Chapter 1: If I Were Zeus

  When I was a kid, I always thought there were immortals in the sky, and the clouds on the horizon were the smoke rising from their chimneys. Later, a book of Greek myths told me about the Jade Emperor of foreign countries - Zeus. He is in charge of the gods in the sky, and his lovers and illegitimate children are scattered all over the world, while his domestic affairs with Hera can trigger wars between nations at any time. This makes me feel that he is not far away, as if he lives next to me, but also makes me doubt the fairness and justice of this world. Zeus' moral integrity seems to be no higher than that of our Chinese immortals.

  I'll get straight to the point and talk about myself first. My name is Su Xiaomei. I'm a plain, single-eyelid girl who's not particularly pretty or ugly, just an ordinary twenty-seven-year-old who has never experienced romance, living in this world where you don't know if gods or Zeus exist.

  I hate the name Su Xiao Mei. Ugh, ugh, ugh, every time I hear this name, I feel like some strange bad luck is going to befall me again. This morning while eating breakfast, a 5-centimeter-long centipede suddenly fell from above, making me both terrified and nauseous, and my 5-yuan breakfast was wasted in vain.

  I regret that I couldn't participate when my parents named me, otherwise, I would rather have a coarse and tasteless name like "Su Da Yun" to bring myself endless good luck.

  When I was a kid, I was an unlucky child. Growing up to be a big girl, I became an unlucky leftover woman. In short, it seems that I have a special affinity with bad luck in my life.

  Will manna fall from the sky? I don't know. But I do know that bird droppings will fall from the sky. Because more than once, I've been hit by bird droppings, and sometimes the white bird droppings would land on my black shiny hair, making me look like an old man with a white head. Sometimes, the bird droppings would land on my freshly washed school uniform, and when I got home, my mom would scold me fiercely. And sometimes, they would even fall onto my tender neck, sticky like broken egg whites.

  Will I find treasure on the ground? I don't know. But I've fallen down countless times. Walking along just fine, without warning, splat, I'd do a dog-eating-shit move. My teeth didn't get knocked out, but my knees were gushing blood. In the school bathroom, urine flowed everywhere, black feces like piles of chocolate sauce, carefully navigating through it all, and then splash, I fell into the toilet bowl.

  I want to find a Bodhisattva or god who is in charge of bad luck, so that I can pray and worship every day, but after flipping through the mythological books of Greece and China, I haven't found one that is in charge of this kind of thing.

  I'm at my wit's end. I think if I were Zeus, who has a close connection with humans, I would definitely set up a position to govern the misfortunes of human society. Burning incense and worshiping Buddha should work, or else sending a paper-made beauty would surely be effective.