Chapter 2: Not My Will

  On the second day after birth, I woke up with a rumbling stomach and opened my sleepy eyes, clenched my fists and let out a loud cry.

  "I want milk!"

  Although the sound is out of tune and distorted, and full of tremolo, it has a strong explosive force.

  Ma Teng and his mother's shocked expression proved how earth-shattering this loud cry was.

  "He... he just spoke?" Ma Teng's face was filled with incredulity.

  My mother touched my head and I couldn't answer for a moment.

  I suppressed my emotions for a moment and continued shouting: "I'm hungry! I want milk!"

  Mother was like a dream just woke up, hurriedly slightly turned her body and sent me to the supply place.

  I unceremoniously put it in my mouth and ate it with all my might... eating milk.

  This milk is warm and smooth, but... I don't think it's particularly sweet or delicious.

  "This kid...... can speak as soon as he's born?" Ma Teng tried his best to keep his voice steady, but unfortunately, he failed.

  Mother was surprised and uncertain: "And said two sentences..."

  "Born with the ability to speak, this is a sign of a saint!" Ma Teng said in a trembling voice. "My family has been declining for two generations, could it be that we will rise again because of this?"

  I relaxed my mouth and licked the milky white liquid that had overflowed from the corner of my lips, and said with a satisfied belch: "Mother, I'm full."

  Mother wrapped her clothes tightly, gently put me down, and said with joy: "You can already call Mom!"

  "My son, call out 'Dad' and try it?" Old Ma leaned in, his big eyes full of expectation.

  I yawned and decided to scare this boring dad: "Dad, is Ma Yuan my ancestor?"

  Ma Teng was indeed startled, but then nodded repeatedly: "Yes, yes, yes!" He turned his head and shouted to his mother, "My son is extremely intelligent and will surely make a name for himself in the future!"

  I rolled my eyes and suddenly felt a wave of drowsiness wash over me.

  Because I was born with the ability to speak, I was immediately treated as a priceless treasure and raised.

  Not only is Ma Teng not lazy, but even Grandpa and Grandma, the two ancestors, often come to my room to ask about my well-being.

  But... Heaven didn't let me be happy for a few days, and I soon inadvertently learned of a fact.

  I... am actually an illegitimate child!

  Damn it! Bastard!

  What's going on here?

  Bastard! Do you know what this is?

  Not born by his first wife, but by his concubine!

  What does this mean?

  Father doesn't love and mother doesn't care, for a lifetime still have to suffer from the legitimate children's temper!

  The most typical example I know is Yuan Shao and his brother Yuan Shu.

  Yuan Shao, although the eldest son, was born to a concubine and was always inferior in status to his legitimate younger brother Yuan Shu. Although Yuan Shu died too early, resulting in Yuan Shao's later achievements far surpassing his, Yuan Shao likely had a shadow in his heart for his entire life.

  What about me?

  Is it also like this?

  Moreover, as a bastard child, it is said that even after the old man's death, he still cannot inherit the family property and title!

  It's laughable that Ma Teng, a minor official from a poor county in Xiliang, could actually take a concubine?!

  I suddenly remembered that after Ma Teng and Han Sui fell out, they had nowhere to go and could only take their wives and children to surrender to Cao Cao. He took away Ma Tie, Ma Xiu, and Ma Dai, but left his eldest son Ma Chao in the Western Liang. I thought it was because Ma Chao was older, so he stayed behind to lead the troops more conveniently, but now it seems that may not be the case.

  Ma Teng's forces were far inferior to Han Sui at the time, and he himself estimated that he could not defeat his opponent. For him, Cao Cao's place might be safer, so he took his two beloved sons and abandoned his eldest son to flee far away. Later, when Cao Cao led his army on a western expedition, Ma Chao did not hesitate to join hands with Han Sui to rebel against Cao Cao. When he thought of his ruthless father who had defected to Cao Cao, he was even more furious. However, Cao Cao did not care about the feud between the father and son, and with one swing of his sword, he beheaded Ma Teng and his sons, and also gave Ma Chao another crime of "heartless unfilial piety". From then on, he was criticized by others.

  The above is purely personal speculation at this moment.

  Fortunately, Ma Teng's current wife has not yet given birth, while my mother has already given birth to a boy and a girl: two years ago, my elder sister Ma Wen was born, and now I'm born again, obviously my mother is more competitive!

  As the only male in the next generation of the Ma family now, I should still be quite pampered, at least until the birth of my next brother...

  This period of time is not too long.

  Although I already possess the spirit of an adult, perhaps because my physical age is still too young, I have been in a state of confusion and drowsiness, unable to rouse myself.

  This extremely uncomfortable state lasted until I was two years old.

  I can finally maintain absolute clarity for most of the time, and this world has suddenly become bright and open, I'm officially awake now.

  But I didn't have time to be happy.

  The old man's legitimate wife finally became pregnant.

  Watching her belly grow bigger day by day, Father became busier and busier, almost never coming to Mother's courtyard anymore.

  I finish every meal in this small courtyard, I don't know how long it's been since I last had a meal with my old man.

  It's been about half a year now.

  I occasionally curse, cursing the old man's legitimate wife to suddenly suffer a massive hemorrhage and die in vain, two lives lost and their souls flying to the Western Heaven. But under the meticulous care of everyone in the mansion, she has been living stably all along, only because her belly is getting bigger and she walks less and less.

  The day of delivery has finally arrived.

  It was dusk, and my mother and I had just finished dinner when the house suddenly became lively like a boiling pot. In less than an incense stick's time, I clearly heard the loud wailing sound.

  At this moment, Mother's face turned pale, her thin lips tightly closed.

  "He's a young master!"

  We clearly heard the cries outside the wall.

  Mother's thin body couldn't help but tremble, she stretched out her hand to push away the bowls and dishes on the table, turned around with her back facing me, and slowly returned to the bedroom.

  He clearly knew in his heart of hearts that this might be the outcome, yet he still couldn't control his emotions.

  I understand her, but I don't understand him.

  In my opinion, whether in terms of appearance or virtue, Father's legitimate wife cannot be compared to Mother. Why does Ma Teng value her so much?

  Is it just because of this ridiculous difference between legitimate and illegitimate children?

  I still don't understand.

  Maybe I will never understand.

  Ma Teng's second son was named "Ma Tie", meaning roughly that his vitality is as strong as steel, but this name is indeed unique and extremely rustic, not quite common or elegant.

  With the arrival of his son, Ma Teng seemed to have become much younger, both in spirit and physical function. It was as if all his parts had suddenly rejuvenated. During this period, I saw him more frequently, and I often went to the main room's courtyard to play with Ma Tie, of course, it was just me teasing him as an older brother.

  Actually, the attitude of my mother-in-law towards me and my mother is not bad, on the surface it seems that their relationship is very close, but in her heart, my mother has always hidden a deep sadness and sense of inferiority, like two heavy mountains pressing down on her shoulders, weighing heavily on her heart.

  She can't resist, she can only accept, she's having trouble breathing.

  Mother is not a jealous woman, but she has been tortured so miserably, so painfully.

  But her suffering and desperation were far from over, still far from reaching their peak.

  Because I know I have more than one younger brother besides Ma Tie.