Fifty-nine, living is so tiring, why bother living? (1)

  In the study room. Ouyang Xiaoxiao is writing. Shen Hui is on her left, and I am on her right.

  Above is a big electric fan humming away.

  The spacious tiered classroom had only twenty or thirty students, all of whom were bent over writing.

  I glanced around and then helplessly lowered my head.

  At this time, I saw a sentence written on the table with a blue ballpoint pen, "It's so tiring to be alive, why bother living?"

  I was stunned for a moment. Then, I smiled wryly. This question, I've thought about it many times before. When I couldn't sleep, I would think about it. After waking up, I would still think about it.

  It's so tiring to be alive, why bother living?

  I asked myself thousands of times.

  Because we will die for a long time, so we must live well.

  This was something a high school girl said to me when I was in my sophomore year of college.

  Is there anything more exciting than being alive?

  Every morning, when you open your eyes and find yourself still alive, isn't that something worth celebrating and being delighted about? While sleeping, tens of thousands of people have already left this world, yet we are still alive; what a joyful thing is that?

  The most comforting words in this world are not "I love you", but "your tumor is benign". Isn't that the greatest proof of happiness and joy in being alive?

  An ordinary person who is usually unaware of things, but one day, suddenly hearing the news of his death, no matter who, will inevitably have some emotional fluctuations in their heart.

  Life is already predetermined, death is inevitable.

  All things in the world are a cycle with a beginning and an end. Nothing can remain unchanged forever, nor is there anything that can live forever without diminishing.

  Even the universe has a lifespan and cycles, how can ordinary people expect eternity?

  But if we don't expect eternity, what do we expect?

  What's going on?

  Life should be radiant, death should be dazzling.

  Such thoughts have been haunting for thousands of years. However, in the vast universe, over billions of years, how many things are truly brilliant and dazzling?

  We are all just passing travelers, fleeting and transient.

  Who has never had a youthful time?

  Who has never had a song-like youth?

  Who made whose youth pass with just one smile?

  Who is repeating whose youth?

  Living is just our own business, once we understand it for ourselves, we can let go of it. Otherwise, we will always be stuck in this frame, wandering around in circles.

  Being alive is just a fact, an unchangeable predetermined fact. Being alive means being destined for the sun to rise and set, for rivers to swell and recede, for spring to bring warmth and flowers, and also for icy skies and snowy lands.

  Thinking of this, I picked up a ballpoint pen from beside Ouyang Xiaoxiao and started writing on the table.

  "We each have our own life, whether it's fulfilling or unfulfilling, whether it's glorious or miserable. We're all living with all our might, if you insist on asking me why I'm alive, why I'm living in such a sorry state, so unfulfilled, I can only tell you that being alive is good enough, isn't it? Because we're alive, we can still pursue, because we're alive, we can still choose, because we're alive, we can still have dreams, no matter how distant they may seem. As long as we're alive, doesn't that mean there's a possibility of making them come true?"

  After finishing writing, I looked at the dense small characters on the table and smiled.