Chapter 23: Máo Piān's Windfall (Part 1)

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  Wei Yuankun beheaded Wang Zijin with one knife, and everyone around was shocked. Guo Wenlian didn't understand why Wei Yuankun suddenly killed Wang Zijin after hearing his name. Wei Yuankun didn't say much, but directly grabbed the head of Wang Zijin from the ground and said to the kneeling pseudo-soldiers: "This Wang Zijin is a special police officer of the puppet government's Kezhou flag police department. He has been loyal to the Japanese invaders and killed many of my anti-Japanese brothers. I'm not mistaken, this time he came not only to deal with us but also to take office as the chief of the Zhangjiakou police station. Didn't he say before taking office that he would not capture Guo Wenlian alive?" Wei Yuankun then told all about Wang Zijin's daily activities and hobbies. The pseudo-soldiers who knew Wang Zijin's details were shocked after hearing this, and Guo Wenlian and others saw the change in their faces and secretly admired Wei Yuankun's cleverness. Wei Yuankun smiled slightly and thought to himself: "This is all recorded in historical materials, originally you Guo Wenlian would have died at his hands, now I've avenged you." Of course, this couldn't be said to everyone, so he just smiled and said to Guo Wenlian and others: "This guy is a die-hard traitor, familiar with our local terrain, and will continue to oppose us if we let him go. It's better to kill him now and avoid future trouble."

  They killed Wang Zijin, and all that's left is to sweep the battlefield. I heard that the ghost who was beheaded by his own engineer's shovel was actually called Sakuragi Hanamichi. Wei Yuankun and others all fell to the ground on the spot, thinking that this anti-Japanese war had become like the main character in "Slam Dunk". At this time, another brother who knew a few words shouted again, "This little devil's name is really interesting! Look at this ghost, with a mustache and beard, actually called Saotome Ranma!" After hearing this sentence, these four fell to the ground again. When others came to help them up, they found that all four had foamed at the mouth.

  After collecting the spoils of war, the next issue was the problem of prisoners. With Wang Zijing's head in hand, it would be much easier to interrogate these fake soldiers later. Wei Yuankun, Wang He and Zhang Xin were all from families of prison police, and they had gained a lot of experience in interrogation from their ancestors. These fake soldiers were mostly yellow-skinned vagrants or peasants who had been caught up in the draft, so how could they withstand the methods that had been summarized over the years? One by one, they all spilled the beans, revealing everything they knew. At first, there were still a few who were stubborn, but as soon as someone hesitated or seemed reluctant to speak, Wei Yuankun would stand in front of them with a knife in his left hand and a cloth in his right hand, wiping the blade, and that person would immediately reveal everything they knew at a speed that rivaled a comedian's patter. This included things like which Japanese devil had visited a prostitute, or which fake military officer's wife was having an affair with a wild man, and so on. It got to the point where several of those present, if they weren't already prisoners, would have gone home to kill their cheating spouses.

  For this anti-Japanese team, their wives' infidelity was not important information at all. Whether they went back to play with their lives or not, the Self-Defense Army of Killing the Rich and Helping the Poor couldn't care less, after all, it wasn't a women's federation residential committee. However, after hearing the intelligence revealed by these people's confessions, Wei Yuankun suddenly had a very bold idea in his heart - to attack Lingyuan City.

  After hearing Wei Yuankun's plan, Guo Wenlian and others who had been entangled with the Japanese for many years for a long time, their first reaction was to fall off the kang: this plan was really too bold, they hadn't even thought of it in their dreams. However, whether it was Wang He, Zhang Xin and other boys, or Wang Fangyuan and other beauties, after hearing the committee's plan, they all nodded: this plan is a bit too uncreative, isn't it?

  This is not the fault of Guo Wenlian and others who fell from the kang, Wei Yuankun's plan was very simple, that is, to disguise themselves and launch a surprise attack. However, disguising oneself is one thing, but there is a very important problem inside, which is that you have to dress up like the real thing in order to succeed. The key is that no one among them can speak Japanese, so how can they pretend to be Japanese devils? But Wei Yuankun's words immediately dispelled their doubts: What are we afraid of? We don't understand Japanese, but there is a real devil in Lingyuan City, and the others are all yellow-skinned fake police. If we don't understand, those things will understand us. Moreover, Wei Yuankun also threw out an irresistible temptation, that is, he knew the location of a secret arsenal left behind by the Northeastern Army when they retreated from Lingyuan City. There were several hundred rifles inside, as well as several machine guns and even a few mortars. The location of this arsenal was very hidden, and currently not even the devils knew about it. If they could capture Lingyuan City and get their hands on these weapons, then their troops... wouldn't need to be said, you would also know. Guo Wenlian and others heard that there were several hundred guns, and at that moment, their eyes lit up, as if they had returned to the days when they were under Li Tiande's anti-Japanese righteous and brave army flag. At that time, there were thousands of people with guns! With these weapons, a few hundred devils would not be their match. Marx said: If capitalists can get a profit of 300%, then they will dare to take any risk in the world. For the brothers of the Kill the Rich and Help the Poor Self-Defense Army, as long as they could get their hands on such a large batch of weapons, taking this risk would be worth it. It's said that Lingyuan City is a big city, but according to the fake army's confession, there were less than 200 yellow-skinned people and fake police inside the city, and only one real devil, Zhen Tian, who was crippled. Their combat strength definitely wouldn't be too strong. And the enemy they had just eliminated was from outside, and when they came over, they hadn't been to Lingyuan City before. The devils in the city also hadn't seen this group of enemies before, plus the battle earlier was fought in this poor and remote place, so the devils wouldn't be able to get the news for a while. Therefore, pretending to be the enemy that had just been eliminated was completely feasible.

  As for the Japanese language issue, it's even easier to handle. These devils don't understand our dialects anyway, and those yellow-skinned traitors who get slapped in the face by the devils all day are probably not much better off either. For Wei Yuankun, Wang He, and Zhang Xin, they have already mastered the "having read countless pornographic films, one naturally becomes *" divine skill since their university days. Those Japanese anime episodes weren't watched for nothing either. Using a couple of Japanese phrases to fool the devils is no problem at all. Moreover, this time the enemy forces are mostly traitors, so it's easy to just have our own people wear their uniforms and pretend to be them. As for the devil soldiers, we can find two clever ones to act as substitutes. If there aren't enough people, we can even use the dead devils' corpses. After all, if we didn't kill some devils, how could we emphasize that it was a "fierce battle"?

  Since it was Wei Yuankun who came up with this idea, the Japanese officer naturally wanted Wei Yuankun to play the role. Fortunately, the physique of the dead Japanese Sakuramori Kodo and Wei Yuankun were similar, so a uniform fit him well. Wang He and Zhang Xin played the roles of interpreter and puppet officer respectively, and more than 100 brothers changed into Japanese yellow uniforms, forming a punitive army. Through the prisoners' confessions, they learned that this punitive army had two main purposes: to deal with Guo Wenlian's Righteous Army and to find Wei Yuankun and others who had forced the plane to land, wanting them alive or dead. If they couldn't find anyone, it would be hard to justify their actions. However, Wei Yuankun, Wang He, and Zhang Xin all had their roles, so under duress, they made Wang Fangyuan the target person. Under the slogan "Everything for Anti-Japanese", this beauty was reluctantly tied up tightly.

  To prevent the captured pseudo-army from running back to report, except for bringing a few doorkeepers, Wei Yuankun ordered that all the others be locked in two large rooms. Each one was tied up with thumbs and fingers, and the rooms were filled with firewood inside and out. More than a dozen people were left to guard them, and before leaving, he instructed these people in front of the pseudo-army: "If someone escapes, if one runs away, the remaining ones will not be spared, and all will be burned to death." This sneak attack was a matter of nine deaths and one life. If it didn't succeed, these people couldn't stay either, and they would all be burned to death. As for those captured devils, keeping them would be a waste of food anyway, so it's better to kill them to intimidate the pseudo-army. At that moment, one knife cut off all their heads. Those captured pseudo-army saw Wei Yuankun's ruthless heart and knew he was a man who did what he said. The last bit of hope they had in their hearts was also shattered. After all, even if the devils or the imperial army came to rescue them, it would be impossible to save themselves. When the time comes, even if this Kill the Rich and Help the Poor Self-Defense Army is completely defeated, their own lives will not be spared. Thinking of this, several people were afraid that these people might not attack Lingyuan City, so they quickly overturned their previous confessions and told the true situation one by one. But this was exactly what Wei Yuankun had expected.

  The devils came on foot, and since they were playing the role of devils and fake soldiers, they naturally had to go to Lingyuan City on foot. Wei Yuankun and others had never walked such a long distance even on flat ground, let alone this trip which was mostly mountain roads, and everyone's feet were blistered. Because Wei Yuankun played the role of an officer, he couldn't wear light and comfortable shoes like others, but could only wear heavy leather boots, which looked majestic but made him suffer more than others on the way. Originally, because of his relationship with the protagonist of a certain anime in another time and space, he had some goodwill towards this devil named Sakuragi Kodo, but after walking for so long, it was all gone. Therefore, whenever they arrived at each place, he would curse loudly: "Damn devil Sakuragi Kodo, wearing such a pair of deadly boots!"

  If they walked quickly, it would only take a little more than a day to reach Lingyuan. Wei Yuankun and his men were in a hurry to make up for lost time, so they marched rapidly without rest at night. By the time dawn broke, the troops had already arrived at the foot of Nanshan Mountain outside the city of Lingyuan. Standing on the mountaintop, looking out at the city where he grew up from childhood, Wei Yuankun couldn't help but feel a sense of curiosity and wanted to take a good look at what the city was like back then: Hmm, the south gate tower is still there, but not a single building inside the city remains. This riverbank area must have been where Sanzhong School used to be, and this vegetable field... isn't that where they later built the Circle Building? That's the grain market, but now there are no clothing stores here; instead, there are several coffin shops. Ah, yes! That empty lot over there must be where my old elementary school, Nanmen Wai Primary School, used to be. Once we win the war against Japan, I'll definitely build a toilet here... Who would have thought that back then, our teacher was always bothering me about not finishing my homework?

  Wei Yuankun was lost in thought when someone pushed him and said, "What are you thinking about? We've arrived at Lingyuan. You'd better be careful, don't slip up later." It wasn't until then that Wei Yuankun realized this place wasn't his real home after all, or at least not the home he remembered.

  "Everyone, lift your spirits! We've all seen the devils and puppet troops before, remember: we are now the devils, we are the puppet troops. March in step!" Wei Yuankun waved his hand and shouted to the people behind him.

  At the city gate, there were puppet soldiers standing guard. When they saw this team approaching, they were initially tense, fearing that it was the Eighth Route Army or the Righteous and Brave Army, an anti-Japanese armed group. However, as they drew closer, they discovered that everyone was wearing Imperial Army uniforms, which made them feel a lot more at ease. Still, there was some doubt: where did such a large group of Imperial soldiers come from without any prior notification? Following standard procedure, they secretly prepared themselves while approaching to interrogate the group. However, just as they asked one question, the Imperial officer leading the group suddenly became enraged, cursing "Bakayarou" and slapping them with seven or eight loud slaps - it was a left-handed slap because at that moment, Wei Yuankun had disguised himself as a wounded soldier, wrapping his head in gauze and also bandaging his right arm. The puppet soldiers were stunned by the sudden slaps, but fortunately, a thin translator nearby understood the situation and quickly mediated with Japanese words:

  "Ali Ardo's dogs all hope your mother dies!"

  No need to ask, this Japanese officer was indeed Wei Yuankun. Just now, when he encountered the puppet army asking questions, he was startled in his heart, afraid of being exposed, but then thought: This yellow skin probably wouldn't expect that someone on this land could eat so many devils, and even less would think that someone would disguise themselves. Since they were pretending, they might as well pretend to be a bit more realistic. So, imitating the image of the devils on TV, he slapped the opponent's face. Originally, he just wanted to slap them twice and stop, but didn't expect that this puppet army wouldn't dare to fight back after being slapped. He felt great in his heart and decided to seize this rare opportunity to have some fun, so he continued slapping without stopping. Wang He, who was standing beside him, saw the situation and was afraid that if they were slapped too much, their cover would be blown, so he hurried forward to stop them. Only then did Wei Yuankun stop his hand. As soon as he stopped, Wei Yuankun also secretly sighed in his heart, thinking that being a traitor wasn't easy either.

  This fake army had just been scolded, and when he heard Wang He's tone of speech, he thought that this person was definitely speaking well of himself. At the time, he was also grateful to Wang He in his heart. Seeing that this "Ta Jun" was still angry and one hand was still touching the hilt of the knife at his waist, he thought that he might be killed. To save his life, he quickly called out to Wang He secretly and took out a pack of cigarettes: "This brother is really a kind person, please trouble you to tell Ta Jun not to be too calculating with me, we are all Chinese people, help each other."

  Wang He thought to himself, "You also dare to call yourself Chinese?" But seeing the other person offering him cigarettes and money, he couldn't help but feel amused. So he took the money and began to speak nonsense Japanese to Wei Yuankun, who was pretending to be a military officer: "Kawaii san tsū kōri bō, yā qian zhū lún bù zhuàn hòu zhū lún zhuàn!" Wang He spoke very quickly, and the fake soldiers next to him couldn't make out what he was saying. At first, they even thought it was real Japanese.

  Wei Yuankun listened to the Japanese that was so nonsensical it would be incomprehensible even to aliens, and then nodded solemnly, curling his lip and saying "Wō lǐ wō lǐ tiě pào dà gǔ sāng, wǎn bǐ tǐ zǐ shēn lǐ jiā, gāng bǐ pén shēn sī lì lù, sōu gá sǐ lā sǐ lā lǐ!" As he spoke, he also made a beheading gesture with his hand.

  And Wang He also knew that Wei Yuankun was just talking nonsense, but looking at his gestures and expressions, he had already thought of a lie in his heart.

  "Tai Jun said that they had just annihilated the Ren Yi army and were about to send these captured security offenders to the city, daring to block the road would be beheaded!"

  The opposing army was shocked, and at this time Wang He quietly approached his ear "Yesterday, the lord was beaten by that Renyi Army and is now in a fit of rage. You little brat actually dare to provoke him, and this lord has a big backer, I'm afraid if he kills you it will be like squashing an ant, and it's only because of me that I'm looking out for you, we're also old neighbors, who else would help you?" After finishing speaking, he turned around again and smiled at Wei Yuankun.

  "Kerimolsia Nesna, Sayunaral Maokhamaokhatsi Kasi!"

  Wei Yuankun almost burst out laughing, thinking to himself that Wang He was really something, how did he manage to come up with those words from a porn movie? Since you're here, I'll play along too. With a flick of his hand, "Ah xi nuo ku ni, suo kuo, yi ku yi ku kai lu yi ma si!"

  Here is the translation:

  Wang He listened and thought to himself, "You're not even as good as me, yet you're using those dirty words from the porn movies. But since we've gotten this far into the act, we can't just stop now." So he turned around and said to the fake soldier, "You little brat, you're really lucky to have run into me. The commander said earlier that if it weren't for the fact that you were doing your job diligently, I would have chopped you up already. Never mind, let's just forget about it. You should be grateful that I've put in a good word for you."

  Wang He's words were heard clearly by Wei Yuan-kun, who was standing nearby. He thought to himself, "What kind of good words? It's all just nonsense and dirty talk!" But in order to get into the city, they had to keep up the act. So he quickly nodded at Wang He and then waved his hand, saying "Open the way!"

  At this point, the people behind them, including Guo Wen-lian, were all stunned. They thought that Wei Yuan-kun was really something else, able to speak Japanese and everything. But who could have guessed that these two were just making fools of themselves? Anyway, they managed to sneak in.

  The several dozen fake soldiers on both sides came up to offer their help, wanting to lift the "corpse" and guard the "prisoner". However, most of them were actually trying to get a glimpse of Wang Fang-yuan, who was being held captive. With a beauty like that, it would be strange if they didn't try to take advantage of the situation. But they were all chased away by Zhang Xin, who shouted, "This is our prisoner! She's the one the Kwantung Army headquarters has been looking for! If you let her get away or even touch a hair on her head, I'll make sure your whole family pays the price!"

  The fake soldiers had heard that a plane had crashed nearby a few days ago, and that there were important people on board. The Japanese had sent out a lot of troops to search for them. When they saw Wang Fang-yuan's clothes and demeanor, they thought she must be one of the people from the plane. After Zhang Xin told them how important she was, they realized that this must be the person the Kwantung Army headquarters was looking for. Who would dare to mess with someone like that? So the fake soldiers who had been trying to take advantage of the situation all scattered in fear.

  Just as the city gate was in a state of chaos, a group of puppet troops approached under the leadership of a one-legged Japanese officer riding a horse. When they saw Wei Yuankun and his disguised unit, the old devil cursed "Bah!" and immediately pulled out his gun while trying to roll off the horse. Wei Yuankun saw from afar that the devil's facial expression had changed and knew they had been exposed. He shouted "Fire!" The people in the unit were all tense, their guns cocked, and upon hearing Wei Yuankun's words, they immediately raised their hands and fired.