Chapter 34: Unaware of Oneself

  "Why don't you go out and take a look?" Ouyang Hengxi looked at Chen Yinzi sitting down on the sofa, asking him in surprise. Seeing Xia Xinghui and Han Di leave like that, he must be very uncomfortable now, but he didn't come forward to stop them, which doesn't match his current mood.

  "Not needed." Chen Yin Zhi lay on the sofa, responding faintly.

  "Huh?" Ou Yang Heng Xi still had doubts.

  ...but Chen Yin Zhi had already closed his eyes and refused to answer.

  Xia Xingxin took Han Di to an empty classroom.

  "Xīng xīng, nǐ yào gàn má ne..." Hán dí yǒu diǎn jīn xì de kàn zhe xià xīng huì wèn. zhè jiān jiào shì lǐ zhǐ yǒu tāmen liǎng gè rén...tā xǐ huān hé tā dān dú xiàng chù de zhè zhǒng gǎn jué...

  "Don't look at me like that... I just have something to say to you, Han Di."

  "Okay, fine, you speak and I'll listen."

  "Is it because you seriously listened to Han Di's music, that you like me this way?" Xia Xing Yin looked at Han Di and asked seriously.

  "What's wrong?"

  "An Di... I only used my ears and feelings to listen to your music, without using my heart..."

  "Stars... what do you want to say?"

  "My actions were just to please you, Han Di. When I came to this classroom, I didn't know anyone, but I wanted to stay here, so I tried to please you, forcing myself to listen to your music seriously, even if I didn't like it. The Xia Xingxin you like is actually... she doesn't understand your music... but is staying here to please you... I'm not the kindred spirit in your heart, Han Di."

  "So you lied to me...?"

  "Uh..." Xia Xingxin nodded, "Sorry, Han Di."

  "So you're saying all this just to make me hate you?"

  It can also be thought of this way... but mainly it's about not letting Han Di become incompatible with friends because of me.

  "Stars, listen to me, I liked you because of music, that's true, but liking you is no longer because of music..."

  “……”

  "So, it's all right then..." Although Han Di felt uncomfortable in his heart because of Xia Xingyun's confession, his liking for Xia Xingyun did not decrease in the slightest. What can you do when you've fallen for someone...

  "Hey, Han Di..." Xia Xingxin looked at him with some concern. In his heart... he must have been hurt, right? He was hurt by her words...

  "I'm fine, Xing Xing." Han Di forced a smile at Xia Xing Yin.

  "What... what kind of person am I, really? Han Di, what is it about me that you like...?" Xia Xingyun's gaze suddenly became distant. Yes, what kind of person was she, really? Having lost ten years of memories, everything had become cautious and tentative for her... living a life that wasn't truly hers...

  "What's wrong? Xing Xing..." Han Di saw Xia Xing Xin's drifting gaze and couldn't help but worry, reaching out to grasp her shoulder. "Are you okay? Xing Xing?"

  "Hey Han Di, will you answer me? What am I like? ...What's Xia Xingyun like, the one you like? Is it the same or different?"

  "Stars... are you talking nonsense? Don't be like that... it scares me..." What's wrong with her all of a sudden? Why ask such strange questions? Doesn't she know herself best?

  "I don't know what kind of person I am... Han Di..." Xia Xingxin bit her lip in distress, her body sliding down to the ground, tears slowly overflowing from her eyes and falling onto the floor, forming blurry shadows.

  "Stars!" Han Di squatted down, gently wiping away Xia Xingxin's tears with a pained expression, but the endless stream of tears made it impossible for him to wipe them all away. "Don't cry, Stars... please don't cry anymore, okay? Why didn't I know what kind of person I was?"

  "I lost ten years of memories..."

  "What?!" Han Di's body suddenly stiffened.

  "Because of an accident... all memories from childhood are gone... now the memories in my brain start from junior high school... I don't know if the parents at home are really my own parents... although some photos confirmed it, but there's always a feeling of something being off... sometimes I'll play with dad to reduce that layer of distance brought by losing memory, but still can't eliminate it..."

  "Dad and mom, in order to help me recover my memory... made a photo wall in the living room... stuck up all our family photos... so I can see them when I come home and leave... memories between loved ones are there... even if not in my own mind... but in the frozen facts..."

  "I want to be my old self again... I want to know what I was like... Only by being my past self can I feel at ease... can I feel at peace...

  Ten years of memories were suddenly emptied from my mind, and I lost myself. I couldn't see the reflection of my past, and this feeling of being lost and scared is even more torturous for those who have experienced it."

  Han Di couldn't help but wrap Xia Xingxin's delicate body in his arms. Although he couldn't feel what she was feeling, he knew she needed warmth and comfort. Xia Xingxin didn't push him away either.

  "Stars, I like Xia Xing Yin, perhaps it's just like this..."