Chapter 2: The Merry Land

  Because of mistakenly killing Hong Zelong, Li Mu was forced to graduate early. Not only did he have his life-saving treasure confiscated, but he also had to abandon the immortal techniques he had learned. This made it difficult for Li Mu to accept, and if not for Tongyuan Daxian's consolation, Li Mu would not mind causing a huge commotion in the Heavenly Palace. Although, he didn't have that ability yet.

  From then on, Li Mu had no good feelings towards the Heavenly Court. While others were eager to ascend to heaven and become officials, he would rather travel in the mortal world.

  Li Mu's immortal method was taught by Tong Yuan Da Xian and should be taken back by Tong Yuan Da Xian.

  "Mu Er, you mustn't harbor resentment and deviate from the right path of cultivation. The Great Way is the same everywhere, as long as you sincerely cultivate with a pure heart. I, your master, guarantee that within ten years, I will let you return to Tongyuan Mountain. Consider this a prolonged trial for now." Tongyuan Immortal led Li Mu out of Heaven's Court, constantly comforting him along the way. The gentle tone revealed Tongyuan Immortal's reluctance and concern for Li Mu.

  Twenty years have passed, and the first time he let him leave, such a situation occurred. Is it that Li Mu's luck is bad, or is it that this master arranged things improperly? Tongyuan Daxian felt somewhat self-reproachful.

  "Master, you don't have to worry about me. You always say, 'Don't be happy with external things, and don't be sad with internal ones.' I will make good use of these ten years, and it's also a good opportunity for me to experience the world." Li Mu didn't want his master to worry about him, and he was also finding an excuse for himself not to be sad. He had always been thinking about the outside world, and now he could finally give himself a long vacation to fully experience it.

  Tongyuan Dashen nodded, Li Mu was someone he had watched grow up, and Li Mu's personality was clearer to him than anyone else. He knew that Li Mu might not be able to open this knot for the time being, but this could no longer be considered a problem. Li Mu had a kind of innate adaptability, and could adapt to any environment at any time.

  "The power of the land is weak, and it's not suitable to fight with others. From now on, without the care of a master, you should be cautious in your words and actions, do more good deeds, and bring blessings to the people, achieving positive results early." Tongyuan Dasheng personally escorted Li Mu to Qing Shui County's Qing Shui Village, then transformed into a stream of light and disappeared into the sky.

  "Li Mu, for the greater good, I'm afraid you'll have to bear with this for now." Tongyuan Daxian stood on the cloud, reluctant to watch as Li Mu disappeared into the distance.

  Li Mu, who was used to teasing people, suddenly arrived at this remote and desolate place and felt a bit unadapted. Qing Shui County was poor, and Qing Shui Village was even poorer. The previous land gods were either unable to bear the poverty and quit, or they neglected their duties and did not take their responsibilities seriously. The Jade Emperor gave face to Tong Yuan Da Xian and spared Li Mu's life. However, under pressure from the heavenly generals and immortal officials, he threw Li Mu into this embarrassing place. As long as there was a slight mistake, he could be held accountable for his crimes.

  "What's the Mortal Realm like?" Li Mu was looking around gloomily, when he suddenly thought of the colorful descriptions his senior brothers had given of the Mortal Realm. His curiosity immediately dispelled his gloominess. Too lazy to go find his own cave, he decided to stroll around the city first instead.

  Think and act, this is Li Mu's consistent style.

  As they came, passing over the city, Li Mu determined the direction and shouted "Dive!" He stomped his foot on the ground and instantly hid in the earth. The only magic of the Landlord was to dive into the earth, where it was their domain.

  In the outskirts of the city, he found a secluded spot and emerged from the ground. Li Mu walked towards the city gate with an air of nonchalance, his hands clasped behind his back. The two rows of skeletal soldiers guarding the gate listlessly checked the passing pedestrians, but upon seeing Li Mu, they politely let him through. In such a poor place, those who could afford to wear good clothes were all wealthy individuals, and ordinary soldiers naturally didn't dare to provoke them.

  The county town was not as desolate and remote as the suburbs, but it had all the necessary facilities. The small stalls on the street, the old men who wanted to drink, the acrobatic troupe, and the singing opera group were all new and interesting things for Li Mu. On Tongyuan Mountain, there was no such scenery, Li Mu felt that his eyes were not enough to see everything, and he looked around, with everything attracting his attention.

  "What? Is that a woman?" Li Mu's eyes darted back and forth as he suddenly caught sight of a young girl passing by. The girl was dressed in a flashy outfit, with heavy makeup and lipstick, her chest heaving up and down with each exaggerated step, causing the people around her to become dizzy. Tongyuan Mountain had no female disciples, and Li Mu had never seen a woman before; his understanding of women only existed through the rumors and hearsay of his fellow monks. The dry and ascetic cultivators would inevitably add some embellishments when talking about women, so Li Mu's understanding of them was extremely distorted. In his mind, women were either for eating or for playing with.

  As he stared at the two lumps of flesh, Li Mu suddenly had an epiphany: no wonder his senior brothers said that a woman's breasts were very entertaining, soft and tender like two delicate balls, indeed quite nice. Thinking about it, Li Mu decided to investigate further, having already played with everything available on Tongyuan Mountain, today was the perfect opportunity to try something new. According to his senior brothers, as long as he spent some silver coins, he could... and coincidentally, he had some silver coins on him.

  He quietly walked to the back of the woman, directly ignoring the surrounding eyes that were filled with mixed emotions. He glanced around, looking for an opportunity to make his move. Li Mu's extremely despicable behavior immediately attracted everyone's attention. Although they knew he was up to no good, seeing him dressed in luxurious clothes and looking like a pure gentleman, not one person dared to step forward to stop him.

  The woman didn't know that there was still a living treasure following behind her, and thought that her outfit today was particularly eye-catching. She was delighted and started to primp and preen, raising an eyebrow and winking at passersby. When she saw a handsome young man in front of her, the woman tossed her hair and batted her eyelashes. The young man was taken aback, and Li Mu seized the opportunity to stretch out his hand from behind and grab two soft buttocks.

  A soft and comfortable feeling immediately comes from the palm of your hand, making you irresistible. It's as if riding on a colorful cloud to roam the sky, chasing the wind and sun; it's like holding an amulet to roam the ocean, stepping on water and playing with waves. Lightly rubbing, like a pulsating electric current sweeping through the body, makes people love it so much that they can't bear to put it down. Pinching it gently, it feels like two soft and smooth clouds, making it the most comfortable blanket.

  "Ah——"

  However, this enjoyment did not last long. A scream that could be compared to the Golden Eagle of the Ninth Heaven pierced the silence, and the people around who were holding their breath suddenly woke up like thawing ice.

  "How dare you!" The woman, who had been touched by countless hands in the past, was now shouting as if she were a chaste and innocent young girl who had just been molested. She acted as if her reputation had reached the highest heavens.

  Li Mu didn't know the woman would react so strongly, and he stared at her foolishly, rubbing his head and saying: "Why are you yelling so loudly? Whatever amount of money you want, I'll give it to you."

  The woman would call Li Mu, also heard from the senior brothers, but it was not as soul-stirring as the senior brothers said, on the contrary, it was extremely piercing to the ears. He thought that the girl wanted to extort more money, but he didn't know that countless pairs of angry eyes around him were staring at him with fire.

  Even if you're a royal relative, you shouldn't be so brazen as to flirt with women in the street like this. Is there no law and order anymore? I was just thinking about it, but you actually dare to do it! The men around us are both envious and resentful, as if their own sisters had been molested.

  "You're a rascal, a scoundrel, worse than an animal!" The woman, an old hand at navigating the world of pleasure and desire, instantly burst into tears, covering her face with her sleeve and striking a pitiful pose that further incited the anger of the surrounding crowd. The circle closed in once again.

  "Hey, woman, why are you scolding people?" Li Mu was somewhat bewildered. This woman was being too unreasonable; it's not like he wasn't giving her money.

  Seeing Li Mu's expression of a dead pig not afraid of boiling water, the woman was about to get angry and shouted: "I not only scold you, but also want to beat you to death." The woman rolled up her sleeves, no longer caring about the half-point gentlewoman image she had put on earlier, grabbed Li Mu's pants leg and started hitting him. The men around them instantly transformed into "chivalrous gentlemen who hate evil like an enemy", with some even carrying noodles and rolling pins to attack. Without warning, Li Mu was angry but remembered his master's words not to harm ordinary people casually, so he planned to put up a shield to withstand their punches and kicks. However, after pinching for half a day, he found that he had no magical powers at all. In desperation, in the midst of urgency, he could only pinch out an earth escape technique and flee quickly.

  "Huh, where's the guy?" Due to there being too many people who "stood up for justice", no one noticed how Li Mu escaped in the chaos. Everyone was only concerned about whether the woman was injured and didn't bother to care where Li Mu had run off to, and instead came to comfort the woman. In the chaos, it was inevitable that some people would take advantage of the situation to grope her.

  Li Mu had just escaped into the underground, but unexpectedly fell into the local land god's cave. The white-bearded land god had just brewed a pot of tea, which was trampled to dust by Li Mu's foot. The old land god looked at the tea he had carefully brewed and felt heartbroken: "My tea..." It was the best oolong tea that he had spent a lot of effort to get, which was most effective in clearing fire and relieving constipation.

  Li Mu knew he was in the wrong and hastily apologized: "Sorry old man, I'll make it up to you next time."

  "Compensate me, just you, what are you going to use to make up for it? That's the best Wuyi Oolong tea!" Old Tudi's face turned red with excitement, staring at Li Mu with wide eyes. "What kind of person are you, how did you end up here?"

  "Ah——" Li Mu was taken aback, only then remembering his position. He stretched out his hand and pointed around, responding: "I'm the newly appointed Landlord of Qing Shui Village, just took office, getting familiar with the environment."

  "Qingshui Village?" The old land heard this place, and his anger was reduced by half. He has been the land of Qingshui County for over a hundred years now, from his appointment to the present, Qingshui Village has changed at least nearly a hundred lands. The longest one lasted only five years, and the shortest one only three months. The old land really wanted to know how long this young land could last. To be honest, he had lived for hundreds of years and it was the first time he had seen such a young land.

  "Since we're colleagues, I'll let it slide. You can go." The old landowner was secretly pleased. Among the hundreds of landowners in Qing Shui County, only he lived a carefree life. One shouldn't blame the poor for not paying debts, but rather the creditor for being foolish. How could one expect someone who couldn't even afford a meal to provide top-grade tea?

  Look at this old land, there's nothing to entertain guests, and Li Mu doesn't want to stay long either. He nodded slightly and was about to leave, but then he put his foot back down again.

  "What's wrong, is there something else?" Old Tudi was stunned, thinking that Li Mu knew the situation in Qing Shui Village and wanted to cry to him.

  Li Mu said: "The people here are too unfriendly, I just touched a woman's chest, no need for the whole county to beat me with sticks."

  “……” The old man almost fell over, staring blankly at Li Mu for half a day. After confirming that he was an earthling and not a Martian, he said with annoyance: “A man's head, a woman's chest, are those things you can just touch casually? Men and women have their differences, let alone touching breasts, even skin contact is not allowed. Just using a stick is already considered lenient.”

  "Oh." Li Mu nodded as if he understood, but just when the old landowner thought he was about to leave, Li Mu suddenly stopped in his tracks and turned back to ask: "Why can't a man's head be touched?"

  The old landowner was so angry that his teeth itched, and if his body wasn't weak, he really wanted to kick him all the way up to the ninth heaven. He pushed Li Mu out: "You go out first, you'll know once you're out."

  He emerged from the old land's cave and popped up on another street. The sun had set, the lights were dim, and the nightlife before curfew was just beginning. At night, human nature is released, and the red-light district is especially lively. Fortunately, Li Mu did not choose this street, otherwise he would have taken the most primitive aspect of human nature as the truth of survival, and his fellow disciples' whispers as the greatest truths.

  Passing by a restaurant, Li Mu suddenly felt a little hungry, so he treated it as his own kitchen. As for his own kitchen, Li Mu had never been polite.

  Braised chicken, sauce duck, steamed goose, fatty beef, and powdered pork, all sorts of delicacies filled the eyes of Li Mu, making him dizzy. The things here were much more abundant than those in the kitchen of Tongyuan Mountain. Having grown up so big, he had never eaten such a large quantity of delicious food before. As a cultivator, one emphasizes lightness and simplicity, so the flavors are also extremely light. This time, Li Mu wanted to eat back twenty years' worth at once.

  "Burp——" With a big belly, he let out a long and comfortable burp. "I didn't know there were so many delicious things in the world, did my fellow disciples not know?" After finishing, Li Mu spat out a chicken bone, used his greasy thumb to pick at his teeth, and then swallowed the meat stuck between his teeth with a roll of his tongue. Then, with a satisfied expression, he pinched a earth escape technique to leave. As he walked away, he mistakenly took a jug of wine as tea and brought it along.

  Street performers always attract people's attention. "Those with money support the show, those without support the performer." This polite phrase makes most of the audience feel at ease watching the performance all night. What's the big deal about smashing stones on one's chest, spinning plates, and kicking jars? For Li Mu, these are just child's play, but the performers' courage is worth appreciating.

  Seeing the wonderful performance, Li Mu took a sip of wine and applauded: "Good!" In his daze, the only ten taels of silver he had on him had somehow fallen into the performer's plate. This was the first time he had drunk such good tea, although it made him feel a bit dizzy, but the taste was indeed not bad. As a joke, this was the hundred-year-old cellar fragrance that the owner of that shop had treasured for a long time, and he didn't know how many times he had toasted Li Mu's ancestors by now.

  Li Mu, with a mouthful of wine, wandered through the streets and alleys, discovering that he had grown fond of the joys of human life. Cultivating immortality was merely seeking a carefree and long life, yet countless people devoted their entire lives to this pursuit. It turned out that being a mortal on earth was the most carefree and happy existence. But why did so many people give up what was close at hand and pursue the distant and uncertain path of immortality?