Chapter 3: Refining (22) - Golden Autumn's Sudden Attack (4)

  When I was in the army, why was I considered a small bird by the dog-headed battalion, a place where birds gather? In fact, it has something to do with a series of events that happened later, and not much to do with my initial refusal to join the special forces. The commotion caused by that incident quickly passed, and in the end, I still joined. If I hadn't joined the dog-headed battalion, I would have been a legendary fool for many years. I estimate that no matter what I did, as long as the soldiers of the dog-headed battalion heard my name, they would want to hammer me. If they had the opportunity, they would definitely hammer me without hesitation. There's nothing to say about it; even if it wasn't a bloody fight, at least it would be a case of finding teeth all over the ground and spending a month in the hospital every time.

  According to my later understanding of the dog-headed battalion, it's more likely that if the retired soldiers from my hometown knew where I was, they would appear suddenly as ninjas, break my left leg first, and then my right leg after I got out of the hospital. In short, most of my time would be spent having my two legs broken alternately, and then spending an unknown amount of money on medical expenses. The police wouldn't be able to find any evidence against them; in their eyes, the police are really powerless.

  This is a bit far-fetched, but it's not easy to cultivate soldiers, especially special forces soldiers. Apart from hammering them into special warfare machines, you also need to educate them about the traditional virtues of the Chinese nation, such as harmony and yielding. They can't use what they learned in the army to deal with social affairs after retirement, using war methods to treat a peaceful world. But if you keep teaching them special warfare methods and spirit, how can you say what is a reasonable method and what is not? At all costs, achieve the ultimate goal; every day, teach them how to calculate and kill people, how to disable them, how to climb buildings, and how to open doors with tricks. Which one is useful in the end?

  It all depends on the individual soldier's self-control after leaving the army. I'm considered one of the better ones, and I dare say that, but I've also made mistakes with violence. I once had a girlfriend who was stuck to another guy, and I felt this inexplicable feeling that can't be put into words. If you were in my shoes, you'd feel it too. So I did something that I shouldn't have done.

  Logically speaking, if someone doesn't like you, then so be it. But at the time, I had just left the army and my brain wasn't fully adjusted yet. I still thought of myself as a lowly soldier. As a man, I couldn't bear this humiliation! I wanted to know the details of what happened, and my instincts took over. I used tactics that would make it hard for her to breathe, but not hurt her physically. It was just unbearable for her.

  I won't tell you the specifics, not for the sake of social stability, but for your own good, whether you're a man or a woman. But the result was that there was nothing going on after all. I later confirmed it, and you should trust my detective skills. However, the end result was that she didn't dare to be with me again. If you were a girl, you wouldn't dare either. Would you dare to be with a man who has a tendency towards violence?

  I'm not blaming anyone, but who taught me this? Where did my violent tendencies come from? You can't say I'm abusing someone, but who taught me this? It's not just our army; any army teaches soldiers this. What is an army? A tool for war. Soldiers are trained to kill. All the nice-sounding slogans are fake. The reality is killing.

  Don't try to be hypocritical with me. Tell me which country's army isn't about killing, but rather planting trees and doing good deeds for the people? Don't try to be hypocritical with me about this. I'm telling you very clearly that it's not just our army; any army in the world, any special forces unit, they all do the same thing.

  As long as there are wars, there will be armies. As long as there are armies, there will be killing. Don't try to sugarcoat it. The reality is that you go in with a clean knife and come out with a bloody one. That's what armies are for. Why else would they need planes, tanks, missiles, and cannons? Wouldn't it be better if they just produced cars?

  That's why I learned this stuff. It's not just in my head; I'm considered one of the better ones. What about those who aren't as smart as me? Can they understand what I've come to realize now? Of course not. That's how many tragedies are born.

  I've already said that I'm a scumbag, so go ahead and say whatever you want. No matter how I explain or apologize, it's useless. Who would dare to do what I did? We're done, and then I started reflecting on how I could have laid hands on a little girl. I've said before that the girls I dated later were all of the same type as Xiao Ying, looking very much like Wang Xinling. How could I bring myself to do it? There's no excuse, just habit. Long-term training and combat skills had become second nature, and even after taking off my uniform, there was still a lingering effect. The length of time this habit lasts varies from person to person. Later, when I went back to school, wrote screenplays, and researched psychology, I was considered one of the more cultured veterans. I knew what humanity was, and I had been trying hard to restrain my habits. But they were still there, and with just a little provocation, they would erupt. Why have I become this kind of person? You can point at my nose and curse me, call me a stupid cunt, but I won't say a word. Do you think I'm afraid of you? Honestly, yes, I am. I'm afraid something will happen to you. If someone really wants to fight me now, I won't even raise my hand. Am I not capable of fighting back? Don't joke around, as an ex-special forces soldier from the army, I may not be able to take on just anyone, but I can still handle a few of you little brats. What I'm afraid of is that if I do fight back, it won't end well for you - either you'll end up dead or crippled. Do you think I'm easy to deal with? I've been grinding away at my own nature, forcing myself to become a nobody, a nothing. Why? So that I can become a normal person and live a normal life in this peaceful world.

  Is this principle complicated?

  I'm telling you it's not complicated at all!

  You all like watching war movies, discussing films and watching killings on TV, always thinking it's just a thrill or a novelty. You even put up posters of Rambo holding guns and killing people on your walls. I'm telling you, that's because you're always watching from the sidelines! Why don't you try being a special forces soldier yourself? Try it in a real battlefield? Your mind will change! You'll know what war does to human nature!

  I heard about something like this, I'll note that it's just hearsay. When a hero returns from the battlefield, he can't write off what he saw. He goes home to find his wife cheating with another man. People are people, and emotions don't reach that point if you're away for too long, plus there are external factors, so problems arise. In the end, two lives were lost. Why? Because killing becomes a habit, and the momentum hasn't stopped yet. Finally, he was shot dead.

  Isn't this a tragedy? If he weren't a soldier, if he hadn't come from the battlefield, would he have done such a thing? Not necessarily, but without those two identities, the possibility is much smaller.

  Miao Lian told me that the troops coming down from the battlefield would not dare to return directly, and had to be locked up in a special place in the mountains for half a year. Every day, they were forced to practice military posture, kick their legs straight, and stack tofu blocks. They weren't allowed to do anything else. The purpose was to grind away their killer instincts, so that they wouldn't dare let them return until they had eliminated their killing aura. But even with this, problems still arose! This isn't about politics; it's a fact for soldiers all over the world. Any soldier who has experienced intense and prolonged hand-to-hand combat is a sufferer of post-war syndrome.

  Are you really going to fight a heroic battle?!!

  The officers are much better, because they have a high culture! Their ability to distinguish is much stronger! Know how to control themselves! But what about the soldiers? The cultural level and social discrimination of the soldiers are not high. Can they react so quickly? Of course not, so there is tragedy.

  This is the tragedy of soldiers.

  Why? Because the army is a tool for killing, and as a soldier, it's about figuring out how to kill people, especially in close combat special forces and scouts. It's about mastering knife skills and taking down enemies. When our unit was first formed, there were even meetings among the leadership to discuss whether or not to teach soldiers these skills. They were afraid that if they didn't, the soldiers would get into trouble after leaving the military. But in the end, they decided to teach them anyway, because as special forces, you need to have the fighting power of special forces! What if there's no war? What if something happens suddenly? Are we supposed to learn on the spot? You think that's just a matter of learning some English words? No, it takes practice. So we learned.

  Tragedies keep happening, some of which are directly related to the "one move to defeat the enemy" and have become a conditioned reflex. As soon as they come out, it's a dead hand, can't anything be done about it? Some have other reasons. But in the end, the reason is that you are a soldier, you must learn how to kill, you must sharpen yourself into a killing tool! This is something that cannot be said!

  It's not just peace and war that are contradictory. Soldiers who have taken off their uniforms and are used to killing skills and peaceful society are also contradictory. The whole world is the same.

  I was deeply moved when I re-watched the first episode of "First Blood" later! If it were me, just coming back from the battlefield, I would have done the same. So I say, this movie is not fictional, it's absolutely based on real life, but the theme was altered by Hollywood bosses for box office purposes and became an entertaining action film that everyone thinks is fun. The tragic color of Rambo was artificially diluted.

  But this tragedy can happen anywhere in the world. As long as war exists, as long as armies exist, such tragedies will occur. Can they be avoided?

  I don't know.

  I actually want to advise everyone here, it's not that you shouldn't provoke retired soldiers, but rather be kind to them. Really, their demands aren't high, just give them a smile and a comforting word, is that really so difficult? Don't bully them, because they have made sacrifices! Whether there's war or not, they are soldiers, and their humanity, love of peace, will be distorted by the skill of killing. (Except for Dog Head High School team, they don't count!) He was born to like hitting people! But I really hope that after reading this, you'll think about what soldiers have sacrificed.

  Is it youth? Is it love? Is it family? Is it affection? None of these, they are just superficial. So what is it really?

  Human nature.

  Every army is prepared to kill, the essence of slogans and beliefs is this! So soldiers must learn to kill. This is a distortion of human nature. These normal people will be distorted to varying degrees. Including me, I am also distorted. But this distortion is absolutely inevitable. Because as long as there are wars in the world, conflicts over interests and sovereignty, there will be armies. And so there will be distortions.

  What I mean by transcending politics is exactly this. It's not that hard to be a little nicer to soldiers, they're all very down-to-earth, they've distorted themselves and honed themselves into killing machines for your sake, so if you treat them just a little bit better, they'll remember it in their hearts and integrate into society faster.

  I'd like to say an inappropriate metaphor, it's like a big grey wolf that just came out of the mountain, you must use emotions to pull out his teeth, use sentimentality to castrate his ferocity, and thoroughly eliminate his belligerent spirit! Otherwise, it will definitely be a hidden danger, and if you provoke him with one move, something bad will definitely happen. It's just that everyone's tolerance and control are different, that's all.

  What soldiers sacrifice is humanity.

  This is inevitable. And this, is the most precious. You survived the war, what did you sacrifice? It's humanity. Not a normal person. Soldiers deserve everyone's respect, it's not some slogan or whatever nonsense.

  All I'm saying is that they sacrificed their humanity for you. So, please be a little kinder to them. Just a little bit, and it's enough for them. Because, they are the most down-to-earth group under heaven.

  Let's get back on track with the story. However, I hope everyone thinks about this issue - what soldiers sacrifice is actually humanity.