Chapter 37: A Glimmer of Sunshine, a Glimmer of Dreams (02)

  But Li Donglin saw Chen Haonan run out of the classroom and quickly chased after him. He first ran to the rooftop, not seeing Chen Haonan's shadow, then rushed straight to Youyuan: because he clearly knew that except for the teaching building's rooftop, Youyuan was Chen Haonan's only emotional stop.

  Li Donglin started searching from the entrance of Youyuan, and after almost half of the garden, he found Chen Haonan crouching under a short tree - he was facing a quiet corner.

  Seeing Chen Haonan sitting quietly, Li Donglin couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief in his heart, but he didn't open his mouth to call him, just looking at him from afar. He thought: perhaps letting Haonan calm down for a while would improve his mood...

  Chen Haonan sat on the ground, motionless, his eyes fixed intently on the garden wall. Suddenly, he punched the ground fiercely with one fist. Li Donglin stood behind him and saw Chen Haonan being so hard on himself, his heart ached unbearably, and he couldn't help but call out: "Haonan——"

  The sudden sound made Chen Haonan jump in surprise, and he instinctively turned his head to look around - only to find it was Li Donglin. Chen Haonan's mouth opened slightly, but he didn't say a word before turning his head back. Seeing this, Li Donglin also said nothing more, walked over and sat down beside Chen Haonan.

  Li Donglin still didn't speak, he glanced at Chen Haonan and then lowered his head. Chen Haonan also remained silent, burying his face in his knees, staring fixedly at the ground.

  Time slipped away in silence, night fell quietly, and the garden quickly darkened until the low trees couldn't be seen under the fingers. The campus also gradually quieted down: evening self-study began. However, Chen Haonan and Li Donglin had no reaction at all. They sat quietly, occasionally moving to swat away mosquitoes that landed on them...

  Finally, Chen Haonan changed his posture of holding his head and broke the silence, saying: "Donglin, it's already late self-study time, you don't have to stay here with me anymore - go back, let me sit alone for a while!"

  Li Donglin was already planning his words in his heart, but unexpectedly Chen Haonan took the lead. In the darkness, he looked at Chen's vague face again, but didn't rush to answer. However, Li Donglin's silence made Chen anxious: "You go back first, I'll calm down for a bit and then head back to the classroom too!" He emphasized again, "I'm fine, you go back first!"

  "Still saying it's nothing!?" Li Donglin was provoked by Chen Haonan, and the fire in his heart immediately surged up. "Look at what you've become now? Are you still the carefree and confident Chen Haonan of before? You've completely changed into another person, do you know that?!... I know you're hiding something from me, do you know how difficult it is for me as your brother?! Tell me the truth, do you still consider me as your brother?"

  Chen Haonan's heart skipped a beat, and in the darkness, he couldn't see Li Donglin's face, but he seemed to clearly feel his rapid heartbeat. At this moment, his heart was filled with emotion and excitement, and his eyes were involuntarily brimming with tears, but he held back with all his might - not letting a single tear fall. "I of course consider you my brother, my best friend, and your parents and Jiajia are also my loved ones, but..." He said excitedly, but many words got stuck in his throat.

  Chen Haonan trailed off, and Li Donglin immediately retorted: "What 'but'? You say you still consider me a brother, so why do you always treat me like nothing?"

  "No way!" Chen Haonan felt a bit wronged.

  "Haven't you yet?" Li Donglin said, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Then he continued to say: "Others don't understand you, but I do! I know you must have something on your mind, tell me, is it that your father's condition has taken a turn for the worse..." He gently placed his hand on Chen Haonan's shoulder, looking at him with a strong longing in his eyes.

  "Donglin, thank you so much! But there are many things that you can't help me with, no matter what I have to rely on myself to get out of the shadows..." Chen Haonan slowly closed his eyes, afraid that his tears would burst out unintentionally.

  "What shadow? What 'shadow'?" Li Donglin asked anxiously.

  "My dad passed away..." Chen Haonan felt that he could no longer hide the truth from Li Donglin. He thought that if he continued to keep his own affairs hidden, it would be a kind of harm and insult to his friend, and also a great blasphemy to their friendship. However, in order not to infect Li Donglin with his emotions as much as possible, he spoke very calmly.

  The night was quiet, with occasional gentle breezes that made people feel a slight chill. But Chen Haonan's simple five words froze Li Donglin in his tracks, and he stood there stunned for a while before coming back to himself, saying: "Haonan, go ahead and cry, you'll feel better after crying for a bit..."

  "I won't cry easily again," Chen Haonan gritted his teeth and said stiffly, "At least, I won't shed tears in front of others!"

  "What's the point of this? You'll feel better if you cry it out, besides... I'm not 'others' anyway..." Li Donglin was worried that Chen Haonan would get sick from holding it in, so he hoped he could have a good cry and then walk out of the "shadow" to face new life and new challenges.

  "You don't have to say anything, I won't cry! If my dad in heaven sees me crying, he will scold me - because he is a real man!" Chen Haonan tried his best to hold back his sorrow and not let tears fall. After a pause, he slowly said: "No matter what happens, my dad will always grit his teeth and bear it alone. Do you know that after my dad's condition worsened, he would always grit his teeth and never cry out in pain - until late at night when my grandparents fell asleep, he would dare to let out a few soft cries. When enduring the pain, he would tightly grasp the bed frame - my mom cried as she told me this, and when I went to see the bed frame, I found that my dad's fingernails had dug out several deep holes...". At this point, he couldn't help but clench his fists tightly.

  "You'd better not force yourself, I think your dad wouldn't want to see you sad and upset either. He must hope that you can cheer up soon and live a good life, study well..." Li Donglin listened to Chen Haonan's words, first fell silent, then couldn't help but comfortingly say.

  "I'll be fine!" Chen Haonan suddenly stood up. Then, he pulled Li Donglin up and said: "Let's not stay here, let's go back to the classroom, or Old Li will have people looking for us everywhere..." He said as he lowered his head and walked past from under the tree, and quickly ran onto the stone path.

  "You, you..." Li Donglin still had a lot to say, but Chen Haonan had already walked a distance away in the dark. He had no choice but to follow him in the dark, but endless doubts and worries were closing in on him step by step...