Chapter Thirty-One: The Person I Love

  Xia Xuan has been bothered by two things these days, one is Mo Xiao Xiao's matter and the other is work-related matters. Comparatively speaking, Mo Xiao Xiao seems more important, so I'll go find this silly donkey to chat with her first! She seems to have thought of some things.

  Mo Xiao rushed to Starbucks in a flurry, and Xia Xian really couldn't understand how someone as hasty and careless as Mo Xiao could have the demeanor of an elegant lady.

  "It seems like there's something you want to tell me, Mocha has already prepared everything for us!" Mo Xiao Xiao smiled and sat down across from Xia Xuan, but it seemed like Xia Xuan wasn't too happy.

  Perhaps Xia Xian has never been happy, just forcing a smile, and has been forcing a smile for many years. No one knows what's in her heart.

  "Mocha is his favorite brand, right?" Xia Xuan said calmly, her voice as calm as ever. Mo Xiao paused for a moment.

  "Starbucks was also his favorite store, I had imagined countless times, on a sunny afternoon, he would take his laptop to Starbucks, leisurely sipping his favorite mocha while writing about his feelings, writing the book for me. Mo Xianxian smiled slightly, she didn't want to hide anything from her good friend anymore, the time of hiding was already long enough."

  "Standing by the large floor-to-ceiling window, watching the hustle and bustle outside, sipping a rich coffee, it's as if one has become the master of the city. It's hard not to say that this is very much in line with the yuppie's sense of experience." Xia Xian's mouth corners slightly curved up, seemingly smiling but not quite.

  "Once, Qian Ni told me that there were a few ancient poems related to coffee in the Starbucks on Fuzhou Road in Shanghai, and the Binjiang store located by the Huangpu River was situated right by the riverbank, where you could see the most beautiful stretch of the Bund from inside." Mo Xiao said with a faint smile.

  "Shanghai is the place you've always dreamed of, it's your dream, but in the end you still chose Beijing." Xia Xuan stirred his coffee casually.

  When she first decided to take the postgraduate entrance exam, Mo Xiao had been wandering between Beijing and Shanghai. Shanghai was her dream since childhood, but this dream changed direction when she met Yang Yanjie.

  "It doesn't matter, since I'm already here, might as well make the best of it! It's been three years in Beijing, and it doesn't matter what dreams or not." Mo Xuanxuan smiled lightly and drank her coffee leisurely.

  "I know you're allergic to coffee." Xia Xuan raised an eyebrow and said calmly.

  Because she likes him, she will love everything he loves, even if it's allergic or hurtful to her. Liking him means liking all the things he likes.

  "So many years have passed anyway." Mo Xiao smiled indifferently, with a very calm and natural expression.

  "Are you really in love with him?" Xia Xuan couldn't understand why Mo Xiao would have such a deep affection for someone she had never met.

  "He is worth me loving, worth spending my whole life to love." Mo Xuanxuan had made up her mind about the person she loved and wouldn't change easily. Moreover, after having loved for so many years, she had silently loved him for five years without any news.

  "Perhaps the people around you used to say that he's not suitable for you, but I'm telling you, it's you who's not suitable for him." Xia Xuan had thought a lot these days, and as for Mo Xiao Xiao, her world was fundamentally different from his.

  Mo Xiao looked at Xia Xuan with a skeptical gaze, and Xia Xuan paused for a moment, giving Mo Xiao a few seconds to calm down. She knew that the next sentence might change Mo Xiao's mind, or perhaps make her even more determined to love and wait.

  "He's a person who lacks a sense of security, and the only kind of person he can spend his life with is someone who has been by his side since childhood. Because only such a person will he trust and care for wholeheartedly. Xiao Xiao, although you also genuinely care for him and love him, you cannot dispel the doubts in his heart, and your temperament is so strong, I think even if you feel wronged, you won't go to explain things for yourself."

  "Maybe when you said waiting for seven years, no one would think it's true. If I knew at that time, I would tell you, it's impossible. People will always grow up, but you kept practicing your promise. When you can't let go of him, it's impossible to love anyone else. This is also what makes you different from ordinary girls. Because in your heart, no one is better than Yang Yanjie, and all you have for Yang Yanjie are guilt and love."

  "I believe you've been here for so many years, never disturbing his life, nor allowing those around him to disturb him. Leaving endless reveries just for yourself is another way of loving him, but he can't feel it because he can't see it. What you leave for yourself is torment, and what you leave for him is warmth. Think about it, a so-called ex-girlfriend would remind him of these things, I think even his current girlfriend might not be able to do that! Xiao Xiao, you're a good girl."

  Xia Xian slowly said, perhaps she saw more clearly than Mo Xiao, perhaps she was also a person who had experienced the world, and maybe it was because she and Yang Yanjie had similar experiences.

  The coffee had gone cold, and Mo Xiao had never taken another sip. Asking her to give up on Yang Yanjie was impossible; after all these years, the word "give up" had never left her mind.

  "I don't want to shatter your beautiful fantasy, I don't want to say it's impossible, because at least I think heaven won't be so unfair to you. You don't want to face Yang Yanjie, maybe it's because you still can't let go of the fact that you two were lovers, but you need to know, being lovers is just something in the past, not now."

  "If you've been through life and death together, if you've had a common goal and fought for it together, then I'd believe in seven years, or even seventy years. But since that's not the case, being able to wait five years is already astonishing to me."

  Xia Xuan let out a long breath, waiting for Mo Xiao's response. What depth of love could an inexperienced lover have? Xia Xuan didn't think so.

  "Xuan Xuan, I met him when I was 20 years old. Twenty years ago, I knew so many boys, but none of them made me want to get to know them deeper. From the moment he said 'I feel like we're the same kind of people', I wanted to understand this man."

  "In order to find his QQ number, my second sister accompanied me to browse the book review section of the internet, and accompanied me to Renren Network, all in an effort to find any trace of him. For a whole month, I searched for him, until I was about to give up, when I finally stumbled upon him by chance. Do you know how excited I was at that moment? I hugged my second sister and exclaimed, 'I found him! I finally found him!'"

  "In the following days, I would subconsciously check if he was online every day. I asked my second sister countless times about ways to greet him, and she even teased me saying that someone who could write so well shouldn't be bad at flirting, right? You might not know, but at that time, my face turned red."

  "I always told myself that it was enough to just quietly watch him, until one day he took the initiative to talk to me. As soon as he opened his mouth, he shouted out my name in a way that was different from everyone else. Do you know how shocking this was for me? I still remember that my hands were shaking that day, and I even forgot how I replied to him."

  "Later, I heard that he had a girlfriend. The first time I got drunk, I was drinking alone in an empty place, and I drank until I felt like vomiting. I didn't know why I had this heart-wrenching feeling, at that time we had only known each other for less than half a month. Later, Wang Yu appeared, and Physics Brother appeared, maybe the pain in my heart wasn't so obvious anymore, but I knew that it absolutely wouldn't be love."

  Moist eyes with a hint of smile slowly recalling that period, it was the most helpless days for her. She had never been infatuated with any boy before, she didn't know what it felt like to be infatuated, she didn't know if this counted as liking, and even more so, she didn't know if this counted as love.

  Because she has only loved this one boy in her life and will only love this one person for her entire life.

  Life and death are bound together, with you I can discuss it, but can you really hold my hand?

  "He is the calamity of your life." Xia Xian really didn't think that it would be for this reason, perhaps because of Mo Xiao's stubbornness, or perhaps because Mo Xiao didn't give others a chance.

  "He once asked me if it was because of him that I refused Wang Yu and the others. Actually, I didn't know either. I always felt that being with him was wonderful, even an uncertain future gradually became clear. But when I'm with someone else, I really don't have this feeling." Mo Xiao still has a longing for Yang Yanjie, but will her longing really come true?

  "He said I look like his girlfriend, and when we're together, I've had that concern too - would he be with me just because of our resemblance? But even if so, I'm confident I can make him truly like me, or even love me. But he told me, I'm the one he cares about most, now that he's found me, he doesn't want to let go again." Mo Xiao's tears were about to fall once more, Yang Yanjie was her nemesis, his departure was her wound, and it still hurt at a touch.

  He didn't want to let go, but he already has. Maybe his hand is holding someone else's now. Mo Xiao Xiao, doesn't your heart ache?

  What might be even more painful is that Mo Xiao hurt him, hurt the one he loves most.