Suicide or homicide? (1)

  Saturday, April 17, 2010 Sunny turning cloudy

  I'm feeling a little schadenfreude today.

  In the morning, Wei Xingyun was holding a thick English book, studying some software I couldn't understand on his computer when it suddenly broke down.

  I used to have a strong dislike for the computer of Wei Xingyun, who was obsessed with playing games. I always hoped that one day it would break down due to his extremely high usage rate. However, this computer had top-notch configuration and Wei Xingyun was an expert in this area. My desired outcome never came true until after my death, when my wish finally came true.

  Wei Xingyun opened up the host in the living room, found the fault, sighed, and carried the computer out of the door.

  After graduating from university, he rented a store near Computer City and started his own business. The high-end computer assembled by Wei Xingyun was also assembled in his store.

  Unfortunately, Wei Xingyun's computer needs to replace the motherboard, and his classmate's store is out of stock. Wei Xingyun can only pick up the computer three days later.

  After a morning of fussing about, Wei Xingyun returned empty-handed, and his mood was clearly somewhat downcast.

  Back home, sitting in front of the computer desk, Wei Xingyun thought for a moment and actually opened my computer.

  The computer password is 103112, a combination of our birthdays. I type in Weixingyun, turn it on, and the familiar music plays, the familiar desktop appears.

  That desktop is our composite photo, with our heads together. I even used my clumsy PS skills to put a small flower on my head and painted two blushes on Weixingyun's face. The us in the photo look both ridiculous and happy.

  He sat in front of the computer, I stood behind him, and we stared blankly at the desktop together for half a day.

  Then, the "ding dong" and "beep beep" sounds woke us up from our daze. It was my Wangwang and , they were both set to auto-login upon startup.

  I suddenly thought that fortunately I had set up stealth login for all of them, otherwise, seeing me online would have easily startled classmates with a weak heart who didn't react quickly.

  Click on the message flashing in the bottom right corner and view them one by one before closing.

  Some people are looking for me and some people miss me. What's most shocking is that when Xie Xianglei's message was opened, it turned out to be a confession.

  The first sentence is: Mengmeng, I like you.

  Then comes the long passage of nostalgia and confession.

  I've grown up like this and it's not that I haven't encountered confession events before, but I never realized that Xie Xiāng liked me.

  My most vivid memory of him is still in junior high school, the boy who always played with me, sometimes annoyed me, but at critical moments, he was always on my side. After junior high school, because we were not in the same school, we gradually lost touch and faded away.

  I remember the day we had a farewell dinner after graduating from junior high school, I saw him wiping away tears behind the smoke of hot pot, at that time, I even ridiculed him for being so girly.

  I suddenly feel very sorry.

  If Wei Xingyun hadn't turned on my computer after I died, if my account wasn't set to auto-login, and if my soul hadn't wandered into this world, would Xie Xiang's secret be forever buried in the vast amounts of data, never to be known by anyone?

  Unspoken love, from now on there will be no more chances.

  "Ding Dong" Wangwang message prompt tone interrupted my sadness: Due to your long-term non-payment, the transaction has been automatically closed.

  Another message popped up from a seller: Dear customer, we have finished restocking for this period, you can make payment now.

  Slide up progress bar:

  Dear, our store has new products recently, you can come and have a look.

  Sir, are you going to hoard goods? You need to pay first. New products may be launched recently, please pay attention!

  Don't forget to pay after placing an order, dear, or we can't ship it out.

  ……

  Every time I see this kind of overly familiar online shopping language, I still can't help but feel a little disgusted. I try to think hard, did I buy something without paying for it?

  Wei Xingyun clicked on the link next to it to enter the website, logged in, and found my purchase record.

  Those are two sets of couple T-shirts, one Super Mario and one SpongeBob SquarePants, the cartoon patterns that Wei Xingyun dislikes the most, but I am delighted.

  Then he entered the detailed page.

  Then I found that he suddenly tensed up all over, breathing rapidly, and his body was also overly tense and trembling.

  His eyes were fixed on the screen, rapidly turning red.

  I followed his gaze into the past, on the white page, I looked for a long time before finally discovering what he saw.

  My mind went blank.

  It is said that I died at around 5:50 pm on March 27, 2010.

  It is said that I slept on the sofa in the living room, with red and swollen eyes, having cried before dying.

  It is said that I am suicidal.

  But just over an hour before I died, I was still shopping online for a pair of couple T-shirts.

  But I couldn't remember all of this.

  Wei Hangyun's eyes widened as he stared blankly at the computer screen.

  After a long time, his complexion was as pale as a sheet of white paper.

  He suddenly lowered his head.

  If one day you left this world and everyone including yourself thought it was suicide, but then there were signs that suggested you didn't have suicidal intentions, and it's even possible that it was a murder, would you collapse?

  I never understood why I would commit suicide.

  I'm young, I have a bright personality, my parents love me, I have many friends, I've just started working, my relationship is on the right track, my life has just begun. Even if there are temporary setbacks in life, even if I quarrel with my lover, why should I choose to commit suicide?

  Wei Xingyun doesn't love me, I know that. But all along, I've been comforting myself by thinking that even if he doesn't love me, he must have some liking for me, right?

  I always thought that with the long time I loved him, with this little bit of affection, Zhen Yu and Wei Xingyun would always be together. As the years went by, when we grew old, he would still love me.

  So how could I give up on life because of a moment's heartache?

  Everything in front of me is crumbling apart, and the entire world is collapsing before my eyes.

  I fell back in confusion, my mind a complete muddle.

  Is it an accident, or is it a conspiracy?

  Fate is so unfair to me, taking away my life in my most beautiful years.

  There was a moment when I almost furiously thought, why me, why me and not someone else?

  After an unknown period of time, the sky outside had completely darkened, and the computer had also entered sleep mode. The room was pitch black.

  In the darkness, Wei Xingyun lit a cigarette.

  The lighter flashed for a moment, and there was only a spark in the room. I stared blankly at that spark, unable to see Wei Xingyun's expression.

  He took a deep drag on his cigarette, and the next moment he was seized with violent coughing. He doubled over, almost coughing up his lungs.

  Then I heard Wei Xingyun's mournful cry.

  It started with a low sobbing, gradually turning into a desperate howl of a trapped beast, hoarse and hopeless.

  This is the first time I've seen Wei Xingyun cry for me after I died.

  I floated behind him and opened my arms to encircle him in a hug.

  Dear, don't cry, don't cry, I'm here.

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