The feeling of being alive

  For several nights, Gu Yuqie didn't sleep well. After falling into the water, she had a fever, her forehead was scorching hot, and she was dizzy and confused, sometimes clear-headed and sometimes delirious.

  She seemed to have fallen into an endless nightmare.

  The past flashed before my eyes like scenes from a movie.

  She still remembered herself in a red dress standing under the peach blossom tree in the backyard of the Temple of Protecting the Country, with the mountains full of peach blossoms that couldn't compare to her charming smile, and that one smile had unknowingly intoxicated the hearts of countless princes.

  At the royal banquet, she danced with a captivating charm, her long sleeves flowing like clouds. As she moved, her slender waist and delicate hairpins seemed to sway in rhythm. With each step, she appeared to tread on lotus flowers, as if she were a celestial maiden descending upon the mortal world for the first time.

  In the autumn hunting grounds, she wore a bright dress and rode a fierce horse, with a long bow like a crescent moon and arrows like shooting stars. Her heroic spirit was not inferior to that of men, and her elegance was impressive, attracting countless young men to pay their respects.

  Thus almost everyone remembered a Gu Yuqie, the legitimate daughter of Dingyuan Houfu, who was both elegant in writing and martial arts, as beautiful as peach blossoms.

  People who came to propose marriage almost broke the door of Dingyuan Hou Mansion, but she actually fell in love with a man as cold as frost.

  She clearly knew he didn't like her, but she didn't know what evil spirit possessed her, just wanting to marry him, even going so far as to defy imperial orders, single-mindedly seeking marriage, giving up the position of Sixth Prince's legitimate wife to marry him as a concubine.

  She thought what she gave would be what he wanted, with her talent and beauty, there was no man she couldn't conquer.

  But she was wrong. She plotted for him, tested poison for him, and blocked arrows for him, helping him ascend to the throne. Yet he only conferred upon her the title of "Talented Lady".

  She doesn't care about status or fame as long as he has her in his eyes. She always comforts herself like this, but what about in the end?

  Gu Yuqie thought he was a fool in the past, but in the end, only his gentle and lovely cousin could enter his eyes. He had always liked women who were as gentle as water. His position had been vacant all along, waiting for someone, perhaps that woman. That woman had suffered some grievances and was implicated and thrown into the cold palace, locked up for ten years until she drank poison and set fire to the palace.

  Is that woman really as gentle as water? Others can't see it, but Gu Yuqie can.

  She clearly remembered the scene of that night, she was wearing the red dress when she first met him, drank the poisonous wine sent by the woman, danced with her hair down and bare feet on the Water Moon Pavilion for the last time. This dance was magnificent and beautiful, it was specially danced for him to see, she had poured all her life into this dance. She also knew he was watching because she could feel the focus in his gaze, even though they were separated by the Taiyi Pond. He had never looked at her so seriously before, until the big fire broke out and the flames that rose to the sky were about to engulf her, only then did she see a crack in his icy gaze.

  She heard his urgent cry across the water, "Xiaoyu, come over, there's still room for negotiation, I command you to come over!", only then did she smile miserably. She loudly vowed to heaven that if she could be reborn, she would never love him, protect him, and would rather not know him at all!

  "Yun Ke, I, Gu Yu Qie, today use the light of fire to illuminate the path, with my blood as a guide, all the gods in heaven as witnesses. If there is an afterlife, I will never see you again for eternity."

  Gu Yuqiu let out a long sigh, waking up from her nightmare. In front of her were still her mother's anxious eyes, but her mind was clear and calm.

  She really can't understand why someone like her who is eager to die would be reborn again.

  "Ah-Niang's fever has finally subsided." Liang's wife touched her forehead, revealing a tired but relieved smile.

  Gu Yuqiu suddenly realized that her mother seemed more haggard than she remembered.

  She didn't have a deep affection for this mother, and in her previous life she had crossed over because the original Gu Yuqiu had drowned and died, and it wasn't until after a long time that she woke up. This mother fell ill not long after her body recovered, and was bedridden for four years before passing away in the 19th year of Jingyuan.

  But this time, reborn, last time crossing over, consecutively two times Liang's family were like this taking care of her without sleep or rest, Gu Yuqiu couldn't help but feel a few parts guilt and softness in her heart. After all, she had taken the place of her own biological daughter.

  She stretched out her arms and hugged Liang's warm body, "A'Nuo made mother worry." Her soft and weak voice struck Liang's heart, making Liang unable to hold back tears.

  "Just don't scare Mom like that again." Liang's mother wiped away tears as she gently patted her daughter.

  For several days in a row, Gu Yuqie has been enjoying Liang's motherly love with some trepidation.

  In her previous life, she had crossed over and felt fresh and excited about everything. She proudly thought that she was from the modern era, and compared to the ladies around her who only knew how to embroider flowers, recite poetry, and chase butterflies, she naturally had her own unique place. She placed herself in a very high position, and all she could think about was living a life of prosperity and good fortune in ancient times, just like in the novels she used to read.

  She indeed did it, at the age of eleven she became famous with a seven-step poem, and at twelve she disguised herself as a man to attend the Lu Shan Academy, where she defeated Jiang Zhongzi with a magnificent article. Relying on the accumulation of 5,000 years of brilliant culture, using her own cleverness, she proudly plagiarized the essence of Chinese civilization in this dynasty that had never appeared in history books, and calmly accepted others' envy and praise.

  She stood at the top of the clouds, looking down on those ancient people she thought were mediocre. If it weren't for the fact that the emperor at the time was several years older than her father, she had even considered taking over the palace and becoming the empress of Daliang, a model for the world to follow.

  How ridiculous!

  Gu Yuqie thought back to her past life and couldn't help but shake her head.

  She was blinded by the dazzling beauty of the world, lost her heart, and thought that what she sought for herself was the best. Her ambition was higher than the sky, and she was arrogant enough to think that as long as she wanted something, there was nothing she couldn't do. In fact, she did achieve it, assisting the so-called beloved man of her choice step by step to the throne. Unfortunately, she miscalculated his heart, he never fell in love with her from start to finish, and he only used her. What she lost was not just her life, but also her heart. In the end, she set fire to the temple, wanting to use this extreme method to leave a mark on his heart.

  Everyone is dead, what's the use of that vague and elusive mark? Moreover, whether to leave or not is still a matter of words, with that person's cold-blooded ruthlessness, it's probably just a mockery for her too.

  It's strange to say, but with her pride, she endured so much for an ancient man for many years, and in the end, she even burned herself to death for him. That was really painful, standing in the sea of fire, that kind of loneliness, despair, when the flames licked her body, that kind of piercing pain to the bone, physical pain, heartache too. She knew why she did all this, it was because she loved that man.

  People are proud, but love is humble, so she shouted out to ask all the gods in heaven to witness that if there was an afterlife, she would rather never see him again for eternity.

  She's exhausted and has given up.

  Gu Yuqie wiped away the tears that fell again from the corner of her eyes, and smiled brightly. She really came to this life once more, in this life, she would avoid him, evade him, and never see him again.

  She jumped out of bed, walked to the window, pushed open the window, and suddenly found that the old plum tree in front of the window had produced several small flower buds. The winter day was clear and cold, but the sky was high and the clouds were far away, and Gu Yuqie's mood also became much more open-minded.

  In her previous life, she lived for that man; this life should be hers too.

  It feels great to be alive.