Mrs. Holmes' Daily Life

  Mr. Sherlock Holmes and Miss Ludwig's cohabitation notes.

  Miss Ludmilla found her life with Mr. Holmes quite regular.

  Every morning at seven o'clock, Ludwig opened the door to find Mr. Holmes sitting on the sofa in his dressing gown, eagerly awaiting breakfast.

  "Milk and oats?"

  "Coffee."

  "Would you like your milk heated up?"

  "Coffee."

  "What does oatmeal soak in? Honey? Sugar?"

  "Coffee."

  "......Alright." Ludwig sighed and said, "Coffee is just coffee."

  "Two sugars."

  Ludwig also found out that Holmes had no concept of price at all.

  One day at the dinner table, Sherlock suddenly said with certainty, "You've changed your tea coaster."

  Ludwig glared at him: "Whose fault is it?"

  "I still can't understand why you're so angry."

  Ludwig hesitated for a moment: "Because that tea cosy is two hundred and seventy pounds."

  But in fact, of course it wasn't like that. For those two tea coasters, she paid out far more than ￡270.

  But she wisely kept silent about it.

  "What's two hundred and seventy pounds got to do with you getting angry?"

  "......Mr. Holmes, do you know the exchange rate between pounds and dollars?"

  Sherlock frowned: "What is that?"

  "...do you know how much those pants you burned last time cost?"

  "Why should I know this?"

  "Let me put it this way, the pants you wore last time could buy me fifteen coasters, and my coasters can support an ordinary Asian person's living expenses for half a month, got it?"

  Sherlock lazily pulled out his phone and suddenly lit up:

  "Oh, the black market has opened up a new trade, selling fresh corpses!"

  Ludwig: “……”

  Moreover, Mr. Holmes is not only completely unaware of prices but also lives a life that is almost as helpless as a cripple.

  In this state of helpless self-neglect, Mr. Holmes's requirements for hygiene were still quite high, almost to the point of being a clean freak.

  It wasn't until Ludwig had been living on Baker Street for a week that he finally understood how Mr. Holmes managed to survive in such diametrically opposed circumstances...

  One day.

  "Didn't your shirt just arrive? Why is it thrown in the trash?"

  Got uric acid on it.

  "...just a little bit on the cuffs, you can use 84 disinfectant to bleach it."

  Sherlock said expressionlessly, "Are you asking me to take a bottle of disinfectant and soak my hand in water to bleach a piece of clothing?"

  "Is there anything wrong?"

  "Yes."

  He sneered and said, "How did you come up with such a terrible way of handling this?"

  Ludwig: “……”

  It's another day.

  "Mr. Holmes, I recall that sheet on your bed was put there just a few days ago."

  Sherlock remained absorbed in his anaerobic experiment for several minutes before grunting a response.

  "Why did I find it in a trash bag again?"

  Sherlock said in a nasal tone, "Three days."

  "....you didn't sleep again last night?"

  "I change my sheets every two days - you forgot to change mine last night."

  Ludwig took a deep breath: "You won't sleep if I don't change the sheets for you? Mr. Holmes, I'm your roommate, not your servant!"

  After a while, Sherlock finally gave a reaction from the experiment:

  "I don't like pure cotton sheets, I like flannel sheets, remember to bring some back."

  Ludwig: “……”

  Miss Ludmilla, our charwoman, has concluded that Mr. Holmes' clean life is based on - throwing away the sheets after use, throwing away shirts after wear, throwing away cups after use... and other methods of throwing away.

  And won't drink water without a clean cup, won't eat without a clean bowl, and won't sleep without clean sheets...

  ……

  Mr. Holmes, how on earth did you manage to survive?

  Mr. Holmes and Miss Ludwig had their most frequent disputes at breakfast time, which was about mobile phones.

  Mr. Holmes held his coffee cup and said while reading the newspaper:

  "Do you have time from 5:17 pm to 7:32 pm?"

  Miss Ludwig took a mouthful of spaghetti with an expression of distaste.

  "Five seventeen to seven thirty-two? Thank you, Mr. Holmes, for not being exact to the second."

  Mr. Holmes looked at the newspaper: "No need to thank you - have time?"

  "If it's 5:17 to 7:32, I don't have any - but if it's 5:00 to 7:30, then I do."

  Miss Ludwig was utterly contemptuous of Mr Holmes' system of timing down to the very seconds.

  She said with noble and cold elegance:

  "Because in those crucial two minutes from 7:30 to 7:32, I need to engage in serious reflection on life."

  Mr. Holmes was still looking at the newspaper:

  "Your life indeed urgently needs reflection - wishing you a complete transformation within these two minutes."

  Ludwig: "Thank you."

  Mr. Holmes: "Not at all."

  Then he said in an unmistakable tone:

  "But before you rewrite your life, we need to go buy a mobile phone first."

  "Do you want to change your phone?"

  "It's obvious, I'm buying for you."

  Miss Ludwig stopped her fork in mid-air:

  "I suddenly remembered, I have to spend the whole afternoon thinking about life."

  "Then tonight."

  Miss Ludwig smiled

  "Sorry, I'll be reflecting on this afternoon's thoughts tonight."

  Mr. Holmes seemed to have anticipated that she would say this, and he glanced at her quickly, then lowered his eyes again:

  "No, you were supposed to go pick up the reference materials you had reserved at Charles' bookstore tonight - but don't worry about it, I've already cancelled the reservation for you."

  "I have an exam, sir."

  The smile on Ludwig's face disappeared:

  "In two months I'll be taking the entrance exam - now you're telling me that you've cancelled my textbook subscription?"

  Sherlock narrowed his eyes: "Everything will change, maybe in a few days, you won't want to take the exam anymore—"

  He rummaged through his mind for a word he had already swept into the corner of his brain.

  "----Chinese Literature."

  Ludwig clenched his fist and restrained himself from scratching Mr. Holmes to death with his fingernails, taking a deep breath instead.

  "Now, Mr. Holmes."

  She shook her middle finger at him.

  Sherlock frowned: "Why? If you had a mobile phone I could have told you what I wanted to eat and you wouldn't have had to make two trips..."

  "Mr. Holmes, I am not your assistant, but I will feed you while I eat my own meals to prevent you from starving in your room, out of the universal humanitarian spirit..."

  Ludwig put down his fork:

  "You can call me a good person, but listen up - I'm not your personal assistant."

  Mr. Holmes turned round and said with an impassive face, "This is indeed a troublesome matter."

  He faced the fluffy Miss Ludwig and changed his strategy:

  "Even so, we still need to buy a mobile phone, it's convenient for contacting each other in college..."

  He turned a page of newspaper - from his increasingly fast turning speed, it can be seen that today is another peaceful day.

  Mr. Holmes is a barometer of London's safety index.

  "...I don't want to have to cross the entire campus just to come find you for rent."

  "I heard from Mrs. Hodgson that you're studying at Oxford University? Sorry, we're not even in the same school, if you want to find me, it's not just a matter of crossing one campus..."

  Ludwig originally wanted to slam the bowls and chopsticks to show his anger.

  But after seeing the logo on the plate, I chose to handle it with care.

  "...so when you want to find me, still go through Mrs. Hodgson - or I can put the rent at Mrs. Hodgson's too, that way there's no need for a mobile phone."

  "Why don't you insist on using your mobile phone?"

  Mr. Holmes looked utterly bewildered.

  Lying lazily by the sink: "I've said it before, I'm poor."

  "That's no problem," said Mr. Holmes. "I can advance..."

  Miss Ludwig by the sink said curtly, "No."

  Mr. Holmes: "The telecommunications company is upgrading its system, and if I infiltrate it now, it's likely to paralyze it..."

  The hand washing dishes stopped.

  An image involuntarily flashed in my mind.

  Inspector Lestrade interrogates terrorist Sherlock

  "What is your purpose in paralyzing the British communication system?"

  The terrorist Sherlock sat in the interrogation room with a scornful expression.

  "My roommate Ludwig is so poor that he has no phone credit - honestly, your communication risk prevention system is really weak."

  ……

  Just as Ludwig's mind was too tired to think of anything else, he heard Mr. Holmes continue to say:

  "...but I can add your name to the Holmes family communication network, my father owns half of Vodafone..."

  Ludwig's hand slipped and a beautiful, expensive flower-bird inlaid dish spun around on the table, successfully cracking.

  I'm on my knees, begging Mr. Holmes not to be so frightening...

  "I'm not your girlfriend, nor am I your fiancée, sir."

  Ludwig wrapped his black flower-patterned muffler around her, suppressing the goosebumps inside, and stuck out a head with no expression.

  "I'm not a Holmes by surname either, nor am I some distant cousin of yours... You're being so outrageous, your mother will surely scratch me to death with her claws."

  "This is also a troublesome matter...... But if I really did that, she would only get excited and cry bitterly."

  Mr. Holmes closed the newspaper: "Another day without a serial explosion, B."

  "...No matter if your mom will cry or not, sir, if you dare to do this, then just wait for drinking plain water every morning!"

  "......Where are you going, Vishy?"

  "The world in this room is changing too fast and it's exhausting, I'm going out for some fresh air."

  "But you haven't finished washing your dishes."

  "No, no, no, I've already washed mine, it's yours that hasn't been washed."

  Miss Ludwig puts on her shoes

  "Come on! Mr. Holmes! You can do it!"

  Mr. Holmes looked at the miserable plates in the sink and then at Ludwig who was opening the door, his expression incredulous:

  "Are you kidding me?"

  "You think you can just return my book without asking me and then expect me to help you with the dishes? You're too naive."

  Miss Ludmilla stood at the door and said softly to Mr. Holmes:

  "Because of your extravagant behavior, our bowls have almost been thrown away by you. If you insist on not touching the Yang Spring water with your ten fingers..."

  She shrugged her shoulders: "Just wait for lunch at noon."

  But anyway, days just passed by like this day after day.