$0.40 Lantern Festival

  The day the Lantern Festival arrived, Wang Ao Xuan got up especially late. When he got out of bed, he found a full table of dishes on the desk, and his uncle and others had all come over. After dinner, according to their old family custom, they must go to offer lanterns to their ancestors, and as a younger generation, he had to participate. In his hometown, the atmosphere of gambling was rampant like a flood. Odd or even, looking at the adults enthusiastically betting, it seemed that in the moment of revelation, there was the kind of stimulating feeling they always needed. And Wang Ao Xuan didn't understand, nor did he want to understand.

  At night, Wang Ao Xuan returned home and was packing his luggage when his father pushed open the door, sat down and said: "Ao Xuan, don't pack for now, come and chat with your old man. How's it going?"

  Wang Ao Xuan put down the clothes in his hand and smiled: "Okay, it's been a long time since we last chatted. What do you say?"

  "This year's business is not doing well, our family has lost a lot of money. Actually, every time something happens at your school, the principal would report back to me, several times I didn't tell your mom, worried that she wouldn't be able to sleep at night and then lock herself in her room crying. Many times I was very angry, but thinking about it, as a parent, I know my own son best. Many times I didn't want to go to school to find you because I was afraid of arguing with you and hurting your self-esteem. So I'd rather let time slowly digest these angry things by myself. Now that you're grown up and understand things, dad hopes that before making any decisions, you'll consider the family."

  "This feeling and scene made Wang Ao Xuan's heart struggle and feel sad: 'Dad, I understand, actually I never wanted to take this path, but there is no way out. In a society where the good are bullied by others, only the strong have the right to speak. I never thought that I would end up like this. Many times when I stand in front of my uncle's mirror, I almost don't recognize myself. But I am not willing to say it, remember how you used to tell me about principles and righteousness when I was young? So I always took these two points as a motto and life principle, maybe it is also because of this principle that I made mistakes, now I want to give up, but it seems like I don't have the strength to do so.'"

  The king father smiled and lit a cigarette, continuing to say: "You can think like this, which means you are really much more mature than your peers. Do you know? Dad actually has a younger brother."

  Wang Ao Xuan was stunned and asked in surprise: "Ah, no way. You have another brother, then I should also have an uncle, where is he now?"

  His father's expression turned dark and he took a deep drag on his cigarette: "Dad didn't want to mention this, but now that you're grown up, I'll tell you. Your uncle died eight months after you were born. He was hacked to death with knives. When I saw his body back then, I couldn't even recognize him myself. For many years, I couldn't shake off the shadow of that incident, and often dreamed of your uncle's blood-soaked face. I regretted it, regretted encouraging him to take the wrong path. At the time, I thought one person in the family had to be able to hold their own, make a scene, since your uncle and I were on the straight and narrow, we hoped he would take the dark path. It wasn't until he was hacked to death on the streets that I slowly realized my thinking was naive, but regret was useless by then. The feeling of losing a loved one is something people who haven't experienced it can't imagine. Back then, I thought being ordinary was a blessing, and just being alive was heaven's mercy."

  "Looking at my dad's eyes, then glancing at the ceiling, I said: "Dad, I understand what you're thinking. No matter what the outcome is, I won't regret it myself. Now that I have my own thoughts, of course, I don't expect you to support and understand me. It's just that many times, morality and family ties are hard to reconcile. Think about it yourself, did I ever have a childhood? When I was young, my body was weak, and you always thought that a good child is born from a strict father. I've been beaten by you many times, but to be honest, I used to complain, resent, and even hate you. However, after time passed, I still respect you."

  "But I'm afraid, I'm afraid that in the future, on a street, I'll see you lying motionless on the ground, covered in blood, just like your uncle, and I'll have to experience that feeling again, the feeling of an old person sending off a young one."

  "If that day I'm really killed on the street, don't go to identify me, just pretend you don't know this person. Don't be sad or heartbroken either."

  His father suddenly stood up and angrily said: "How can you say such things? Your old man came to talk reason with you in good faith, telling you not to take this path. Why won't you listen? Do you really want us to disown you, ignore you, is that what's best? We worry about you every day, afraid something will happen to you. Sometimes I lie awake all night. Now your younger brother has grown up too, and we have to take care of him as well, worrying about you too. Can your conscience rest easy? Is this what you call filial piety?"

  Wang Ao Xuan lowered his head: "Don't mind me, take care of your brother. Whatever I do, I won't regret it."

  "Good for nothing, how did I end up with a good for nothing son like you."

  "Your sudden scolding, Dad, has made me furious too: 'Good-for-nothing, what a good-for-nothing! Ask yourself, when I was young, who did you love to hit? Me. Every time something happened at home or you lost money playing cards and came back, I was the one punished to kneel on the washing board. You'd hit me with a stick, and when it broke, you'd use your belt. After you felt better and went to sleep in your room, I couldn't sleep all night from the pain. So many times, you chose to believe what other kids said over me. Think about how many times you wronged me. Did you know how much I yearned for a new set of clothes when I was young? But did you ever buy any for me? When Mom secretly bought some for me, you scolded and hit me again, then turned around to scold her. For years, I've yearned to go downtown, but it's always my brother who gets to go with you. After he comes back, he'd show off things like KFC that I'd never even heard of. Never mind, I don't want to talk about these things anymore. All I want to tell you is that if I become crazy in the future, don't blame me. Blame this damn society for driving me to it, and blame your education methods for making me want to escape so desperately."

  At this time, his father was so angry that he couldn't catch his breath and gave Wang Ao Xuan a slap on the ear. Wang Ao Xuan looked up at the sky and laughed loudly: "Hahaha, your temper hasn't changed."

  "Pack your things and get out of here by tomorrow morning. Don't come back again, just pretend I never raised you." Wang Ao Xuan's father stormed downstairs in anger.

  Wang Ao Xuan opened the glass window, gazing at the moon, and let out a hearty laugh. Bitter tears fell from the corners of his eyes. At this moment, his mother suddenly appeared and said: "Ao Xuan, you've had another argument with your father."

  Wang Ao Xuan quickly wiped away his tears, turned around with a smile on his face and said to his mom: "No, Dad said I'm falling behind in my studies, he's really angry, told me to study hard."

  "Eh, what's wrong with your face? Did your dad hit you just now?" his mom asked, stroking his face.

  "No, I'm already this old, he doesn't dare hit me either, probably because it's cold, and it's become like this."

  "Don't lie to your mom, I know you best. You always like to bear everything yourself. The weather is cold, can it freeze your palm prints? Ao Xuan, don't be angry with him, his temper has been like this for years and it's been hard on you too. Mom doesn't want to nag you either, in case you think mom is annoying. Just listen to me, when you're at school, study well, listen to your teacher, and absolutely don't do anything bad, or else you'll regret it later. At that time, I really won't want to live anymore." His mom warned him seriously.

  At this time, Wang Ao Xuan, who was scolded by his mother, held back tears and said: "Mom, I know. I've never blamed him. Even if I complained, it was just for a moment. It's over, so let's forget about it. Don't worry, mom. I promise you, I won't do anything that goes against my moral conscience."

  Mom looked at Wang Ao Xuan and sighed: "Ah, this year, I want your dad to take you to play in Fujian during the summer vacation, okay?"

  Wang Ao Xuan smiled bitterly: "No need. I still like going home, don't like going out."

  At this time, her mother took out 500 yuan from her pocket and handed it to Wang Ao Xuan, saying: "Ao Xuan, don't be stingy with yourself when you're at school either. Take the money and buy some things and clothes."

  Wang Ao Xuan watched as his mother walked out of his room, looking at the very old 500 yuan note in his hand that his mother had given him. Wang Ao Xuan couldn't hold back anymore and rushed to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face repeatedly. When he looked in the mirror, at least he didn't see any tears. Facing the mirror, Wang Ao Xuan said to himself: "Wang Ao Xuan, either get by for your own dignity or don't get by for mom's sake."

  Wang Ao Xuan walked into the room, a cold wind swept in, and tears fell without listening.