Doting on Mr. Su (2) - Deep Scars Everyday Bookstore

  Sulking? With whom?

  I don't know why he asked that, furrowed his brow, and self-mockingly smiled: "You're thinking too much, I just really didn't want to read anymore."

  He looked at me and said with a hint of helplessness, "Alright... I heard that to get into Tsinghua or Beida, one has to pull all-nighters studying. Why give up so easily?"

  He also knew, I "haha" laughed: "Mr. Su, when did you start believing in rumors? Pei Chaoyang that big gossip is always talking nonsense, how could you believe it?"

  I'm not just working hard for Tsinghua or Peking University, I'll work hard for any famous university outside of my hometown. It's just that a certain university in the capital sounds better and can save me from my parents' and uncle's nagging.

  You need to know that nowadays 'other people's children' is a very terrifying existence.

  I smiled and self-deprecatingly said, "Don't listen to Fu Chaoyang's nonsense. If it weren't for the fact that Tsinghua and Peking University are too highly competitive, I'd also be happy to compete for the title of 'top university talent' to bring honor to my ancestors."

  He was silenced by my words and sighed after a long time: "You are still so independent, I'm glad you haven't changed, but also regret..."

  What's wrong with being independent? Does it matter to him? I just can't stand his condescending attitude, so I said bluntly: "You might as well say that I'm self-centered and carefree. Anyway, I've heard enough of this in high school, I'm already numb to it."

  If I was a good girl in junior high, then in high school I became a problem student, late to class, skipping classes, leaving early, using this method to take revenge on him for locking me at home before he went abroad, and taking a summer tutoring course. I know it's not right, but I couldn't help myself, who made him finish all the homework for high school ahead of time?

  I don't think he'll be completely clueless about me just because he's abroad, Fu Chaoyang is a big mouth, let alone the other party is a brother who grew up in the same bed, their relationship is even closer than mine with my own sister, not to mention they have no secrets from each other...

  I'm afraid I will probably disappoint him terribly.

  He turned his head and looked at me deeply with a complex expression, unspeakably serious, I guess he was hurt by my words, and then he fell silent.

  I'm very honest in admitting that I've strayed far from the lovely loli image of my childhood, and it's getting further away. Being sharp-tongued and toxic is what I am now, after all, I'm already running towards thirty, and it's hard to pretend to be cute anymore, right? Back then, I dared to wear princess dresses, but now I prefer comfort and freedom - that's the difference between age and mindset.

  He didn't say another word and I was relieved. Compared to our non-stop chatter when we were young, and the sharp exchanges that followed later on, it's clear that as adults, silence suits us better.

  After a mess of thoughts, I have some regrets about the past. If I hadn't taken those words to heart and hurt him back then, would he still be absent from my growing years?

  No one can give an answer to such a question, because there has never been an "if" in this world. Even if time were to flow backwards, he would still leave me; even if it weren't because of my home tutor, it would be someone else... eventually, the day when each of us gets married will come.

  To be honest, Su Hao has always been an important person in my life, from the age of five to fifteen, from siblings to almost sworn enemies. No matter what identity he had, he left a deep mark on my growth, and he became an existence that if erased, life would no longer be complete.

  Sometimes I am also surprised by such a realization, but this is indeed the fact.

  If Fang Weihang is a passerby in my life, then Su Hang is a bus stop, no matter how he passes by, he is always there.

  The car drove in silence for an hour, and he took me to a 24-hour Korean restaurant on Gutian Road. I was extremely grateful that he still remembered my love for barbecue and kimchi.

  This Qingtan Cave, I and Shen Qīwēi often come here. She often works overtime until midnight, and only the ancient field road day residential area is open all night, so the boss lady is very leisurely to entertain personally, and after a long time, we became familiar with each other.

  The proprietress handed us each a menu, with a mouthful of kimchi flavor, and nervously asked me: "Are you here with your boyfriend today?"

  I took the menu and said: "No, this is the child of my father's brother's family." After finishing, I had to add another sentence, laughing: "We are too far apart in age, no chance."

  "Oh!" The boss's wife nodded as if she understood, and changed the subject: "Do you want a portion of our homemade sausage? It's on the house!"

  "It must be good," I nodded hastily: "Have another bowl of flavor-enhanced soup!"

  The boss's wife smiled: "Don't worry about this, I'll treat you to a full drink!"

  I ordered a five-flower pork fried rice set meal, Su Hao said with great convenience: "The same as hers."

  The boss's wife gave me a strange look and turned her head to deliver flyers.

  She must have thought too much about it.

  Before long, the waiters started serving dishes one after another. They especially emphasized a plate of pink slices: "This is our homemade sausage, and the boss's wife specifically instructed us to serve it as a token of appreciation."

  I nodded and the waiter took away the extra tray. I wiped my hands with a wet towel, picked up my chopsticks and started eating.

  It tastes really good and is very fragrant and tender.

  I gave the boss's wife a thumbs up, and she returned one from afar, her serious expression making people laugh and cry at the same time.

  Mr. Su across from me was stirring his rice with a faint smile, and somehow every move he made seemed elegant, probably because of those good-looking hands, which made him somewhat pleasing to the eye.

  Her fingers were slender and her joints were distinct, with neatly trimmed nails that were clean.

  If I were a fetishist, I would probably find his hands very cute and might even fall in love with them.

  Unfortunately, I don't have that talent.

  Haha.

  Actually, when it comes to mixing rice, you need to be a bit rough with your movements to get it right. Compared to authentic Koreans, I'm already considered a lady, but compared to him, I suddenly felt embarrassed to swing my arms freely, so I could only hold the spoon and mix in small degrees.

  I asked him: "How did you know this place?"

  After he went abroad, his uncle and aunt were transferred back to Beijing. He should have not come back for many years, but he arrived at this store with ease.

  "I often hear Shen Liu mention that you and Qi Wei come here frequently." He raised his head to look at me: "Praising without stopping?"

  Shen Liu, Shen Youliang.

  I blinked: "Isn't he always in Q City? Are you still in touch?"

  He smiled, somewhat helplessly: "You think that if we're not in the same city, country, then there's no need to stay in touch?"

  His words seem to be hinting at something.

  After he left, I haven't called him, but hasn't he also not called me? Not to mention phone calls, isn't it also true that there's not even a single QQ message from him? Losing contact isn't just my fault...

  I lowered my head and ate quietly. There's no need to argue about this topic, even if we debate who is right or wrong, it can't change the past, and there's no point in doing so.

  To be honest, I'm not familiar with those brothers from the Shen family. Would they even bother to contact me? They're all Su Hang's classmates and childhood friends, every single one of them is older than me by several years. Even if we do know each other, it's only because of Su Hang. The only one who grew up with me is Shen Qiwei.

  She did mention Su Hao, nothing more than: He returned to China, he came back, he opened a law firm, he won again, they partnered up and opened a car dealership, opened a 4S store...and so on. Sometimes she would also mention something like he had a cold recently...

  Since I was a child, the name "Su Hao" has always been a good reputation. He is handsome, studies well, has good manners and is kind to others. Even when he was just in his teens, all the mothers and grandmothers who knew him or didn't know him would be envious of having such a great son.

  Everyone thought he was a seedling from Tsinghua University and Peking University, but as it turned out, this sapling grew into an HDU student, leaving many people regretful. However, this did not affect his title of "Golden Son-in-law" at all. People continued to introduce him to female classmates, and as a result, he ended up going abroad!

  It wasn't until his plane took off that I heard from Shen Qīwēi that he was going abroad. I've forgotten my reaction at the time, but I remember the feeling - it was as if the world had suddenly turned black and been enveloped in a coldness that made the warmth seem farther and farther away, unreachable, unretainable.

  At that time, I hated him so much that I locked myself up and cried. I cried until I had no tears left and just wailed. As soon as I calmed down, I would become depressed again. This lasted for the entire summer. I even secretly went to see a psychologist, but that irresponsible counselor said it was just a normal reaction to a lost love and told me to shift my attention elsewhere.

  I started playing online games.

  Every day is busy upgrading equipment and hitting bosses.

  It was then that I met Safiros, also known as Fang Weihang, and my gaming life became busier, leaving me with less time to think about Su Hang.

  Then university, falling in love, being a homebody.

  Until a year ago, news of "Su Hao" once again surrounded my life. My parents called to ask if I knew that the eldest son of the Su family had returned, Fu Chaoyang would occasionally mention how he was doing recently, and Shen Qiwei was always paying attention to his dynamics, mentioning it every time we met...

  Generally speaking, the 'Su Hao' I heard is either from Fu Chaoyang or Shen Qiwei. The exaggerated tone of "a woman would rather not marry him and live to be 78" is fortunate that my parents are in Sanya, otherwise who knows how they would have arranged us two again.

  My mom has been particularly good to him since he was a kid, saying that he is sensible and excellent. Especially after he gave me various supplementary lessons, my mom almost wished he was our family's child. Often staying overnight without mentioning, as long as he is there, the dishes on the table are all his favorite foods.

  For this I once thought I was adopted...

  At that time, Su's mother often said that her family was short of a daughter. When the adults got together, they loved to joke about us kids, saying things like "swapping children" and "whose child is this".

  As I grew older, I gradually came to understand that many of the words spoken in childhood were just jokes, and sometimes they would pass with a laugh. But after my unrequited first love, I strictly refused to mention him, and everyone else also mentioned him less and less, allowing me to spend a relatively quiet period of time.

  But now he's back.

  Not back to the motherland, but back to this city where we've met countless times.

  Compared with four years ago, it's more prosperous here.

  ———————————

  I ate too much at midnight.

  Eating so much in the middle of the night is actually bad for your body.

  But sometimes when delicious food is in front of you, eating too much isn't something that can be controlled.

  I strolled with Mr. Su, one in front of the other, to aid digestion. At 3 am, I still hadn't returned home, yet I didn't feel the slightest bit sleepy. As I turned back to look at him, his eyes reflected the neon lights' colorful glow, and finally had a somewhat gentle expression.

  Small snowflakes are still falling, scattered and sparse.

  I slowed down a few steps and walked alongside him: "How did you get back?"

  He turned his head and looked at me with a faint smile: "Are you asking now? If I didn't come back, were you going to spend the rest of your life like this?"

  "How?"

  He looked at me without saying anything or smiling.

  I felt embarrassed and just shook my head, feeling even more embarrassed I looked down at the road, thinking for a moment before deciding to explain: "Actually, it's not so bad this way. If we don't see each other, we won't bring up old grudges, and if we don't bring up old grudges, we won't fight. When you get married, I'll give you a red envelope as a gift, and when I get married, you have to give me a big red envelope too. Even though it's all in the past, I still can't help but dislike you - I hold grudges."

  A low, muffled voice came: "You're really getting more and more ruthless."

  "I just love myself more." Living alone for too long makes you reluctant to put yourself out. I thought: "Maybe I should raise a dog."

  "Why?"

  "Raise it from a young age, learn to be relied upon by others, in order to understand responsibility. Sometimes having only one's own life can be quite dull."

  He fell silent for a moment: "What breed of dog do you want to raise?"

  I smiled, looking seriously into his eyes: "Fate is like love, being childhood sweethearts doesn't necessarily mean there's affection, and passing each other by doesn't necessarily mean there's no love. Who knows when one day you'll suddenly notice someone?"

  He stared blankly for a moment, then suddenly reached out and grabbed me, his palm pressed against my pulse, and his expression turned serious again: "Go home."

  I also reacted for several seconds before saying "...okay."

  He insisted on sending me to the door, and I didn't even say "come in for a glass of water", just said "goodbye" and closed the door.

  This night was magical, I fell asleep as soon as I lay down and slept until dawn. Then... the first thing that came to mind was Su Hao, remembering how we watched the Christmas Eve countdown fireworks together and had a midnight snack.

  Compared with the past four years when he was nowhere to be found, it's more unreal than a dream.

  On the bedside table on the right, a red velvet gift box sat with a card pressed down on top of it. The card was blank except for its own border.

  I finally found a sense of reality, it turned out that I really met Su Hao yesterday and almost stayed up all night, in the end he even sent me back home.

  It's just like him to be able to come up with something out of a blank card.

  Couldn't help but curl up the corners of his mouth, didn't expect that after so many years, he received a Christmas gift from him again, for a moment he was a little surprised and delighted, did this mean they had let bygones be bygones?

  Inside the box is a pink crystal apple, smooth, delicate, with a slightly cool and refreshing texture.

  Just like many years ago, he still sends things in a way that is inexplicable.

  An apple that cannot be eaten.

  I carefully put the apple back in the flannel box, and then thought I should put it with the gift he gave me. Dazed, I went to the closet, looked around but couldn't find it, only to suddenly remember that I had thrown away the storage box that belonged to him four years ago, on the eve of his departure abroad.

  Alas.

  Can't help but sigh, impulsiveness is really a big devil, those things are witnesses of my growth, and at that time I was so ruthless to throw them away...

  To be honest, I've regretted it more than once already.

  I listlessly put it in the drawer of my bedside table, and inadvertently saw that simple white gold-edged business card, which was still the one Shen Qiwei gave me a year ago, Su Hang's business card.

  I rubbed the words on the business card, recalling the feeling of being forced to take it from Shen Qiwei's hand. So resistant, so unwilling. I had clearly tried my best to live a life outside his shadow, yet I could always hear all sorts of news about him.

  It was casually thrown into the drawer by me, with my resentment towards its owner.

  More than 400 days have passed, and I saw this name card that couldn't be sealed again. The familiar name, the familiar mobile phone number, there is a kind of inexplicable feeling that spreads subtly in my heart, without clear pain, but even breathing becomes weak.

  I called Jiang Hui and told him I needed psychological counseling.

  Jiang hesitated for a few seconds on that side, then smiled: "Little sister, the sun is so good, is it really good to run to my consultation room?"

  I'm surrounded by three dark lines: "I feel uncomfortable in my heart, I've lost love, and I even saw my first love. The memories of the past are like slides running through my mind, and if this continues, I won't be able to live a normal life..."

  "Hmm, seems a bit complicated..." He fell silent for a moment, then asked: "Had a dream?"

  Nothing, but always feel like I'm dreaming...

  "Didn't expect to see my first love, did you?"

  I agree.

  He smiled again: "It's just emotional trouble, not a big deal. You need to think clearly why you have this feeling, is it because you like him, or because you don't like him, or maybe he likes you, or he doesn't like you. Maybe you've just experienced too many things recently and feel complicated for the time being.

  Merry Christmas! Have you made plans with your sisters to go shopping and drink coffee? Shopping is a great way for women to heal their wounds.

  He deliberately raised his tone at the end of that sentence, making me grit my teeth: "Jiang Hui, if you're always so seductive, I'd like to take a picture of you with my phone and kill you!"

  "Alas, I'm just a psychiatrist. Normal psychological phenomena are beyond my expertise. Must I offer you my body to comfort you for your broken heart?"

  "Never mind, we're not suitable." I responded bluntly: "You're too old."

  The busy tone came from the other end of the line.

  I was stunned for a moment, and then burst out laughing. It turned out that Jiang Hui, who had such a tough personality, was afraid of being called "old"? He's clearly a thirty-year-old diamond youth with a baby face.

  I looked at my phone and shook my head, starting to suspect that Jiang Hui might be gay.

  Looked at the business card in hand again, that name was still so dazzling, it seemed that it could only be a sealed fate.

  It's like a huge stone fell off my heart as I lay down on the bed, flipping through my phone, and there are only a few names in my contact list. After weighing my options, I surprisingly couldn't find any friends who could go out with me at this moment... If Shen Qiwei were here, it would be great...

  I closed my eyes and began to think of Shen Jia's seventh sister who went to Paris for an exchange.

  Is it going to be Shen Qiwei alone on my BFF list from now on?

  I flipped through the address book with a wandering mind, suddenly widening my eyes and staring at the group division in disbelief.

  Name: Su Hao

  Date of Birth: January 21, 1982

  Lover

  This is not what I saved!

  This is absolutely not what I saved!

  I couldn't have saved it! And his name disappeared from my address book over 800 years ago, let alone the birth date!

  So who saved him?

  My heart thumped violently for several beats...

  If it wasn't sleepwalking, then apart from Mr. Su, there was no second choice for the person who stored the phone number.

  But my phone screen is locked, how could this person unlock it so easily? Even if it's a four-digit password, it shouldn't be that easy to crack, right?

  Looking at that grouping that makes people involuntarily think wildly, I suddenly feel very confused, can't help but scratch my hair, the aftermath of lack of sleep also reacts, from the middle of my eyebrows to my temples, dull and aching, the pain is unbearable...

  I had to automatically filter out the headache-inducing topics, got up to find cold medicine because it contains ingredients that relieve headaches. What makes people even more painful is that there is only one box of compound acetaminophen dispersible tablets left at home, which dissolves instantly when entering the mouth and has a huge bitter taste.

  I almost choked back tears and swallowed it down, the two large cups of water couldn't wash away the pure bitterness left on my tongue, then crawled back into bed, quietly waiting for its drowsy side effects to kick in, and fell fast asleep.

  I remember when I was very young, just in the second grade, something unpleasant happened with a classmate. The reason was that a small rabbit eraser I treasured was poked full of ugly holes by that classmate with a pencil. First, we argued, then quarreled, fought, and later were lectured separately by the head teacher, and also punished to copy "Code of Conduct for Primary School Students".

  The fine was paid, and my hand hurt from the slap, but I felt I wasn't wrong. All along the way, I remained silent, no matter how Su Hao coaxed or asked me, I refused to mention it. But unfortunately, there's a Shen Qiwei by my side, who would confess everything for just one cup of ice cream...

  After dinner, I lay on the bed and sulked. Su Hao sat beside me, teasing me by rubbing my hair and pinching my face. He said: "Make a wish when you sleep, if the dream god happens to pass by and hear it, she will make it come true."

  I foolishly asked him: Is it true?

  "It's true." He nodded, his expression more genuine than pearls.

  I half-believed it that day.

  The next day, there really was a box of little rabbit erasers on my bedside table, in all sorts of colors and expressions.

  Then I believed 80%...

  After that, I "fulfilled" it several times in a row, and I completely believed in this "wishing saying"... As a result, this lie about making wishes while sleeping has been with me for many years, until now I still don't want to believe that Su Hwang was just lucky to guess my thoughts.

  I really wish there was a dream god to fulfill my wishes, so that I could wake up from a dream and move Su Hao away from the important position in my memory, but every time I have such thoughts, it shows that his influence on me is deeply rooted, and the position is still difficult to shake.

  But all of this can't be taken back, after I said 'like' and 'love' to him, the Su Hua who used to stay by my side no matter if I was sick, uncomfortable, weak or unhappy, disappeared. An obvious estrangement suddenly appeared between us overnight, and even after so many years it still hasn't been eliminated, perhaps...it can never be eliminated again...

  I couldn't help but have some negative thoughts.