Chapter 83: Cherish a Man's Tears (06)

  Time passed in a daze for several more days, and school life remained as calm as ever. The three-point-one-line pattern seemed to have become an unshakeable rule that even thunder couldn't move. The only change was that Wang Ze became even more nagging. However, it's worth noting that once the third-year students graduated, the second-year students quickly jumped onto the starting line of their own third year. As a class teacher, although Wang Ze could be quite despicable and unreasonable at times, he still wanted his students to achieve good grades and get into a good university.

  However, just as classmates were rushing to the starting line of their third year of high school, dark clouds rose again in the distant sky... During the three-day holiday, on "Heart Pavilion", Chen Haonan wrote 《Traveler's Song (Six)》:

  Standing on this hazy shore

  Gazing at the distant shore that appears and disappears

  I couldn't help but feel a sense of melancholy... I couldn't help but feel a pang in my heart...

  They say that the other side of life is a brilliant splendor

  Actually, I also yearn for it, I also hope so

  But gazing at this vast and melancholic river water

  I just realized I'm just a passerby

  A helpless wanderer...

  Faintly visible

  I heard the laughter and songs from the other side

  I was thinking,

  Where is my ferryman?

  On the third afternoon after returning to school, Ouyang Yiweng went with Chen Haonan again to "Xīn Líng Xuān". At that time, her expression seemed a bit dull and stupid, and her whole face was filled with deep sadness. However, Chen Haonan didn't pay much attention to it, he just waited for "Xīn Líng Xuān" to return, waiting for her new writing of "Passenger Travel"...

  The next day, after evening self-study, Ouyang Yiweng handed "Xīn Líng Xuān" to Chen Haonan.

  Seeing Ouyang Yiweng's heavy-hearted and hesitant appearance, thinking about her strange behavior over the past two days, and adding to that her absence from several classes this afternoon, Chen Haonan vaguely sensed something was amiss. He knew she had something on her mind. However, with too many people in the classroom, he suggested taking a walk in the secluded garden instead - he wanted to know what was wrong.

  Ouyang Yiweng didn't say a word, but directly walked out of the classroom. Seeing her leave, Chen Haonan took a deep breath and immediately followed suit. Along the way, neither of them spoke: walking in silence...

  Arriving at the pavilion below the Youyuan Garden, Ouyang Yiweng finally stopped in her tracks. She turned around and asked softly: "Haonan, do you remember Yu Fei?"

  "Are you talking about Lin Yufei?" Chen Haonan felt very strange, he didn't know why Ouyang Yiweng would suddenly ask such a question. However, suddenly, he remembered that letter from the other day, the short letter signed "Lin Yufei".

  "Yes, it's her..." Ouyang Yiweng nodded and said, "Then have you noticed that she hasn't come to school for several days?"

  "She didn't come to school? How did I not know about this? — Probably because I wasn't paying much attention...” Chen Haonan scratched the back of his head, looking a bit embarrassed as he smiled foolishly.

  "You're really something, someone's missing in class and you didn't even notice?" Ouyang Yiweng's expression was extremely surprised, she looked at Chen Haonan's face, seemingly a bit helpless towards him.

  "I, I didn't pay attention to that much..." Chen Haonan's ears were a bit red, and he couldn't help but scratch his head again, still with a silly smile on his face. "Then why didn't she come to school for class?"

  "Yu Fei is... she's fallen ill..." Ouyang Yiweng's voice trembled slightly. Her right hand was clenched tightly, pressed against her own chest.

  "She's fallen ill - what's wrong with her? Is it serious?" At this point, Chen Haonan became somewhat anxious, after all he and Lin Yufei were considered friends, he didn't want anything unexpected to happen to her.

  However, this time, Ouyang Yiweng did not rush to answer Chen Haonan. Her face was cold and her eyes seemed to have a stream of tears about to burst out. But she bit her lip tightly, forcing herself to hold back.

  "Is Lin Yufei's illness very serious? Did she go to the hospital?" Chen Haonan continued to ask foolishly.

  "Why do you want to hurt Yu Fei? —— You know she has always liked you!" Inadvertently, Ouyang Yiweng's tears finally slipped out quietly, and she quickly turned her face away, wiping them off hastily.

  "Did I hurt Yu Fei? Does she still like me? What's going on here?...I'm not very familiar with her, how could I have hurt her?...How could she possibly like me? Where did this all start from?..." Chen Hao Nan was somewhat perplexed and also felt a sense of inexplicability. He didn't understand what Ou Yang Yi Wen was referring to, yet he seemed to feel the severity of the situation.

  "My mind is a mess, I don't know how to tell you this, Yu Fei has been diagnosed with late-stage leukemia... it's blood cancer!" After forcing out those two dreaded words, Ouyang Yiweng burst into tears again. However, she quickly wiped them away. She then pulled out a letter from her pocket and handed it to Chen Haonan, saying: "I took the afternoon off to visit the hospital, Yu Fei asked me to bring this letter to you. As for how you hurt her, I think she's explained it clearly in the letter... don't stay out too long, I'm heading back to the dorm!"

  As she spoke, Ouyang Yiweng quickly ran out of the pavilion under the dim light of the street lamps, leaving Chen Haonan standing there foolishly, watching her gradually disappearing figure... and the night wind, which seemed to be particularly cool tonight.

  From the infinite sorrow, confusion and panic, Chen Haonan slowly crawled out. He gently tore open the envelope, took out the letter inside - the letter was written on pink stationery paper, folded very neatly. Looking at this very neat letter in his hand, Chen Haonan seemed to have a sense of déjà vu, but suddenly he couldn't think of anything. Taking a deep breath, with the dim and slightly turbid streetlight, he finally slowly unfolded the letter:

  Hao Nan:

  Do you still remember the letter from "Yue Fei" and "Yue Fei"?

  Maybe you've already forgotten, or maybe you still have a little impression, but now, I want to tell you in person that I am the "Yu Fei" - perhaps you never thought that "Yu Fei" is me: Lin Yu Fei.

  How many times I see your figure in my dreams, how many times I see your smiling face in my dreams, how many times I hold you to sleep in my dreams...

  Every time I write to you, I want to tell you all the words in my heart, but ultimately I find that I can't say or write anything. Although I like and love you, I couldn't tell you who I am, so in every letter to you, I replaced my name with "Yu Fei" (a homophone of "desire to fly"), which seems to be a hint, but I'm not sure what it means either, maybe I want you to guess who I am.

  A while ago, I felt a bit unwell, with symptoms that were very similar to leukemia. My hair fell out and my hands and feet had no strength at all. I was panicked, afraid that I would die immediately, afraid that I wouldn't have time to let you know how much I love you... so I hastily wrote you a short message, telling you that I love you...

  However, I haven't seen your response for a long time. I've waited for so long, it feels like I've already waited for decades or even centuries. I don't know how you feel about me - maybe you didn't care about me at all and didn't care about that short message either. But I want to tell you: I love you, deeply missing you!

  I still clearly remember the scene when I first saw you. It was at the New Year's Eve party in our freshman year, when I and Yvonne, along with several sisters from our class, sneaked into Class 211 to see the excitement. As soon as we stepped into the classroom of Class 211, I saw you standing in front of the room holding a microphone singing "True Hero", and many people were applauding for you, cheering for you...

  Your voice, your passionate expression, shook me in an instant. At that moment, I had a feeling: you are my "true hero"! From then on, I have been hiding you in the bottom of my heart... In my free time, I often can't help but go to the 211 classroom, even if it's just to take a distant glance at you, and I feel very happy.

  It was at that time when I started to care about everything about you, and consciously collected all the information about you. However, except for myself, no one else knew about this, because I knew the conditions were not ripe yet. I loved you and didn't want to bind you with anything, nor did I want to see you get hurt. Especially when I found out that your father had passed away, I was extremely worried, afraid that my beloved you would be unable to bear the blow and become depressed. I really wanted to hold you in my arms, use my tenderness, and my love to accompany you through the most painful days...

  However, in the end, I still didn't confess my love to you. It's not because I didn't have the courage, but because I was afraid that it would affect your emotions even more. But, who knows if it was the arrangement of fate or something else, the class division actually assigned you to class 214. In the moment when I saw you move into our classroom, I got so excited that I almost jumped up, because I knew I could see my beloved you every day.

  When you turned seventeen, I and Yvonne coincidentally bumped into Xiao Qiuying on the street, and then coincidentally crashed your birthday party. At that time, I was overjoyed. I remember at that time, I only said one sentence to you "Happy Birthday, progress in study", but in my heart, my blessings for you were a full boat, I knew that boat would sail into the ocean of your heart one day, and let you feel my love. I also clearly remember, at that time, I said many many blessing words in my heart, blessing words for us two...

  But in the days since you joined our class, although I can see you every day, I've found that your distance from Yvonne has gradually narrowed, while I seem to still be watching you from a very far away place. Although every time we meet, you give me a faint smile, which would have been enough for me in the past, but you and Yvonne are getting closer and closer, making me feel suffocated. But I also can't do anything about it, because Yvonne is my best sister. Every time I get your latest "news" from her mouth, I feel jealous, but after feeling jealous, I'm also very grateful to her, because she lets me understand you better...

  Dear, seeing you and Yvonne getting along so well, especially when I saw you two taking turns writing "The Traveler's Song", I felt both jealous and envious. I often think to myself, if only the person who wrote "The Traveler's Song" with dear you was me, how wonderful that would be!

  I always think that one day I'll be walking hand in hand with you along the coast of Dalian Bay, watching the tides rise and fall...

  I always think that one day I'll be hand in hand with you, back to back on the top of Mount Tai, watching as the rising sun turns the world golden...

  I always think that one day I'll walk hand in hand with you along the Aegean coast, listening carefully to those ancient legends...

  However, I wrote you a letter and told you - I love you, but you didn't respond to me...

  However, the true God of fate played a huge joke on me. The other day, my dad and mom accompanied me to the hospital for an examination. I didn't expect that I really got leukemia... I don't know how many days I have left, thinking that my beautiful dreams are about to become permanent empty thoughts, my heart is desolate. But I will live well, after all, the remaining days are not many. However, there is one person who cannot let go of his heart, and that is you - dear you, please promise me, please take good care of yourself in the future!

  Hao Nan, I'll call Yvonne to come see me and then have her pass my letter on to you. I want...I want you to come see me, I'm afraid that in my final days I won't be able to see you, I'm afraid I'll leave this world feeling desolate and alone...

  I'm waiting for you! I'm waiting for you! I'm waiting for you......

  Your eternal rain/On a certain day in a certain month of 2003 at dawn

  The letter was written two days ago. Chen Haonan was stunned after reading Lin Yufei's letter in one breath. But all of this seemed to come too suddenly, he didn't expect that "Yue Fei" was actually Lin Yufei, he didn't expect that the quiet and introverted girl who rarely interacted with people would have such a deep and passionate love, and the person she loved was actually himself, he even more didn't expect that at the age of blossoming flowers, she would silently leave...

  Suddenly, Chen Haonan's mind was in a mess again, like he was alone on a small boat in the vast ocean, drifting with the waves, without a goal or direction, drifting with the wind.

  The wind gradually grew stronger. Chen Haonan didn't know how he got back to his dormitory, he lay on the bed for a long time without falling asleep, and his eyes, which hadn't shed tears in a long time, gradually became moist again...

  "Cherish a man's tears!" Chen Haonan suddenly thought of the words Ou Yang Yiweng had asked him, and his heart ached again. But at this moment, he just wanted to cry out loud! However, he couldn't, because his roommates were all asleep - he could only bury his head in the quilt and sob quietly.

  Another sleepless night...