Chapter Thirty-One

  This evening, Dao Jing returned to her temporary rental hut, unlocked the door, and entered without turning on the light. She fell onto the bed and went to sleep. Of course, she couldn't fall asleep. Unforeseen difficulties and frustrations kept coming one after another. And she - she felt that she was an incompetent doctor, unable to diagnose Beida's "disease" or treat it effectively. Although Hou Rui and other comrades were a bit hesitant, they were still working hard, and she recalled the previous year's commemoration of "March 18th", when many young people were brutally beaten and many comrades were captured and sacrificed. Perhaps Hou Rui's cautious approach was correct? Dao Jing thought back and forth, her heart feeling anxious and painful. The party had entrusted her with such a heavy responsibility for the first time, asking her to work independently. But after half a month, Beida's work had not made any progress at all. "What should I do?" she asked herself in the cold, dark room. At this moment, she remembered what Liu Dajie had said when she left the district committee office: "Xiulan, you have to work independently now, which is different from our simple work together in the organization. The reactionary rulers call students 'Qiujiu', meaning that students are more powerful than soldiers, and there's some truth to this. I don't fully understand the situation and can't offer much help, but you must remember: first, we must carry out the party's spirit of resisting Japan and saving the nation; second, rely on the masses and organizations, respect the opinions of school party members, and don't shut yourself off." Liu Dajie's words echoed clearly in Dao Jing's ears, and she compared her own actions to them. She felt that she had not violated these instructions, but why was work still unable to proceed?... Suddenly, she longed to see Liu Dajie and Jiang Hua, report the situation to them, and thought that the difficulties would be quickly resolved.

  But she remembered that she was no longer directly led by Liu Dasao and others, according to the organizational principles, she could not go to find them again. However, the person who directly led her had never come to find her, and she did not know who this person was. The layered difficulties were like layers of dark clouds tightly surrounding Lin Daojing. Moreover, it was already cold November, and she also didn't have a public occupation, so there was no economic source. Originally hoping that Xiaoyan could help her out, now this hope had fallen through. She could only go hungry for a day, eat a few roasted white potatoes to pass the time. "What to do?

  "What to do?" In the dead of night, in the biting cold wind, in a daze of dreams, from Dao Jing's heavy heart, it seemed that this deeply worried question still echoed.

  The next day. In the morning, she found two familiar students from Beida to talk; in the afternoon, she could no longer bear it and wanted to go find Liu Dajie to talk. When she hurriedly walked to the entrance of the hutong where she and Liu Dajie used to live together, her footsteps softened. Her heart stirred up a fierce struggle - "No, absolutely cannot look for! And what if..." She thought of the frequent sabotage of underground work agencies, why would she send herself into the tiger's mouth? ... So, she steeled herself and walked past the entrance of the hutong. However, she did not return to her residence, her footsteps unknowingly following the road to East Chang'an Street, walking in front of Zhongshan... The cold and quiet streets of Beijing in winter, with sparse pedestrians, but Daojing didn't notice any of this.

  Her heart burning, she only wanted to find the party and find experienced comrades to help her think of a way. After passing through the large gate of Zhongshan Park, she continued walking west, her footsteps unknowingly rushing towards Xuanwu Gate, rushing towards Jiang Hua's residence - Zhili New Mansion. However, after arriving at the gate of Zhongnanhai, she overcame her impulse, knowing that just like looking for Liu Dajie, she also couldn't go find Jiang Hua. So, she walked into the large gate of Zhongnanhai. She suddenly felt a dreamy passion: if she happened to run into Jiang Hua or Liu Dajie here, how great would that be! And so Lin Daojing slowly walked along the desolate seaside.

  In the Zhongnanhai, the majestic halls were quietly asleep in the dust, only the thin ice that had not yet set was shining brightly in the sunlight. The cold and clear western wind blew, and the fallen leaves danced with the wind everywhere. The beautiful and solemn Zhongnanhai was filled with scenes of decline and desolation. She walked tiredly and stopped to rest under a large cypress tree, when she looked up, a round-faced and handsome young man was standing face-to-face with her. This young man looked at her with surprise for a while, then suddenly ran in front of her and said: "You - Little Lin?"

  "Xu Ning! You?......" Dao Jing exclaimed with surprise and stretched out his hand, "I didn't expect to run into you here."

  "I saw you from afar, but I didn't dare to acknowledge it. Xiaolin, you're too thin, what's going on?" Xun Ning's face, full of masculine charm, showed an excited and concerned smile. He grasped the hand that had just been released once again.

  Dào Jìng smiled and looked at him happily: "I saw you when I was walking by the sea. But I didn't expect it to be you. How are you? When did you come out? Is Auntie doing well?"

  Xu Ning didn't respond, instead he pulled Dao Jing to sit together on a long bench by the side of the road. He gazed at Dao Jing with his narrow and bright eyes for a while before speaking.

  "Kobayashi, I've been searching for you for a long time," he said enthusiastically. "But I couldn't find any news about your whereabouts. Who would have thought that we'd run into each other today by chance? It's really like the saying goes: 'After exhausting all efforts, success comes effortlessly.' Look at our old comrades now - some were martyred, some imprisoned, some betrayed their ideals, some compromised, and some are still unaccounted for. What about you? What kind of work are you doing? Weren't you also arrested?"

  "You're always asking me, I'm asking you!" Dao Jing laughed and pulled out the hand that was holding onto Xu Ning's. "I came out in July this year. I've been inside for a year. How long have you been out?"

  "It's only been a month. I've actually lived here for over two years now. Kobayashi, you know, these past two years have been incredibly tough on me, even more so than when I was outside."

  It's really thanks to our Chairman Chiang that this is possible!" Xun Ning laughed, his lively eyes filled with joyful emotions and a strong sense of self-confidence. Dao Jing indeed felt that Xun Ning had changed - the frivolous and weak Xun Ning was gone, replaced by a stronger comrade sitting beside her.

  Dào Jìng simply talked about her own situation. She spoke very simply and ordinarily - still just a sympathizer of ***. After finishing, she asked Xǔ Níng: "Xǔ Níng, what are your plans for the future?"

  "Where are we going?" Xun Ning thought for a moment and smiled slightly, "To northern Shaanxi. I heard the Red Army's Long March has already arrived in northern Shaanxi. Comrade Mao Zedong is also there. Little Lin, to be honest, I've been looking for you for a long time. Can you go with us to that sacred and great place?"

  Her calm heart suddenly stirred! The wish to throw herself into the intense armed struggle, the desire to see the great leader, which had been suppressed for many years, was suddenly lifted from the depths of her heart. If she could see 'Mao' Zedong - the great 'Mao' Chairman, if she could see the brave warriors and invincible Red Army, how happy it would be! And when she thought of her current situation, this happiness stirred her even more strongly. She said in a voice full of emotion and ardent longing: "What a surprising miracle! Our Red Army, under the encirclement and pursuit of the Nationalist Party from above and below, in the bitter and heroic battle, walked 25,000 miles with a pair of feet. Finally, under Chairman Mao's wise leadership, we arrived victoriously in northern Shaanxi... Xunying, you are going to that place? Do you believe I haven't changed? Dare to tell me these things?" She smiled slightly as she spoke.

  "Of course I believe you. You've changed, but it's for the better, not worse. Kobayashi, don't you also trust me?"

  Dào Jìng nodded and said, "Although some people can't withstand the cruel struggle, I know a bit about your situation in prison, so I'm very happy to see you. When are you leaving? I'd be happy to send you off."

  "Aren't you going?" Xun Ning's face slightly revealed a disappointed expression, "Why aren't you going?

  I think you must be willing to go. I can't stay in Beiping anymore, you know, my mom always holds me back. Xiao Lin, make up your mind and come with us! It's good for you and our career."

  She lowered her head, fiddling with a small handkerchief, and remained silent for half the day. At this time, intense contradictions and struggles unfolded in her heart. How she yearned to go to that place she had been dreaming of day and night! Adding to her current situation - she thought of Wang Zhong's monkey face, Zhang Lianrui's contemptuous gaze, Wang Xiaoyan, the pain of having no one to lead, the stagnation of work at Beida... Her heart was extremely disturbed and restless.

  "Xiaolin, are you still undecided?" Xun Ning said solemnly. "The Red Army has gone through the Long March to resist Japan in the north, and the situation in northern Shaanxi is very important. There will also be a need for cadres there. If you decide to go, I can think of ways to help you with any difficulties - Xiaolin, how I wish we could go together!"

  Dào Jìng lifted her head, she didn't notice Xǔ Níng's anxious expression, and only thought about herself. After a moment of contemplation and struggle, she finally calmed down and said decisively: "Xǔ Níng, I'm sorry, I won't go. I still have some things to do in Beiping. I think we'll meet again there someday."

  Xu Ning stopped talking. He clearly felt that in just over two years, Lin Daojing had changed a lot - her elegant and beautiful appearance still showed the radiance of youth, but from her firm footsteps, her low voice, and from her eyes with a determined expression, he deeply felt that she had left behind the naivety and passion of her teenage years. He could no longer treat her as his student, lecturing her on grand principles, but should respect her like a good comrade. So, he fell silent for a moment, then smiled: "Good, Little Lin, it's fine if you stay in Beiping. We'll probably set off again in about ten days. I hope to see you again in that great place!"

  A policeman in black clothes, wearing big leather boots, walked towards them with his head held high on the cobblestone road. Dao Jing gently pinched Xu Ning's hand and gave him a slight smile. Xu Ning also stood up with understanding, put his arm around her, and the two of them strolled towards the policeman along the cobblestone road.

  They walked in silence until they reached a fake hill, where Xun Ning stopped and let go of Dao Jing's arm.

  "Let's sit here and talk some more. You're not in a hurry, are you?"

  Dao Jing nodded, and they sat face to face on the stone. After a pause, Xu Ning spoke up: "Little Lin, you used to be my sister, now I'm leaving - of course, without telling my mother. This is really... I have no way with her. I want to ask you, can you still be my sister? If possible, comfort her and persuade her to go to Shanghai - she originally wanted me to go with her to Shanghai, if I leave, she might not want to go anymore. It's really hard for her to be alone!" Xu Ning spoke slowly, his head bowed down at the last sentence. Although he had already made up his mind to sacrifice everything for the revolution; although he had also undergone many trials and tribulations; but thinking of parting with his aging mother, who had placed all her hopes on him, even possibly forever, his emotions still couldn't help but feel deeply painful.

  In October 1935, after Xun Ning was released from the "model prison" in Beiping, he had just arrived home when his mother, who had just picked him up from prison, burst into tears and laughter, muttering: "You debt collector, I've finally waited for you to come back! You naughty boy, now you should live a honest life!" Xun Ning smiled and looked at the deeper wrinkles on his mother's face and the white hair by her temples, saying: "Mom, you look older than before!" Mrs. Xu gazed at her son's thinner round face, wiping away tears, saying: "Child, this is all for you, you can't leave me again!"

  After finishing, his mother smiled again. She happily told her son that his uncle had already found a job for him as a clerk at the Shanghai Bank, with a good salary, and they could live a quiet and comfortable life. Xun Ning still smiled, but didn't answer his mother's question, instead interrupting: "Mom, I heard you also asked Hu Meng'an for help and sent gifts... now, shouldn't you go thank him?" Old Mrs. Xu glared at her son as if he were Hu Meng'an himself, spat, and said: "Don't mention him! I know what kind of people they are! Child, let's hurry to Shanghai, past things are past, don't think about them anymore, I just wish for you to have a few peaceful days." Xun Ning ignored his mother, but after a while suddenly said: "Mom, I'm not going to Shanghai. I still have things to do in Beiping." As soon as he finished speaking, his mother fainted...

  Thinking of his mother, Xu Ning sat silently on the cold mountain stone for a while.

  Although he later lied to his mother that he agreed to go to Shanghai; however, the place where he had made up his mind to go was Shaanbei.

  "Kobayashi," said Xu Ning, looking down at his feet, with a deep and sentimental tone, "although you only saw me twice, you can't see me again. We'll be living in different prisons and won't be able to contact each other anymore. But from then on, I was so happy that I had a good sister like you. You know, after those two times, my impression of you completely changed. I often miss you and worry about you... So as soon as I got out of prison, I looked for you everywhere, and in the end, we met again!" He said excitedly. His beautiful face was a bit thinner, but still full of youthful vitality.

  Dai listened quietly to his words and replied in a low voice, "Don't worry. If I don't leave Beijing, I will do my best to help your mother. Thinking of her unfortunate life, I am also sad."

  Xu Ning raised his head, and when their eyes met, he suddenly asked her: "Little Lin, have you ever been married?"

  "No," replied Jing frankly.

  "So... why don't you come with us? Let's go!"

  The sunset shone on the rugged mountain rocks covered with wild grass, Dao Jing stood up and looked around in all directions, only to see that the garden was even more desolate, and there were even fewer tourists.

  Then she turned back and smiled faintly at Xu Ning: "We should go, let's talk while walking, okay?"

  As they walked along the gravel road towards the outside of the garden, Dao Jing said to Xu Ning: "Xu Ning, are you willing for me to go to Shaanbei? In fact, I also want to go. I think about it even in my dreams! But I must restrain this desire. You completely understand that the situation in North China is getting more and more tense, the fate of a second Northeast is already weighing on the heads of the people of North China. And Beiping is at the forefront. So, I cannot leave here." She looked at Xu Ning apologetically, both of them fell into deep thought, neither of them spoke again.

  Dào Jìng returned to her apartment, and the sky was already dark. After opening the lock and entering the door, she lit a small kerosene lamp, and the walls of the room immediately showed her thin and tired shadow. She wanted to lie down on the bed to rest for a while, but it was November, and there was no heating in the house, which was cold, plus she only wore a sweater and hadn't eaten, making her feel even colder. Therefore, she had to get up again and ran to the landlord's house to say a few words, warmed up in someone else's house for a while, and then found back a thermos of hot water to drink two cups, which made her feel warmer.

  However, tonight when she sat in front of the cold and quiet desk to prepare - as usual, she couldn't read anymore. She sat dully at the table, her stomach growling with hunger, having not eaten for another day. She had thought that if she saw Liu Dasao or Jiang Hua, she would ask them for some money, but she didn't see them.

  Although she met Xu Ning, she didn't dare to open her mouth and say anything. She patted her pocket, but it was really empty, not even a single cent. Tomorrow, tomorrow she could only go to the pawnshop again. But what could she pawn?

  A cotton gown and two single long shirts were all sent to the pawnshop, leaving only one woolen sweater and a quilted jacket that she was wearing. She looked around at the empty room with a dazed smile: "It's really bare!" She pressed her stomach on the table, enduring the torture of hunger, when suddenly Xun Ning's smiling eyes flashed before her again. "Why don't you come with us? If you have any difficulties, I can find a way to help you..." She shook her head, smiled, and stood up to open an old willow basket placed at the head of the bed.

  The box was empty except for a few old magazines and several pairs of worn-out socks.

  There was nothing left to sell. But in a corner of the trunk, she found a small package wrapped in red silk cloth. As soon as she saw this package, her heart skipped a beat and she couldn't help but slowly open it with her hands. At that moment, the woolen sweater given to her by Comrade Lin Hong before his death was revealed before her eyes.

  In prison, she was afraid that the guards would snatch it away or lose it, so she wore this precious gift on her body at all times, wearing it for a whole year. After being released from prison, because she was afraid of damaging it, she took it off and no longer wore it, instead wrapping it in an extremely beautiful silk scarf and hiding it at the bottom of a trunk.

  No matter how cold and poor she was, she treasured it as a precious jewel and would never move it again.

  At this moment, in the cold deep night, she couldn't help but tightly hug this 'hairy' vest to her chest, staring intently at the gift stuck to her body, congealed with fresh blood...

  Prisoner, prisoner of the times!

  Not prisoners but captives

  She softly sang the song Lin Hong had taught her.

  The cold wind knocked against the window paper, and the dim lamp light shone on the empty four walls. The painful sorrow and deep understanding of happiness, at this moment, all surged up to her heart.

  She thought of Lin Hong and then Lu Jia-chuan. Thus a few lines of poetry jumped onto the paper on this sleepless night of hunger and cold.

  Brave warrior, you have not died.

  Your bright and moving voice

  Echoing across the ravaged land.

  The gunshot in front of the 'flower' stage wasn't for you——

  They dug their own graves and were buried in them!

  Summer night, bright and fragrant night.

  Outside your window, unknown wild flowers are in full bloom.

  The bright moon shines on your sleeping face,

  The nightingale is singing softly in front of your window.

  It sings, sings——

  The fallen warrior, did you know?

  The girl you love has picked up the gun you put down.

  You ignited the fierce flames of revenge in her 'heart'.

  She wiped away her tears and puffed out her chest.

  So that people in love will no longer suffer parting

  For the sake of the children's happiness

  Also to repay your youthful vows.

  Warrior, she has picked up the gun you put down!