May 14th

  May 14, 2010

  Thursday showers

  This morning, Wei Xingyun called Yang Dan and asked her to meet up when she had time. Yang Dan had to go to the library to look up some information in the morning, so they agreed to meet at the entrance of the library at noon.

  Early in the morning, Wei Xingyun had already arrived at the library.

  Once again back in our school library, I have a kind of refreshing feeling.

  In the past, every time I came in, I had a feeling of being careful, walking lightly, speaking softly, grabbing seats quickly, and making a slight noise would make me feel like I was hindering human progress... But now, hey! I don't need to swipe my card to get in, I can run, I can jump, I can sit wherever I want, I can relax however I want, even if I walk backwards in front of the auntie, she won't have a chance to scold me... Okay, I admit that my smug face is quite despicable.

  But solo performances and such, after singing for a bit, become boring.

  Everyone in the library sat quietly in their seats, including Wei Xingyun. There was no one to appreciate his solo performance, and after feeling pleased with himself, he couldn't help but feel a little desolate.

  Suddenly, someone whispered "hey" softly in my ear.

  If I still had a body, I would definitely be scared to the point where my hair could stand on end. I slowly turned around, and behind me was that man from last time, smiling!

  I instantly floated three meters away, but he followed closely behind me, his eyes fixed on me with a hint of playful smile on his face.

  "You, you, you... what do you want to do? Don't come any closer! This is our school library, there are a lot of people around, don't touch me!" I threatened randomly, heaven knows who can help me in the library.

  "He smiled: 'Don't be nervous, relax a bit, I won't do anything to you for now.'"

  I puffed up my eyes and stared at him, temporarily, when I didn't know what temporary meant.

  "But," he said slowly, "if you really can't communicate, I'll have to... right now..."

  I "whooshed" back in front of him, "Good communication, good communication, I'm very good at communicating."

  He smiled contentedly and said, "I just wanted to ask you, are you willing to go with me?"

  "Where are you going?"

  "Go where you should go."

  "I won't go, I absolutely won't go."

  "I've been watching you for a long time," he said, looking at me. "Your daily activities are just following him or spacing out. Isn't this kind of life actually very boring?"

  "I protest: 'Who says I'm spacing out? I was just thinking! Not bored at all, very happy.'"

  "Come with me, you have plenty of time to think."

  "Grandpa," I said with a bitter face, "just let me off this time, you've also said that you've been observing me for a while, and I haven't run wild or harmed anyone, have I? I'm a good ghost, just let me stay a little longer."

  "Don't call me grandpa, my name is Situ."

  "Master Situ~~~~" I called out in a drawn-out voice.

  He looked at me with a mixture of laughter and tears, no longer entangled in the issue of titles, "How long is a period of time?"

  "Uh... one year... three years... can't you just pretend you never saw me?"

  He looked at me with a "do you think this is possible" kind of gaze, and I even lowered my head myself.

  After a long silence, I raised my head. "So, I'm willing to use everything to exchange for another chance, even my soul. Can I?"

  "What did you say?"

  "Give me one more chance to start anew, and I'll give you my soul."

  "Foolish girl, what would I do with your soul? I'm just a guide for you. Your soul is useless to me." He raised an eyebrow, "Besides, aren't you afraid that even if you were reborn, you'd still die an unjust death?"

  "Then let me stay, I won't do anything bad, just pretend I don't exist between heaven and earth, I promise. I'll just accompany him honestly, then I'm willing to accept any punishment."

  "Is all punishment? Even if it's a mountain of knives and a sea of fire, piercing through one's bones?"

  I was deeply moved and finally gritted my teeth and nodded heavily.

  "Is it worth it? For someone who doesn't love you."

  I felt as if I had been suddenly punched in the gut, a heavy blow that struck me right in the heart, leaving me speechless with pain.

  It turns out that even someone who doesn't belong in this world knows that Wei Xingyun doesn't love me.

  My entire life, everything I've done, the long time I deeply loved Wei Xingyun's era, seems to be a pathetic joke, and in this joke, I am the world's most unfunny clown.

  "After a long time, I gritted my teeth and said: 'Whether I'm worthy of him or not, whether he loves me or not, it's none of your business. Anyway, he will never forget me, that's enough.'"

  He sneered, "Foolish. Have you ever thought that even if you didn't die, you two wouldn't be able to be together forever? When you're young, you always think love is everything, but gradually you'll find out that many things will deviate from the expected track, and the passage of time may wear away your love for him, while he might fall in love with someone else."

  I shook my head, "No. Maybe you won't believe it, but every day, every minute, every second, I love him more than the last. These days, recalling the past when we were together, maybe I was sad, maybe I was angry, maybe I even hated him, but I just can't help loving him."

  "But even if you stay, from now on, you can only be an outsider, watching his life from the sidelines, seeing him walk out of the shadows, meeting new people, getting married and having children... No one knows your sacrifices, he will never know how much you love him, you have no one to confide in, and you will be consumed by loneliness."

  "Are you scaring me?" I laughed, "I'm not afraid. I've already died once, what's the fear of loneliness?"

  "I'm only afraid of being separated from him, I'm only afraid that after this, I'll never see his face or hear his voice again, I'm only afraid that I'll forget him. If he's happy, even if it's just as an onlooker, I'll be very happy too."

  "He sighed, 'Alright, stubborn girl, I can't persuade you.'"

  "I'm glad you agree I can stay?"

  "No," he said firmly, looking at me, "even if I couldn't persuade you, I still have to take you away."

  At that moment, I felt as if my soul was being drained and evaporating into the air.

  "But I'm giving you time, in ten days, you can make a choice."

  "Then return my memories to me, I want to know how I died."

  "Memories are yours, no one can take them away. Anyway, Wei Xingyun will soon find the answer too. In these ten days, you can think it over carefully, comfort yourself, after all, you also know that he doesn't love you, he just pities you, he only feels guilty towards you and that's why he does so much for you, what's the point of it all?"

  He had vanished into thin air before I could even respond.

  I stood in the library, with Si Tu's last words still echoing beside my ear.

  He doesn't love you, he doesn't love you.

  Yes, he doesn't love me.

  But didn't Karen Mok sing it long ago?

  However.

  He still won over my heart.

  Only ten days, just ten more days, and I'll never see you again?

  I turned around to look for Wei Xingyun, he was still sitting there, in that instant, I suddenly thought, he was still the young man who studied in the library, and I was still the girl who secretly glanced at him from behind.

  I didn't like coming to the library before, but for Wei Xingyun, I ran to the library more often than attending classes. He thought my movements were too much and always liked to run around, unwilling to sit with me, so I secretly sat behind him, holding a book, reading while looking at his back, and would accidentally fall asleep, when I woke up, Wei Xingyun was already sitting beside me.

  "Are you awake?"

  "Uh-huh."

  "Wipe your mouth."

  I stubbornly said, "I don't drool when I sleep."

  While speaking, he secretly wiped his cheek with a guilty conscience.

  "Let's go and have some food." Wei Xingyun stood up.

  "Uh... okay." I quickly put the book back on the shelf and hurried after him, earning countless dirty looks.

  But now, even if I sit across from him, he won't be disgusted with me anymore.

  I don't know if he will be uncomfortable without my library.

  What's wrong, Wei Xingyun? I feel like I'm about to die from sadness.

  But I'm already dead...

  I was staring blankly at Wei Xingyun's face when Yang Dan walked over, patted his shoulder, and gestured for him to go out with her.

  She is still the same as before, with her chest out and head held high, a smile on her face, dignified and proud, making people both instinctively dislike her and yet can't help but feel affectionate towards her.

  It's done, I'm really too lonely, seeing Yang Dan gives me a kind of intimacy like seeing an old friend.

  "What's up?" Yang Dan asked, "I heard you've been investigating Mengmeng's cause of death lately?"

  Wei Hangyun nodded, "Yes, I want to know what happened before she died, who she met."

  Yang Dan wasn't stupid at all, "Do you think I might have seen her on the day she passed away?"

  Wei Xingyun didn't say anything.

  Yang Dan smiled ambiguously, "Do you think our relationship is good enough that she would come looking for me specifically?"

  "Maybe she didn't come specifically looking for you."

  "She didn't come looking for me," Yang Dan said sincerely to Wei Xingyun, "but that day, I seemed to have seen her."

  "When the police came to investigate, I thought, there must have been many people who saw her that day, and I didn't need to take the initiative to tell them."

  "She's sitting a bit far away, under that big tree next to the staff canteen. I didn't walk over, but judging from her clothes, it should be her."

  "What was she doing at that time?" Wei Xingyun asked.

  "I didn't notice at that time. Later I thought she was sitting alone feeling sad, but now thinking back, it also seems like she was waiting for someone."

  "Waiting for someone..." Wei Xingyun fell into deep thought.

  "I really regret it, if I had gone over to talk to her at that time, maybe none of this would have happened. Although our relationship wasn't great, we lived in the same dorm for four years after all. Wei Xingyun, I don't know whether you're guessing or actually found out something, but if there really are other circumstances surrounding Mengmeng's death, I hope you can reveal the truth."

  Wei Xingyun regained his calm demeanor of old, "I will, thank you."

  "But," Yang Dan looked at him worriedly, "don't be too obsessed either. As dormitory roommates, we've all seen you and Mengmeng grow up together. We know how much she loves you, and she definitely wouldn't want you to exhaust yourself over her affairs. To be honest, Wei Xingyun, your complexion really doesn't look good."

  I followed her gaze to Wei Xingyun, who I interact with every day, and was surprised to find that his dark eye circles had become extremely thick, his complexion somewhat pale. Although he had shaved his beard, the whole person exuded a sense of decadence... what's going on? Is it because we're too familiar, so I overlooked it?

  "...I think if Mengmeng could see you like this now, what she would most want to say to you is, 'let go'."

  All the awkwardness, contradictions and resentment have turned into thin air. At this moment, I wish I could rush up and hug Yang Dan. I didn't expect her to understand me so well, nor did I expect her to show such a warm side. The words I've been wanting to say to Wei Xingyun all this time were finally spoken by her today.

  "Let go," Wei Xingyun said with a light smile. "If I can't find the truth, how can I put it down at ease?"

  The two of them fell silent for a while. Yang Dan sighed and said, "In any case, take care of yourself. If you need help with anything, contact me."

  "Thanks a lot." Wei Xingyun nodded at her and bid farewell before turning around and leaving.

  Here is the revised version... =_=

  It's okay, just change it slowly.

  Although it's still being updated, I hope you can support my new book too, haha

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