Chapter 3 Refining 24. Jin Qiu's Sudden Attack (6)

  Apart from being tired, it's still tiring. In the end, it wasn't strength that was supporting me to move forward, but spirit. It's just spirit, as long as I still have half a breath left, I must advance and can't die like this! I want to say again, you might think it's repetitive and don't love listening to it, but I'm telling you, if there wasn't Xiaoying, there wouldn't be me sitting here today chatting with you about my past nonsense. Later, I exchanged views on this kind of crappy realization with a famous war correspondent. He didn't have to go through any swamp, but in the Middle East, he drove alone across that desert full of landmines without exploding, but was suddenly hit by various artillery and aerial bombs, and was also extremely frightened. I asked him what he was thinking at the time? The responsibility of a journalist? Mission? Duty? Or fame? Like today, where everyone knows his name? Bullshit! He honestly told me that in his heart, he was just thinking of a girl. He didn't tell me who it was, and I didn't ask. After all, he's my senior, much older than me, even if he were my brother, this kind of thing is not something you can ask about. Moreover, I knew that even in the end, he probably wouldn't have succeeded, asking would be bad, and at his age, the girl he was thinking of might already be a mother.

  This realization is the same for him and me, that in adversity you think of a girl. And this girl must be one that you haven't gotten your hands on. This "getting your hands on" isn't about emotions, I want to make it clear, it seems like an apology to my female readers. I think even if I don't say it, you all understand what I mean, so I won't say it anymore. Anyway, it's just that you haven't gotten your hands on her. If you've already gotten your hands on her, what else is there to think about? So, the girl who can't be obtained is forever the best, and you'll always be thinking about her.

  I actually understood this principle when I was 18 years old, but just didn't summarize it like that.

  In my special forces career, in the end it was just Xiaoying who supported me, nothing else. Are special forces soldiers not human? Is it necessary to remember the mission and responsibility of a soldier even if one dies? Bullshit. All warriors, when they are at their most difficult and can't hold on, absolutely think about their loved ones in their hearts, of course, more often it's girls. I'm not afraid to say this out loud, I don't want my mom to be sad, but this is the truth, not anything else. It's normal for a grown-up kid to think about his girlfriend, if at 18 years old I still thought about my mom, that would be abnormal. Leave this topic to psychologists to analyze, I just tell my story.

  I was thinking of Xiaoying at that time, thinking of her white skirt spinning in the midst of red leaves. I also remembered her last kiss. And our tears flowing together. I knew she was waiting for me. Waiting bitterly for me. So I couldn't stop and let myself sink in. Let me tell you a feeling, if you enter the swamp, although this opportunity is very small, but I still tell you, never stay, once you stop, you will sink down, you can only move forward, keep moving forward! What kind of physical principle it is, I won't explain, but my little bit of physics knowledge learned in junior high school really worked.

  I won't stop, no matter how tired I am. At first, I started by crawling on all fours. Half of my body and chin were in the mud, just like a toad, crawling like that. Later, it was impossible.

  I was just two hands, alternating forward, dragging my body forward I was very light at that time, 178 cm and only over 100 pounds Just out of the head, absolutely monkey-like, plus the power of the arm is great, so it's been holding on for a while But later it didn't work anymore, arms were also powerless

  At this time, switch legs. Two legs kicked forward, and of course, the arms also alternated forward with difficulty, unable to form resistance.

  Crawling in the swamp is not worth describing. It's just that at this point, you'll become a mud man, an absolute mud man, with half your body and face in the mud. Your neck will cramp from constantly lifting it, but you still don't dare lower it - do you dare? At first, your mouth was still outside, but gradually it couldn't be exposed anymore, only your nose remained. I can clearly recall the rough air exhaled from my nose creating small whirlpools in the swamp mud. Then my nose went in several times, but I quickly got up, which had nothing to do with strength, but rather an unconscious spiritual force - just can't die, can't fall down.

  Xiao Ying!

  I saw her wearing the white skirt I gave her, running and jumping on the marsh like a dream, yet vividly in front of me, not just imagined. Even now, I feel that at that moment, I absolutely saw her. She was jumping around on the marsh, with no mud on her white shoes, as if she were jumping on a lawn.

  Hei hou zi xiao zhuang ni jiu shi zhui bu shang wo!

  Translation:

  Black monkey little village you can't catch up with me!

  I suddenly had the strength to continue climbing. Strength is limited, but spirit is unlimited. I'm not talking about idealistic thoughts, but my personal experience is like this. Love is the most unstable emotion in the world, but it's also a boy's strongest spiritual power.

  As long as you have had love and youth, you will not be without this experience. Love is everything that makes you persist in adversity. All the rest I can tell you is nonsense! That's how I am, and now I'm still like this, why do I close one red and swollen eye and endure the pain to write this crap for you?

  It's all because of love.

  Because I want to commemorate my little shadow. For many years, I have never used all my time to recall my first love, and I persisted, persisting for the sake of love.

  I saw the light.

  At that time, the sky was already completely dark. I still can't remember how long I crawled in the swamp, but it was indeed very long. Because the sky just kept getting darker and darker beside me, the big mountains and forests in front of me became closer and closer, changing from emerald green to deep green, from deep green to ink green, and finally turning into a black piece of darkness. People's memory of colors is far greater than that of time and space, I think you should agree with this.

  At this time I saw a little light in front of me in the pitch black. Although it was just that little bit, it was light.

  Candlelight is candlelight.

  What is the concept of a scout's eyes? If I remember correctly, it means being able to distinguish between friend and foe at a distance of 400 meters. That's how we were taught back then, but I have no idea how they teach it now. After I retired from the army, I returned all these things to the military.

  So I saw a glimmer of light. I don't know how far away it was, but I knew that as long as there's a glimmer of light, there must be human habitation. What is the concept of human habitation? It's life, and life can continue to extend.

  It's just that I won't die, and the fate of our humble village shouldn't be extinguished!

  My strength has been reborn, still a spiritual power, but no longer an illusion, a real hope has emerged. I saw life, I can supplement food and water, and have a good rest. The simple mountain people's enthusiasm for the soldiers is something I still remember to this day, my eyes getting wet at the corners. They would give us anything delicious, even if it meant slaughtering their own chickens! They never discriminated against soldiers, when we marched through villages, the mountain people stood on both sides with hot water and cooked food, really shoving eggs and whatnot into our pockets! It was just like in the movies.

  So I know I can get through this!

  I still have a chance to live! I don't have to be swallowed up by the mud in this swamp and become mud myself. So I'll just keep crawling, towards that tiny bit of candlelight.

  Toward the extension of life.

  Towards hope.

  I finished writing this section and took a break to calm myself down. Then I found the military map of that province, which was an old version from many years ago. I wanted to find that swamp and calculate how far I had crawled. But as soon as I looked at it, I was shocked - there were too many wetlands in that province! The one I found on the map was clearly not the one I had crawled through, because the distance was impossible for a human to complete! At this moment, my heart felt a pang of sadness - what I thought was a big deal turned out to be nothing at all. Even professional military maps didn't bother to mark it, which meant it was just a small mud pit after all.

  Humans are always insignificant compared to nature.