Final Chapter Whose Youth Whose Tears Backpack Net

  What were you doing from the age of 16 to 18? Studying? Preparing for the college entrance exam? Working hard for your future? Xiao Xiao seems to have forgotten what the future is like. It's like an endless darkness, and she's drowning in it.

  Xiao Xiao likes it best during the day when she can hide in her room and not see anyone. Xiao Xiao has changed a lot.

  She is no longer the girl who wouldn't speak up before, now she can talk nonsense with people and doesn't even remember what she said. She also doesn't want to remember.

  She also learned to smile at many people, smiling on the surface and crying in her heart.

  Now when she sees men again, she no longer has her original shyness.

  Her hands massaged skillfully, recalling the first time her sister taught her, she closed her eyes, her hands trembling, tears swirling inside her eyes.

  Numbness

  A puppet who has lost his soul.

  One of these days, the weather was fine, and Qian Jie and her friends gathered together to play bridge. Several people were leaning back in their chairs, smoking, with bright red lips. Xiao had been cooped up at home for several days and also came out to watch them play cards.

  "Want one?" asked Qing Jie.

  Xiao Xiao shook her head, "I won't smoke, I'll just watch you guys play cards." She didn't dare to smoke, the smell of cigarettes reminded her of her father's yellow teeth from smoking. She was afraid that all the memories from before would be dragged back into reality. Reality was too unbearable. Actually, there wasn't anything worth remembering anymore, except for that dictionary in the box, which had been mentioned before, and inside it were the little notes between her and Lin Qi. In the past, she would take out the notes and read them over and over again. Later on, she didn't dare to look at them anymore, she felt it was desecration.

  Xiao Xiao now feels that she and Qing Jie and the others are just like fellow travelers, it's just a matter of who is more open-minded and who is more romantic.

  After a while, Xiaoxiao felt a headache and a faint nausea, which was a common feeling for her, but this time it was particularly severe. She covered her mouth and nose and started dry heaving on the side.

  "At that time, I was especially afraid in my heart, I was afraid of being pregnant, because my sisters all said this was a pre-pregnancy reaction."

  "What's next?" I asked.

  "It wasn't that later I found out, because at the time there was an internet cafe on the street being renovated, and they used paint to brush the outside railing. When I smelled the paint smell, I felt uncomfortable, so I threw up."

  "Hasn't forgotten in two years?"

  "How could I forget."

  Right, how could I forget, the most terrifying taste in memory.

  "Xiao Xiao... have you ever thought about it?" I wanted to ask her if she was thinking of leaving now. She seemed to understand what I was getting at.

  "Sister," she smiled, "it's been a long time since I've called you that. Actually, these things, I've only told you about them. Give me a better ending." Yes, she told me so many things.

  She told me that the small street had changed to an internet cafe, Xiao Xiao went out to buy food that day, looked up at the name of the internet cafe, "Hero Internet Cafe", Xiao Xiao laughed in her heart, heroes can't pass through beautiful women's passes, opening such a internet cafe here, really knows how to do business.

  Then she saw a person coming out from inside, who looked just like Lin Qi, thought Xiao Xiao.

  Isn't that Lin Qi! "Zhang XiaoXiao?" he asked in puzzlement.

  Xiao Xiao's appearance has changed a lot, and it's fortunate that Lin Qi can still recognize her.

  Xiao Xiao didn't answer.

  It's been a few years, three or four? Xiao Xiao doesn't have a sense of time, anyway it's all the same, in the past it was like a year was as long as a day, and now it's like a day is as short as a year. Simply put, she's still alive.

  At that time, Xiao Xiao had a head of red hair and wore a white dress. She met her "lover" from several years ago at the entrance of the internet cafe. It sounded not bad, but things have changed, or people have changed? Anyway, it didn't feel right. Xiao Xiao didn't know what to say, she couldn't tell Lin Qi that she was living on this street now. Let him think he had mistaken her for someone else. Xiao Xiao walked away with her head down.

  "Is that Zhang Xiaoxiao?" Lin Qi asked from behind, "Come on, let's hurry up," thought Xiaoxiao.

  Back at her residence, Xiaoxiao's heart was filled with all sorts of emotions, but mostly pain. Happiness, shock, fear, and even more sadness. She could still see Lin Qi, he still recognized her. But she didn't dare to admit that she was indeed Zhang Xiaoxiao!

  Zhang Xiaoxiao had been forgotten by everyone a few years ago, and living was equivalent to being dead. At the beginning, in order to survive, she gave up struggling and compromised with fate, telling herself that Zhang Xiaoxiao was dead.

  He never called her name again after that day.

  Xiao Xiao's heart was really aching, seeing Lin Qi but not daring to tell or admit that she was indeed Xiao Xiao.

  The sunshine is still so good, Xiao Xiao looked at this yellowish white wall and silently shed tears.

  I've learned to find an optimal angle where I can hide myself while still being able to see Lin Qi's place, pretending to watch the sisters play cards.

  Lin Qi is much taller than before, and his skin is also whiter. However, he still likes Youlemei and chocolate milk tea. It seems that after buying things, Lin Qi no longer goes out, nor does he remember the person he saw, or whether he still remembers the person who looks like Zhang Xiaoxiao.

  Xiao Xiao went to a nearby milk tea shop, for the first time, she bought a cup of chocolate milk tea by herself. The weather wasn't cold now, looking at the hot air rising from the milk tea, it seemed like she saw the boy who held up an Oolong milk tea for her several years ago, slowly smelling, and the sweet aroma. Xiao Xiao smiled, but later, as she continued smiling, she seemed to realize something again, tears started falling down, blending into the milk tea in her hand.

  She herself described her identity with two words, that is prostitute. I also feel very uncomfortable about this. Wondering if one day, Lin Qi finds out that the person wearing revealing clothes and dyeing strange colors in their hair, soliciting business on the street, is his classmate from a few years ago, Zhang Xiaoxiao. What kind of expression would he have then?

  Alright, such an assumption is unfounded. Because XiaoXiao is not like QingJie and the others.

  It's impossible for them not to meet on the same street, unless they're intentionally hiding from each other. But our Xiao wants to see more, and our Lin is looking for confirmation, confirming whether that person is indeed Xiao.

  Then what?

  Lin Qi looked at the red-haired woman who still didn't acknowledge herself as Zhang XiaoXiao and asked, "How have you been all these years? Are you doing alright?"

  Lin Qi, you're really stupid, what kind of question are you asking?! Since you already knew some things before, ah! How can you be so stupid?! You're making Xiao Xiao's heart ache.

  "Don't you despise me?" Xiao Xiao asked back without answering.

  Lin Qi shook his head, "I know you have a reason, and you're also being forced."

  Saying so had no effect on Xiao's heart, and sometimes it's not necessary to say it directly in front of the person involved. Whether Lin Qi likes or dislikes Zhang Xiao now, Zhang Xiao herself dislikes herself.

  Lin Qi said a lot more, but Xiao's heart felt that something was off. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was, but everything seemed to have changed, yet at the same time, nothing had changed.

  How long has it been? Since seeing Lin Qi, Xiao Xiao hasn't gone to the store again. She's afraid that one day she'll run into Lin Qi, as if there's a wall between them, with Xiao Xiao on one side and Lin Qi on the other. This wall has always existed in Xiao Xiao's heart, making her feel inferior, disgusted with herself, thinking that this self of hers can no longer stand together with the sunny Lin Qi.

  Lin Qi knew about Xiao Xiao's situation, and he didn't despise her. Everyone has their own unspeakable difficulties, he liked her simply because she was Zhang Xiao Xiao, the Zhang Xiao Xiao he knew and cared about. In the past, it could be said that he understood things, but after Xiao Xiao left, he realized how much pain he had endured, and now knowing this, his heart ached even more. He wanted to persuade Xiao Xiao, to help her overcome the darkness in her heart, and let her know that she still had Lin Qi, and she could also have sunshine.

  Lin Qi bought a bouquet of roses and specially went to buy two cups of Youlemei milk tea.

  "Xiao Xiao, a few years ago when you left, you didn't say goodbye." Xiao Xiao doesn't speak, Lin Qi just looks at her like this.

  "Are you still willing to be with me?"

  Xiao Xiao looked at the bright red roses, stretched out her hand and hugged Lin Qi, her tears fell one by one. Falling into the muddy soil of that season.

  I looked at that smiling woman and thought to myself. Hmm, Xiaoxiao, I also hope you can have a good ending, one given by fate rather than written by me.

  "I'll be changing jobs in two days. I'm going to work as a network administrator there." She smiled, turned around and left, that was the first time I saw her genuinely smile.

  Under that sky, I seem to have seen a person's rebirth.