3. Your birthday reminds me...

  I sat in front of my computer and recalled an incident that happened last summer. Many stories take place in the summer, as if this season is more conducive to breeding love. I don't know why, is it because boys and girls are more passionate in the summer? Like the weather, always 40 degrees? Life goes on, children continue to grow up, and romance keeps happening, although in the end, they all become disillusioned with love. However, love and hate continue unabated - because there will always be boys and girls who are experiencing their first loves.

  Last summer I encountered such a danger of love. It was that girl who looked very much like Xiaoying.

  That night she clung to me and wouldn't let me sleep, and I had just entertained another girl friend in the afternoon, you can imagine how tired I was. Although my physical foundation is good, but it can't hold up like this? I was really sleepy, but there was no way - I couldn't get impatient with her because she was only 21 years old, still a fourth-year student at the music academy, an immature child - more importantly, she looked too much like Xiao Ying, and in my delusion, I would always get confused, my heart would tremble without her knowing, but I didn't dare say anything, once I said something, I would have to mention those earlier things, I really didn't have the courage to touch on these.

  So I can only accompany her, talking, watching TV, playing poker or even Go - I'm not good at these things, maybe because I don't have the brain for it. My eyelids are fighting to fall asleep, and I'd rather just collapse on the bed and die, but still no way, she doesn't sleep, so neither can I - that's also why I don't let girls stay overnight, although it's a small part of my consideration, but my theory is that feelings are just feelings, and if you live together every day, you'll get sick of each other. I believe married friends must have similar feelings, so I vowed to be single, of course, also because I was forced to, or directly say I'm asking for it.

  I'm afraid I won't be able to marry any other girl. I don't have the courage to touch the vows I made to Xiaoying at first. Not even a little bit.

  Then we just fooled around until 12 o'clock, the midnight news had just started when she suddenly said, "Hey, close your eyes" - She once called me husband before, but my expression wasn't right so she immediately changed it. Actually, I liked her calling me husband because she really looked like Xiaoying, but I was too embarrassed to say anything and she didn't dare call me that again. Now thinking about it, what kind of person was I? How could I be so arrogant with such a simple girl?

  But many things you understand too late. I understood when I was pressed down by the airport police at the entrance of the passage. The camouflage butterfly on her neck suddenly flew to Great Britain. I don't know if she still wore that butterfly while walking on the streets of Great Britain.

  I think it shouldn't be. Many things, not just me, I reckon many people don't dare touch again.

  For example, love. Okay, then at 12 o'clock I had to close my eyes. Then she turned off the lights, and I was wondering what's going on? Then I heard the lighter sound.

  "Open your eyes," she said softly, a softness that was exactly the same as one I had heard many years ago.

  I will never forget this sentence in my life. At that moment, I was really confused and thought it was a dream. Before I opened my eyes, tears had already come out. In the blurred vision of tears, I saw Xiaoying's lovely and gentle smile, she would not have that kind of expression when facing me, yes, extremely gentle, like a sister, and like a lover.

  "Xiao Ying..." My lips moved slightly.

  "What?" Xiaoying asked me in surprise.

  I woke up, and the tears stopped, but those that had already fallen slid down. Then I saw on the coffee table between us a small heart-shaped birthday cake. A candle was quietly burning itself out.

  "What's wrong? You're crying?" she asked me gently, not in a short haircut or military uniform, but with straight long hair, ONIL white T-shirt and ESPRI olive green seven-point pants - she knew I liked this pants, so I saw her wearing it all the time, actually I only found out later that she bought three of them.

  I calmed down: "What's wrong?"

  She wiped away the tears on my face.

  "Today is your 26th birthday, aren't you happy?" she asked me carefully. "I thought you would be happy, I think that kind of personality wouldn't remember their own birthday."

  I smiled wryly: "I forgot, you know I'm not in the habit of having birthdays."

  "What's wrong with you?" she asked me cautiously - do you know what kind of girl is worth cherishing for a lifetime? It's the one who knows when to turn her face away from you and when to coax you. But by the time you understand these principles, it's often already too late. You guys say that, right?

  "Who is Xiaoying?" she asked me, without any sarcasm or intention to stir up trouble - she knew what kind of person I was, because while I was interacting with her, I was also interacting with other girls and didn't hide it from her. Sometimes she would even help me change the messy bed sheets for new clean ones, sometimes she would secretly cry, but not in front of me. I only saw her cry once, hiding in the bathroom, covering her mouth and crying quietly. I really needed to use the toilet, so she had to come out, but with red eyes, pretending nothing was wrong. I'm not stupid, I saw it clearly, but I didn't change my attitude towards her at all. Do you guys think I'm a jerk?

  I didn't answer her question, I just wiped away tears and smiled bitterly: "...... I just suddenly remembered a friend from a long time ago..."

  "Open your eyes."

  I opened my eyes.

  Then I saw Xiaoying's smiling face...

  After leaving those brothers, Xiaoying and I rushed to our barracks' dormitory to wash up and change clothes. Xiaoying also wanted to rush into our barracks, but this time the duty officer was determined not to let her in - after all, it's a male soldiers' barracks, not a playground. This officer was also from a big city, so he wasn't stingy with his white eyes, and what he did was indeed correct - we brothers also need to have some privacy in front of female soldiers, right? Besides, there's nothing special about our barracks, all armies are the same, and our special forces unit isn't Shaolin Temple, where we sleep on ropes or live on beams. If you want to see it, just watch TV - unless it's a military program, they won't expose the interior of our male soldiers' dormitories, will they? Except for the toilet that we cleaned with toothbrushes, which I've never seen on TV (it seems like all field armies have the tradition of using toothbrushes to clean urinals, and we're no exception), everything else is just a bunch of tofu blocks, not much different from ordinary troops. The only difference is that our Kevlar helmets and 91 camouflage backpacks are neatly placed on an empty bunk in each dormitory, with single-person tents, sleeping bags, compressed dry rations, self-heating dry rations, various vitamins, medicine packets, emergency kits, winter snow camouflage, summer jungle camouflage, two sets of spare combat uniforms, and a pair of special paratrooper combat boots - all kinds of war materials. Of course, there are also spare underwear and socks - by the way, this investment is also very large, dry rations, medicine packets, etc., which need to be replaced a few days before they expire, then we have to eat these compressed dry rations for several days in a row, naturally we can't waste them, after our brothers finish eating, their bellies will bulge, and their military posture won't be standard, but there are still some leftover and expired emergency kits that can only be thrown away - as soon as the alarm sounds, grab your backpack, go to the armory, pick up your gun, put on your combat vest, and get on the helicopter. Later, I don't know who will distribute the backup ammunition boxes (of course, these backup bullets also need to be replaced after a certain period of time, but I still don't know who replaces them) to each person's hand, and you'll go to the battlefield - guaranteed that as soon as you get off the plane, you can start firing. What is a rapid reaction force? It's not just that we run fast, these measures are also part of the rapid reaction content, otherwise, if you only run fast but still have to carry backpacks and lead bullets, by the time you get on the plane, you won't even know what year it is - in the army, there's always someone doing serious things.

  Xiao Ying was standing in the shade in front of the barracks, cooling off with a pout on her face. She didn't have any temper, although back in middle school she used to clean my dorm room for me. But now it's not possible, we're all soldiers and the barracks isn't like a middle school boys' dorm. Even if she wanted to come in, she couldn't, I know that in her mind my bed is still messy, wanting to tidy it up for me - but what can you do? There are many small things you don't know about, but your loved ones and significant others enjoy these little things, they don't care whether you make promises or say "I love you". For example, the one time I went back home on leave, my mom came into my room in the morning, crying her heart out, wanting to wake me up, lift up my quilt and tidy up my bed while scolding me a few times. This kind of enjoyment had been anticipated for over a year, but when she came in it was like a tofu block - the sheets were clean as a mirror, so much so that if a fly landed on them it would slip and fall. You can imagine how she felt like crying? I later wondered how I could have folded my down quilt into a tofu block - truly an unbelievable era, an unbelievable youth. One more thing to say, there are many small things you really should think about, for the people who love you and whom you love, this world is already lacking in love, so why not cherish the love you have?... Anyway, let's get back to my story - I quickly went up, first putting my new clothes neatly on the table, then took a face basin, soap and whatnot to the water room to wash myself clean, after which I soaked my muddy clothes and shoes, then hurried back to the dorm to change into clean clothes and shoes. I put the wild orchid in my chest pocket, and just like that I was refreshed and went downstairs.

  Xiao Ying took one look at me and was really startled. Later, when I looked at my own photos from back then, I think she couldn't help but be startled too. Do you know what it means to be rugged? —— I really was like that back then. In the photo taken in front of the barracks, I'm wearing a full set of camouflage gear, black beret, black leather boots, and a colorful wolf-tooth armband, with a colorful chest patch that reads "Chinese Army Wolf Tooth Special Forces" on it. Paired with our usual shiny high-top leather boots, I looked dark and lean, with piercing eyes, although not as muscular as Sylvester Stallone, but the absolute ferocity was in my bones. At the time, I didn't feel anything out of the ordinary because all the brothers around me looked like that too. It wasn't until many years after I retired from the army and flipped through those old photos again that I realized that little village boy had really disappeared.

  Xiao Ying looked at me for half a day, and I was still smiling, but I didn't know what was wrong. This time her smile didn't have that playful feeling, it was a surprising surprise. The little squad leader looked at the camouflage diving watch on his wrist - this kind of watch I also had one later, but lost it during a move. The vanity of special forces is not ordinary, I've said that before, but you probably don't know that there's even a small dog head on the camouflage strap of the diving watch? Why the vanity? Because what we get isn't easy! Although you think it's ridiculous, we're eager to have a dog head emblem on our heads - The squad leader said: "It's almost 10 o'clock, hurry up!"

  We quickly left, everyone knows that time is precious. The team leader personally approved a leave for a team member, especially a new one, which I had never seen before. It was really an exception for me - later he told me that it was indeed because of Xiao Ying's face, a little female soldier who got up early and took the bus for so long, and then walked so far on the mountain road, and also went through so many checkpoints to see me, which wasn't easy. And she was really a lovely little girl, couldn't not approve her leave, otherwise it wouldn't be right.

  Of course, the team leader of the police communication unit was punished for this, I know that this kind of thing is unprecedented and will never happen again. Next time, even if it's a female soldier, no one would dare to let her in. However, the team leader didn't hold a grudge against me, because everyone admired Xiao Ying. At that time, there was a famous song called "I Crossed the Ocean to See You", Xiao Ying didn't use half of her savings, and didn't travel so far, but I think if we had to make an MTV, it would be this song.

  Imagine, a 19-year-old girl wearing military uniform, waiting for the bus before dawn, then going out of town and into the mountains, on the mountain road, she was looking forward to seeing a little soldier who was suffering in the mud. Through the dirty window of the bus, you could see her white face, those beautiful eyes shining with something...

  Love. Yes, that's love. Love is not status, nor money, nor social standing, nor the dowry of marriage, nor a house, nor a car, nor even that meaningless red card with a photo and a seal. When you want to see someone so badly that you can't sit still, when your butt hurts from sitting for too long, and your feet ache from walking on unfamiliar mountain roads, that's love.

  Love is so simple.

  We lined up on the right side and walked, and whoever came over to take a look inside the big courtyard. At that time, I thought I had become a legendary figure in the big courtyard, all because of Xiao Ying, because this incident was even more widely spread than being a squad leader in military school, precisely because it involved a female soldier. Much later, after I had been discharged from the army for a long time, one of my old comrades-in-arms, who is still serving as an officer in the battalion, called me while chatting on the phone and suddenly asked: "Do you know? Now the young soldiers are saying that our batch of soldiers had a legendary story - a female military academy student ran all the way from the provincial city to our battalion to see one of our soldiers, losing one shoe along the way. She came in and hugged that soldier, wailing loudly. I thought about it for half a day but couldn't figure out who it was. Is this really true? How come I don't remember?"

  I was holding the phone and stunned for half a day, then I was dumbfounded. I didn't cry, but my heart hurt. This shows two things:

  What is a legend? Later generations always process the prototype, according to their own imagination, and then even people who witnessed the scene at that time do not know where it came from.

  Two, what is the origin of a legend? The truth that is worth spreading is the origin of a legend. For example, a 19-year-old female soldier going into the mountains to find the person she thinks about day and night is a story worth spreading.

  When we came out of the barracks, Xiao Ying hadn't spoken yet, and the squad leader on duty had already taken out a small, exquisite round box wrapped in cowhide paper from the sentry box and handed it to Xiao Ying horizontally, saying that according to her requirements, they didn't dare touch it even when placing it flat. I was truly amazed at Xiao Ying's prowess back then, she really was the one who got things done in our entire regiment! Even the famous Iron Gate Gods of the Communication Unit did things for her and listened to her.

  Xiao Ying took it over with a nonchalant attitude, carefully holding it in her arms, without even saying thank you, just nodding her head - these female soldiers, especially the pretty ones, are really used to being treated like this by warriors, and rarely encounter resistance. Although there are some who don't fall for it, they are few in number. Then she turned around and said to me: "Let's go!" And strode out with a swagger.

  I quickly thanked the class leader and followed her out. Then, the police communication team's guards stood at the gate with their 95 automatic rifles and special warfare knives in full camouflage gear, standing as still as nails, but when I passed by them, I felt their eyes moving, following us - first looking at Xiao Ying, then at me after she had walked out of their line of sight. Their military posture was really good! Although the officer wasn't there, their necks didn't move - it's true that iron discipline is iron discipline! The special forces' discipline isn't lax, but stricter than any other unit - it's not about being fierce in battle, but about being strict to bring out combat effectiveness. A military unit that isn't strict can't fight battles. Where does this strictness come from? It's the little things, like why soldiers stand at attention, march in step, and do chores like cleaning toilets with old toothbrushes - are these useful for fighting? Of course not, but they have an absolutely crucial role - it's about being strict. Only when you're strict can you follow orders and form a cohesive combat force. When I was in the field army infantry regiment's new recruit company, I thought it was strict, but compared to home, it was nothing; when I joined the reconnaissance company, it was even stricter; when I entered the training base, it was stricter than the regiment or company; but when I got to the special forces, that's when I knew what real strictness was! - Actually, people are the same way - those who are too relaxed with themselves can't achieve great things, like me now.

  We set out and walked on the winding mountain road. It wasn't until we couldn't see the guards anymore that I asked Xiaoying, "What are you holding?"

  "Don't tell you!" The little leather shoes clattered. I didn't ask anymore, and the consciousness of not asking what shouldn't be asked had really sunk into my brain. Not saying what shouldn't be said? - Now I don't even dare to forget! I don't dare to forget this point at any time, because the lessons are too profound. So anyone who wants to get something from this can give up. After a while, Little Shadow saw that I wasn't making a sound and became unhappy: "You won't even guess?"

  I just smiled secretly. I really couldn't guess, my mind is now full of military technology, various formations and data, nothing else - it was months later that I adapted to this life and wrote poetry. Xiaoying pouted, and I didn't dare speak.

  "It's just like wood!" she said unhappily. We went up the mountain. I remembered the squad leader's teachings and didn't go to the mountain top where there was a training ground. To be honest, it's hard to get in even if you want to, the sentry posts are almost 5 kilometers away. --- We went up the mountain, and the scenery is really not bad. The forest is lush but not dense, that place is our afforestation efforts on barren mountains, with grass planted below, and a small river underneath, the water is so clean! Even now, I still recall it as a kind of enjoyment.

  We arrived at the riverbank between two mountain packages and sat on the lawn. Xiaoying was delighted to see the water, she loved playing with water since childhood. It's even more fun in summer, her little leather shoes were taken off, white bear socks were taken off, and her small feet stretched into the water. Then she let out a long sigh and lay down without speaking, really tired. I saw that there were blisters on her feet, which had been rubbed open by her shoes.

  My nose suddenly turned sour - I really should have hugged her feet and cried at the time, but I didn't. Why didn't I? I still regret it to this day. A little girl who had never walked on such a rugged mountain road before came all the way just to see me, and I still can't forget it. But at that time, I didn't because of discipline, because the iron-like discipline had already molded me into a soldier, and I was no longer that carefree little boy. She let the icy water wash her feet for a while before opening her eyes: "It's really comfortable - I couldn't have imagined that your scenery here is actually quite beautiful!"

  I just smiled, thinking that it was just a drop in the ocean. She gazed at the blue sky and white clouds for a while, then sat up: "Do you know why I came today?"

  "I said: 'Missing me, huh?'"

  "You're so pretty! I wasn't thinking of you at all!" She gave me a cold glance. Since I was used to being scolded by Xiaoying since childhood, I didn't dare talk back.

  "Close your eyes!"

  I closed my eyes. Then I heard the rustling of paper and then the sound of striking a match. Then she softly said:

  "Open your eyes."

  I opened my eyes. A heart-shaped birthday cake. A small candle. I suddenly remembered, today is my 18th birthday! Xiao Ying clapped her hands alone: "Happy Birthday... Little Zhuang Happy Birthday!"

  I just stared blankly. I don't remember what I was thinking about. Or maybe I really am stupid? Anyway, I just sat there like an idiot. Then Xiaoying said: "Okay! Make a wish!"

  I closed my eyes, crossed my hands and made a wish. Tears rolled down. When I opened my eyes, I saw Xiaoying's smiling face in the tears. She didn't find it strange that I cried; I've always been sensitive since childhood. I blew out the candle. Then she asked me: "What did you wish for? Tell me."

  I didn't say anything, just silently vowed to myself. She had to make me say it. I couldn't help it, she was like that, if you didn't tell her, she would definitely want to know, and even if you took the initiative to tell her, she wouldn't be happy to hear it - girls back then were really something! So I looked into her eyes, just like taking an oath in front of a military flag, and said: "I, Xiao Zhuang, will only marry Xiao Ying for the rest of my life!"

  Xiao Ying was stunned for half a day, clearly she didn't expect me to say that. I looked at her seriously. Then the cake splattered on my face: "Look how beautiful you are! Who wants to marry you!"

  Then we chased and played on the lawn by the small river, she was still barefoot, but the lawn here is not wild grass, it's what we planted. A little bird looked at us from the branch, thinking humans are quite annoying, why bother fighting when everything is fine? It watched for a while, then thought it wasn't interesting and went to catch insects on its own. Anyway, mind your own business and don't interfere with others' affairs!

  Then she leaned against my chest and talked to me. Her feet were still in the clear stream, rubbing against each other, I knew she was really hurt, because my feet had countless blisters. So I gave her the wild orchid, but those stories were not told. I think many things don't need to be said, just do them yourself, knowing that your heart is true is enough. Later I realized what I should have said, what would make her happy, for our brief green love, for us two little soldiers who couldn't control our own destiny; but at that time I didn't realize it, I was 18, she was 19, we both thought we had a long time together.

  She played with the flower: "What kind of flower is this? It's so ugly! It's all wilted!"

  I felt a pang in my heart, but I didn't say anything. It was originally for Xiaoying anyway, whether she liked it or not was her freedom. But Xiaoying still held it in her hand and sniffed: "Wow! It's still quite fragrant! This dried flower is so fragrant, really rare!"

  Actually, at that time we didn't know that the flower not only dried up fragrantly. The longer it stayed, the more fragrant it became, and many years later I got confirmation of this. Xiao Ying held it in her hand and kept smelling it, like all girls, Xiao Ying loved fragrances.

  Should female soldiers like the smell of gunpowder? We just talked and talked, but basically she was the one talking. So from the hospital's director to the aunt who sweeps the floors, I knew all about their various scandals. Half a year later when I saw the female soldiers in their dorm, although I hadn't met them before, I didn't make any mistakes about who was who - they were all very surprised, but of course, they were also extremely familiar with me. My love letters were ranked as the top 10 most romantic in their dorm, surpassing a popular young singer at the time (I won't mention his name, you can think back yourselves).

  I didn't say anything, it's not a secret, I just joined the army and didn't know much. But I really didn't know what to say, because I've gotten used to all this hardship, once you're used to it, you don't think there's anything to talk about. You go ask the brothers stationed at the border, like those in the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau at an altitude of 4,000 meters, "Are you suffering?" They'll think you're sick or something, "What do you mean by suffering? This is just how it is as a soldier." We also thought that way, we really didn't know if soldiers from other units, like those in the big yards, were more comfortable than us. But even if we knew, we wouldn't be envious, it's just a few years of hardship, and it's worth it for the country and the army, it's also our personal precious wealth. Why would we join the army to seek comfort? - That's really what I thought at the time.

  We've always talked like this, I occasionally kiss her, and she closes her eyes like a cat. She also occasionally kisses me, then sighs: "Like charcoal! How can you take it out? Walking on the street, people think I'm with a furnace!"

  I'm delighted.

  My 18th birthday was spent with Xiao Ying. It was the sweetest day of my life. After that, I never had a birthday again. Until last year, I had to have one, but it wasn't happy. Because I didn't say anything happy, and I really wasn't happy. I kept thinking of Xiao Ying. She really looks like Xiao Ying.

  Do you think I'm happy about it? Actually, thinking about it, I shouldn't have wronged her. But the key is Xiaoying's story, and when I told her, it was already too late. My 26th birthday and my 18th birthday, the only two birthdays I've celebrated since becoming an adult. Two girls who look exactly alike celebrated with me. Which one do you think I can forget?