Chapter 7: The Suicidal Hero
Because the scene of holding my head and crying out in pain was too touching, I cried for a while before calming down a bit. After wiping away the snot that had been on my father's body with my hand, our emotions finally calmed down a lot. I lifted my head, looked at my father, and said: "Dad, although this is the most ridiculous reason I've ever heard, it's so sad that it far exceeds my imagination. This is fate! Fate is bitter and can't blame the government. This ghost is just a ghost, and its methods are too cruel. Is this the most poisonous curse of all souls?
"This is the reason why we are separated by life and death. I always thought that I was chosen by the God of misfortune, but now it seems that there's a bigger misfortune behind this one. Misfortune can be inherited, and our family's misfortune is also hereditary! Both humans and ghosts like to bully the weak. The Cui family has become the scapegoat!" I am shocked by such a vicious curse, never expecting that we paid such a tragic price for the prosperity of the dynasty.
What makes me even more sorrowful is that such a heavy price was paid, yet no one knows about it. As an unknown hero, how painful! Looking at this frail and withered old man in front of me, my eyes are filled with tears. I naturally thought of Zhou Mo again, wanting to see him but unable to do so - the greatest distance in the world is right next to us, yet we cannot meet. The memories of past events flooded my mind like a movie, and this feeling deepened my understanding of my father. The frozen ice in my heart finally melted completely at this moment!
When I'm feeling anxious or deep in thought, I unconsciously get up and pull out a pack of cigarettes from my back pocket, a pack that's been severely crushed and deformed. I open it and select one that isn't broken to offer to my father, but he shakes his head. After glancing at the two dull expressions behind him, I put it in my own mouth instead, light up, and take a deep drag. Maybe I inhaled too quickly, because I start coughing violently, but the tobacco flavor soon calms me down, and my jumbled thoughts gradually clear up.
"I suddenly realized something and looked at my father, asking 'Dad, are you saying that when you were born, you weren't here either? You also found out about this later on, just like me?' My father nodded and said: 'That's right, you're not wrong. I didn't return to the Cui family until I was over 20 years old. It was Messenger Xu Bo who told me all of this. He said that every generation of the Cui family calls him Xu Bo, without any distinction of seniority or ethics. The Xu Bo you see now is the same as the one I met over 20 years ago.'"
Xu Bo was the messenger who passed on the curse of the Cui family's Wan Hun, responsible for summoning the next generation of Cui family members to return to the family after each generation's death. He was also the one who lit the Xuanwu blood to guide the way to lift the curse. After my parents, your grandparents, passed away, it was Xu Bo who brought me back to the Cui family. Before that, I thought I was an abandoned orphan. It was Xu Bo who told me everything, including the Xuanwu incantation, the Wan Hun curse, and the history of the Cui family. After returning to the Cui family one night, I had a dream where I went to the underworld and met my ancestors, who verified what Xu Bo said. That's about 30 years ago.
I took a look at the person behind my father, who was always making a weird pose, and I couldn't figure out what kind of creature this thing was. It's ridiculous to have a blind person as a guide and still get lost on the way! That eerie white color, that mysterious paper umbrella, those eye sockets without eyes, and that frozen smile at the corner of his mouth made me sweat profusely.
But my father's words indeed deeply shocked me, he calmly nodded: "Suddenly telling you these things is indeed a bit sudden, we are all family members, there's nothing to be ashamed of. When Uncle Xu told me about these things back then, I scolded him as a madman, pervert and neurotic, but you're much better than the young me back then, at that time my father in iron clothes almost tied me up..." Listening to Cui Mu Bai's words, I also couldn't help but laugh. In the laughter, I looked towards the two people behind him, and found they didn't seem as annoying as before, although they still stood there like two wooden stakes.
It turns out that the sorrow is sorrow, and the complaint is a complaint. After hearing my father's words, I finally knew that the reason why this originally strong man became like this in a wheelchair was actually because of my birth, my existence. Sending me to Andre wasn't abandoning me but was to protect me, which they couldn't help but do.
At the same time, because of me, my father's body began to wither away, suffering from unimaginable pain and torment. What kind of pain is this? What kind of love is this? And what did I do? I didn't do anything, I threw a Qinghua porcelain vase at him, I hysterically yelled at him, I kept complaining, in anger, because of anger, I survived, but because of love, he was worse off than dead. I was wrong, really wrong.
I dropped the cigarette butt from my hand, knelt down beside my father's wheelchair on the right side. The man called Tieyi walked over to pick up the cigarette butt and put it directly into his pocket before returning to his original position to continue playing the role of a zombie. This seemingly collected rhythm slightly disrupted the emotional scene, as he interrupted me, I could only try to evoke the sorrowful emotions, trying my best to caress my father's pale and thin arms with hands that were trembling violently due to regret, like thin sheets of paper. I cried until my nose was running and my eyes were streaming with tears, shaking as if I had a stroke.
"Dad, don't cry, we should be happy, my son and I are truly happy today! This is the happiest moment of my life as Cui Mubai. It doesn't matter, really doesn't matter, now that I'm old, whatever I become, whatever suffering I endure, I don't care, as long as I can see you in my lifetime, hear you call me 'Dad', even if it's just before I die, what's the harm? Compared to many people in the Cui family, I am much happier. Thank you for your sacrifice! Thank you for igniting the Xuanwu blood, so that I have no regrets in this life! You are the hero of our Cui family, I'm proud of you, and even more proud of you!"
I was moved by my father's powerful rhetoric and rhythmic tone, and after stabilizing my emotions, I choked back tears and said: "Thank me for my suicide? Did I become a hero by committing suicide? Are you proud of me, are you proud of yourself? Aren't you mocking me? My brain isn't working well now, the neural connections aren't sending good signals, my IQ is below normal, if you want to criticize me, just do it directly."
It seems that my "heroic" suicide attempt will be nailed to the shame pillar of the Cui family, as the only person in the family history who has committed suicide. This is destined to be the label for my entire life - should I be proud or find a hole to crawl into? Looking at this situation, it seems like it's a great thing, but why do I feel like my face is burning and can't get excited about it? Whether good or bad, this is indeed a question worth thinking about. I have become the unprecedented hero who has left his name in history because of suicide! My father said "I'm telling you the truth, child, you are a hero." If anyone asks me about my thought process at that time, I would say that I am both proud and ashamed!
As my mood gradually calmed down, I felt that the IQ I had lost was slowly returning. So I asked a high and profound question: "But isn't it wrong? Since there is this curse of ten thousand souls, how can we possibly meet? Is it just because of my suicide?" This question has been lingering in my mind since I learned about the origin of the curse of ten thousand souls, but no matter how I think about it, I couldn't find any connection between my suicide and the curse. I looked forward to Father's answer to unravel the mystery in my heart.
"It's still the same, perhaps all of this was destined or fated. Although my father and I couldn't recognize each other due to the Wan Soul Curse, I could arrange for someone to secretly watch over you. Do you remember what happened when you jumped off the cliff at Yishan in Chengmu City?" I nodded awkwardly, thinking to myself that this "feat" was impossible to forget, probably for a lifetime, and it might even be passed down through the ages, forever recorded in our family's history books. It could even serve as an epitaph."
Just thinking about it makes me ashamed. My father continued, "I arranged for Tie Yi to secretly follow you, and at the moment you jumped off the cliff, it was Tie Yi who pulled you back to safety." I looked at the man called Tie Yi behind my father in surprise and said, "Was it this unsmiling iron lump that saved me?" My father nodded and continued, "It was Tie Yi who brought you back. According to Tie Yi's account, at the moment you jumped off the cliff, your body was surrounded by a fiery red flame, like a fireball, accompanied by thunderous roars. When Tie Yi pulled you back, he almost got struck by lightning that suddenly appeared on a clear day, and both his hands were burned. After returning, it happened to be when Xu Bo was in a lucid state, so he used a secret herbal remedy to treat the injury."
When Iron Clothes brought you back to the Cui family, I learned that you had attempted suicide by jumping off a cliff. I was both shocked and frightened. If something were to happen to you, everything I've done and all the loneliness I've endured would be meaningless, and our Cui family would be doomed. Perhaps because I was too anxious, I forgot about the Wan Soul Curse and came directly to your room to see you. After seeing that you were fine, I remembered that we couldn't meet, or else one of us would die. I regretted it deeply, but after a long time passed without anything unusual happening, we concluded that your attempted suicide must have ignited the Blood of the Vermilion Turtle within you.
Father's eyes shone with praise as he looked at me, making my whole body feel warm and fuzzy. "That day happened to be the 15th," he said, "and after Xu Bo performed the Pushing Hexagrams divination, he declared that our Cui family's fate would take a turn for the better. This confirmed our theory that the Blood of the Vermilion Turtle had been ignited at this moment, and the key to breaking the curse was you!"
If we can lift the curse of the Wan Soul, the Cui family will be able to break free from its fate. If not, you will be the last one left in the Cui family, and our family line will come to an end, with no descendants left. It was at that moment that I realized your suicidal attempt had solved the mystery that our Cui family couldn't solve for thousands of years, and we could finally reunite as a family." Cui Mu Bai looked at me with eyes that made me feel like I had accomplished something earth-shattering, not a good-for-nothing but a hero, a true hero born from a suicidal leap due to lost love. In an instant, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride and subconsciously puffed out my chest.
At this point, I said with a bitter smile: "Dad, your meaning is that I am the only one in the generations of the Cui family who has committed suicide? My suicide will ignite the Xuanwu blood in my body? Because of my suicide, I have the conditions to lift the curse of the ten thousand souls of the Cui family? If I can successfully lift this curse, our Cui family will naturally become rich and official, and the later generations of the Cui family will not be bound by this curse, they can live as they want. If I fail to lift or do not lift the curse of the ten thousand souls, although my father and I can recognize each other and live together, but I will never have children again, the Cui family will become extinct, and I am the last person of the Cui family?
My father nodded, at this time my face and the wheelchair-bound father's face were covered with tears. We cried for a while, then laughed, like two madmen, and spent more than ten minutes like that. Cui Mubai also calmed down his emotions, "Fortunately, in my lifetime, because of your suicidal obsession, jumping off the cliff, we can still reunite as father and son, which is enough to make me, Cui Mubai, have no regrets in this life! Even if there are countless riches that no one shares, what's the use? Even if there are unparalleled scenery, without loved ones to share it with, what's the meaning?
The most terrifying poison in the world is not poverty, nor death, but loneliness, like a floating duckweed of loneliness! This is the first time I have truly felt the power of kinship, and it's enough to die for. As I listened to my father's words, I couldn't help but nod repeatedly, then tightly hugged him, like a child, and cried out loud. I choked with sobs, shouting "Dad", a name that had been lingering in my heart for over 20 years but never uttered before. At this moment, although I was crying, I didn't feel sad but grateful. The love of a father is like a mountain, the scene I had always yearned for since childhood has finally come true.
