Chapter 54: Methods (Part 1)

  My mother finally stopped me, and the Taoist priest looked at me with a proud and arrogant expression, like a victorious rooster. As for the Taoist priest's self-satisfied appearance, I didn't care about it.

  But someone like Mao Daoshi, not provoking him doesn't mean he won't provoke you. Although Mao Daoshi hasn't started yet, I already vaguely feel that when he starts, he will definitely think of ways to make things difficult for me, to avenge the grievance I caused him earlier.

  Anyway, I knew that I and Master Mao had a feud. The tragedy is that my mother seemed to have not noticed this point. Perhaps my mother thought that Master Mao would not be so petty and would not fight with a child. So, my mother asked Master Mao to start doing the spell without hesitation.

  That Taoist priest first took out a yellow talisman paper, then took out the cinnabar from his bag and drew a peach wood charm on the talisman paper with the cinnabar. After finishing drawing, that Taoist priest asked my mother to catch a rooster from our chicken coop at home.

  After my mother caught the poor rooster, the Taoist priest pinched its comb with his thumb nail and broke it. As soon as the comb was broken, the rooster let out a sad cry of "cuckoo, cuckoo" and blood began to ooze from the wound.

  As for the miserable cry of the rooster, the Taoist priest was obviously already used to it, so he didn't pay attention. A heartless Taoist like him would certainly not have any sympathy for the suffering of the rooster.

  After the chicken blood came out from the rooster's comb, the Taoist priest immediately held the rooster upside down and used its comb to smear the back of the symbol he had written, which nobody could tell whether it was a character or a painting.

  After the Taoist priest had applied the chicken blood to the back of the charm, he carelessly discarded the poor rooster and then suddenly stuck the bloody charm onto my forehead.

  I've been with my master, Bamboo Mountain Taoist, for at least a few months. During this time, he's performed many rituals, big and small, but never once has he stuck the talisman on someone's forehead. So when he stuck it on mine, I immediately had an ominous feeling - that damned hairy Taoist must be taking revenge on me!

  This little kid of mine has always been very civilized and would never easily scold people. The reason I'm scolding that Taoist dog now is because he's really too infuriating. He just arrived, didn't do anything, and in front of my fellow apprentice, he started flattering my master, Zhangshan Old Dao.

  As my master's disciple, I saw my master being verbally abused by someone for no reason, so I had to speak up for him. Therefore, I responded to that Taoist in a civilized manner. However, unexpectedly, that damned Taoist held a grudge against me, a young kid, and even took advantage of the opportunity to make things difficult for me during the ritual.

  Those who have never had a talisman stuck on their forehead don't know that not only is it unsightly, but it's also itchy and uncomfortable. What's even more depressing is that the damned Taoist priest's talismans are from who-knows-which family's toilet (we use "茅厮" in our local dialect to refer to toilets), although they look clean, they actually smell worse than shit.

  Everyone can imagine what it would be like to stick a piece of paper with a foul smell on their forehead.

  As for Mao Dao's behavior, I'm speechless and can't express my bitterness. What is the proper way to do this? What are the steps involved? My mom and I aren't Taoist priests, so we can't explain the reasoning behind it either, which is why I don't dare say that Mao Dao is intentionally messing with me.

  Moreover, my mother only knew that Master Mao had stuck a talisman on my forehead, and she didn't know that the paper was very smelly. So after Master Mao stuck the talisman on me, my mother didn't object to anything.

  To let my mom know that the talisman smells bad, to let my mom know that the Taoist priest is likely to be fooling me, I have to take action. Thinking of this, I pinched my nose with my right hand.

  As soon as I pinched my nose shut, my mom noticed something was off.

  "What's wrong, Little Fei?" My mom asked me with concern.

  "This talisman smells terrible." I said.

  "Fortune papers all taste like this, just bear with it." My mom said.

  To be honest, I was a bit disappointed with my mom's response. I didn't expect that my dear mother wouldn't see through the ulterior motives of that Taoist priest.

  However, I can understand this too. Even if it's the talisman written by my master Zhushan Laodao, its smell is not good either. Therefore, my mom might mistakenly think that the stench I mentioned refers to the normal smell of the talisman. My mom has never smelled the talisman on my forehead after all, she doesn't know how bad it smells, which is also normal.

  Also, this Taoist priest is here to perform a ritual to expel the filthy thing from me. Obviously, sticking the talisman on my forehead is part of his ritual, and if my mother raises objections about this, it means she doesn't trust him. If you don't trust someone, why bother inviting them over?

  To be honest, I don't know if the Taoist's talisman on my forehead is necessary or not. The reason I feel so resistant is that since I met the Taoist, I have always had a bad impression of him. Also, the broken talisman he stuck on my forehead really makes me uncomfortable.

  As for the mark on my forehead, my mother didn't say anything, so I couldn't say anything either.

  But after my mom finished saying that and told me to bear with it, I clearly saw a hint of a smug smile flashing across Mao Daoshi's face. At the time, although I was just a little kid, I could still sense that Mao Daoshi's smile was absolutely not benevolent.

  Now that I've already guessed the Taoist's intention, I might as well speculate what he was thinking at the time. He must have been thinking: "How about it, you little brat, dare to fight with me? Now you know who's boss, right? Just watch me not use talismans to stink you to death, and still let you fart!"

  Here is the translation:

  I must clarify that these ideas of Mao Daoshi are all my conjectures. Whether they are true or not can no longer be verified now. However, from my conjectures, everyone can also see that at least at that time, I was extremely resentful towards Mao Daoshi. Otherwise, this little kid wouldn't have thought so badly of him.

  Let's put aside other idle talk for now and return to the scene of Mao Daoshi performing his ritual. After flashing a hint of a proud smile, Mao Daoshi took out a peach wood sword, as if all Daoist priests were supposed to have one, and it seemed like they wouldn't dare call themselves Daoists without one.

  After taking out the peach wood sword, Mao Daoist first took a big mouthful of white wine. Of course, Mao Daoist didn't swallow that white wine, but instead wrapped it around his mouth.

  Upon seeing this scene, I thought that the Taoist priest would perform a fire-spitting trick for me. You see, I love watching those jugglers perform fire-spitting tricks the most.

  Unfortunately, when I was eagerly waiting to see the Taoist spit out fire, he suddenly spat out the white wine in his mouth. The way he spat out the wine wasn't much better than the look of a drunk person vomiting. However, there's one thing I have to admit: most of the wine that the Taoist spat out did land on the peach wood sword. Some spilled onto the ground, but not too much.

  After drinking, the Taoist priest took out the peach wood sword and started dancing. Sometimes chopping, sometimes stabbing, and sometimes splitting. However, judging from the way the Taoist priest danced with the peach wood sword, he was far inferior to my master, Zhu Shan Lao Dao.

  My Shifu, the old Daoist of Bamboo Mountain, when performing the Big God Dance, even if his movements were like an old lady twisting a rope, at least it was at the level of an old lady in a rope-twisting team. This Taoist priest's rope-twisting appearance can be said to be uglier than that of a cripple with only one leg twisting a rope.

  Anyway, although it looked awkward, the Taoist priest still followed the routine and finished a set of Yangko dance without missing any moves.

  After watching Mao Daoshi's twist of the rice seedlings, my admiration for my master Zhu Shan Lao Dao grew unconsciously. It can be said that with just this one move of twisting the rice seedlings, my master Zhu Shan Lao Dao can thoroughly defeat many other Taoist priests. This is probably why comparisons are necessary to distinguish between good and bad.