Chapter 1: The Crowned Slacker

  "Where there are people, there is a community; where there is a community, there will be troublemakers. I am the troublemaker."

  In the movie, the decadent male lead says this line with a melancholic gaze, sparse stubble, sensual acne, dark profile and frivolous mouth corners, making me deeply question whether I am a shame to the hooligan world.

  Although compared to the male lead, I am slightly more handsome.

  Facing this title of "Hooligan", I neither confirm nor deny it, I am just a hooligan.

  Although I have never been involved in arson, murder, robbery or looting, on the bus I will actively give up my seat, when I see trash on the ground I will pick it up, help elderly people cross the road, when I see city management coming I will help vendors carry their goods and run away, for student couples dating I will act as a lookout and send them off... there are many such instances.

  I really don't qualify as a decent and professional slacker, here I express my sincerest apologies and most sincere greetings to all fellow slackers, I tarnished this sacred title and dragged everyone's hind legs.

  When Zhou Mo's mother stood at the door of the house behind me and angrily said, "He is just a hoodlum!", I didn't have the courage to deny it.

  I became a hoodlum with no regard for morality or the law, only because of my failures and helplessness, because the happiness I promised is still just a promise.

  So I couldn't choose to pick up a high-sounding title, I'm just a slacker, an out-and-out LOSER! Scientific name: loser, with zero aura.

  Now I am undoubtedly a loser, achieving nothing, having nothing, dreams sinking, working from 9 to 5.

  I gritted my teeth and held back the urge to pee, with the courage of not leaving until I achieved my goal, working hard at things I liked and disliked for a living.

  Even if no one cheers or watches, I will still repeat this one-man battle, encircle and ambush, you run and I chase, circling and attacking, experiencing the hail of bullets! Feeling the fierce fighting power of life at all times.

  I often get stuck in the Xiaomi rifle, without the fierce record of my predecessors back then. Zero wins in N battles, I was thoroughly defeated! Not dying is a miracle!

  Comrade Ah Gan said with a silly tone, "Life is sweet chocolate", when he chose the color of life, I was risking my life for a bag of white sugar. However, no matter how hard my long legs tried to run, they couldn't escape the beautiful trajectory. In fact, I also wanted to cry in a BMW and coincidentally star in an idol drama.

  I'm like a migrant worker in a suit, exchanging life for the grain that sustains me, holding shattered tiles to brutally strike my dreams, breathing despair and feeling disappointment then looking up, step by step getting lost, inch by inch sinking.

  Every time I'm on the verge of collapse, I often find myself alone, with a cigarette, on a crowded pedestrian bridge, or in an empty bus, gazing blankly at the intoxicating and dazzling world in front of me, watching the endless stream of people, searching for that dream I once obsessed over, and then crying until I'm consumed by loneliness.

  Although, a few years ago, I was still the so-called "prodigy", the pride of Ande, the literary elementary school tyrant in the mouths of my younger brothers and sisters, I still had dreams, and Zhou Mo, my Zhou Mo, that vast horizon also had Ge's love.

  My name is Zhuo Fan, and I should be an orphan. No one has ever mentioned my family background to me. Although in the first 10 years of my life, many people have told me various origins such as garbage dumps, supermarkets, and highways.

  But with my precocious IQ, I can clearly distinguish the degree of cleverness in the other person's brain.

  I have been living in this nameless social welfare institution located in Fan Cheng County, Fengdu City, Xiangyang Province since I can remember. Due to its location in the heart of China, the climate here is mild and pleasant all year round, with beautiful scenery, green mountains, clear waters, ancient temples, and strange rocks that attract tourists all year round. Although it looks very beautiful, I know this is not my real home.

  André, this place where I spent a childhood as pale as a river of accounts, is my home, and also the home of many children like me.

  When reading, every time I see the picture of classmates' parents accompanying each other in harmony, I always have a sense of inferiority that arises spontaneously. In my heart, I often ask and greet the heavens' direct relatives, including grandfathers, looking from afar, hiding silently, thinking secretly, and missing deeply.

  As for parents, I only have their silhouettes in my dreams and a face that I've always tried to see clearly but can never quite make out.

  So I put all my energy into my studies, successfully creating a brilliant image of being both morally and academically excellent, with three badges on my arm. Perhaps the only time I felt a thrill was when the teacher announced the grades and paused for a few seconds before calling out my name as the top student, feeling the gaze of others and the small pride I had worked hard to create to prove my existence.

  Even though I'm a model in the eyes of my classmates' parents, no one knows that what I want is just that ordinary call from others. Those ordinary things are what I yearn for most, those things that ordinary people take for granted are what my heart longs for. A child without a home is like a blade of grass, where can happiness be found?

  In the rings of time carved, I shouted slogans of having ideals, culture, organization and discipline, stepping in pace, lifting my legs high, fiercely roaring and pushing away many competitors on this single-plank bridge of the college entrance exam, I successfully got into Jiangbei University, the best university in Xiangyang Province, located in the provincial capital city of Chengmu.

  Turning over the magnificent history of Jiangbei University, the Chinese Department of this university, which has produced many celebrities, scholars, government officials and wealthy businessmen, became the starting point of my dream.

  That year I was 19 years old, for the first time I packed my bags alone, for the first time I left Fan City so thoroughly, a place where I lived for nearly 20 years, leaving An De, this "home" that holds all my childhood memories.

  I thought I would be so eager to leave, but until the farewell party, looking at Director Pei and everyone's smiling face, my attempt to put on a cool smile ended up in loud sobs, with my pride shattered into pieces. That should have been the first time I cried so unscrupulously in my memory. It turned out that what I thought was insignificant was actually my most precious thing.

  I pretended to be carefree, making the sorrow even more sorrowful. After turning around, my face was full of tears and snot, I gloomily didn't wipe them away, letting them flow quietly.

  Time always speeds up when you want to pause, stubbornly like a donkey, and slows down when you want to fast forward, slowly like an extremely old cow taking a stroll.

  The four-year university life passed quickly, I took the excellent graduate certificate and walked out of Jiangbei University, with my fearless and bold attitude ready to take on the whole world.

  However, at this point, with the rapid development of the Chinese economy, major universities began to expand their enrollment, and the threshold for entering university plummeted like a roller coaster. Having money became the consensus for many people to be able to attend university, and I was seen as someone who could easily buy my way in by many people.

  Overseas students who have returned home after studying abroad, after washing dishes for four years, change into a suit and tie, put on glasses, and return to China with a golden aura. The name "university student" is no longer out of reach.

  Society has started a cultural armed expedition where even recruiting a cleaner requires a bachelor's degree. Although Jiangbei University has a good reputation, without any background, the certificate in my hand often falls short in various complicated relationship networks, hitting a wall everywhere, with a bruised nose and face, the future I yearned for finally turned around in front of reality.

  My chest is shattered by the huge stone, but I still can't get through life with this gun!

  I once believed: When God closes a door, he opens a window for me. But when I was kicked into the sewer, I found that the damp walls only had snakes, insects and ants.

  I'm 26 years old now, and in three days it will be exactly seven years since I left the An De Welfare Institute at the age of 19.

  Seven years of itch, nothing accomplished. Thinking of An De, the place where I wrote down my simple life trajectory, my heart is suddenly chilled to the bone.

  In the countless nights of the past 7 years, I have fantasized about returning home in glory, imagining various scenarios of triumph. I even practiced smiling, nodding and confidently shaking hands with Principal Pei in front of a mirror. I envisioned myself exchanging pleasantries with elegance, sharing my story in a crowded auditorium, in a building bearing my name, telling the tale of a successful person's great experience, an immortal classic, a legendary miracle that would be passed down through generations, becoming an idol for children and a pride and legend for An De.

  Perhaps, because of my success, I can find that lost home and family in some corner of my memory.

  Dreams are always dreams, will wake up, I still crowned lazy, still just a spectator, still only watching from afar, outside the door of Ande, walking around, right foot repeatedly stepping on left heel, never having the courage to enter the door, the loser.

  The beautiful scenery and the harsh reality are always so jarring, the dream's silhouette revealed a life-like ape face after turning around, scaring me to tears.

  Looking back on those years, I graduated with the title of academic overlord, ranking first in the entire department, with a majestic and impressive demeanor, wearing a scholar's hat and carrying a fan, discussing and debating with others until the dust settled.

  Looking at it again this morning, I took the lead with a humble attitude, humbly and humbly seeking employment as a migrant worker, waiting anxiously for news, but no one asked.

  Lu Guan was physically and mentally exhausted.

  With the admiration of all the children in the orphanage, with the attention of teachers and classmates, at that time I really thought that the world in front of me was mine, I was the pride of heaven, the darling of God, the luckiest person. Even myself couldn't help but worship myself from time to time, like a martial arts master about to be born, looking down on the world, laughing wildly.

  I once thought I possessed unparalleled martial arts skills.

  Until, in the years after graduation, I kept hitting a wall on my job search path, while my classmates were all relying on complex networks of relationships, either doing business, or entering politics, or joining state-owned enterprises, or simply enjoying life and traveling around the world. It was only then that I realized, apart from the barely enough living expenses in my pocket and an excellent graduate award certificate, all I had left was toilet paper from a public restroom.

  I wander outside the complex network, like a severely ill patient who is isolated and struggling to survive, but refuses to give up. I still can't let go of my small pride that has long since left me. Perhaps all I want to do is prove my own existence in a grand way. The intoxicating dream of alcohol and the lingering scent of cigarettes have captivated me.

  I have always yearned for a miracle to happen, but I've never encountered one in this dull, scattered, and cataract-filled life! It wasn't until I held an ancient sword that I realized the whole world was using guns!

  So I'm just a slacker, a professionally unqualified slacker.