away! Take it away!"

  The mother saw the gunman grab her son's arm and try to take him away, she cried and howled like a madwoman, grabbing her son's arm and refusing to let go: "Why are you taking him away?... What crime has he committed?" The mother bumped her head against the agent's body, struggling desperately. At this chaotic and tense moment, a thought crept into Xu Ning's mind: "If I resolutely follow them today, will such things happen again?"

  The feeling of resentment towards his own cowardice made Xun Ning brave, and in the midst of his mother and the constable's tug-of-war over him, he suddenly broke free from his mother's arm and shouted loudly at her: "Mother, let go! Both you and I should be ashamed!"

  Regardless of his mother's wailing, he stood upright on the ground, and was handcuffed with heavy shackles by the gendarmes.