Waiting for her crab claw orchid

  Mi Mi has been escaping all along.

  In the past, she had been using self-hypnosis to tell herself that being away from home and loved ones wasn't scary because they were still close. And for some people, she was no longer a distant and elusive existence. However, unfortunately, she still suffered from insomnia, anxiety, and it was getting worse day by day. Even more so than when she was in WZ city.

  It's really terrible, to be honest, she still misses that land of lanterns and wine, and that life which seemed calm and peaceful to outsiders, except for the occasional emergence from the depths of her heart a kind of loneliness that could drive people crazy, but only occasionally. Maybe she was born to fit in there.

  But she left after all, for the sense of belonging that her mother had painstakingly built for her, she chose to leave. Just like many years ago, she helplessly swung her sleeves and left home. When she returned to her hometown for the first time, there was not a hint of familiarity, everything was strange, so strange that it made her afraid. People all say that they are timid when they return to their hometown, but how many people understand the deep helplessness within?

  Many years later, she returned to her hometown and suddenly realized that she was just repeating the cycle of fate. Although she was not old in age, her heart was already old. This scene also makes people think of a poem about returning home that they read when they were young.

  The young one leaves home, the old one returns.

  The local accent remains unchanged despite the decline of one's fortunes.

  Children meet without recognizing each other

  Smiling, I ask the guest where he comes from

  。

  "Come home, daughter," Mother said. "You've been away for far too long, and I've finally realized that I owe you so much, but everything is already irreversible. I know you didn't have a happy childhood or the laughter that someone of your age should have had, so now my only wish is to let you understand in this age when you're supposed to enjoy all the beauty that home is your ultimate haven."

  She couldn't resist her mother's tears. She still came back.

  No glory to return home, no spirit to show off. Only the lingering sense of defeat surrounds me. I couldn't adapt to the enthusiasm of my hometown, nor could I respond to the greetings of my fellow villagers. With a tired body, she pushed open that old wooden door which had remained unchanged for many years, like a patient who had regained their memory but was locked up for too long, greedily inhaling the unfamiliar yet familiar air, and tears couldn't help but fall down again.

  Yes, she remembered everything. Or more accurately, she had never forgotten this place. In the past years of wandering in different cities, enduring the pain of living under others' roofs and a life of displacement, even when she was on the verge of losing her last shred of dignity, she had never thought that she would return to this place again in this lifetime.

  But now, the door was opened again. In that instant, the familiar yet ancient air quickly surrounded her. Those painful childhood images that had been entwining her until now were still vividly presented in front of her, forcing her to almost lose her footing. Her mother's call made her quickly realize her distraction, and she hastily looked around. The well in the courtyard was still maintaining its unchanged posture for many years. The large white jasmine flowers on the side seemed eerie, as if lightly lamenting the decline and fall of this courtyard. The Chinese Evergreen, Peony, and Night-blooming Jasmine were lined up on the short wall, and there was also that pot of Crab Claw Orchid that had already left an impression on her when she was learning to speak. The weak and fragmented top had a few pale pink flower buds, surrounded by two circles of thin iron wire, made into a simple fence supported by two chopsticks. According to her grandfather's words in her memory, raising the Crab Claw Orchid could cultivate one's character and calm one's mind, but how could she have understood that when she was young?

  In the same courtyard, her parents' intense and frequent quarrels gradually escalated into physical violence, scenes that were seared into her memory like a branding iron that summer. Her mother didn't know that the wounds in her memory had never healed, but instead grew more painful with time. Even after leaving home for many years, standing here this summer still made her tremble slightly all over.

  Her hand slowly stroked the bluestone slab that had witnessed all the joys and sorrows in this courtyard, finally falling weakly to her side.

  At that time, she finally couldn't escape the struggle with her fate, and still placed her heart in this place.

  Deep love for the sea

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