Chapter 19: So Close Yet So Far (6)

  In the evening breeze, the fragrance of jasmine flowers wafts through the air, gently caressing my dress. The roadside flowers are quietly blooming, and in the sky, stars and moon can be seen together, a beautiful and pleasant summer night. Yet, the scenery around us seems to have taken on a hint of melancholy due to our mood.

  All the way he didn't say a word, sending me back home. When we arrived at the bottom of my apartment building, I finally heard him say: "You go up first, then let me take a look at you from the window, even if it's just your silhouette."

  It's clearly a reluctance, yet so helpless. My eyes felt like they had gotten a grain of sand in them again and became moist, I nodded with a choked throat.

  Standing by the window, I see him standing there, he raises his head and looks at me. In the darkness, I can't see his expression, but it must be very complicated. I know he can only see my vague figure too. I wave to him and he waves back, telling me to go back.

  I left and after a while I came back to where I was before, only to see that he had gone, his figure fading into the distance.

  I stand like a statue in front of the window, the wind blows from the window, two lines of clear tears quietly fall down, my eyes are salty, and my clothes are wet.

  A fragrant and floating night, the wind blows over the plain-colored window screens, evoking endless thoughts in people.

  I opened the drawer, took out my diary, found the words I had written before, and read them again and again on this summer night.

  If possible

  If possible

  I will never say goodbye

  If possible

  I will never wander again

  If possible

  I will never let you leave with a broken heart

  But everything is already too late

  All I can see is your back

  Speechless and sorrowful

  What a cold season it was!

  Snowflakes gently dance outside the window

  The sound of snow falling

  Desolate and lonely

  Just like my icy heart

  Recalling countless days

  You have been quietly waiting

  How many days

  With your meticulous care

  But I thought

  That's habit, that's necessity

  At that time you said

  I stand on a distant

  Places you can never reach

  Makes you feel nothing

  Yes, I may not have understood you

  Now is the season of romantic spring flowers

  In this season of blossoming flowers

  I'm looking forward to a cherry blossom rain

  In that fragrance

  I can re-interpret that encounter

  However

  Some beauty can only belong to memory

  I know I'll never see you again

  The peony's splendor and the lotus flower's elegance

  Those beautiful things are destined to be only in dreams

  Really

  If everything could be relived

  We will definitely not just see

  A heartbreaking fallen flower

  If possible

  I will definitely wait for you

  If possible

  I will plant flowers in the courtyard

  Let them bloom along the road you must travel

  This is the article I wrote for him during that period, but this article seems to be far from reaching the mature state of adults facing emotions, only because at that time in the world of emotions, I was still a blank slate.

  But now, reading these words again, I still burst into tears.

  Everything has passed, drifted and scattered in the wind.

  It's about to leave, everything will return to calmness, but that's just the appearance, and the heart is forever unable to be calm. In every quiet night, I will think of those pasts, thinking of you, are you still okay today?

  Yes, many years later, I still remember that boy, everything about him, the room of this boy today, his almost imperceptible kiss, his expression of wanting to speak but stopping himself, his deep and sincere eyes, and us who could have been together but were forced apart, all of these are so helpless.