Chapter 86: Cherish a Man's Tears (09)

  Chen Haonan came out of the hospital, it was already past four o'clock in the afternoon. Lin Yufei begged her parents to support her, and they insisted on sending him to the hospital gate...

  At the time of farewell, Lin Yufei handed Chen Haonan a small bag containing an exquisite leather diary - her diary for him. On the first page of the diary, she wrote in beautiful handwriting: Diary for Haonan.

  He He Lin Yu Fei tightly hugged each other, and then bid farewell to Lin's parents. Chen Hao Nan stepped onto the bus. At this moment, he only felt heartache.

  The car slowly started moving, and Lin Yufei's frail figure gradually disappeared from view. Chen Haonan couldn't help but shed tears. Afraid of being seen by others, he quickly wiped away the tears with his sleeve. However, his tears continued to flow uncontrollably - he had never expected that this farewell would become a permanent goodbye with Lin Yufei.

  Looking out of the car window, the hustle and bustle of the city and the crowds of people made Chen Haonan's heart beat faster. He quickly closed his eyes, holding the thing Lin Yufei had entrusted to him tightly against his chest, his emotions surging...

  Back at school, it was almost dark, Chen Haonan rushed to the second cafeteria and hastily ate something before hurrying back to the classroom.

  The classroom was filled with chatter, and Chen Haonan's heart couldn't calm down for a long time. He took a deep breath and walked out, leaning on the railing, gazing quietly into the distance...

  Suddenly, a white hand gently rested on Chen Haonan's shoulder. Startled, he quickly turned his head and found it was actually Ouyang Yuer. He smiled nervously and said: "Yuer, I...I'm a bit confused now..."

  "Don't say anything, I know what you want to say - how was your conversation with Yu Fei? Is she happy?" Ouyang Yiweng said with a faint smile, and then she tightly pursed her lips.

  Chen Haonan was speechless, he looked at Ouyang Yiweng, looking at her face, and her eyes...

  "Never mind, I know you have a lot to say - just don't think too much, go into the classroom, class is about to start!" Ouyang Yiweng said as she turned around and entered the classroom.

  Looking at the back of Ouyang Yiweng, Chen Haonan couldn't express his inner feelings and couldn't help but sigh several times in a row. He then slowly entered the classroom.

  Three periods of evening self-study, Chen Haonan didn't say a word, except when his deskmate asked him a question and he replied with a few sentences. However, his heart wasn't on the books, an English book was still open to page 78 from before self-study, and it remained on page 78 during self-study. He thought about Lin Yufei's diary that she gave him, even feeling a bit dizzy, or rather, a bit scared - should he read it or not? This question entwined around him tightly, making him almost breathless.

  However, as soon as the self-study class was over, Chen Haonan couldn't help but take out the small bag that Lin Yufei had given him. He took out his diary and sat there blankly for half a day before he gently opened it.

  Diary (One)

  Friday, cloudy

  Unconsciously, quietly, the new year is about to arrive, and my heart suddenly becomes excited. However, today the school held a New Year's Eve party in each classroom by class, which made me even more delighted, as if something would happen on this special day - I said to myself in my heart.

  This afternoon's class, every student had a hard time holding back their excited hearts. The teacher would occasionally remind us not to get distracted, but not many people could do it. Probably the teachers also understood everyone's mood, they didn't blame us, instead, while teaching, they were smiling along with us - because the new year doesn't just belong to us, but also belongs to them...

  It was soon evening, and the classrooms of each class were decorated particularly beautifully. Red, green, blue, purple, orange, yellow and other colored papers shone even more dazzlingly under the light, and classmates were all immersed in joy.

  I don't know how the party in our class went, but I followed a few sisters from my class to another class to crash their party. For some reason, we passed by many classrooms without stopping, just taking a quick glance; however, when we arrived at classroom 211, all of us stopped simultaneously and I unconsciously followed them into the room...

  The decorations in the classroom of Class 211 were particularly special, with all the decorations being green, including green crepe paper, green ribbons, green stickers and green balloons. These "greens" were cleverly combined to create a strange feeling, and suddenly I felt my heart beating faster. Suddenly, the hostess announced that the next performance would be a male solo singing "True Hero"...

  As the music started, a tall and slender boy with long hair walked to the front of the classroom. In that instant when he passed by me, I saw his melancholic yet handsome face - suddenly, my heart skipped a beat. I didn't know why, nor had I ever felt this strange sensation before. Amidst the chatter and noise of many people, I quietly remembered his name: Chen Haonan.

  He picked up the microphone and naturally said a lot of words of blessing, and everyone present applauded for him. Next, he sang along with the music. He sang very seriously, his voice was also very nice to hear...

  Back in the dormitory, I quietly asked my good sister Yvonne and said that a girl suddenly had a special feeling for a boy, wanting to know some things about the boy, why is that?

  Yiwen said, she must like that boy...

  My heart was on fire, I didn't know what to say, so I turned around and dove into the quilt to sleep. Fortunately, Yvonne didn't ask me again, otherwise...

  Although I lay down, after a long time, I still couldn't fall asleep - thinking of him, thinking of his face, thinking of his singing voice, thinking of his devoted expression, I was very excited...

  Taking advantage of the quiet night, taking advantage of my dormitory sisters all asleep, I took out this notebook that has been with me for a long time, but never used it... I covered myself in the quilt, turned on the flashlight, and spent a lot of effort to leave behind the words above - I don't know why? Am I really falling in love with him?

  No matter what, I've made up my mind that he's the one who will accompany me for life. Maybe some people will say I'm foolish, but I think sometimes it's better to be a little foolish - I want to keep leaving him notes, and when he reads the diary entries I write for him, I think he'll feel the love I have for him...

  Rainy/2002 year X month X day 3:06 in bedroom quilt

  ……

  Diary (Five)

  Saturday, Xth of X, 2003 (After Rain, Sunny)

  Today is the last day of this semester.

  It's as if heaven understands our hearts, and has given us a big sunny day after a long rain, making people extremely happy.

  But I couldn't get excited, because as soon as the holiday started, I wouldn't be able to see Haonan for a long time, and I wouldn't be able to see his slender and handsome face - although I still can't look at him very closely, but looking at him from afar makes me very satisfied. However, suddenly having to not see him for a long time made me feel a bit sad...

  This afternoon, there are still two exams. Once we finish the exam, the whole school will be on holiday. I'm worried that after school is over, I won't have a chance to see Haonan again, so I decided to take a look at him during lunchtime and catch a glimpse of him from afar.

  In order to prepare for the afternoon exam, many classmates did not return to the dormitory for lunch break and were studying in the classroom. I quietly walked out of the classroom and quickly went up to the fourth floor - soon, I arrived at the corridor of Class 211 where Haonan was.

  As expected, Haonan was indeed in the classroom. Through the window, I saw him sitting upright in his seat, intently flipping through a book. He would occasionally furrow his brow, and at times lift his head to gaze at the ceiling - muttering silently to himself, with an expression that seemed as if I had already seen it in my dreams...

  I watched enough, I moved slowly, but I still couldn't help turning my head back. I wanted to tell him: Dear Haonan, please take good care of yourself during the winter break!

  ……

  Diary (Fourteen)

  Monday, Xth of X, 2003/Windy and overcast

  Today's weather is terrible, not a bit of sunshine, and it's even drizzling with cold wind, making people feel very uncomfortable. Classmates in the class are hiding in the classroom, chattering nonstop, which is really annoying. So, taking advantage of the rest time after dinner, I decided to go out for a walk alone and get some fresh air.

  School has been in session for several days, but the only time I saw Haonan was when I first entered the school gate that day, and I haven't seen him again since then. Suddenly, I thought of him again and wanted to take a look at him. So, my feet didn't listen to me...

  A group of people were gathered in the corridor of Class 211, laughing and chatting merrily, seemingly oblivious to the terrible weather. Watching them laugh with abandon, my heart suddenly felt more at ease - but unfortunately, Haonan's figure was nowhere to be seen among them. "Could it be that Haonan is afraid of the cold and hiding in the classroom to study hard?" I couldn't help but think with a smile.

  I walked in as if nothing was wrong, through the doors and windows, my eyes were searching hard for him in the 211 classroom... But there was no familiar figure of Haonan in the classroom, his seat was empty. "Could it be that Haonan went out for a walk? How could he still go outside on such a cold day?" I couldn't help but feel some worry.

  I feel a bit resentful and also a bit uneasy, so I decide to go look for Haonan. I know he likes to take a walk in the "Secluded Garden", so I quicken my pace and leave the teaching building.

  The weather is really cold. I ran on the central avenue of the campus, with the wind blowing and drilling into my collar - I couldn't help but shiver.

  At last, in a corner of the garden, I found Haonan's familiar figure. Afraid of being discovered, I hid behind a big tree far away from him and watched him from afar - I don't know how many times I've done this before, but this time, I felt something strange: every other time I'd watched him from afar, there were always one or two people by his side, either chatting or arguing about something; yet this time, he was alone, quietly leaning against a tree, head bowed, as if weighed down by heavy thoughts... The scattered raindrops wetted his hair, but he didn't seem to care.

  It was a long time, and Haonan didn't move at all... The night quietly fell. Finally, Haonan took a step forward. When he walked past me, I slowly came out from behind the tree.

  Watching Haonan's gradually disappearing figure, many questions suddenly popped up in my mind: What's wrong with Haonan? Did he encounter something unpleasant? Or did he have a falling out with his friends...

  Worried about being late, I didn't think much more and prayed for Haonan in my heart, then I also quickened my pace.

  The cold wind still blows, and the fine rain continues to fall quietly...

  ……

  Diary (Nineteen)

  Wednesday, Xth of X, 2003/Rain turning cloudy

  Ever since that day in the garden, I saw Haonan's deep and silent appearance, my heart has had many knots, making me feel very confused. "What happened to Haonan?" These days, I have been asking myself like this.

  In my memory, Haonan was always sunny and confident, but these days every time I see him, he is always worried and has no vitality. With these doubts, I often wander outside the door of class 211, but I couldn't find any answers, Haonan is still the same. Looking at his somewhat depressed appearance, I am worried in my heart, all kinds of feelings suddenly flooded my mind, making me very conflicted and worried. Although this is what I think, I couldn't directly and bluntly ask others about Haonan's situation. Of course, I dare not even more directly ask him...

  However, heaven played a huge joke on me and I overheard the news of why Haonan's personality changed dramatically. In the evening, the English teacher asked me to help her sort out some things. After being busy for almost an entire evening self-study session, I finally categorized and counted the scores of the tests in the past two weeks and the problems that appeared on them. After chatting with the English teacher for a while, I left the office.

  The night is quiet, the moonlight is also good, and a gentle breeze makes me feel very comfortable. But I know I can't stay for long, because at this time, the head teacher may also be in this building, if caught by him, it's hard to avoid a lecture...

  "Goodbye, moon!" I smiled and waved my hand at the bright moon. However, as soon as I went down one floor, I faintly heard the sound of rapid footsteps. My feet slowed down involuntarily. Suddenly, a very familiar figure burst into my line of sight. Although the lighting in the corridor was quite dim, I could still sense that it was Haonan, my beloved Haonan... In this dimly lit small corridor, I unexpectedly ran into Haonan - could this really be fate? My heart was racing with excitement, pounding rapidly, and I really wanted to rush into his arms and tell him countless words in my heart... Luckily, I restrained my excited heart.

  It was clear that my sudden appearance had startled Han, and he stood there in a daze for a while. I gave him a faint smile, and he seemed to smile back, but neither of us said a word - Han quickly walked past me. His footsteps were quick, and his expression was somewhat unusual, as if he didn't want to linger for even a moment.

  "What's going on?" I couldn't help but think of Haonan's recent gloomy expression, and my intuition told me that he must have something on his mind. Watching Haonan enter the physics department office, I knew he was there to see his homeroom teacher. So, I held my breath, crouched down, and snuck over, trying to eavesdrop on what Haonan would say to his teacher. It felt like I was a rookie spy, nervous and afraid of being discovered.

  However, this time's eavesdropping out of curiosity doomed me to fall into endless worries and anxieties...

  The night was quiet, and the conversation between Haonan and his teacher made me hear very clearly. However, as soon as I heard Haonan mention that his father was seriously ill, my heart immediately tightened... In the midst of it all, I also faintly heard Haonan's soft sobbing voice. I finally found the answer, no wonder Haonan had become so deep and gloomy, but what could be done about it? Knowing was not as good as not knowing - my heart was in a mess! The unworthy tears also quietly flowed out, and I hastily pulled out tissues to wipe them away, but it was all in vain. Afraid of startling Haonan in the office, a conscious and unconscious awareness prompted me to quickly run away from the office building.

  I didn't go back to the classroom, but instead went straight into the dormitory. I was afraid that others would see my tearful eyes, and even more afraid that they would ask me why I was crying...

  I buried my head in the quilt, I really wanted to cry out loud, but as soon as I thought of Haonan, I forced myself to calm down - why did heaven have to play such a trick on my Haonan? Why is there such an abominable disease as "cancer" in this world? Why...

  My mind is a mess, but what's the use of complaining and grumbling? Thinking of Hao Nan, I couldn't help but feel heartache. I really want to tell him who "Yu Fei" is, to tell him how much I love him - but at the same time, I clearly know that I shouldn't do that, because it's really not the right time yet.

  But what can I do? What else can I do? I don't know, but at this moment, I really want to be by Haonan's side, holding him tightly and going through all the ups and downs together. But I couldn't, I can only silently pray for my beloved in my heart, and also wish his father well...

  ………………

  Knowing that there was not enough time after the evening self-study, Chen Haonan could only flip through these few diary entries in a hurry. He slowly closed the diary and couldn't help but sigh - Lin Yufei's handwriting was originally very beautiful, and she had written these diaries even more neatly, it was clear that she had put her heart into it and had spent a lot of effort.

  Chen Haonan was originally a more emotional person, looking at Lin Yufei leaving so many diaries for himself, so sincere and delicate, his heart couldn't help but be moved. "Humans are the strangest creatures in this world." This sentence seems to be true, people can't bear others being good to them, as long as others are good to them, they will become helpless, becoming procrastinators, becoming emotionalized. Therefore, many people often get confused when encountering someone who is good to them, often making mistakes - even principle errors.

  Gradually, Chen Haonan made a mistake. Looking at Lin Yufei's words describing himself so well, how could his heart not be somewhat excited? Moreover, she was such a beautiful and excellent girl. Her intelligence and beauty, her poetic talent were enough to make every boy's heart move: Haonan's face gradually became hot, he couldn't express his feelings towards Yufei... In his daze, Ouyang Yiweng's face appeared in his mind again.

  "What's going on!?" Chen Haonan slapped his own face heavily. He couldn't express the feelings in his heart, he didn't know why at this moment - looking at a diary written by a girl for him, he suddenly thought of another girl? Afraid that he would continue to think wildly, he gave himself another slap, and tried hard to restrain his thoughts, making himself clearer.

  He sat dazed for a while, and Chen Haonan only realized that it was already late. Just as he had just hidden his diary, the lights in the classroom suddenly went out, and he helplessly sighed deeply again, and then felt his way out of the classroom...

  He gently closed the classroom door and Chen Haonan slowly walked out of the teaching building.

  The bright moon was hanging high, Chen Haonan couldn't help but stop again, he gazed at it, and it reflected his tired and melancholic face... "Another sleepless night!" He weakly muttered to himself in the depths of his heart, facing the bright moon.