Chapter 23: Happiness is fleeting, only pain endures

  The next day, Zheng Wei arrived at Chen Xiao Zheng's dormitory with a bulging travel bag and a small backpack on her shoulder. Chen Xiao Zheng looked at her and couldn't help but laugh, "You're not moving your entire household here, are you?"

  She said, "All my family property is just these." While pouring all the things in her bag onto his bed, he took a look and saw everything from slippers, pajamas, toothbrushes, towels to girls' bottles and jars were all there.

  "Are you sure you want to move in with me?" he asked again.

  Zheng Wei immediately made a bitter face and said: "You don't like it, I'm also helpless. Last night's performance almost scared me into schizophrenia."

  "But you're a girl, living in my dorm like this, it would be terrible if others found out."

  "What should I do? I don't have any relatives here, and before they come back, I won't go back to the dormitory no matter what. If you don't take me in, I'll just stay online at an internet cafe tonight."

  Chen Xiao Zheng faced her resolute determination, and could only helplessly say: "Going online at midnight is even more improper. Fortunately, there's only me and Old Zhang left in our dormitory, and Old Zhang hasn't been seen for days. If you insist on staying, then stay, what others say doesn't matter anymore."

  Zheng Wei elbowed him with ill intent, "Don't say that your dorm has never had a female guest staying over before, doesn't your upper bunkmate often bring his girlfriend back for overnight stays?"

  Like all universities, the management of G University's male dormitories is far less strict than that of female dormitories. It's not uncommon for girls to stay overnight in their boyfriends' dorms, and it's no big deal. On the contrary, when Zheng Wei came to Chen Xiao's dormitory early in the morning for the first time, she was shocked to see a girl wearing pajamas climbing down from his upper bunk, calmly brushing her teeth with a toothbrush, leaving Zheng Wei stunned for a while. She had always thought of herself as fearless, but this was something she had never dared to think about before - openly living together in front of everyone, how embarrassing! If it weren't for the fact that she had been scared stiff the night before, she would have never considered staying in his dormitory. In her heart, she thought to herself, she was only forced by circumstances to temporarily stay in his dormitory, and there was a fundamental difference between her and that girl on the upper bunk - as Zhu Xiao Bei would say, "from inside to outside, completely pure and white".

  Thinking of this, she asked slyly again, "A Zheng, your ex-girlfriend who lived upstairs before, did you hear anything at night?"

  He gave her a disdainful look, "Who's as boring as you are, listening to this for no reason?"

  "It's so quiet at night, top and bottom bunks, can't hear anything, besides I don't believe you're not curious, not even a little bit?" She said calmly.

  Chen Xiao felt a little embarrassed under her questioning, "Occasionally heard a bit... can you not ask this all the time, can't we talk about something romantic and healthy?"

  Zheng whispered in a low voice, "Not saying is unhealthy."

  Chen Xiao Zheng spent his daytime as usual, tirelessly assembling his model. Zheng Wei watched him from the side, her mouth involuntarily curling up at the corners. She had heard before that a serious man was the most captivating, but she hadn't believed it until now.

  Actually, before a complete architectural model is formed, it needs to go through many tedious processes. He excels in this aspect, which has something to do with his patience and meticulousness. If it were her, who is careless and sloppy, she would absolutely end up with twice the effort and half the results.

  At night, the two of them had dinner in the large cafeteria. During the holidays, some windows in the cafeteria were closed and there were fewer dishes to choose from. After hastily finishing their meal, she followed him back to the dormitory. He was busy with his things, while she played games on Old Zhang's computer.

  It was already 10:30 at night, Chen Xiao Zheng raised his head, rubbed his eyes and looked at the time. "I guess it's so late, Old Zhang won't be back either, you can go take a shower." Zheng Wei obediently responded with a sound, searched around on his bed for a while, hugged the changed clothes and entered the bathroom in the dormitory. Just after taking off her clothes, she heard someone lightly knocking on the bathroom door.

  There were only the two of them in the dorm, and he knocked on the door at this time. What did he want to do? Zheng Wei suddenly blushed, her heart racing, and she stuttered when speaking, "W-what is it?"

  She seemed to hear a few of his coughs coming from outside the door, "You... you dropped something."

  "Is that so?" She glanced at her belongings on the hook in the bathroom, her floral pajamas and towels were all there, even the shampoo, body wash and facial cleanser she had brought with her were not missing a single item. She looked down at her smooth self, warily hiding behind the door, "You're lying to me, I haven't lost anything!" She remembered a nursery rhyme from when she was little, about a big bad wolf outside the door pretending to be mom and tricking the little rabbit into opening the door, no way, no way, I won't open it, mom's not coming back, whoever comes, I won't open it.

  He listened to her words and couldn't help but say a sentence, "Deceive you? I'm sick. Your underwear is already outside, don't pull it down!"

  Zheng Wei's face immediately turned red like a cooked crab, she took another look and indeed it was missing that thing. She secretly cursed in her heart, now her face is lost at home. Previously, she was afraid he would see it, so she deliberately wrapped the small pants with a towel and rushed to the bathroom in a hurry. Probably because the wrapping wasn't tight enough, and walking too hastily, she didn't even know when it fell out of the towel. And unexpectedly, he picked it up. She wiped the sweat from her forehead with extreme embarrassment, how did this mess happen on her first stay at his place?

  She carefully opened the door a crack, stretched out one hand to grab what she wanted and quickly pulled back, closed the door tightly, shook her head slightly, thinking it was just an accident, nothing big deal. She turned on the water and tried to act as if nothing had happened while taking a bath.

  After changing her clothes and walking out, she still couldn't help but lower her head. He was leaning against the bed reading a book, and as soon as he saw her come out, he said, "You can't get rid of this careless habit of yours." Zheng Wei forced a laugh and glossed over it, he probably didn't want to pursue the topic further either, and followed her in to take a bath.

  He waited until he came out of the cold shower, saw her sitting on his bed in her pajamas, looking silly and thinking about something. He asked while using a towel to dry his hair, "What's wrong?"

  Zheng Wei was unusually hesitant, "Are you sure the two of us should squeeze onto this small bed? I often feel it's too narrow for one person, and I often roll around..."

  "You sleep in another bed, I'll sleep in yours." He said firmly.

  "No, no, you sleep in your bed, I'll sleep in another one." She finally realized that she had suspected of taking someone else's nest, and said so, then walked to his adjacent bed, casually lifted the quilt, and immediately shouted "Wow!" Under the quilt was a few pairs of smelly socks that hadn't been washed for who knows how many days. She pinched her nose, "Too much, too much." After saying that, she walked to the opposite bed, looking at the oily and shiny quilt, and was stunned again.

  "I thought I was all messed up, but it turns out that there are strong people in the midst of chaos." She sighed sincerely, turned her head around and saw him also frowning at the bed. Now she felt that whoever slept on such a bed needed quite a lot of courage and determination, and letting any one of them lie down seemed like a rather cruel thing to do.

  "It's obvious that the only place where anyone can sleep in this dorm is your bed. That... actually, I wanted to say that I don't mind squeezing in a bit."

  He looked somewhat perplexed, as if considering the feasibility of her proposal. She had already jumped onto his bed with lightning speed, and whatever he decided was fine, anyway let her sleep on that bed she would rather die than do so, couldn't blame her for being shameless, a true friend wouldn't mind poverty but would mind death.

  When he sat down beside her, she poked her head out of the quilt and sternly drew a line on the bed with her finger. "Let's get one thing straight, even if you're tempted by my beauty, don't even think about making a move! Get rid of that budding thought right now!"

  He snorted with laughter, "This sentence should be said by me to you."

  When the lights were turned off and the two lay in bed, it seemed that neither of them had the intention to chat anymore. Fortunately, both of them were slender, so although the small single bed was cramped, they deliberately kept a distance from each other, not touching skin to skin. Zheng curled up under the quilt against the wall counting sheep, wishing she could immediately enter a sweet dreamland and wake up again on a brand new day.

  She found it strange, she and Ah Zheng had been together for more than a day or two, apart from "that" they had the same intimacy as other couples, in the sacred place of school dating, they had more ambiguous contact than now, but never at any time, made her feel more guilty and embarrassed than this moment. She was certain that it must be the special circumstances, the "bed" itself had been given a lot of imaginative space, and the dormitory was too quiet at night, they were too close, his breathing seemed to be sprayed on the back of her neck, wave after wave, hot...

  She tried to calm herself down, thinking that it was just lying on a bed, what's the big deal? But embarrassingly, her heartbeat was clearly audible, and anyone could notice. He remained silent, she didn't know if he had fallen asleep or not, but she couldn't sleep no matter how hard she tried, gradually feeling uncomfortable in this position stuck to the wall, yet she dared not move, fearing that one movement would startle him. So she secretly lamented, wasn't this self-inflicted suffering? If only she knew earlier, she would rather hold onto Xiaobei's hammer and sleep on her own bed, being scared to death was probably more bearable than suffocating like this.

  She felt her limbs were a bit stiff, and just as she was stretching her body slightly, without even touching him yet, she heard him let out an impatient "tsk" in the darkness, "You're not sleeping properly, what's with all the fidgeting?"

  She was extremely aggrieved, having endured humiliation and oppression in the corner for so long. Even a slight movement would provoke his dissatisfaction. She suddenly turned her head and said, "I'm sleeping, not posing as a corpse. Who says you can't move when you're sleeping?"

  "Stop messing around, move over a bit, I'm about to suffocate."

  As he spoke, she only realized that his breath was almost close to her cheek. But the weather in early October, no matter how hot it is during the day, is a bit cool at night, isn't it? She wondered, why wasn't she feeling hot at all.

  Thinking of this, she stretched out her hand from under the quilt and felt his forehead, "You won't have a fever or anything?"

  As soon as her hand touched his nose bridge, it was grasped by him. "What are you doing, what's wrong with you?" His voice carried obvious annoyance.

  "What's wrong with you, just don't touch me." Zheng Wei was also getting a bit angry, and was about to turn back and face away from him. Only then did she realize that although he wasn't letting her move, his grip on her wrist showed no signs of loosening. He was holding very tightly, and her hand was starting to hurt, so she muttered and struggled, but he still wouldn't let go.

  "What's wrong?" She was puzzled, didn't know what she did wrong, and her voice rose.

  "I told you not to move around, but you're acting like a flea."

  "I'm not moving anymore, you're holding my hand, how can I sleep?"

  "You're keeping me awake with all your noise, and you can forget about sleeping too."

  This was the first time Zheng Wei discovered that Chen Xiao Zheng could also be so unreasonable, she felt both angry and amused, thinking to herself, I have so many more shining advantages that you don't learn from, how did you manage to learn my spoiled habits perfectly, but if you want to compare with me, you're still too inexperienced!

  "Don't touch me, huh? I'll make you angry to death." She said and did, her hand was caught and forcibly moved over his nose, his chin, and rubbed against his chest, smiling triumphantly.

  For some reason, his voice suddenly softened, and his hand was still clamped on hers, but the direction of the force didn't seem to be pulling her hand away, instead it seemed like he was pressing her hand against his chest.

  "Have you had enough?" he asked.

  Zheng Wei still smiled slyly, "It's hard and there's nothing good to touch."

  Honestly, the physical structure of boys is really uninteresting and can't compare to the plump, smooth skin and undulating curves of girls. Although she has no practical experience, she has watched countless AVs, where beautiful and sexy actresses are paired with ugly and lewd men. Men's bodies are just too ugly.

  In the past, when they were intimate in private, most of the time he was curiously and greedily exploring her body, although it was just a touch, but she knew much less about his body than he did about hers. In the darkness where one couldn't see their fingers, she suddenly had a bold idea, really wanting to see what part of a boy's body was most different from a girl's, and whether it was as ugly as in adult videos. She was too curious.

  Before she could think of how to put such a shameful request into words, his hand was already pulling hers down slowly, like the worms in her stomach, bit by bit, without stopping. My god, my consciousness won't be strong enough to control his limbs, will it?

  Until he pressed her hand against something, he hadn't said another word. She only felt the sweat on his palm moistening her own hand. Unbeknownst to her, through two layers of fabric, she still felt the unfamiliar object beneath her hand burning hot. Just as she was about to pull away, he muttered vaguely, "Don't..."

  Zheng Wei cleared his throat and said in a tone that brooked no refusal, "I have a small request... can I ask for the lights to be turned on?"

  He hadn't spoken in a long time, which made her realize that her proposal might be shameless and absurd. Fortunately, he couldn't see her blushing in the dark. "I'm just curious, just saying, when I haven't said anything, I didn't say anything."

  He silently raised his other hand towards the headboard, and after a moment, Zheng Wei heard the soft sound of the switch being turned on. Before she could react, the bedside lamp cast a warm glow over the two of them. She saw his clear and handsome face, his eyes that were so dark they seemed bottomless, and the fine beads of sweat shining on his forehead. He looked at her with an unfamiliar gaze as she leaned against him, making her realize that turning on the light had been a stupid mistake.

  However, once the switch was turned on, she couldn't help but regret it. Half willing and half resisting, she saw the source of her curiosity for the first time in her life. She covered her face with one hand, not knowing if this would make her look calm. After feeling shy and surprised, the Jade-Faced Little Flying Dragon still maintained her pose with her face covered, but trembled as she stretched out her index finger to touch it lightly.

  She forgot when her actions were under his control, only remembering that he seemed to have said something like, "This is unfair, let me take a look at what I picked up earlier."

  He was right, she realized later, it's really hot tonight.

  When the pain started coming, the game began to be no fun. Every time he moved, she would scream, "Stop stop stop, Chen Xiao Zheng, I don't want to play anymore, it hurts too much."

  She struggled with all her might, twisting her body in resistance, wanting him to stop and get out of her body. He pressed down on her wildly, his face distorted, his voice changing tone, "Stop? No way, really not... Is it really that painful?"

  "Shut up! Let me poke you and see if it hurts?" She was so angry that she spoke without thinking.

  "I never give up halfway through something."

  It's not fair, it's not fair. Why is he so engrossed in this equal game, while she only feels pain? How did things develop to this point, completely beyond her expectations? Is this the desire game that intoxicates men and women in the world? Is this the root of all greed and resentment? Two independent people can actually be closely connected through such a way. When their bodies are intertwined inseparably, can they directly reach the depths of each other's souls?

  Zheng Wei cried, she didn't know if her tears were due to the pain or the realization of her inevitable transformation that night. If most women would have such a day sooner or later in their lives, then she had to admit that there was also joy in her tears, because everything complete and intact about her was given to the boy she loved the most at her most beautiful time, in her best years. When she thought of this, excitement replaced her weak struggles, even the pain became meaningful.

  God is wise, He made the first time for a girl under a man's invasion feel an uncontrollable pain, because pleasure is fleeting, only pain can be remembered in heart, she can forget a man who gave her the strongest pleasure, but never forget the pain given by the first person.

  How could she forget him, her Ah Zheng? In the dim light, he furrowed his brow, sweating like rain. Would he also remember this moment of hers for a lifetime?

  Zheng Wei held him tightly in her arms, his firm and naked back pressed against hers, feeling satisfied in the midst of his painful pleasure. They could never be strangers again, even if one day they lost each other, as long as she remembered today, she would not have nothing.

  Just as they had almost forgotten everything, the sound of a key turning in the lock came from the direction of the door. Chen Xiao immediately pressed off the light by instinct, and in the instant that the light disappeared, Zheng Wei felt his body violently trembling on top of hers. Then he quickly pulled over the blanket to cover their entwined naked bodies, quietly lying on top of her. Zheng Wei didn't dare move at all, she heard the door being opened, then someone stumbling into the room, surprisingly it was Old Zhang returning late.

  Fortunately, Old Zhang didn't turn on the light, otherwise they would have been so embarrassed that they wouldn't know where to put themselves. They heard Old Zhang stumbling to the bathroom, seemingly vomiting a round, and then incredibly still managed to find his bed accurately, collapsed onto it and didn't move again, gradually starting to snore loudly.

  Zheng Wei felt that Ah Zheng had also let out a sigh of relief, and now was the time for her to settle accounts with him. She pushed him away and said in a low voice, "You rascal, why are you still holding me?" She heard him chuckle softly, then turn over to one side. His withdrawal made her feel a chill beneath her, and she reached out to wipe herself clean, only to find a sticky patch with a faint smell of blood. She let out a cry of surprise, immediately realizing what had happened. "Ah, how disgusting!" He didn't argue, but instead got up and searched for some paper to carefully wipe them both clean.

  One night of chaos, Zheng Wei didn't even know how she fell asleep. Anyway, when she woke up, the sky was already bright. She opened her eyes dazedly and couldn't figure out where she was until she saw him sitting on the bed edge, fully dressed. All memories came flooding back then. She quickly pulled up the quilt to cover herself, only revealing a pair of eyes staring at the person by the bed. Those memories were too vivid and stimulating, leaving Xiao Fei Long's face still flushed after a night.

  He propped his hands on the edge of the bed, leisurely taking in her awkward appearance and said, "Your sleeping posture is indeed very poor, I'm numb from head to toe."

  Zheng Wei refused to admit it, "You're deceiving me, where's the evidence?" She looked around and saw that Old Zhang's bed was empty. She forced him to turn around and sat up to tidy her clothes. Chen Xiao had turned back when she was already dressed, only with messy hair, making her look even more innocent. Seeing her lower her head, he felt his heart soften in a way it never had before. But the next moment, she lifted her chin and said to him, "You're mine now, from now on you have to listen to me."

  On that day, Zheng Wei met Old Zhang on the road to school. He was in a hurry and his face was red with anxiety, while Old Zhang's expression remained unchanged. She asked him, "Old Zhang, didn't you hear anything last night?"

  Old Zhang shook his head in confusion, "I didn't hear anything."

  She smiled, "That's good, that's good."

  Just as I was about to say goodbye, Old Zhang added another sentence, "What can I hear? Your bed creaked all night, and all I could hear was the frame creaking, I couldn't hear anything else."

  Zheng Wei quickly ran away and still heard that damned old Zhang shouting behind her, "Weiwei, you can rest assured, I'm really not coming back tonight!"