Chapter 28

  I held a cup and searched around the empty ground, far away I saw Diya carrying a ladder and staggering past. He now seems to love going to uninhabited places more than me. He set up the ladder on one of the broken houses we built, then climbed onto the roof and sat down on it.

  I watched him for a while. His face was towards the direction of Nantianmen, but from his angle, Nantianmen was blocked by Jifengpo, so he could only be looking at the clouds. A guy staring at the ever-changing cloud layer, you can't really say what he's looking at.

  I climbed up the ladder. He was a sneaky guy, I climbed halfway and he started pushing the ladder, I shouted: "Ah! Ah! Sala! Good stuff!"

  So I was let go. I sat down, put the cup in my hand next to him, and then took out a can of beef from my pocket. He stared at the clouds for a while, then looked into the cup and sniffed it.

  "Whiskey," I said. "Everyone helps the wheat thief. The rule is that you must give people a way out."

  He took a sip of wine and almost spat it on my face. "Do you want to poison me?"

  I took a sip, it was whiskey and not bad whiskey either. I thought everyone's taste is different, so I put down the cup and picked up the can, "One bun, this one will do? Pickled beef."

  He didn't say yes or no, so since I've spoiled him this far, I might as well spoil him to the end. I took a fork that I had copied from Collins and fed him a piece, then watched his strange, sour expression.

  “…you can even eat shit!” I said angrily, then put the can aside and lay down too. The momentum of my lying down almost collapsed the roof. I stared at the cloud layer above the mountain ridge and asked: “...did you climb up here to feel closer to your dead brother?”

  He didn't make a sound, I turned my head to look, and I have to admit, his current behavior is more infuriating than admitting or denying - he was reading the "Jin Ping Mei" that was copied from my home, and it was the kind of reading that only flipped through certain chapters.

  "----'Jin Ping Mei' isn't viewed like this!" I said. He didn't make a sound.

  I heard Old Hao yelling at me from below, "Annoying? Annoying?" I stuck out half my head. Veterinary Doctor Hao was leaning against the ladder, looking at me with a pitiful expression, but it wasn't because he wanted to look pitiful, it's just that lately there's been something about him that makes people want to cry when they see him, it's really strange.

  The old man said: "I heard you shouting upstairs."

  "I have wine and meat, Old Man Hao, would you like some?"

  The old man doesn't want to.

  I was shocked and indignant, "Have all of these been pierced by American big shots?"

  He asked me: "Are you bored? Just you alone?"

  "I indignantly said: 'I am the only one alive.'"

  "Will you chat with me?"

  "Then you come up," I said.

  "Can I come up? You're tired, let's find a quiet place." The old man said and walked away with his back hunched and stumbling. I looked at that figure for a while, such a lonely figure really can't help but make you follow him like being enchanted. I put the cup and jar in front of me, stuck the chopsticks upright in the jar, bowed and said: "Dust returns to dust, earth returns to earth, may you die early and be reincarnated early, namu amitabha..."

  Then I climbed down the ladder and went after that hunched back.

  "Where are you going?" I asked him.

  "Find a quiet place. There are people everywhere here."

  "Ghost Gate Pass is indeed quiet enough!"

  The old man hastily said: "Young man, your mouth is poisonous and you should be careful. Quickly spit it out. Spit, spit."

  "Oh no! Young master won't leave!"

  I don't want to go anymore. Looking at the old man walking, he patted his body and muttered: "Where's my key? I've lost my key again."

  "What's with the lock and key?"

  "What's with the key? I left the key at home! How am I supposed to open the door now?"

  I was stunned for a moment, looking at that chaotic face half in the present and half in the past. I held him back, or rather, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to stop his futile search.

  "Don't look anymore," I said. "The key is with me, and when we get home, I'll help you open the door. Where are you going now, old man?"

  "You're such a naughty kid!"

  "Who am I? Old master?" I was a bit confused.

  "Your doll is here to trick people again, which one doesn't recognize you? ---- Fuwa, you little monkey, don't go and join the army if you don't have to. Now your dad has joined the army too, why haven't you come back?"

  I was stunned again. At first, I thought he was taking advantage of me, but later found that no one would take advantage of people in such a sweet and sad way. So I supported this old man who had burned his brain, like a son supporting his father.

  Old Hao finally found a place he thought was suitable, coincidentally it was the same place where I took a pile of earth to worship the dead on the other side last time. Hao, the veterinarian, arranged a section of tree root, and said with a smile, "Sit down, please take a seat."

  I reminded him: "Don't become a target for the mountain cannon."

  The old man understood, "Where has this place been bombed? It's just a deserted place."

  I nodded, "That's also true. The deceased is like this, and Xiao Riben is more honest."

  "Please take a seat." The old man invited again.

  I sat down and was stared at by Dr. Hao's piercing eyes. I started to regret coming, I didn't like being looked at like that, so I vaguely returned his gaze, "Dad, what's wrong?"

  "What's wrong with you, are you out of your mind?"

  "......Who am I in your eyes now?"

  "You're really annoying, you little brat with a belly full of evil water."

  I couldn't help but smile wryly, "Old man, you've lived 32 years more than me, tell me, when a sleepwalker is awakened, will they really go mad?"

  "I don't know the sleepwalker." He fiddled with his dry pipe. "Have a puff?"

  I'm relaxed now, he clearly knows I don't smoke. "If you've got gas, let it rip - we're all adults here, no need for politeness." I said.

  The old man said: "Respect the elderly and take care of the young, just like you would with your own family. That's what Mengzi said. Where did you put that book of yours?" I threw sand at him to stop his nagging, and finally he gave in, "Alright, alright, let's talk about something else - what is it?"

  We stared at each other with wide eyes, I pretended to be stupid, and he insisted. We glared at each other for a long time.

  I looked around and changed the subject, "What's wrong? The sky hasn't fallen, the earth hasn't sunk, and the Nujiang River isn't flowing backwards."

  The old man shook his head, "You little girl, in your eyes, besides being a fool, there's probably only nonsense left? I am. I'm a fool. But I have years of experience, I've been through it all, and I see that you're all stubborn, blind, slippery, infatuated, and weird people too, so don't try to deceive me."

  I'm an old fellow who's still quite sharp, I just lack a pair of reading glasses and can't see clearly.

  The old man said: "Oh dear, can't see clearly, you tell me, help each other. You used to talk to me whenever you had something to say."

  I no longer throw sand at him, I hold onto the sand, I hesitate.

  The old man looked at me and said, "You'll suffocate yourself to illness. You can't always be digging holes and talking to the soil."

  "You're free now? Don't worry about your wounded men?"

  "Not even firing cannons. No casualties either. Well, well, those guns and cannons that hurt the strange heads and brains, made my ancestors eighteen generations be scolded to death by the wounded baby."

  I told him it's not the gun's fault, but his inability to cure it.

  The old man waved his hand and said, "Don't mention that, don't mention that. It's alright. I have time to chat with you anyway."

  "I'm telling you, it's not that I'm afraid of being wrong, but I want you to say what's right or wrong." I said fiercely, "I just don't believe I'm wrong!"

  "Right, right. You're speaking."

  I still hesitated, "You make a poisonous oath, don't tell a third person."

  The old man swore: "May I be struck by lightning and die on the spot if I don't return home. I swear."

  "...You're making vows as if you were drinking soup. You should swear with your son who fought in the Central Plains front line. Fowa is a nickname, right?"

  He was stunned for a moment, and his expression became dazed again, almost falling back into the state he often fell into these days. I had to admit that I was afraid of this. I busied myself patting him, "Forget it, forget it. It's just casual talk, I don't believe in it either." Finally managed to call him back.

  "I swear," said the old man again.

  "I interrupted him, "What's the point of arguing with someone thousands of miles away? Let me put it this way, if we go to Nan Tian Men again and die in the process, all our merits will be taken by people who have nothing to do with us. Are you going or not?"

  The old man stared with wide eyes in terror, "Why? Even if I'm going to die, can't you at least make it quick?"

  "It's like that. We call ourselves the cannon fodder squad, it's self-deprecation, but some people really take us as cannon fodder. To exchange a pile of cannon fodder for the South Heaven Gate, what joy is not worth?"

  Hao Shouyi cursed angrily: "Damn it! - Are we really going up? What a load of nonsense!"

  I'm glad I finally found an ally. "Don't worry, it won't go up. I'll make sure that annoying guy shuts up, I know how to shut him up."

  "Shut up? If he shuts up, we won't go!"

  "He's got a trick up his sleeve, maybe he can knock down the South Heaven Gate - I'm just saying maybe - but we'll have to throw down nine more on top of that. He's not talking now. My master is also stuck with an unbreakable South Heaven Gate and Yu Xiaoqing is going crazy. That's not being said, let's just not say it, why are we always the ones? From northeast to southwest, the most deaths are always ours. The proud sons can go ahead, this time the useless ones will retreat... Now I'm very happy. No mistake, I'm really happy." I tried my best to speak lightly to Hao Shouyi, his face was originally bitter melon-like, and still looked like a bitter melon. I tried my best to make myself feel happy for someone else's misfortune, but in the end, what I successfully presented was more gloom than happiness.

  "What's going on?" The old man didn't quite understand.

  I told him, "It's their turn now! It has nothing to do with us! You can take off this disguise and go find your family's good luck charm - how did you become so muddle-headed in just a few days?"

  The old man shook his head hastily, "No, what's that? Can we take down the South Heavenly Gate?"

  "I said maybe! How did your ears also get ruined?"

  "......this thing......this isn't right!" The old man was getting anxious, so anxious that he was almost sweating and stuttering.

  Looking at him, I'm anxious. "What are you trembling about? At the age of 57, you're already old like this, haven't they bullied you enough? What else can you be loyal to? Your old arms and legs, take care of yourself, save it for when you go home and reunite with your son."

  "You can't bear to see me get old, you're just not speaking properly, but... this is still not right!"

  "You're going back on your words! I said let's trade the Cannon Fodder Gang for the Southern Heaven Gate, and you said why not?!"

  "I guess I won't be able to change out of this after all!"

  "Am I crazy?!" My sudden outburst almost scared the old man stiff, he shrank back, thinking he was facing a madman, then he faced my pent-up fury. I stomped around in the woods, limping, jumping, walking, kicking bushes, whipping branches, shouting: "What have we been through?! What haven't we done yet?! Now we're soldiers again?! You give me directions, saying it's the way home, but all you want is to use dead bodies as paving stones? --- But we're getting farther and farther away from home! Let them fight! Let them go fight! They're sleek and oily, their skin should be exhausted by now! Speak up! If I start talking, I'll say it all! Wandering in the woods, returning to the city isn't glorious either, still feeling like we owe a debt! Who cares about flowers and bullets, they're all just pointless!"

  Hao the veterinarian didn't say a word, he sat at the base of the tree, his head pressed against the trunk. Usually I would have gone to comfort him by now, but not today.

  I was furious and said: "You speak up. If you say something wrong, you should be beaten or scolded."

  Hao Shouyi shook his head, and because his head was pressed against the trunk of the tree, it seemed as if he was using his head to drill into the trunk.

  "I'm not the most afraid of death among us, I just understand too much," I said. "Let the cannon fodder go fight this war and see how many people will die. It's you, me, Mie Long, Bu La, what is Nan Tian Men? Is it worth it? Let me tell you a secret, the earth is round and rotating, half of the world is at war. We stop, who cares? Nan Tian Men will come to us eventually and collapse. What can we do? Go home."

  The old man was still shaking his head and drilling into the big tree. I was a bit worried about his brain, it must have been very painful.

  I don't want to see his ghostly appearance, but he insists on showing me this ghostly appearance. I said: "Are you talking about grand principles? Heroes and sages, without seeking life to harm benevolence, with killing the body to accomplish benevolence—is that right? I am not a hero or sage, I am just an ordinary person! The one who safeguards the world is the humblest of men, and has responsibility for it—right? That's what Gu Yanwu said, I'm fed up with it!"

  The old man muttered to himself: "...... I'm heartbroken to death. I told you so."

  I couldn't take it anymore, "...... damn it! I'm most afraid that you'll say this nonsense and then bring up this nonsense!"

  "I'm heartbroken."

  "I'm leaving! You can stay here and slowly knock your head against the tree until you die of heartbreak! It's probably something that will happen in 30 or 50 years anyway!" I really wanted to leave, and I really did leave. I rushed away so hastily that even I didn't know if I was escaping. I didn't want to see that old man desperately knocking his head against the tree. Many years later, if I woke up crying, it would definitely be this scene reappearing in my dreams.

  But now, the young Meng was furious and almost burst his lungs. Although this anger was more due to heartache, it manifested as intense rage. I was so angry that I turned back and shouted: "No one will die of a broken heart!"

  But the old man slowly pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and looked at it. I couldn't help but be curious, and went back to take another look. I really wanted to hit him - it was that character I had jokingly given him that day. The old man first looked at the side written by my father, then looked at the side I wrote, and read: "....High hall bright mirror white hair, morning like black silk evening becomes snow."

  "Hey! Don't look over there! You're really something else!"

  But Hao the veterinarian turned over and looked at what I wrote: At first, I studied literature, but didn't pass the exam for three years; later I practiced martial arts, shot an arrow on the training ground, hit a drum official, and was expelled; then I studied medicine and achieved some success. I wrote a good prescription myself, took it, and died.

  "You're kidding!" I shouted.

  The old man seemed not to have heard and said, "This is written about me."

  "This is written about every single one of us! Every single person who does nothing is useless!"

  Hao Lao's head was pressed against the tree, his voice came out in a strange, hollow tone, "I've ended up like this, I haven't accomplished anything in this life. Do you want to end up like me too?"

  This makes me even angrier, "We're paying off the debts our ancestors owed! We've suffered a lot! It's not easy for us to get cheap deals! Do you remember Kang Yao? He always asks people if they want something because he knows there aren't many good deals left for him to take advantage of! We're just trying to protect ourselves, nobody else cares about our worthless lives!"

  "...Kang Ya said he couldn't see clearly." The old man muttered to himself.

  "Are you clear now? —— Fairy!"

  "I'm heartbroken to death."

  "May lightning strike you! No one will die of sorrow!" I stormed off.

  Hao didn't say a word, still pressing his head against the tree. I was going to relax but ran into such a big bump, now I just want to get away from him. I turned back and glared at him again, he still didn't move. Then I heard the sound of artillery fire coming from the other side. I turned around, stunned for half a second, thinking it must not be aimed at us, but that quickly became a crushing air pressure sound above our heads. It was indeed aimed at us.

  "Veterinarian! Take cover!"

  The old man's head was pressed against the tree, still motionless. I rushed towards him. As soon as I took a step forward, a shell exploded beside him. I was knocked to the ground by the blast and fell into a thicket of bushes. When I got up, the old man had vanished.

  I tried to find the old man's shadow in the forest, even his corpse. A half-torn paper floated down from the air and I caught it, taking a look: "A self-written prescription, take it, die." Suddenly, good fortune came to my mind, trembling, step by step walking towards the cliff below which was the Nujiang River. To avoid another cold shot from the Japanese army, I lay down, poking my head out of the grass thicket.

  Hao Shouyi lay prostrate on the rocky beach at the foot of the cliff, his arms stretched out to either side in a cruciform pose.

  I opened my mouth, but found I couldn't say anything.

  ...From that dusk till the next morning, everyone in the Gunpowder Troop went mad.