Chapter 3 Refining 11. Dog Head Ascending to Heaven (4)

  For many years, I have been most reluctant to watch skydiving programs, and it is still the case now. To be honest, I don't think skydiving is anything new, the more you jump, the more you'll feel that way. The key thing is, I am unwilling to see those cloud-like or red-and-white striped flower-like things again. Although after that day, I would still often float down from the sky with clouds and flowers, but once I left the army, I had to forget about these things.

  Completely forget. Never mention it again. Because I couldn't forget that day, so I kept forcing myself to forget. If you were me, would you forget? Would you not force yourself to forget? But do you dare to forget? You don't dare either.

  That's what I mean.

  I've thought about this for a long time, whether to say it or not, because it's really something that can't be recalled. But whenever I think of them, my heart just isn't at ease, and I feel unwell, unbearably unwell, to the point where I could sit alone in a room all day. But thinking of them, I couldn't not write about it; if I didn't, what kind of man would I be? Although I've already acknowledged that I'm not a real man, they were men, true men. I have to write about them; I don't want to hide the heart-wrenching pain in my heart, but I still feel like I must write it down. Their names may not be passed down through the ages, but their heroic spirits should be respected, and receive eternal respect. Yes, just respect. Nothing else is needed, just respect.

  Because they are the real heroes. Although there is no military achievement, they are still heroes. I finally decided to write about them, not for anything else because you really never forgot, many times you thought you had forgotten, but when something comes out, you always recall, and that thing slowly emerges from your already hardened heart like a weak bamboo shoot, piercing your soul, then the sharp tip of the bamboo shoot pierces your heart, until your heart is pierced, you can feel the blood gushing out. First black, because it's mixed with too many impurities, then red, because it's the pure blood of your memories.

  Yes, we should respect them. They are the heroic souls of Chinese Army Special Forces. They are the heroic souls of Chinese soldiers. Or say military soul.

  The spirit of the army is forged from these ordinary, simple and honest lives. Not some general or great hero. Forever with our national flag, smiling honestly. Forever unknown and silent. But their smiles, their eyes, are still vivid in our hearts because in this place, they never disappeared. You think you've forgotten, but at some point, they're smiling at you again, saying "Little Zhuang, let's go kick a ball", "Little Zhuang, show me your girlfriend's photo", or "Little Zhuang, write a letter to my girlfriend for me", "Consultant, take a look at this photo and see how it is..."

  You'll know what heart-wrenching is. If you're bathing, you'll suddenly lean against the wall and can't stand up anymore, covering your mouth with your hand, then lift your head and wail, warm water and hot water mixing together flowing into the city's sewer. And this city won't change because of these tears.

  They are ordinary little soldiers, with dark faces, thin faces, and silly faces. When they smile, it's just a mouthful of white teeth. You see them on the street and wouldn't think to show respect for them. Because they are ordinary, can't be more ordinary rural soldiers. If they manage to come into the city once in a while, they'll be as excited as during Chinese New Year. Or they'll curiously stick their necks out of the back of the military truck to take a look; or carefully ask you for directions, and then carefully say thank you to you. If you're too lazy to respond or just give them a cold shoulder, they won't say anything, and then carefully go ask someone else in the city for directions.

  They took out their cameras and wanted to take pictures everywhere in the city. Then they would ask you to take a photo with them, and you'd think, "What's there to take a picture with at the train station?" But you still agreed, just for that one shot, they were overjoyed, holding your hand saying thank you, thank you comrade, or not daring to hold your white delicate hand with their own dark rough hands. They kept saying thank you in all sorts of accents from different places. You walked away laughing at these country bumpkins who had never seen the world.

  Will you notice them?

  Would you care about them?

  Will you respect them?

  Do you?

  Really? I have no idea.

  What is the army for? The state's machine of violence, a tool of war. What if there is no war? Drills, as a simulation of war. To manufacture a simulated war for the sake of war. Armies all over the world are doing this thing.

  That was my first time participating in a large-scale tri-service joint exercise at the military region level. All the standing committee members of the military region were present, and the viewing platform was filled with generals, who were seriously watching their own troops simulate a realistic war through binoculars. There's no need to mention the details of the exercise, because you've seen too many exercises on TV, and are more familiar than I am with how things work from top to bottom.

  What I'm familiar with is the mission of our brothers. After parachuting behind enemy lines, we conduct special warfare missions. The enemy's rear is a small island in a sea not far from the observation deck. This time we are helicopter parachute jumping. There are many subjects for special forces to parachute, and it doesn't make much sense for me to say, you all know those few sets of moves. You can look at popular science textbooks yourself.

  We were on the Mi-171 helicopter, advancing towards our target. Except for parachutes, we were fully armed, of course with blank rounds. When we reached the designated airspace, we jumped, still led by the Dog Head High School team. Before departure, we had agreed that after completing the mission, we would organize a football match between our brothers and the Marine Corps Amphibious Reconnaissance Unit. Our two units were mutually unfamiliar, and each unit's performance was closely watched during the exercise, so we organized a beach soccer game. We had agreed to see who would win in the end, the green camouflage bull or the blue camouflage bull. We all expected that it would be "battle-style football" in the end, not too much physical contact, but small movements were inevitable. That's what our brothers in the unit are like. The competitive mentality is the same.

  The parachutes that were about to jump didn't take it too seriously, because they had rehearsed many times and the program was all too familiar. They were all thinking about how to kick the ball with the blue team. We were chatting and laughing, and Shengzi was on my left, holding a sniper rifle. The white teeth on his camouflage face were particularly eye-catching. A special mark of a special forces soldier is a mouthful of absolutely good teeth. Good teeth, good appetite, and a great body - it's absolutely reasonable. My current teeth are typical smoker's teeth, which have an absolute relationship with not exercising. He was our team's absolute defender, steady and experienced, but didn't match his age.

  What about me? Do I need to ask? Forward! Our team's position matches our fighting position. Then we started jumping. I was the second, right after the vanguard. Nothing difficult, just jumped. When we were about 40 meters away from the ground, a gust of wind came and scattered my brothers' formation. Those who jumped first were blown closer, while those who jumped later were blown further away.

  We landed, deviating a lot from the original planned target. We rushed to that location immediately. But what about the ones behind? Three fresh flowers were blown by the hurricane towards the vast ocean, the distant ocean.

  I turned around and saw that everyone was shocked: "High school team!" The dog head high school team also looked at us in shock, we weren't preparing for water parachute jumping, were we? These are traditional wing parachutes! If we fall into the ocean, it's all over. But our superiors are watching us! We've already made a mistake, shouldn't we hurry up and make up for it?! The dog head high school team ordered us: "Continue advancing! The navy's guarantee will arrive!" So we kept going, continuing to complete our mission. At the time, I was thinking, what kind of person is this Shengzi kid? He's still running while holding back laughter. Do you know what it means for military orders to be like a mountain collapse?...

  The naval escort finally found the three of them. However, it was after the exercise had ended. The sky was darkening. On the beach, our three brothers were lined up neatly. But they weren't standing upright, they were lying upright. Their eyes were closed, those bright and spirited eyes were closed.

  We lined up. Many officers and soldiers lined up. All were bare-headed, holding helmets or hats in their hands. Many brothers in green camouflage, blue camouflage, green uniforms, and blue uniforms stood there. Our brothers rushed to them and cried. I can no longer describe it...

  My snot and tears are flowing together, I'm holding onto this one and that one, calling out to this one to open their eyes and that one to open their eyes and look at me, I'm Little Zhuang... I throw my head back and shout: "Fuck your mother!" But I don't even know who I'm cursing.

  I suddenly stood up and kicked the Dog Head High School team's chest with one foot. This was my first time taking the initiative to attack him. He didn't stop me, although I knew he could have. Of course, he didn't fall over, but just took a few steps back.

  "Damn you!" I cursed loudly and rushed towards the Dog Head High School team, scolding and beating them while also biting: "Why didn't you let me go save them! Damn you!"

  The Dog Head High School team was silent. I cursed at him loudly, but he remained silent. Then I was held down by many hands and almost suffocated. I struggled and shouted at the Dog Head High School team: "You killed them! I'll kill you!" Many strong hands held me down, their tears falling on my face, body, and hands, just like rain pouring down on me.

  My brother is struggling on the water surface less than 1 kilometer behind me, their bodies are covered with umbrellas and entangled with umbrella ropes and heavy gun equipment pulling them down! How can they possibly break free?! Why didn't those naval bastards save them?! I curse the dog-headed high school team, curse the exercise, curse the navy, curse everything I think of.

  Because exercises are war, not games.

  Because the exercise has not ended, the security cannot be dispatched.

  What else?

  Military orders are like mountains collapsing.

  Because exercises are real wars, they should be required according to actual combat standards.

  So, can't save.

  Thousands of soldiers and officers just watched as the three flowers floated on the water, although they couldn't see their comrades struggling underneath, but they must have known that their comrades were struggling. They all wanted to go save them, whoever didn't want to wasn't human, but no one could go.

  Because the exercise has not ended, no one can go. Thousands of officers and soldiers watched as three flowers slowly sank. Thousands of officers and soldiers watched as three brothers slowly sank. Thousands of officers and soldiers will never forget that moment. Thousands of officers and soldiers were conducting exercises according to their own subjects, with no one going to rescue them. It's just because the exercise hasn't ended, and the exercise is war. Can you understand?

  The captain stood on the high ground of that beach, gazing out at the empty sea from dusk till nightfall, and from nightfall till dawn the next day. The Dog Head High School team kept watch beside the three brothers in the hospital morgue from dusk till nightfall, and from nightfall till dawn the next day. We sat in the field tent, staring at the empty beds of the three brothers, from dusk till nightfall, and from nightfall till dawn the next day.

  Then what?

  Three new names were engraved on the wall of honor.

  It is three new faces guarding that national flag.

  Is there anything else? No more.

  And then there were countless nights of tears from their loved ones and comrades.

  Do you know what I'm most afraid to recall? It's the three white-haired mothers holding the ashes of their children who were burned to death.

  That's how the story goes. The three young soldiers left our world, which nobody paid attention to, just like that. They didn't even get a chance to experience love before it was all over. They vanished into thin air, just like dust, as if they had never existed at all. Nobody knew.

  What are they for? What is it for? Yes, for the army, for the country. And what else? What is it for? What is it for? You tell me, what is it for?

  For every person living in peace on this earth. Isn't it unbelievable? What is an army? What are armed forces? Apart from being tools of war, they are also tools for mutual restraint. Because you have them, I don't dare to attack. Because you are powerful, I don't dare to bully you casually. And so there is peace. Is it hard to understand? I don't think so.

  The existence of the army means that soldiers have to pay a price. Not only their youth, but also possibly their lives. Every year in the world, some soldiers disappear silently. You won't notice them. But they are fighting for you too.

  Let me sing a dirge for the small soldiers who have sacrificed in peaceful environments all over the world. No matter which country or region, your identity as small soldiers has nothing to do with politics, nor is it something you can consider. Your name is just a small soldier.

  You are true heroes! No matter which country or region you are from. Forever is.

  I look forward to the day when weapons and armies disappear.