Chapter 20 Despair in Heart 1

  The night color surged into the room like a tide.

  Ling sat on the floor, took a deep drag of his cigarette and closed his eyes slightly.

  He had never loved her, he had never loved his own mother. Today, Ling Kangnian's words to his mother were not very respectful. He didn't even love her, but regarded her and himself as a wrong existence, as if they were so unclean, so disturbing to his original happy life.

  Yes, because of his own life experience, from the time he was in kindergarten, he often got into fights and got hurt. Every time it was Grandpa Lu who helped him clean his wounds, then lovingly held him in his arms, comforted him, and encouraged him.

  He loathed that home from the bottom of his heart, but he had never loathed 'him'. He thought 'he' loved him, just not good at expressing it. But unexpectedly, even this last illusion was shattered today. From today on, that home should have thoroughly disappeared from his life.

  Another cigarette.

  Cool tears fell down and landed on his hand, slowly seeping through the gauze, becoming even colder.

  Originally one's own tears were icy, and as for the heart... probably from head to toe, from soul to thoughts, everything was icy.

  What is this world to him, then? Perhaps he's too greedy, wanting to take too much love from this world... Thinking of love, Ling Shuiyue thinks of Xian Ning... But what does it matter, he's so unclean - a product of sex and transaction. His birth was not blessed, not acknowledged, spat out by his biological father, an illegitimate child, how can he approach the pure and beautiful her... He's going to lose her. Even if she no longer hates him, he has no face to see her again... Darkness descends once more, he wants to be ugly, but fears his own filth. He's just a product of a one-night stand, perhaps destined to be cursed. How absurd that ugliness and purity coexist...

  Whatever it is, curse or ridicule, he accepts them all.

  Turn on the bedside lamp, Ling Shuiyue is leaning on the bed, lighting a cigarette: what kind of life will he start? Positive? Or decadent? But does he still have a choice? He reaches out to flick ash, but sees something flashing under the pillow, at the corner of the headboard. Picks it up and takes a look, turns out it's a white MP4 player, shining brightly in the light of the bedside lamp.

  Ling Shuiyue gently stroked, the warm current gradually entered his heart. It must be that ugly eight. He put on earplugs. Opened mp4. Never heard of it before. But still okay. Listening and listening, Ling Shuiyue's face changed. On the screen, Xia Yinyin and Pei Yichen were together, the ugly eight laughed brightly. So pure and beautiful, that was a smile he had never seen before. That was an eye expression he had never seen before. Damn it! He pulled off his earphones and threw away the mp4.

  Actually, his daughter still couldn't forget that boy who looked even more like a demon than Mingde. The little bit of light and warmth left in her heart suddenly disappeared completely.

  He thought she fell into his arms like an angel, and heaven had destined their fate; he thought she gave him a dreamy birthday gift, and he could be reborn; he thought she gave words that had been hidden in the snow for a long time, and he had hope...... It turned out that nothing was real, everything was just his own wishful thinking, everything was just his fantasy, everything was hypocritical!

  Despair! Despair of oneself! Darkness... Endless darkness swallowed him once again...

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  Xia Qian Ning finished sweeping the gym and didn't leave. She held yesterday's math problems and said to herself, "Wait another ten minutes, maybe he has something to delay."

  Wait, when did it become so fleeting. Xia Wenjing glanced at her watch, it was already 7 o'clock, she had to go home. She slowly packed up her things, still hoping in her heart that maybe he would come while she was packing. But even after locking the door, she still didn't wait for him, and Xia Wenjing finally left with disappointment.

  He sat alone in the Maple Leaf Bar, his fifth glass of Avhaut already in hand. The dim lighting cast a sharp outline on his body, with defined edges and angles, like a wax figure, only his slightly childish eyes revealing his age. For three days straight, he came here after school, not leaving until he'd had two bottles of wine. At school, listening to lectures was manageable, but as soon as class ended, he didn't know how he could get through the long twelve hours ahead. He had to leave this city, the farther away the better...

  The Tenth Cup...

  Ling Shui's eyes were blurry from drinking, and when he came to, there was a woman sitting next to him, seemingly talking to him.

  "Hey handsome! Can I buy you a drink?"

  "Go away! Leave me alone!"

  "You may not be old, but you have a big temper! Here, no one doesn't know how to appreciate this face of mine."

  "Jiǔ jiǔ! Haven't seen me for three days, do you miss me?" A man in his thirties, with a sly look on his face, stroked the woman he called Jiǔ jiǔ, who was also the one who had asked Ling Shuiyue to drink with her.

  "Brother Niu! This kid wants to take advantage of me, you have to stand up for me." Rongrong wrapped her arms around the man's waist.

  "Is that so? Dare to move my woman? Are you tired of living?" The man turned around and looked at Ling Shuiyue: "Oh! A little white face! Oh ho! Still drinking haut-!" He picked up Ling Shuiyue's wine cup and poured the wine onto Ling Shuiyue's shoes.

  Ling Shuiyue's foot flew out in an instant. The man thought Ling Shuiyue was already drunk and unconscious, but he didn't expect him to move so quickly. With a solid kick, the person was kicked onto the chair on the opposite side, and both the person and the chair fell to the ground.

  What a commotion! The suppressed, the bored, and those who love to watch a scene all rushed over to see what's happening.

  "Get up! Hurry up!"

  "Hurry up and fight, you're so stupid, crawling so slowly!"

  "Hornets! Hornets! Li Kui! Come quickly!" The man called Niu Ge was shouting in the direction of the gate.

  "Hey kid! You'd better run away quickly, they have companions. One against three, you'll definitely be at a disadvantage!"

  Ling Shuiyue's wine had woken up halfway, three of them were too few. He was worried that no one would play with him.

  The duty manager hurried over, waving his hands: "Please! Everyone! You're all here to have fun, our small store can't take this kind of commotion!"

  At this point, who would still listen to his words, almost everyone was looking forward to the fight. It seemed hopeless to stop it. The manager dialed 110.

  These three people relied on their numerical superiority and rushed towards Ling Shuiyue together. Ling Shuiyue made a 360-degree turn, sending one person flying out, followed by a sweeping kick that knocked down two more.

  "Pretty impressive!" The muscular and powerful horsefly, with a head almost as big as Ling Shuiyue's two, swaggered up to him, waving his fist. He feigned a punch, then suddenly wrapped his arms around Ling Shuiyue in a bear hug. Ling Shuiyue stomped his right foot back, causing the horsefly to let out an "ah" and loosen his grip slightly. Just as it seemed the two had stabilized, Ling Shuiyue's head jerked backward violently. This time, it was a blood-curdling scream - the horsefly had completely released Ling Shuiyue, just as Niu Ge and Li Kui rushed over...

  At first, Ling Shuiyue was at an advantage. But this advantage quickly disappeared. Those three people were used to fighting. Ten minutes later, Ma Feng stepped on Ling Shuiyue's shoulder: "Boss! What do you say we do?"

  "What's going on? Let him drink all the bottles of 'wine'!" But what Niu Ge was holding in his hand wasn't wine, it was a bottle of Yaodongtou.

  "Alright! I love doing things like this! Haha...". Li Kui took the medicine bottle, squatted down, and opened the lid: "How about it? Let's have the old man eat them all."

  With a loud shout, he struck Li Kui's head with his fist. Taking advantage of the chaos, he stood up.

  "Wooo-la---Wooo-la---" The sirens outside started wailing.

  Everyone "hustled and bustled" in a chaotic manner, each looking for their own safe exit.

  Ling Shuiyue ran stumblingly in the dim alley, with a self-mocking smile at the corner of his mouth. Perhaps the blood in his body was inferior, and he would feel sore all over if he didn't fight, and itchy all over if he didn't get beaten, and then there were his feet... so disobedient. Ling Shuiyue stopped in his tracks, standing outside the back wall of Kyoto Road No. 56...

  How perfect she is, how unbearable he is! He even wants to tear himself apart, to see his own heart clearly! Is it despair or hope? He is like a lone wolf in the snowy wilderness, licking his wounds in the dark of night, letting the bloodstains pierce his eyes again, letting the pain invade his soul once more...

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  Song Xiwei went to the office to hand in the math homework for Class 2. When she arrived at the door of the office, she pushed open the door with her shoulder: "Teacher! Our class's homework, a total of thirty-seven copies, all collected!" Her mouth was fixed on the word 'collected'.

  Teacher Qi was holding a ruler and tapping on Ling Shuiyue's shoulder: "Your hand is injured, can't finish the homework? What's good about that? I'm our school's famous corporal punishment expert. Tell me, what kind of punishment do you want to enjoy this time?"

  Song Xiwei couldn't help but glance at Ling Shuiyue. Ling Shuiyue stood there, proudly lifting his smooth chin, the band-aid on his forehead making him look even cooler.

  "Teacher Qi! Homework." Song Xi lowered her head carefully and handed over her homework with both hands, but saw that Ling Shuiyue's hands were wrapped in gauze, and there was even blood on them.

  Teacher Qi withdrew his gaze from Ling Shuiyue's body: "Are you sure you've got it all?"

  "Uh-huh. Got it all. Goodbye, teacher!" Song Xiwei felt her voice trembling.

  "Wait a minute! Go to the gym and get two sandbags." Teacher Qi handed Song Xiwei the key: "Both of them are three catties each."

  "But teacher, class is about to start." Song Xiwei's voice grew smaller and smaller. She knew what Qi Laoshi wanted her to do with the sandbag, but she didn't dare to do such a thing. The person standing there was Ling Shuiyue after all.

  "Hurry up, or you'll be late for the next class." Teacher Qi waved his ruler impatiently, and Ling Shuiyue in front of him was almost giving him a headache. He didn't even do his homework for five days, and when asked why, he said with a straight face that there was no reason, he just didn't want to write it. What's wrong with him? Is he going to be disobedient again? Hasn't he been punished enough? This kid has always been so arrogant!

  "The sandbag" is one of Teacher Qi's top ten cruel punishments. It involves tying the sandbags that were originally tied to the feet for practice onto the stretched-out arms, and then doing two hundred squats, with the arms unable to bend and having to remain level.

  Song Xiwei took the key and walked out of the office, her eyes welling up with tears. If she didn't bring over the sandbag, Ling Shuiyue would be furious with her. But what could she do? Who made her not hand in her homework on time, and had to do it now? Besides going to get the sandbag, did she have any other choice? Song Xiwei walked towards the gym with difficulty.

  Just now, Xia Qingjing saw Ling Shuiyue from afar, and it seemed like he had an injury on his hand. Did he have to fight with people every day? Maybe fighting was a daily routine for him. Didn't his parents care about him at all? It's strange, when did she start caring about Ling Shuiyue so much? Xia Qingjing shook her head, as if trying to shake off the question from earlier, but then saw Song Ximiao walking forward with a worried expression: "Song Ximiao! What's wrong?"