Chapter 25: The Taoist Descends the Mountain

  I don't know how I ended up sleeping in a coffin, I pushed hard but the lid didn't budge, no one responded to my cries for help, a thin layer of sweat formed on my forehead and my breathing became labored, it was then that I truly panicked.

  Ordinary rural households use Chinese fir coffins, which weigh around 300-500 catties. I remember that when I was younger, I could lift the lid of my grandfather's coffin with ease, but this one I'm lying in now is much heavier than his.

  Maybe the coffin lid was nailed shut.

  It's also possible that the coffin lid was pressed down by thick mud and I was buried alive.

  Being buried alive is unimaginable, I once watched a movie where the protagonist was in a similar situation as me now, the oxygen in the coffin will gradually thin out, and the pain of gasping for air with your mouth wide open but unable to breathe in any oxygen will last for three to five minutes before losing consciousness, it's more painful than cutting one's wrist, even if you're lucky enough to break through the coffin, the mud will squeeze in from all sides and fill your mouth and nose.

  The more I was afraid, the clearer that movie about being buried alive became. At first, I still had some sanity and tried to slow down my breathing, but soon I couldn't hold it in anymore, crying out loud and pounding on the coffin, begging the people outside to hurry up and let me out.

  I twisted my body back and forth, and gradually felt the coffin swaying gently.

  Isn't it buried in the ground?

  I was overjoyed in my heart, and I shook even harder, not knowing how long I had been shaking. When I felt dizzy and my whole body ached, I heard a chaotic noise, followed by someone's shrill cry. I shouted for help, asking them to let me out.

  A man wailed, lying on the coffin and shouting: "Old master, spare us a life, it's not easy to catch you, we'll send you on your way soon, be kind and don't bother everyone!"

  I was stunned for a moment, and then I immediately reacted that they had mistaken me for someone else. They probably took me for the old patriarch, which means that the coffin I was lying in was the one used to bury the old patriarch, placed in the ancestral hall to catch zombies.

  I shouted loudly, "I'm not a zombie, I'm a living person, let me out quickly!"

  The wailing sound stopped, and a whispering conversation ensued. I couldn't hear clearly from inside the coffin, but my heart was racing with anxiety as I waited for them to open the lid. After a few minutes, I felt the coffin being lifted up, and the swaying motion made me dizzy. I hastily shouted again, asking them what they were doing and begging them not to mess around, or someone would get killed.

  No one paid attention to me, no matter how hard I tried to mess with the coffin, but it made the pallbearers frightened and nervous. Someone even begged for mercy on top of the coffin, asking me to behave and leave immediately after we set off, and never come back again.

  I cried out loud and said, "I am a living person, my name is Wang Zhen. If you open the coffin lid and take a look, you will know."

  The man who spoke was somewhat moved and shouted: "Village head, it doesn't seem like the old master, listening to the voice seems like a young man, why not open the coffin and take a look?"

  I was overjoyed, but before I could shout a few more sentences, someone replied to him: "You're really a pig head, can you believe the words of a zombie? Haven't you heard of ghost stories? If it were up to me, I'd burn you, and you'd still be spouting nonsense."

  As soon as I heard they were going to burn me along with the coffin, I cried out in distress and hastily said many words to prove that I was not an old clan lord, even singing a song of the Communist International to distinguish myself from the feudal dynasty.

  But they didn't listen, thinking it was just the ghost wailing, and walked for another seven or eight minutes. The coffin stopped shaking, probably because they were preparing to set it on fire. At this critical moment of life and death, I shouted frantically, asking them to call Yu Wu, asking them to call the police to witness the feat of burning the zombie. A few people had doubts and suggested opening the coffin to check, but were all scolded back by the village chief.

  The firewood crashed onto the coffin, making a crackling sound. Before long, someone shouted: "Light it up."

  I summoned all my strength and shouted: "Fuck your grandpa, I fuck your grandma."

  At the same time, another voice rang out: "Halt!"

  I don't know who saved my life, I wanted to kowtow to him, but then I heard the man say: "Village chief, what if the coffin is burnt and the zombie isn't dead yet? Wouldn't it jump out and kill us all? Why not do this instead - let's drill a small hole in the coffin and pour some gasoline inside..."

  I'm so frustrated that I've cried myself dry, desperately shouting: "Stuff your grandfather! You damn well better add some more cumin, hurry up and let me out, I'm really a living person!"

  The village chief shouted another sentence: "Don't wait anymore, light it up."

  I knew I was doomed this time. In a fit of grief and indignation, I shouted: "You wait for me, I'll haunt you even after I'm dead."

  At the same time, another voice also sounded: "Stop!"

  I thought that Sunzi was going to come up with some kind of weird idea, but then I heard the village chief's excited shouting: "Permitting Daochang, we've been waiting for you like we wait for the stars and the moon, and finally you're here! We were just about to burn the zombie, and we were worried that the coffin would rot and the zombie would jump out. Now that you're here, my heart can finally be at ease!"

  Na Xudao didn't respond, and I hastily cried for help. A moment later, a deep male voice with a hint of anger but full of vigor came from beside the coffin: "Can zombies talk? Can a few broken hemp ropes tie up a zombie? Hurry up and open the coffin for me!"

  Finally came a person who understands me, I was overjoyed and burst into tears, crying uncontrollably.

  As a ray of sunlight shot through the gap and onto my face, I hastily reached out to hold down the coffin lid. The men who were opening the coffin were so frightened that they took off running. Taking a few deep breaths, I used all my strength to push open the coffin lid, blocking out the dazzling sunlight, and finally saw my situation clearly.

  Hundreds of people surrounded the area, most of them standing thirty meters away. Those who were closer were all young and strong, holding hoes, knives and other weapons. The closest one was a middle-aged man wearing a yellow Taoist robe and black shoes with a wide sleeve that covered his hands clasped in front of him, slowly walking towards the station, but he looked like an unsheathed sharp sword, full of vigor.

  He smiled slightly and asked if I was okay, before I could respond, he pointed at me and turned to the villagers saying: "Is this a zombie? This damn thing is a zombie?"

  No one answered him. The villagers all gathered around, clicking their tongues in surprise. The two people who ran the fastest were You Wu and Kang Jiuxiang, whom he had just met last night.

  As they approached, they asked in unison how I ended up in the coffin, and Yu couldn't help but stare at me with eyes wide like two bronze bells, looking at me as if I were an alien. He exclaimed in an exaggerated tone: "Awesome, dude! One night and you're a big shot!"

  I didn't understand what he meant, and after being rescued, the sequelae of hypoxia emerged. Dizzy and sweating all over, I raised my hand to wipe my forehead, but was shocked to find that I was actually wearing a Qing dynasty official robe.

  There was also a round hat in the coffin, which symbolized official rank, but the golden top had fallen off.

  The villagers who had gathered around asked me questions in a flurry, but I was weak and numb all over, unable to respond. It was still Kang Jiuxiang who helped me out of the coffin and let the village chief wait for me to catch my breath before speaking again.

  The Taoist nodded in agreement, and Yu Wu supported me back to the reception hall. Kang Jiuxiang followed behind us like a little daughter-in-law. Yu Wu didn't ask me why I got into the coffin, but instead curiously asked about her identity, occasionally turning his head to glance at her and throwing flirtatious glances.

  After taking a bath, I felt tired and sleepy. The Taoist priest waiting at the door said that I could sleep first and talk later. Kang Jiuxiang volunteered to take care of me, but I couldn't hear anything else. My eyelids felt heavy as if they were filled with lead, and I fell asleep as soon as I lay down.

  When I woke up, there was something soft under my head. When I turned around, it was a delicate foot at the corner of my mouth. I quickly sat up and found that Qianxiang had curled up her legs and leaned against the pillow to take a nap. She was startled awake by my movement, blushed and whispered that she knew some massage techniques, so she massaged my head for a bit. Later, I fell asleep with my head on her lap, and didn't wake up again.

  I licked my lips, stealing a glance at those white and tender feet, Kang Jiuxiang hurriedly withdrew her foot, saying that the village cadres were waiting for me at the village chief's house, wash your face to wake up and go over.

  I only thought of the coffin, and I felt a chill run down my spine. Although I couldn't understand why Kong Jiuxiang had feelings for me out of nowhere, that matter was even more deadly, and I didn't have time to talk to her anymore. I smiled and went next door to find You Wu. As soon as I pushed the door open, he said with a sour face: "You came to save your cousin, but you hooked up with the young widow, are you still human?"

  I immediately retorted back at him, asking if he was human. I've already entered the coffin, and yet he still has the heart to be jealous and petty.

  "You must be joking, yesterday night I found you not in the house, so I called old grandpa, he hurried back to calculate your fortune, although we don't know where you went, but the divination is very auspicious, old grandpa said it means promotion and wealth, told me not to worry, definitely you went out to have fun at night... no, it's getting a higher title and entering the coffin, awesome, still with a seventh-rank hat!"

  I asked him where Liu Weimin was, and he said that the whole village was running around catching zombies. Because Laozu Gong and the old lady upstairs in my house passed away on the same day, Liu Weimin suspected that there was some connection between them, perhaps it was Huang's doing.

  "I shouted in a low voice: 'Tell him to get back here, I'm not playing anymore. Either bring Wenjing back to me or I'll call the police.'"

  "You don't have to get so worked up..."

  My forehead was bulging with veins: "I was inexplicably put in a coffin, almost burned to death by a group of thugs. You tell me not to get excited? You said you brought me here to save Wenjing, but now the person is gone, and I've gotten into trouble. When the zombies grabbed me, where were you?" After a pause, I added another sentence: "I'm warning you seriously from now on, stop saying those ominous words, your mother must have given birth to a crow!"

  "What does this have to do with me? You just know it's a zombie that took you away?" Yu Wu snorted, raised his chin high and jumped off the bed, putting on his shoes and heading out: "I know what's going on, but I won't tell you."

  Just as I was about to leave, I was blocked by a man who smiled and greeted me: "Young brother, are you feeling better? My name is Xu Qi, and I'd like to talk to you about Old Zu Gong's affairs."