Chapter 19: The Fearsome Arranged Marriage Plan

  "Slow down!" A loud shout, grasping her soft and boneless hand, stopped this little girl from throwing the wine jug at my head in an immoral act. The wine jug was held high by her, while I grabbed her hand high up as well. The two of us were very close, face to face, nose to nose, eye to eye, like a turtle looking at green beans. The hot air between our breaths lingered between the two of us, very ambiguous. The problem is, Li's forehead was full of black lines. Matching the fragrant wine on her face, it was a beautiful picture of a bathing beauty, making me want to paint it. Unfortunately, I didn't have any extra hands to hold a brush.

  Li Zhi stared at me in shock, then looked at Li Yu. "Seventeenth sister... Jun Ge, stop fighting! If this gets out, I'm afraid we'll be in more trouble than just being grounded."

  "Hey Hapu sister, sorry about that, I really didn't mean to... put down the wine jar, let's talk things over slowly, we're all civilized people, what can't be solved, right?"

  "Let go..." glare, grit teeth...

  "Heroine, don't be so stubborn, we're all neighbors from the same village, we'll run into each other sooner or later..."

  "Let go quickly!" Glaring eyes, gritted teeth, red face...

  "My aunt, I'm scared of you, can't we just say I was wrong? You can punish me, OK?"

  "If you don't let go, I'll really smash this jar on your head! Idiot... You're pulling my hand, how can I put the jar down?" The little girl's saliva even sprayed onto my face, and I could see the small tongue in Li's throat rolling around wildly, very cute.

  "......oh..." Didn't notice, thought this girl was quite tough and learning from Huang Jiguang.

  Li Yu slammed the wine jug heavily on the table, trying to kick me but missed, and took the handkerchief handed over by Li Zhi with a huff, wiping his face vigorously, looking like he was so angry that he couldn't speak.

  "Cough cough, let's get to the point. What kind of people were in power during the Tubo period?" This little foot soldier was quite vigorous and couldn't relax, always observing the enemy situation.

  "Tribal leader." Li Yu is quite concerned about national affairs...

  Thumbs up: "Hmmm... clever princess, worthy of being personally trained by our great Tang Emperor to be a top-notch woman of the Tang Dynasty..."

  "Don't think that flattering will get you off the hook, speak quickly, why so much nonsense?"

  "Oh, no more photos." The little girl's figure is not bad, and that place must be very elastic... Cough cough cough, I'm a decent person, how can I look at that position, besides, that's not a horse's butt?

  Li Yu might have noticed my gaze, and with her underage brother not understanding the situation, she couldn't bear to confront me alone. Her face flushed bright red as she shot daggers at me with her eyes, leaving me riddled with holes.

  "Our princess is getting married, it can't be too shabby, at least the entourage should have around 10,000 to 20,000 people?"

  "Ugh..." Damn Gaozong, damn that stinky little kid Li Zhi. You're going to get it from me first, why did you have to spray your sister and not me? Your whole face is covered in grape juice...

  ----

  Li Yu laughed so hard that he was doubled over, clutching his stomach and sitting on a stool, twisting back and forth. He even managed to hum out two notes: "Retribution...". Retribution for the Buddha, response from the Buddha.

  "Sorry... it wasn't intentional, Jun Ge, the number you said was too surprising for me..." Li Zhi's classmate smiled apologetically and handed me a handkerchief.

  Wiped my face randomly, took a deep breath, calmed down. Who am I? The invincible traveler, the practitioner of relativity theory. Maybe later on, I'll be the greatest prophet in the history books of the Tang Dynasty. No need to bother with these two little brats, anyway, I'd still lose more if we kept counting, their background is just too strong.

  "In a crowd of one or two hundred thousand people, arrange several thousand accomplished monks to do Buddhist rituals and insert several thousand of our Tang Dynasty's spies... Hehehe... Do you know what it means by 'accomplished monks'?"

  Li Zhi shook his head honestly and said "I don't know".

  "It's that kind of monk who can talk his way to make flowers bloom, and in private, cheat and deceive, do all sorts of filthy things, that's what they call a highly attained monk..." He explained with great satisfaction towards Li Zhi.

  "....Is it as unbearable as you said?" Li Yu thought what I said was too disgusting.

  "Isn't it?" Glared at this little girl: "What do you know? I'm asking you, what's the use of a monk?"

  "Monk... inspiring the world, transforming all living beings..." Li Yu was about to continue his nonsense when my fierce glare cut him off.

  "Put down your butcher knife and become a Buddha on the spot, do you believe in this saying?"

  Li Yu raised his head and glanced at Li Zhi beside him. "...Not very believable"

  "Do you believe in Buddha?" He smiled warmly at the young girl and winked at her.

  "What are you doing?" Li Yu's vigilance was very high, with a face full of guard, and his hand had already picked up the plate.

  "Do you believe in Buddha? What's with the empty plate? Want to be a shop assistant?" Little girl, violent loli...

  Li Yu's face turned slightly red, and he hesitated for a while before speaking: "I was looking at the flower pattern on this lacquer plate... I believe in Buddhism, what's wrong with that?"

  "Let me beat you up and you're not allowed to fight back, okay?"

  "...You dare touch a single hair on me, today I'll chop you into minced meat!" Li Fu was driven mad, his anger value exceeded the warning line again.

  "Sister... Brother Jun said something reasonable... Ah!" Li Zhi covered his head, pouting with a very wronged expression.

  "Exactly... Just now you said I wouldn't dare to beat you, which means that the phrase 'put down your butcher's knife and become a Buddha on the spot' can only be used to deceive people with an IQ of less than 30 or those who have lost their courage in life."

  I made this conclusion, ignoring them, and continued to speak: "To be honest, I don't have any bad feelings towards Buddhism. However, you should think carefully about how monks don't need to produce anything, nor do they need to pay taxes or perform labor. When they're hungry, they stretch out their hands and beg for food from ordinary people. When they don't have money, they mumble a few words in front of you, saying that you had sins in your past life, and asking you to give them money to atone for those sins.

  Furthermore, whether it's Buddhist or Taoist monks, they don't need to pay taxes on their landholdings. If everyone under heaven were to believe in Buddhism or Taoism, who would be left to pay taxes for the Tang Dynasty? Who would perform labor? Who would defend the borders and expand the territory of the Tang Dynasty?

  Can it be that when a disaster occurs, food will fall from the sky just because of some smooth talk? Moreover, Buddhism doesn't emphasize the relationships between ruler and subject, father and son. What if one day we're all old and grey, and our sons and daughters all become monks or nuns? Who would be left to take care of us elderly people, who would be left to inherit the legacy of the Tang Dynasty?"

  Li Zhi's eyes lit up as he listened, nodding non-stop. What am I doing? Am I going to let Li Zhi implement the grand event of Wu Zong's destruction of Buddhism ahead of time?

  He cleared his throat: "Let's not get sidetracked, actually, Your Majesty must be thinking of getting rid of these troubles by sending them to Tibet. After ten or twenty years, the Tibetans will all believe in Buddhism, and from dawn till dusk they'll only know how to kowtow and recite scriptures, without doing any productive work. The common people won't have food, the country won't have taxes, and the border guards won't have brave warriors. What can these barbarians use to oppose our Great Tang?"

  Li Yu nodded, very pleased with himself. Actually, what I said was just nonsense, and if it were to be said in front of the adults on the imperial court, I'd probably get knocked down with just a few words. But, well, fooling these two little brats whose IQ hasn't fully developed yet is still doable.

  "Besides, if monks and Taoist priests are incompetent and can't make a name for themselves in Tubo, it doesn't matter, we still have several thousand Tang Dynasty secret agents, don't we?"

  "So many..." Li Yu's pupils dilated slightly, and it seemed that this little girl was fantasizing about thousands of ghostly Tang Dynasty spies squeezed into the tiny city of Tubo, coming and going...

  Lacking imagination, ignore her. "Along the way, there are many tribes in Tibet's dangerous and strategic locations, which tribes have grudges against each other, which tribes don't care about Songzan that rural cadre, how many people each tribe has, their living habits, their standard of living, their mineral resources, their natural resources, their staple food, what kind of natural disasters... In short, these thousands of spies need to be scattered throughout Tibet, best if they can investigate everything about the Tibetan people, this is called 'know yourself and know your enemy, then you can win every battle'."

  Look at these two brothers, they've already started sparkling in their eyes, so proud of themselves, haha... After drinking a cup of wine, he waved his hand grandly: "Let's talk about the dowry again, do you know what a dowry is? ...Hmmm... Don't stare, it seems like you guys also know, dowry... Hehe, iron, salt, tea... These are things that the Tibetans lack, we'd rather die than bring them as dowry, so what should we use? Do you know about Shu brocade? Do you know about Xuan paper? Do you know about our porcelain? They're all high-end goods, right? The Tibetans can't make such high-end goods...

  "Take these as dowry, send them a hundred or two hundred thousand pieces of porcelain, give them tens of thousands of catties of Xuan paper, and those high-end consumption goods like Shu brocade...". He looked at Li Zhi with a smug expression, but saw that the little guy had a black line on his face. Li Fu's eyes were even more unbearable to look at. Am I being too extravagant?

  "...Just an example, we can't let ourselves go bankrupt when giving gifts, right? However, try to bring some high-end luxury goods as dowry, give them away along the way, see a tribe and give it to their leader, see an army and give it to the officer. In short, two words: generosity. Best of all, when we arrive at their capital, let those nobles and officials each get a taste of it... Hehe, that's it! Want some? Buy it then... After all, you barbarians can't make them yourselves, want to dress nicely, want..."

  His throat was so dry it almost smoked, he hastily picked up the wine jug and took a big gulp to moisten his throat.

  "I didn't expect you to be such a despicable person..." The little girl muttered in discontent. Her gaze at me was filled with contempt and admiration, a very contradictory look...

  "Who would have thought that His Majesty the Emperor is so farsighted..." Li Zheng raised his small head, and his eyes were filled with fervor, unfortunately this guy's fervor wasn't directed at me.

  "Who's outside?" There were footsteps, could it be a Tibetan scout? I grabbed the wine jug and rushed over to pull the door open. Hmm? No one was there, had my hearing become too sensitive?

  He turned his head to look at the other side, a muscular bearded uncle was standing at the end of the corridor staring at me. What are you looking at? I glared at him with my tiger eyes, and my majestic aura shook violently. The bearded uncle immediately had a black line on his face, seemingly wanting to come over and exchange blows with me. But I'm a noble young master from the Tang Dynasty, why should I be afraid of you? Even if I couldn't beat him, I wasn't afraid, because behind me were two super tough backers. I rolled up my sleeves and made a gesture at him, but before I could even get into the tiger-crane stance, someone downstairs shouted something, and the bearded uncle turned around and ran downstairs... What a disappointment! My first martial arts battle in the Tang Dynasty didn't happen after all... Feeling depressed, I decided to go back and drink my grape wine.

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  PS: Heroes... save me, rush to the top, support and vote! Qing has a big basket waiting for you downstairs.