Volume 5 I turned back and saw Teacher Xiao sitting on a tractor Chapter 4

  In order to repay Teacher Xiao and also to let Teacher Xiao have an explanation for the politics teacher, I wrote a team entry application that night and handed it over to the league branch secretary the next day.

  I thought it was enough to just submit the application, and then it would be up to the organization to handle it, I didn't care. But unexpectedly, this really became a big deal. At first, the team branch secretary seriously talked to me about my understanding of the organization, and then some team members came to talk to me and pointed out a lot of shortcomings for me to change. I feel that if I were to meet the requirements of the team members, it would no longer be me. I plan to just do my own thing.

  I didn't expect that because of my usual self, a fierce conflict broke out between the branch and Teacher Xiao. My name was eliminated in the first discussion about developing new team members. The second time, Teacher Xiao personally participated in the discussion. When it came to me, there were still many opinions. Teacher Xiao got angry and said to those who didn't raise their hands: "What is called not being progressive politically? What is called not integrating with the masses? We can't just look at a comrade's partial behavior and ignore the overall situation! Yu Beifang usually doesn't like to speak, but she loves the class collective. In winter, she always comes early to light the stove and brings warmth to everyone. She also uses her free time to pick up pine needles, isn't this a manifestation of striving for progress and caring about the collective? As for shortcomings, who doesn't have them? I, Xiao Yihua, am not without shortcomings either... Chairman Mao said that his own strengths and weaknesses were 70% and 30% respectively..." Teacher Xiao's eloquence, combined with his angry expression, left those who didn't raise their hands speechless. The branch secretary followed up by expressing his attitude, firmly agreeing to my admission to the team. And so, all team members raised their hands, and I was admitted to the team.

  But the "inside story" of my joining the team was quickly spread by the female team members. I finally had a rumor. I knew it from Tong Ying myself. Tong Ying stared at me with her round eyes, and said with her small trumpet: "Everyone says that Teacher Xiao pulled you into the team organization!"

  "It's not Team Leader Xiao's family, whoever he wants to bring in, he just brings them in?" I said irritably.

  "It's absolutely true! They said Xiao Laoshi was so anxious about you that he even argued with them..."

  "Hu said it!" I shouted at Tong Ying. I'm not afraid of what others say about me, I'm afraid of what they say about Teacher Xiao, I'm afraid of not being able to repay Teacher Xiao's kindness.

  Tong Ying looked at me with a bright red face and was also a bit at a loss: "Th-then, then Teacher Xiao treats you like this, there must be some reason for it..."

  "The reason is, I have no father and no mother!" Tears burst from my eyes...

  Now, Teacher Xiao is sitting at the "desk" where I do my homework every day - in front of Grandma's sewing machine. The narrow space doesn't even allow Teacher Xiao to stretch his legs. But I don't feel embarrassed at all. Teacher Xiao has come home visiting more than once, and he is familiar with everything here.

  "You said you were going to withdraw your application yesterday, why?" asked Teacher Xiao straightforwardly.

  "I think... going to join the queue isn't a big deal," I said.

  "Is this your mother's opinion?"

  "She certainly has this opinion, I stay behind, what about Lingling's graduation?"

  "Lingling is still early, who knows what changes there will be in the policy at that time! First consider your actual situation!" He also said: "Your mother's school can come forward to do some work, otherwise I'll go talk to her today!"

  "Teacher, don't go, I don't want to make things difficult for them either."

  "What about your grandmother? Does she agree?"

  This is my only heartache.

  "Listen to me, Grandma." I said this, but it's not entirely true. Grandma was very reluctant for me to go, but she also didn't dare encourage me to make any decisions or find someone to argue with in school. Yesterday when I went home and told her that I wanted to join the army, she stared at me blankly, looking so helpless, anxious, and frightened, but she didn't ask anything else. My heart was all knotted up at that time!

  Teacher Xiao asked me, "Didn't you listen to the symposium yesterday and feel a surge of emotion?" Teacher Xiao smiled and said, "Actually, there are tens of thousands of educated youth who have gone to rural areas nationwide. How many people came yesterday? How many can become elite? I also went to Yan'an to join the team, lived in a cave, it was very humid, and several people got rheumatism. You... how can you compare with them?"

  Mr. Xiao said so sincerely, but unfortunately, I couldn't listen anymore at that time. Now I think queuing up is a good choice, it can keep me away from my mother and Lingling, and find a new world to start a new life different from before. Thinking about it now, what's worth missing in the past? As the saying goes: The future is bright!

  I plucked up the courage and said: "Teacher Xiao, I think that spiritually, I can compare with them!"

  "What is 'spiritually'?"

  I can't say it out loud.

  "Teacher Xiao said sincerely: "You know? I originally hoped you could stay in school and become a teacher like me..."

  Mr. Xiao's words made me feel a sudden movement in my heart. I immediately thought of the rumors that Tong Ying had passed on to me. But I immediately gave myself a slap in the mind, how disgusting!

  "How can I compare with you? Don't try to persuade me, teacher!"

  As soon as I spoke, I regretted it. How could I speak to Teacher Xiao like that? Teacher Xiao really didn't persuade me anymore, and silently picked up his teacup. Just as I was about to refill his hot water, he hurriedly covered the cup and said: "No need, I should go!" He stood up and put on his thick brown woolen coat, suddenly turned his face to me and said: "Can you see Teacher off at the station?"

  "Okay!" I called out to a neighbor's kid to keep an eye on things, and then headed with Teacher Xiao towards the train station. When we arrived at the station, there was no sign of the train. As I looked around, suddenly I heard Teacher Xiao say: "Yu Beifang, do you still remember our first meeting?"

  Mr. Xiao's question left me bewildered. My first meeting with Mr. Xiao, wasn't that his first time teaching our class? But I had long since forgotten about that first time.

  "I still remember, I was on the stage, and with one glance, I saw you, staring at me with both eyes, like an unyielding heroine, as if I were a bad guy!"

  I smiled awkwardly.

  "Later I found out that you also have a younger sister. At first, the impression you and your sister gave me was similar, both of you seemed quite cold, but after getting to know you better, I realized that you and your sister's personalities and ways of being are completely different."

  "Our fathers are different."

  "Yes, family tragedies often bring pain to the next generation, I completely understand you. But I hope you don't feel inferior because of this."

  "I am not inferior!"

  "That's right. To be honest, I originally hoped you could stay, and I could also help you..."

  "I know, the teacher gave me a lot of help."

  "Don't think of me as a teacher anymore, just think of me as a friend!" He said this while his eyes were fixed on me. I felt him getting closer to me, my hair almost touching his chin, and his voice was softer: "From now on, you have to take good care of yourself..."

  At this time, the car came over. I took a step back and said: "Don't worry, the car is here!"

  Back to the hut, I stood in front of the window for a long time. In front of Lingling, I am not a little dog that she can kick around at will; in front of Teacher Xiao, I am also not a trembling little dog yearning for petting. Now my heart is filled with passion and impulsiveness - my middle school era has ended! I'm going to join the production team!

  After the Spring Festival, on March 23rd, amidst a cacophony of gongs and drums, we, who had transformed from middle school students to educated youth sent to the countryside, boarded several public buses parked on the school's playground. These buses were temporarily requisitioned specifically to take us to our reassignment destinations. The buses were decorated with red flowers and streamers, and beneath them, there were tears and laughter. Some of my fellow students stretched their hands out of the bus windows, tightly grasping those below, as if bidding a final farewell, prompting the crowd that had come to see us off to whisper to each other and even burst into laughter. These students who came to bid us farewell were all excused from class to perform this political task. I too had sent others off in the same manner before.

  Tong Ying is ready to eat. She takes out an aluminum lunch box from her yellow backpack, opens it and hands it to me: "Take a piece!" I take a look, inside are stacked a few pieces of golden pancakes, definitely made by herself, she told me yesterday that she wanted to bring more pancakes to eat slowly. Since knowing that I also need to go to the countryside, she started discussing with me what to bring, that excitement is like going on a spring outing. I carefully tear off a piece and put it in my mouth, very fragrant. But how can I have an appetite at this time? I push away the lunch box. Tong Ying starts eating big mouthfuls by herself, while talking: "Look at that girl from Class 2, her backpack is not tied properly, definitely will fall apart as soon as she lifts it, let's make her carry the quilt into the village later!"

  Isn't that Grandma? Grandma was standing behind the queue, looking anxiously into each car with her eyes. The wind blew her gray hair like a bunch of dry grass. Last night, I persuaded Grandma not to come see me off today, but she still came. She finally saw me and waved at me, and I also waved back at Grandma. If she had called out "Beidou!" just one more time, my tears would have burst forth. But Grandma didn't call out. For so many years, she has been accustomed to living in silence. Since learning that I was going to join the army, Grandma quietly prepared my luggage for me. At home, there were two old washbasins with dents and holes, which my grandma and I shared. I wanted to take one away and let Grandma buy a new one. Unexpectedly, Grandma bought back two new washbasins and insisted that I take them both away. "Girls must pay attention to hygiene," she said firmly. "You can use the same basin for washing your face and butt, but you absolutely cannot use the same basin for washing your feet!"

  I turned my head to the other side and saw Lingling. She was following our class to carry out this "political task". She still stood among a group of girls with red noses, sniffing their runny noses, chattering away, her face still seeming to be sneering. One of them discovered me and pulled on Lingling's sleeve. Lingling disdainfully shook off her hand, not even glancing in my direction. Yesterday, Lingling had intercepted me at school, handed me a package, saying it was from her mother. The package contained twenty yuan and some clothes that Lingling had worn before. I left the money with my grandmother and asked her to give the clothes away. Even if I were wearing a sackcloth, I wouldn't wear Lingling's hand-me-downs.

  In the crowd of people seeing me off, I also saw Teacher Xiao. He had already taken on a new class. He stood at the end of the class, silently gazing at me and smiling at me. On the last day of school, my classmates were all vying to say goodbye to him, vying to hand him their diaries and ask him to leave a message. I waited until the very end before walking up to him and saying: "Please write something for me too!" Teacher Xiao took my new diary, flipped through it, and said: "What should I write?" I said: "Anything is fine." He thought for a moment, then wrote on the last page of the diary: Let the wings of youth soar freely in the vast sky! Then he very coolly signed his name.

  He returned the diary to me and asked, "Many classmates send photos to Teacher Xiao, why didn't you?" I said embarrassedly, "I don't have a good photo." He fell silent for a moment, then pulled out a small notebook from his breast pocket, flipped it open, and took out a photo. "I also don't have a good photo, but I'll give it to you anyway!" I took the photo without looking at it and tucked it into my diary. I felt like there were already eyes watching around me. When no one was looking, I finally opened my diary. The background of the photo was the Wan Shou Shan in Yiheyuan. Teacher Xiao had a piece of clothing draped over his arm, his body slightly tilted, as if leaning lazily against the railing. I noticed that there was a faint outline of stubble on Teacher Xiao's lips.