It doesn't matter

  "Xu Yan, you've been sitting there for a long time, are you still sitting there? The ground is very cold!" Gao Yuan looked at Xu Yan who had been sitting for a while and finally gathered the courage to walk up to him. Yes, he mustered up his courage, he hadn't forgotten how Xu Yan chased him away just now, that fierce look!

  "Mind your own business! If it weren't for you, A Jie wouldn't... Alas, I clearly didn't do a good job myself, why blame others!"

  "Xu Yan..." Xu Yan was at a loss for words, this idea was too naive, she actually took Dong Jie's words as the truth, did everything Dong Jie say have to be right? Was Dong Jie really that great? It was unclear whether Xu Yan was too foolish or if Dong Jie was truly that good!

  "Xu Yan, I want to know what you like about him?" Gao Yuan couldn't see what was good about him, except that he looked like a certain celebrity.

  "Starting from the first year, he and I sat at the same desk. At that time, I didn't like to talk much and my relationship with my classmates wasn't good either. Although my studies were still okay back then, I couldn't be the top student in class, but somehow I did exceptionally well on the first monthly exam and became the top student in class and 11th in the whole school. However, on the second monthly exam, I ranked 11th in class, and my classmates and teachers suspected that I had cheated. At that time, only A De (Ah De) believed me and vouched for me, so my teacher and classmates trusted me again, and I gained the courage to continue studying in class. Since then, he has always taken care of me. Although his body wasn't very good either, and there were often people bullying him in class, but he didn't mind."

  "Is it just for this? Are you dependent on him? Are you grateful? Or what?"

  "It's affection. It's affection between men and women. I didn't understand it before, but later I did because I felt it."

  "Xu Yan, you... really understand? Then what about me? Can't you see that I like you?"

  "You? I think it's mostly just for fun. Actually, I don't care how others see me, I'm indifferent to that, only he matters."

  "Is it just his opinion that matters to you?"

  "Yes, he thought I was no good, so I tried hard to change. He thought I was too silent, so I tried to be more outgoing and I succeeded."

  "Xu Yan, is this your life or his? Don't use someone else's map to find your way, okay?" Gao Yuan was getting more and more confused about Xu Yan.

  "Do you also think I've lost my direction? I do too. At first, my direction was always him. Wherever he wanted to go, that's where my direction was. But now...he broke up with me. I...I didn't want to leave him, but I don't want to bother him either."

  I don't understand.

  "I actually knew that everything he just said was an excuse, I just wanted to try to salvage things. I also knew that he already had a crush on a girl at their school and they were together. Am I stupid? The reason I didn't call him was because I was afraid of being awkward, afraid of hearing his voice with that girl... I'd rather pretend I don't know."

  "Xu Yan, I really didn't expect it, as a tomboy like you would take emotions so seriously?"

  "I actually knew all along that he would eventually bring up breaking up with me, so I never mentioned having a boyfriend."

  "What's wrong with you?" Gaoyuan was getting more and more puzzled.

  "It's not stupid, it's just that I couldn't let go. I wanted to make a last struggle, but it was no use." Xǔ Yán's expression was despondent.

  "Xu Yan, get up first, okay? Be good and listen!" Gaoyuan coaxed.

  Xu Yan looked up and glanced at Gao Yuan, it was still her first time feeling that Gao Yuan could be so gentle... "Did you suddenly become great?"

  "What?" The tall monk, who was over six feet, suddenly spoke nonsense.

  "What are you doing? This behavior is too damaging to your handsome image!"

  "You were just looking so down, and now you're already showing off your evil side? Hey, I'm talking to you, Xuyan, you've changed too quickly! Don't you dare give others some time to accept it?! Gao Yuan started complaining. The current Xuyan doesn't look like she's just gone through a breakup at all. Is she really someone who doesn't care about anything? Can she really be so nonchalant?"

  "I'd rather live happily than continue to play the role of a lovelorn person, it's not going to make any difference anyway? As Adie said, he hopes I'm happy, he hopes I love myself more, and I will..." Xuyan said.

  Gao Yuan gazed at her, and she actually took Dong Jie's words as gospel... Good heavens, how could there be such a foolish child like her?

  Never mind, as long as she's come to terms with it and is good to herself, at least she's not self-destructing: "Just think of it this way, it'll be better later on, I think time can heal everything. You'll forget about it sooner or later! Why don't you get up first, the floor is cold, right?"

  "It doesn't matter, now is autumn and not winter, it's not that cold."

  "You said 'whatever' for the second time today, without him, does everything become whatever to you?"

  "No, what are you talking nonsense? I just...just..." Xu Yan was suddenly speechless, she didn't know what else to say. At this moment, her mind was a complete blank, she knew nothing and couldn't even speak. Just what? She couldn't find an excuse.

  "What's wrong? Can't say it out loud? Xu Yan, life is yours, I don't want to see you doing something just to please others, don't pretend for the sake of pretending. This kind of you makes me look down on you! I don't believe you're willing to be looked down upon!"

  "You're not me, how do you know? What if I'm willing to?" Xǔ Yán's face was serious, looking like she wasn't joking, but Gāo Yuǎn thought she must have gone crazy. Being looked down on by others willingly? No way? This Xǔ Yán made Gāo Yuǎn feel unfamiliar.

  "Are you kidding?" Seeing Xu Yan didn't respond, Gao Yuan asked again: "You really don't care?"