17

  Starting from this time, I often ran into Liu Baishu at the library. This wasn't a big deal, and I couldn't deprive him of his freedom to read and study. However, he always took the initiative to save me a seat, because he didn't understand my core idea for coming to the library. Every time he saved a seat, it was never in the right spot, and it ended up being ten million eight thousand miles away from Lu You, which made me feel a bit worried.

  At the moment, Liu Bo Shu and I are at one corner of the long table, while Lu You and Du Shao Tu are at our opposite corner. It's rare to see Du Shao Tu studying hard, so when I walked past him during recess, I whispered to him: "You didn't fail your English Level 4 exam, did you? That would be a real blow."

  He stood up and pulled me aside, glancing in Liu Baishu's direction: "New lover?"

  "What was said."

  "Hey, Xiao Shen, don't deny it. I've seen you two together several times at school. I thought you had genuine feelings for us, but it seems you've already found someone else."

  "I clarified: 'He is my classmate, really.' Then I added another sentence: 'And you guys don't even know what's going on with Lu You.'"

  "Oh, this is quite a pitiful thing to say. What's wrong? The concubine has feelings, but the husband doesn't care?"

  I didn't say anything.

  Du Shaotu smiled and said: "Don't be sad, we plan to go to Xiamen for a trip during the Labor Day. Your friend Lu You is also coming, do you want to come together?"

  "Huh? Who's going?"

  "Considering our dormitory has four people, plus my wife, plus Da Gun's girlfriend, and also Luntai's goddess. You see, they all receive 'first lady' treatment, are you coming or not?"

  I was particularly moved, and on the surface I still had to pretend: "Isn't this not quite right......" After thinking about it, I sincerely added another sentence: "What if he brings people?"

  Du Shao saw through my trick at a glance. "Don't worry, I booked the ticket uniformly. Your Lu Gege didn't bring anyone."

  "Hmm... then what excuse should I go with?"

  "Xiao Shen Shen, are you going or not? I've never seen anyone as stubborn as you."

  I smiled and said, "Go go go go go. Isn't Labour Day next week? I need to prepare well."

  For this Xiamen trip, I really splurged. I prepared 5 sets of clothes, one for each day, from head to toe without any repetition, all my best picks; I even got a haircut on purpose. Every night, I fell asleep with the "Xiamen travel companion" scene in mind. Every girl must have such a spring dream, right? In her heart, she imagines every scene of us in Xiamen, mixing in all the romantic scenarios she's seen, heard, and imagined, feeling like if we just went on this trip together, we'd be together. This week, every night I dreamed of Lu You, Lu You in various forms: with a backpack on, standing on Gulangyu Island smiling at me; wearing a hat eating seafood by the road; silently standing next to me for a photo shoot.

  I volunteered to be the tour guide for this trip, arranging everyone's food, drink and entertainment; selecting as many romantic places as possible that I had in mind, such as European-style villas, seaside cafes, and street food stalls.

  The specific departure time was April 30th in the morning. Since I came from home, I met them directly at the airport. When I arrived at the airport, I saw Da Peng and Lao Yang from Lu Yu's dormitory, while Du Shao was making a phone call on the side. I greeted them: "Is everyone here? Why haven't I seen Lu Yu?"

  Da Geng was slightly surprised: "Don't you know? Lu You didn't come."

  I went "huh?" in my heart, "Huh?"

  "That's right, Xiao Shen. Lu You has something urgent to attend to, there's been an incident at his hometown." Du Shaotu chimed in after finishing his phone call.

  I almost cried out: "What happened at his home?"

  Du Shaotu wanted to gloss over it: "Specifically, I'm not too clear. He didn't go this time, you see the time is late, or we'll get our boarding passes first and talk while walking."

  "Dushao Tu", I stopped him: "Does Lu You know that I'm going this time?"

  He was stunned for a while: "I know. What are you thinking?"

  "When did you know?"

  Du Shao Tu was taken aback again, clearly unprepared to answer my question: "I... always knew..."

  "I was listening and I think he's guilty, 'You guys go get your boarding passes first. I'll just use the restroom.'"

  Du Shao Tu walked closer: "It's okay, even if Lu You doesn't come, we can still have fun. My wife is also bringing her sister along, so you won't be alone."

  "I know."

  I pulled the suitcase to a quiet place and dialed Lu You's phone number, listening to the long dial tone inside, after a very, very long time, he still didn't answer.

  There's a hypothesis that he heard the phone ringing and saw the caller ID, but simply didn't want to answer my call. If this hypothesis holds true, then I've already been disliked by him. To prove that this hypothesis is wrong, I kept calling him over and over again.

  "Hello?"

  After ringing so many times, I heard his voice.

  "My name is Xu Shenshen."

  "I know," he replied softly.

  "...Suddenly I really couldn't find anything to say, and it was quiet for a few seconds. "I called you for a long time just now, why didn't you answer?"

  "Oh, I'm in the library, it's set to silent, didn't notice."

  He is in the library. I knew what Du Shao said "something at home" was just a big lie!

  "Lu You, I have something to say to you. Are you available now?"

  He paused for quite a while, "Go ahead, you speak."

  "Why didn't you go to Xiamen?"

  "Need to review for the exam. Time is running out."

  I took a deep breath: "But I think you're not going because of the exam, it's because I'm going, so you won't go."

  I waited for a long time, and the other end of the phone was silent, which means he agreed. It turned out that he really didn't want to go out with me. I thought I was completely finished, I liked him so much, from the winter vacation of freshman year when I first saw him, every day thinking about this person. This semester, every step closer to him, I was overjoyed, feeling that there was nothing more worthwhile in life than this. I was willing to do everything for him: attend his classes, join his club, understand his hobbies, and try my best to make all these actions not seem so deliberate.

  But in the end, he didn't even want to find an excuse to deal with me.

  The more I think about it, the more I feel like it's not worth it. I've never felt so wronged in my life. I said into the phone: "Lu You, let me tell you something. During our freshman winter break when we took the train together, I already had feelings for you, and still do now. I really don't know how other people date, but what I'm thinking is... why is it so hard for me to be in a relationship?

  She paused for a moment, then continued: "If you don't want to go to Xiamen with me, just say so. I won't go if you don't want me to. Do you think that if you don't go, I can still go with the other three couples? What do you have in mind about me? Even if it's something bad, you can tell me directly. Don't keep avoiding me like this. Just say it. I'm a very stubborn person. Unless you tell me: 'Xu Shenshen, you can't be like this anymore. No matter what, it won't work.' Otherwise, I won't be able to control myself... I just can't control myself..."

  "I... originally thought this time in Xiamen..." The more I talked, the harder it was to continue, and if I went on like this, all that would be left were sobs and sniffles. I hastily made a summary to wrap things up: "In short, I won't do something like this again. You study hard." After saying that, I hung up the phone.

  Finally I sat in Fu An Dong's car and had a big cry, crying so hard that the earth shook, his Alipay sound system was avant-garde but couldn't cover up my sorrow.

  I asked Fu Andong if this counts as a crushing defeat.

  He thought for a moment and said: It depends on how you define "defeat".

  I asked him what he meant.

  He said: There is no success without failure.

  I was moved to tears by Pu Anzhong's sharp interpretation in Zhongguancun.

  Not long after May Day, I received Liu Baishu's confession after a badminton class. This was quite unexpected for me, because Liu Baishu said he had liked me for almost a year, but I thought we just knew each other for 2 months. Speaking of Liu Baishu, he is one of the more talented students in our class, with broad interests, who likes photography, badminton, basketball and violin.

  That day, the badminton class coincided with my first day of menstruation. After about 15 minutes, my stomach hurt badly. I originally had low blood sugar, and with my period coming, my whole body was immobile. I asked the teacher for leave to sit outside and observe. Not long after sitting down, Liu Bai-shu threw his racket and ran over: "Xu Shen-shen, what's wrong?"

  I clutched my stomach, "My tummy hurts a bit."

  "Otherwise I'll take you to the school hospital, your face is particularly bad now, it's pale." After finishing speaking, he pulled me up and prepared to leave.

  I'm a bit embarrassed. "Don't worry about it, I just have a bit of a stomachache. Maybe it's because I didn't get to eat before class. It'll be fine after class when I can grab something to eat, you go ahead and attend the class."

  "Then wait for me." Liu Bo Shu ran to a distance and said a few words to the teacher, the teacher looked over here, nodded again. Then I saw Liu Bo Shu walking over, picking up my bag and racket, "I've asked the teacher for leave. I'll accompany you to eat something."

  I really couldn't resist his enthusiasm: "I'm really fine."

  "I strained myself two days ago during the match with Class 2, and I couldn't run today when we played ball either. Let's take a break together." He took big strides forward while turning his head back to give me a sly smile.

  At this time, the school canteen had not yet served food. We sat down at a KFC outside the school and I ordered a bowl of hot congee to drink. Liu Bo Shu sipped on his Coke, tilting his head to ask me: "Do you watch the Top Ten Singers Competition?"

  "The Top Ten Singers" is one of the most important recreational activities in our school every year, divided into many rounds of preliminary, semi-final and final competitions. Contestants will try to get as many votes as possible on BBS, colleges, and their own social networks. In short, it's a folk version of "Super Girl".

  I shook my head: "Not really paying attention. Is there anyone from our school who got selected this time?"

  He had a faint smile on his lips, "There's a replay tonight, I have tickets, want to come and watch?"

  "Okay," I nodded and raised my head just in time to meet Liu Bai Shu's gaze, I thought he was a bit strange today: "You're not participating in the competition, are you?!"

  He smiled and nodded, then asked me back: "Why can't I participate in the competition? I will recognize the five-line score anyway."

  I shut my mouth and said with a hint of embarrassment: "Lord Wang, I didn't recognize Mount Tai when I saw it."

  Liu Baishu burst out laughing, "Alright then, come over tonight and give me a show."

  After finishing our food, the two of us headed to school. When we were crossing the intersection, I wasn't paying attention and almost got hit by a three-wheeled vehicle that ran a red light. Luckily, Liu Bai Shu pulled me away just in time. I thought he might have done it on purpose because he held onto my hand even after we crossed the street and didn't let go. I felt a bit strange, trying to wriggle free several times but he gripped my hand tightly.

  I stopped in my tracks, waiting for an explanation from Liu Bai Shu.

  He looked at me and seemed a bit uncomfortable, as if I had been pulling him along the whole time; then he rubbed his chin, seemingly thinking about how to phrase it. By the way, Liu Bo Shu is one of the few boys with a goatee that I've seen, not a full beard, but just a short stubble, the most piercing length; looks a bit decadent and artistic.

  "Hey, Xu Shenshen, why don't you be my girlfriend instead?"

  “……”

  "I think we two...are quite suitable."

  I was stunned for a while by Liu Bo's words, "Let me think." Liu Bo's intervention made me feel that my brain was really a bit messy, and I couldn't figure out what to do next.

  He still didn't let go: "Alright, think about it. I'm not in a hurry, take your time. About that competition, we did agree on it, come at 8 o'clock tonight sharp."

  I was led by him all the way to the dormitory entrance. Afterwards, I strongly despised my own ambiguous attitude. But I didn't refuse Liu Baishu. The reason is: the object of my affection doesn't want to talk about romance with me, so I can only find someone who wants to talk about romance with me and try it out first.

  The author has something to say: I'm so touched that I want to cry, there are still people like you, how can you be so good, it makes me feel even more that I'm not a good person.