Chapter 4 Funeral

  Crying is the most effective way to release the pain in one's heart. Scientifically speaking, negative emotions in a person's body can produce many toxins that affect health, while crying is an instinctive detoxification method.

  To be honest, I haven't had a good cry like this in a long time.

  The last time I wailed loudly was after my parents passed away. At that time, I told myself on the way to their funeral that I must not show my weak side to the murderer who had not been caught yet. I wanted to let my parents' relatives and friends see that I had become a mature man who didn't need his parents by his side. But when the mournful music started playing, and the crying sounds of my parents' relatives and friends, whether genuine or fake, reached my ears, I still couldn't help but burst into loud sobs. What was I holding onto? I loved my parents, they had always given me their best, what reason did I have not to cry? Not crying would be unfilial, right? After all, I could never talk to them again, they could no longer nag me with their concerns and reminders. The best attitude I gave them was when they wanted to give me an Apple phone.

  Since then, I have cried, but never as freely and painfully as the day of my parents' funeral. No matter how big the setback was, such as being taken in by multiple foster homes, or facing cold words from my parents' former friends and relatives, or being gossiped about or ridiculed behind my back by schoolmates who were once close to me, or being rejected by Duan Lanzhi and deleting all contact with her.

  But today, I cried again, showing my weakness and cowardice completely in front of Duan Lanzhi. I finally admitted to myself that yes, I am a coward, I am weak. When I saw my parents being killed five years ago, my legs went soft and I couldn't fight back. I thought that after five years, when faced with the same situation again, I wouldn't be so helpless. But he still came back, still ruthlessly killing the people closest to me in a cruel way.

  I will never see Zheng Guotang again, the tragic man who always responded to setbacks with a smile. I will never eat his scrambled eggs and rice that I spat out for years. I will no longer tease him about his outdated attire that clashed with the times. I will no longer mock him when he handed me living expenses, the smell of stench on the money...

  Just as I gradually acknowledged that my foster father, Zheng Guotang's dedication to me was love, and he had taken the place of my parents, he left me. I didn't say a word of thanks, nor did I say "I love you", nor did I call him "Dad", nor did I celebrate Father's Day for him, not even having the courage to face the other children adopted by Zheng Guotang!

  What am I if not a coward?!

  As I gradually stopped crying, Duan Lan Zhi used her gentle palm to gently pat my shoulder and asked: "What are your plans next?"

  I was taken aback and didn't understand what she meant by "next", whether it referred to the future of life or other arrangements for today.

  I didn't answer Duan Lanzhi but instead asked back: "Is there something going on today?"

  "It's nothing." Duan Lan Zhi shook her head.

  "Will you drink with me?" I asked.

  She hesitated for a moment, lowered her head and said in a voice as soft as a mosquito: "Okay."

  "Walk, there's a great bar near where I live." Seeing that she seemed to have agreed without much hesitation, I said.

  "She hesitated for a moment: 'My current job isn't very convenient for going in and out of this kind of place, let's just go to my house and have a drink instead.'"

  As for her one and only request, I had no reason to refuse.

  ……

  Duan Lan Zhi's family background is quite unusual, this was my inference during my middle school days, and at this moment, I have confirmed the idea I had back then.

  Duan Lanqi came to Qilu for school, and her family actually bought a two-bedroom high-end apartment in Kongyuan for her. Just from this point, it can be proved that there are people of wealth or nobility in her family.

  I didn't go to admire how beautifully decorated her single room was, nor did I look around, I knew it might be a bit impolite to do so, besides, I shouldn't have such mood now.

  Duan Lan Zhi asked me to sit down on the sofa in the living room, then quickly brought over a basket and placed it on the coffee table in front of the sofa. Inside the basket were six cans of beer, two bottles of different brands of white wine, and one bottle of red wine.

  "I can't drink that much." I said with a wry smile.

  "Who says you have to drink alone?" Duan Lan Zhi laughed.

  I couldn't help but smile when I heard that, in my subconscious mind, when a girl accompanies a boy to drink, most of the time it's still the man who drinks, and the girl just plays the role of chatting with you while drinking.

  Never mind, just drink as much as you want.

  I thought for a moment, and it seems that I've never gotten drunk before. In the past, I was always accompanying Zheng Guotang when he drank, watching him get drunk and laughing at how his usual elegant demeanor would turn into a string of profanities after getting drunk... why did I think of him again?

  It wasn't long before I realized my previous considerations were wrong. Duan Lan Zhi was drinking very aggressively, downing a small can of beer in one gulp, even faster than me. I finally came to realize that her capacity for alcohol was greater than mine.

  I think men can't lose face at the wine table, especially to a woman. So I started to open my throat and forced myself not to drink slower than her. Drinking slowly, like these small cans of beer, six cans wouldn't make me feel anything, but drinking quickly, plus having something on my mind, after the third can, I actually felt a bit dizzy.

  "Drink white?" asked Duan Lanzhi.

  "Drink slowly, white one, or I won't be able to hold on." I shook my head with a bitter smile.

  "Alright, then drink slowly." Duan Lan Zhi seemed to be enjoying my pleading, smiling as she opened one of the bottles of white wine and poured a full cup for me, then another for herself.

  Then the two of us clinked our cups together and drank the white wine, neither of us saying anything else, as if we were just drinking for the sake of it, and the atmosphere was somewhat gloomy.

  Under the influence of alcohol, my head is no longer dizzy, but my eyes are too lazy to open again. I start to feel that the small amount of wine left in the cup is a burden and it's especially hard to drink. If possible, I even think lying on the ground and sleeping is more comfortable than drinking.

  Duan Lan Zhi seemed to have the same idea as me, so she simply raised her head and drank the remaining white wine in her cup.

  I also followed suit and took a swig of wine, but apparently I didn't grasp the timing of drinking it down well. After being burned by the wine like that, I started to hiccup.

  "Shall I pour you some hot water?" asked Duan Lan Zhi when she saw me hiccup.

  "It's okay, just hold your breath and it'll be fine." I smiled apologetically at her, held my breath for a moment, and the hiccups stopped quickly.

  "Don't open it." I hurriedly stopped Duan Lan Zhi who was about to open another bottle of white wine.

  Duan Lan Zhi was taken aback at first, then asked: "Are you drunk?"

  "Ah, I'm drunk." I nodded.

  "You're not drunk yet." Duan Lan Zhi laughed.

  "Do you want to get me drunk?" I asked.

  "I'm afraid you'll lock yourself up because of what happened these past two days, so I think you should get thoroughly drunk," said Duan Lan Zhi.

  I think Du Lan Zhi is right, so I nodded: "Then let's drink the red one, the white one is too strong, I'm afraid that before I get drunk, I'll vomit all over your house."

  "Alright, wait a minute," said Duan Lanqi, getting up and walking over to the stereo next to the TV, fiddling with it for a moment before soft, soothing music began to play.

  "This has some atmosphere." She said, and took out a pair of high-heeled cups, poured half a cup for me, and half a cup for herself.

  I finally got drunk, or pretended to be drunk, after drinking the second glass of red wine. I grabbed her hand and pulled her into my arms, kissing her forcefully. She didn't resist, but instead awkwardly cooperated with me.

  We rolled off the couch onto the floor and from there into her bedroom.

  The next day when I woke up, I found myself broken. At that time, I was lying on the pink big bed in Du Lan Zhi's bedroom, and she was nestled in my arms, looking like a obedient little cat.

  I habitually pulled out my phone from under the pillow, but Duan Lanzhi in my arms seemed to be affected by my movement and let out a soft murmur. I had no experience with this kind of thing, so I could only imitate what I'd read about, gently patting her shoulder as she lay on her side, and indeed she soon fell back into calmness.

  I lit up the screen of my mobile phone and saw the time on it: July 20th, 2015, 8:27.