Chapter 39

  One night in late November, a cold northern wind blew with a misty white snow.

  Cold wind whisks snowflakes, in the silent night sky, on the empty streets and alleys, flying ceaselessly.

  At this time, Jiang Hua braved the heavy snow to come to Dao Jing's residence and knock on the door.

  Dào Jìng was writing under the lamp, with a blazing coal stove beside her. As soon as Jiāng Huá came in, she helped him brush off the snowflakes on his body and poked the coal fire to make it burn more fiercely.

  "It's snowing, isn't it cold outside?" She poured him a cup of boiled water, with a joyful smile on her face. "You know what? ***, today the Northern University Student Autonomous Association was established and has already decided to join the Pingjin Student Union!"

  Jiang Hua was roasting by the fire, looking at Dao Jing with a smile but not saying a word, as if he had already known all about these situations. However, Dao Jing started talking excitedly: "Thank you for your help and encouragement, things are really turning around at Beida. The masses who were depressed for years have also been mobilized now. But I don't know how other schools are doing, implementing the anti-Japanese national united front policy is not that simple even at Beida, some party members can't even get it right - they say this is surrendering. In the past, progressive students only cared about themselves discussing national salvation, 'rescuing' friends who were also for national salvation, but scolded backward students as Han traitors without even giving them a reason. But now the situation has changed, middle-of-the-road students have been united; reactionaries are isolated; Wang Xiaoyan was like an idiot at the history department's re-election meeting, hanging her head and not daring to look at anyone. That monkey Wang Zhong exposed Li Shaotang in front of over a hundred students, revealing their deceitful and despicable faces. Because Wu Yuping had obtained a receipt for the funds he received from the Nationalist Party. We read it out loud on the spot. The students were furious, our re-election was very smooth. ***, don't you think this is wonderful?!" She paused to catch her breath, realizing she was too excited. It was strange, why did she become like a passionate and impulsive child when she saw this tall, steady, and warm comrade? Why did she speak differently to him than to others? Thinking about this made her feel a bit embarrassed.

  He made himself calm down and lowered his voice: "X, sorry to you. You said there was something you wanted to talk to me about? I haven't been around these days, let's talk today. Looking at this half-day, it's all just me talking."

  A single sentence made Jiang Hua feel embarrassed and speechless. Should he say it or not? How could he say it?... His dark face turned red. His two large hands kept rubbing the fire, using this to conceal his excited emotions. At 29 years old, except for a brief infatuation in middle school, Li Mengyu had never been hit by such strong romantic feelings before. He endured and let go of many happy moments. But now he shouldn't wait anymore, shouldn't make himself or the one he loved suffer anymore. So he lifted his head, gently grasped Dao Jing's hand standing beside him, trying to control the trembling in his body, and said softly: "Dao Jing, I didn't come to find you today to discuss work. I wanted to ask you...

  "Can our relationship go further than comrades?"

  He gazed intently at Jiang Hua's face, a passionate expression he had never seen before. His eyes, filled with deep love and pain, made her suddenly understand everything. Her long-held speculations were completely confirmed. Was she happy? Sad? Blissful? She couldn't distinguish or feel anything anymore. She only felt a racing heart, dizziness, weakness in her legs... even tears began to well up in her eyes. Would this strong comrade, whom she had admired for so long, become her lover? And yet the person she deeply loved, who had often appeared in her dreams over the years, was not him...

  But she no longer hesitated. Truly, a Bolshevik comrade like Jiang Hua was worthy of her deep love; what reason did she have to refuse this man who had long loved her?

  Dào Jìng lifted her head and stared silently at Jiāng Huá. After a moment, she replied in a soft and gentle voice: "Okay... I like you..."

  Jiang Hua gazed at her for a moment before suddenly stretching out his sturdy arms and embracing her.

  It's getting late, Jiang Hua doesn't seem to want to leave. Dao Jing leans in close to him and says: "Aren't you leaving yet? It's already one o'clock, come again tomorrow."

  Jiang Hua stared at her, happiness making his face flush. He suddenly hugged her again, using a trembling low voice to say in her ear: "Why did you drive me away? I won't leave...

  She stood up and walked out of the house. Upon hearing Jiang Hua's request, she suddenly felt such anxiety and unease, even some pain. Outside was a vast expanse of white, with heavy snow mixed with biting cold wind. The roof, ground, treetops, and even the entire sky were all shrouded in a thick layer of snow and wind. Dao Jing stood in the silent courtyard, her feet inserted into the icy snow, her thoughts surging and turbulent. In happiness, she had again tasted unexpected pain. For a long time, the faint shadow of Lu Jia-chuan, which had just begun to fade, unexpectedly re-entered her mind tonight, and very strongly at that. She would never forget him! But why did he have to come and disturb her heart at this particular moment? In her heart, she softly called out to him, and before her eyes appeared those bright, deep eyes, the gloomy prison, and the scene of him crawling on the ground with his legs broken... Her tears flowed down. In the wind and snow that hit her face, her chest was filled with complex, conflicting emotions. She stood for a while, trying hard to use the cold air to drive away these chaotic thoughts, but before she could succeed, she ran back into the house - she couldn't bear to leave Jiang Hua waiting alone for too long.

  As soon as she entered the house, she stood beside him, looking at him excitedly, then slowly said in a low voice: "Really? You... you're not leaving?...... Then... then I don't have to leave either!......" She suddenly blushed and buried her face on his broad shoulder, hugging his neck tightly.

  The sky had just lit up, and the sweet dream was still continuing in a daze. Suddenly, a knock on the door woke both of them up at the same time. The knocking sound was not loud, but it was urgent and pressing, as if something serious had happened. Both of them jumped out of bed at the same time, looking at each other with heavy inquiring gazes in the morning twilight.

  "Is there anything important? Give it to me!" Dao Jing said in a low, urgent voice, and lifted up the pillow to search for something.

  "Calm down!" Jiang Hua only said these two words, then quietly put on his clothes and walked to the window, sideways from the door gap to peek outside.

  Just then, along with the knock on the door, a faint woman's voice came in: "Xiaolin, open the door! It's me - Xiaoyan..."

  "Xiao Yan?"

  Jiang Hua quickly put on his clothes, while Dao Jing threw on her clothes and rushed to open the door. As soon as the door opened, Xiao Yan stumbled into the room. She wasn't even wearing her glasses, and her hair was disheveled. When she looked up and saw a man standing behind Dao Jing, she was startled, but she didn't bother to greet him. Instead, she threw herself at Dao Jing's shoulders and burst into tears. This normally calm and gentle girl had completely changed: she sobbed uncontrollably, her tears streaming down, yet she didn't say a word, as if some heavy despairing sorrow had torn her heart apart.

  "Xiao Yan, calm down, tell me what's wrong!" Dao Jing's voice was warm and sincere, as if there had never been any discord between them.

  But tears wet Da Jing's shoulder, Xiao Yan still couldn't say a word.

  Dào Jìng also stopped speaking, only holding her and gently stroking her trembling chest with his hand.

  "Kobayashi, I'm sorry to you!...I'll tell you......" Xiaoyan tried her best to hold back herself, wanting to speak, but only managed to stammer out a sentence before she couldn't continue. After a while, she wiped away her tears and sobbed: "Zheng, Zheng——Jun——is actually...a traitor, a running dog, I just found out!..."

  The excessively heavy blow made Wang Xiaoyan burst into tears. It took her half a day to tell Dao Jing and Jiang Hua everything she had discovered and encountered.

  Dai Yu claimed to be the secretary of the Beiping *** Party Municipal Committee in front of Wang Xiaoyan, and Wang Xiaoyan loved him and respected him. So after Dao Jing broke off contact with her, she believed his slander and even turned her impression of Dao Jing around 180 degrees in her sadness. However, slowly but surely, her impression of him changed - his 'spirit' became more and more abnormal, weak and depressed, talking sometimes eloquently and logically, as if forcing people to obey; but at other times he was hesitant and contradictory. On his body, she often smelled the scent of wine and women's perfume, while he tried to cover it up with various words. Due to the many suspicious signs he left in his private life, when connected to politics, she also began to suspect him. Was he really the secretary of the Municipal Committee? And was Wang Xiaoyan's so-called "party membership" true? Were those people from Beida who specialized in attacking good classmates good people? What was Lin Daojing's situation after all? ... In her disappointment, she started paying attention to his actions.

  When she decided to understand what kind of person Dai Yu was, she tried to find out from all aspects. However, she didn't know where he lived; nor did she know his relatives and friends; and it was even more impossible to ask Wang Zhong about him. Upon discovering this fact, she became even more uneasy. But love - her first infatuation, her passionate youthful fantasy made her not only unable to give up on him but also more strongly want to prove that all of this was just her own imagination. She thought, if she could prove that all these suspicions were just her own narrow-mindedness and anxiety, and he was still the upright comrade who was devoted to the party's cause, as he had said, how happy she would be! But alas, she was too unfortunate! It seemed like fate had pushed her into a deep abyss of despair, like a beautiful iceberg built with life's blood had suddenly collapsed, disappearing without a trace. For the first time, she quietly followed him from behind, and outside Xuanwu Gate, in the small alley of Chengxiang Hutong, she discovered that he knocked on a small red-painted door, which was opened by a middle-aged woman wearing a fur coat, who was slender yet elegant. At the door, he tried to hold her hand, but the woman pushed him away, pinched his face, and said: "Go in, wait for me!" before slowly walking away. And Zheng Juncai slipped into the door like a beggar.

  Xiao Yan was furious. What kind of woman is she to him? His wife? ***?

  But why did he keep telling Xiaoyan that he loved her, respected her, and his eyes seemed to reveal true love? ... After Xiaoyan discovered this, she didn't talk to him for several days; but he was in pain, as if he couldn't bear it, and shed tears for her. When she asked him who the woman was, he said it was a female comrade, and that he had to dress like that to avoid attracting the enemy's attention. Their relationship was just a working relationship. Xiaoyan half-believed and half-doubted, suffering as she accepted his "instructions", continuing to deceive her naive classmates at school.

  Until a few days ago, at the student conference of the history department, after Li Shaotong read Wang Zhong's receipt, she felt that things were getting worse. Just when she was feeling ashamed, last night - just this past night, Zheng Jun came to find her again, drunk. Without sitting steadily, he said a few unclear words and fell onto her 'bed' like a dead person. At this time, Xiaoyan noticed him and started searching his pockets. In the pocket of his suit, she found a letter, a strange certificate with only numbers, and a list of names from various schools. Xiaoyan pulled out the letter and read it - immediately, she was shocked as if struck by lightning.

  This letter was written by Hu Meng'an. He was responding to "Yu Brother" - that's what he called him, telling him to be at ease in Beiping and listen well to the leadership, and he would definitely have a great future. As for the intention of asking him to go south to Nanchang, it couldn't be done now because according to the organizational system, it wasn't convenient to transfer him. Everything was clear! The list of names was obviously *** party members or active elements who were about to be arrested from each school; that document was naturally Dai Yu's spy certificate. It turned out that this thing that framed others as traitors and 'spies' was itself the most shameless traitor and 'spy'! At this time, Xiao Yan was like a madman, using her trembling hands to slap Dai Yu's face fiercely, slapping him until her own hand was numb, but he still didn't wake up. At this time, Xiao Yan took these few things and stumbled out into the courtyard. She almost couldn't stand upright, leaning against a bare lilac tree in the biting cold wind, standing there until midnight.

  It was two or three in the morning, Dai Yu suddenly rushed into the yard. He grabbed her with a drunken hand and almost carried the frozen girl back to the house. He knelt down, he cried.

  He said sorry to Xiaoyan, sorry to the party, he cursed his own weakness and shamelessness, atoned for his sins. But Xiaoyan, who had fallen onto the 'bed' as if numb, no longer listened to this deceitful nonsense, her heart had turned cold and stiff, she didn't say another word, as if the world was about to be destroyed, and her life would end there. However, Dai Yu did not let her go, he cried hypocritically, he vowed that he truly loved her, because he loved her, and her pure love, this had left him with a bit of humanity, in his polluted heart, there was still a tiny spot of brightness - this was Xiaoyan's kindness, this was the noble shadow of hers.

  Xiao Yan listened to all this and was no longer moved. She walked around the room like a wooden puppet, avoiding him; but he also followed her, talking and talking, spouting nonsense, crazy like a madman. He said that he had been harmed by his own temporary cowardice for life, and had failed the party's training; he said that the "poisonous" enemy had taken advantage of his cowardice step by step, forcing him to walk into the abyss of sin, making it impossible for him to look back or extricate himself. He was "helpless" and had harmed some of his own comrades. He said that the woman Xiao Yan saw was a female spy. She grabbed him, ordering him to follow her commands, calling on him to provide her with carnal pleasure, he was helpless and could only execute her orders, otherwise, he would be in danger of being killed at any time. He also said that when he fell in love with Xiao Yan, he wanted to break free from this sinful environment and live a "free" life with her, so as not to be constantly on guard against each other.

  So he wrote a letter to Hu Meng'an, asking him to transfer him. He said that as long as he left the clutches of that 'woman', he would marry Xiaoyan. He would love her and be a good husband to her, never leaving her... Xiaoyan didn't want to hear these words anymore, she was making up her mind, thinking deeply, she couldn't be with this sinful person anymore... Dai Yu spoke for a while, but Xiaoyan just ignored him, pretending to sleep on the table. When he left, staggering as if still drunk, she immediately ran to find Dao Jing.

  "Lin! Lin! I'm done for... everything's over! You, you save me!" she cried out.

  "Xiaoyan, it's not over. Everything can start anew." Dao Jing's voice was very low and calm. She wiped away Xiaoyan's tears and said, "How did you know my address? It's really strange!"

  Xiao Yan tightly grasped Dao Jing's hand, a faint sorrowful smile on her face: "I've also followed you. But I didn't tell him - that scoundrel. Xiao Lin, please help me think of something, how should I go on living, and... how should I treat him?" She looked at Dao Jing again, then at Jiang Hua, wiping away tears with a handkerchief.

  "Xiao Yan, may I ask you," Jiang Hua interrupted at this time. He nodded to Xiao Yan, "We've met before, haven't we? Now please tell me, where did the things from Dai Yu go?"

  "He rushed back." Xiaoyan said, wiping away her tears.

  "Ah," Jiang Hua murmured, pausing for a moment before continuing, "Xiaoyan, I want to remind you that Dai Yu's problem is not just a matter of your own fate. Merely being sad and painful cannot alleviate the current tense situation - have you understood this?"

  "What did you say?" Xiaoyan opened her sorrowful tear-filled eyes and murmured, "I didn't think of anything, I just came to tell Xiaolin - I was wrong about her in the past, and I want to ask for her forgiveness."

  "Don't say that," Dao Jing held her hand, "Xiao Yan, I think you're too tired, why don't you lie down on the bed for a while?"

  At this time, Jiang Hua and Dao Jing supported Wang Xiaoyan, who was shaking all over, one on each side, and let her fall onto the 'bed'.

  "It's likely to develop like this," Jiang Hua said thoughtfully, "After Dai Yu sobered up, he would think it was ridiculous that he told you those 'dream words', and these words would become his mental burden. Moreover, his important documents had fallen into your hands. So, Xiaoyan, according to the usual rules, if you don't want to be used by him again, he will use the methods of dealing with enemies to deal with you because he fears you - or even resents you. Have you thought of this?"

  "No." Xiaoyan closed her eyes, her face as pale as a dead person's. "He... wouldn't! Would he bear to? He... he loves me..."

  Dào Jìng Rěn couldn't help but lean against Xiǎo Yàn's pillow and 'insert' her words: "Xiǎo Yàn, towards him, can you still look at him like this? How are you still hoping for his love and pity? This is extremely dangerous!"

  Xiao Yan closed her eyes and didn't say a word. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

  After a while, Jiang Hua stood beside the 'bed' and looked at Xiaoyan with a low and gentle voice: "Xiaoyan, no matter what, being vigilant is always beneficial. Not only do you need to be vigilant, but all progressive elements in each school must also be vigilant. It seems that this agent has written a blacklist and is preparing to use more vicious means against us. I think you and Xiaolin should find a place to hide for a few days. And also ask your family members to leave quickly... Oh, Xiaoyan, do you still remember the names on those lists?

  "I don't remember clearly." Xiaoyan wiped away her tears and said, "I only remember that Beida had Li Shaotong, Hou Rui, Li Huaiying, and her!" She pointed at Daojing.

  "Look, even someone like Li Huaiying is on Dai Yu's blacklist, can you see how ruthless this guy is? You should completely believe it now... So, let's listen to Jiang Hua and hide for a while too." Seeing Xiao Yan still crying silently, Dao Jing used her handkerchief to wipe away her tears and said, "Yan, you don't know, these past few days I've been in so much pain from losing you... Now that I see you by my side again, I'm truly overjoyed... Ah, let's not talk about this now. For now, let's discuss what to do next. How about I take you to a place to hide for a few days?"

  "I want to talk to him one more time." Xiaoyan opened her eyes and begged, "Believe me, I won't believe him again. I'll be back."

  "Yan, I absolutely cannot let you go!" Dao Jing said resolutely, pulling her up. "Yan, let's hurry and leave this place! If he finds out about my location and can't find you elsewhere, he might come here looking for me. Jiang Hua, you go first, I'll take Xiao Yan with me. We'll stay at a classmate's house for a few days."

  Jiang Hua looked at Dao Jing with a warm gaze, whispered a few words in her ear, then walked over to Xiao Yan and shook hands with her before turning around and leaving.

  "For me, you guys broke up." Xiaoyan stared blankly at Jiang Hua's back, "Xiaolin, let's go! I...I don't want to see him anymore..."