Chapter Fifty-Three

  The morning light is always pleasant, but today someone didn't have the mood to appreciate the azure sky and fresh air.

  Xiang Qian Tong stopped talking after the last sentence and didn't continue for a long time. Si Luo Chen knew that this secret was too long and needed time to sort out. So she patiently sat aside, looking at this face that was so attractive even without much blood color, feeling especially heart-wrenching.

  After a while, she shifted slightly to the side and said, "There's so much to say, it might take a long time. Why don't you eat something first, then come back and lie down before listening?" From her inquiring tone, she knew that Si Lu Chen hadn't rested well.

  "Are you hungry?" Si Luo Chen thought it was Xiang Qian Tong who was hungry.

  Qian Tong shook his head: "I'm not hungry, this is one of the side effects of the medicine. I brought some snacks last night, would you like to have some first?"

  Si Luo Chen furrowed her brow, not wanting to worry Xiang Qian Tong. She obediently picked up the pastry from the tea table and put it in her mouth. The sweet pastry was now tasteless in Si Luo Chen's mouth. After taking a sip of water to moisten her throat, she finally understood what it meant to eat without savoring the flavor. When she snuggled into Xiang Qian Tong's quilt, Si Luo Chen discovered that it wasn't as warm as she had imagined.

  She endured all of this, calmly reaching out to pull Xiang Qiong into her arms. The two didn't exchange eye contact because Si Luo Chen was afraid, fearing that she would put pressure on Xiang Qiong.

  "It's not cold anymore, if you're hungry just tell me, the secret can be told slowly, huh?" Si Luo Chen stared at the black TV screen, as if looking at the night sky, and said softly.

  Qian Tong leaned on Luo Chen's shoulder and slowly lowered her head, asking: "Luo Chen, do you still remember when we last met?"

  I didn't expect her to ask this.

  Si Luo Chen nodded: "Uh, you saved me that afternoon. After you got hurt, we haven't seen each other again. Later I went to find you, my sister told me, you've already left..." His voice was somewhat subdued.

  "I didn't deceive you, I have left and had no choice but to leave."

  Xia Lu Chen: “......”

  "After I got hurt, it was always Rou Ning who took care of me."

  Si Chu Chen knew about this matter and nodded in response: "Sister told me she would take you to the best hospital, she promised me nothing will happen to you."

  Xiang Qiong didn't deny it, but said meaningfully: "Ruo Nan did everything she could. It's just... I was hurt too badly at the time, whether or not it was the best doctor and hospital wasn't important anymore."

  Si Luo Chen's expression sank, her lips pursed, and she had already begun to regret herself. At that time, Xiang Qian Tong was sent to the hospital, and her sister promised to use the best doctor to save her. However, the only requirement was that during this time, she was not allowed to leave the Si family.

  How much of this had happened without her knowing? Her sister hadn't mentioned a single word about it to her.

  Can't help but sneer inwardly.

  "Although I was in a coma, I vaguely remember some things. I remember that the environment I was in at first was very good, with a faint scent of grass on my pillow, but the doctor and my father said there was no way to save me... My father was very angry, he even hit the doctor, saying he was useless. Although I knew everything, could hear it all, but I just couldn't wake up..."

  Qian Tong paused for a moment, his tone tinged with a hint of despair.

  Later, I thought I wouldn't wake up again, but... I actually regained some consciousness. I don't know if it's because people who are unconscious have especially sensitive senses, but I knew that my surroundings had changed greatly. I could smell the dampness and without looking, I knew that everything around me was dirty, messy, and very dark. I vaguely heard my father's voice, he was asking someone to save me. Then, a soft sigh escaped, as if this was just the beginning of a nightmare.

  Si Luo Chen furrowed his brow: "...... Who?" Something that even a hospital couldn't accomplish, how could that place possibly manage it?

  "I don't know. I didn't see anyone I knew when I woke up, and I didn't know where I was either. All I remember is a man's voice, very coarse and thick. He only said a few words: 'Increase the dosage, if you don't die, it's fine.' Xiang Qian Tong let out a cold laugh, with a hint of helplessness, and continued in a faint tone: 'That place... was really dirty, I could even hear the mice scurrying around on the ground, gnawing at the wires. I was so afraid they would bite me to death, but I still couldn't move, no matter how hard I tried to wake up.'"

  Xia Luo Chen tightly hugged Xiang Qian Tong, closing her eyes and trying to calm herself down. She had to control her emotions. Because she knew that Xiang Qian Tong's secret was only just beginning.

  "I don't know how long I stayed in that environment, it was always damp and dark, without day or night. Was it half a month? Or a month? I couldn't tell, all I knew was that I was tied to the bed and they injected something into my body every day, what it was I still don't know to this day. But after that thing was injected, my whole body hurt, like millions of insects were biting my flesh, gnawing at my bones, piece by piece, that kind of pain..."

  Qian Tong suddenly covered her mouth with her hand, and her shoulders slightly trembled. She didn't expect that just recalling... the pain from back then would still be so vivid.

  Si Luo Chen knew that Xiang Qian Tong had already been trying to simplify or embellish these experiences, the purpose was just to let her know this secret. But...just imagining it made her unbearable, not to mention Xiang Qian Tong experienced it personally. He tightly wrapped his arms around Xiang Qian Tong, unable to hold back any longer.

  My heart aches for her!

  But in the end, it wasn't a nightmare. No matter how terrifying and painful the process was, waking up was just a false alarm. Every word and every sentence she told Qian Tong was like tearing open her newly healed wounds, and that pain was still vividly before her eyes.

  "One day, my dad couldn't bear it anymore. He asked them to inject something else into my body. The purpose... was just to alleviate my suffering."

  "Anesthetic?" As soon as he said these two words, another thing flashed in Si Luo Chen's mind, a kind of pain that anesthetics couldn't control.

  Xie Luo Chen's body suddenly shook violently.

  "...... Ah, it seems like Luo Chen, you've already guessed."

  "How could it be!?" Si Luo Chen completely didn't dare to believe it. This thing would alleviate her suffering, but it would have an even greater impact on her body.

  Xia Luo Chen's face had turned red with suppressed emotions, her lips tightly pursed... towards those who saved Xiang Qian Tong, she didn't have a shred of gratitude in her heart.

  "I think, at that time, Father's purpose was just to let me survive, and not to make me suffer too much. People are always dissatisfied, initially just wanting me to be alive, but after I survived, they hoped I could live on. But... Heaven is fair, how can you win again and again? " Xiang Qian Tong admitted that at the time she did not understand her father's behavior, and even had some resentment. However, putting herself in his shoes, it was a normal human emotion. As time passed, it was just a fleeting cloud."

  They fell silent for a moment, digesting the process. Qian Tong let out a long sigh and continued: "No matter what they went through, in the end they really didn't let me die. But I also became a person who is neither human nor ghost, still suffering from the torment of addiction. At that time, I was thinking... such a result, I would rather not have lived at first. However... I ultimately didn't have the courage to end my own life." A faint laugh escaped his lips.

  If it were before, saying this to Qian Tong would have been met with opposition from Si Luo Chen. Now... Si Luo Chen couldn't say a word.

  Would she have been like this if it were her who had gone through such a painful experience?

  "After that, Father handed me over to your sister and disappeared. Before he left, he told me that he would contact me in five years. Originally, I wanted to see you, wanting to tell you in person that I was still alive, don't worry. But at that time, even I myself was afraid to be seen... Hehe, so I didn't go find you, just had Rou Nan bring a message and left."

  Although Qian Tong said it lightly at the time, Si Luo Chen couldn't help but think that she must have been extremely desperate back then. Describing it as "worse than death" might not even be enough...

  Si Luo Chen leaned back, slowly exhaling a breath, closing his eyes to imagine the road ahead after this woman left, how helpless and desperate it would be. Yet she kept all these as her only secret, sealed away, still not seeking any return when they met again... Just thinking about it casually, Si Luo Chen realized his emotions were becoming increasingly unstable, his other hand already clenched into a fist until his palm was numb, forcing himself to hold back for a while before asking faintly: "After that... did you go to America?"

  She nodded helplessly to Qian Tong and continued, slowly recalling the pain that had been most real to her after surviving. If the initial pain was only physical, then the pain of survival was a torment for both body and mind.

  "Yong helped me find the best rehab center in the US, and I stayed there for a whole year. That year, I realized that not only did I need to detox, but also endure the periodic suffering from the side effects of this medication. My father told me that these side effects would last for one or two years, and they would periodically wreak havoc on my body, tearing it apart. I knew that taking this medication was the only way to alleviate my pain, but I also knew that its side effects would make my body worse... Since heaven didn't let me die, I will live a good life. So every time I'm in pain, I try to endure it as much as possible. Sometimes when the pain is too much, I might even pass out, which might be better. No... I can only continue to bear this heart-wrenching, bone-piercing pain."

  After saying that, he took a light breath of cold air and slowly let it out. As if to calm himself down, he continued slowly: "Once I fell ill and met Gu Qing, she was then in decline due to losing Xie Yan. Also because of her, I realized that I still had an unfulfilled dream, I still wanted to be a psychologist. So... she helped me get through that difficult time... I helped her overcome her mental illness."

  The secret is finally out, and for Qian Tong, there's a sense of relief, but at the same time, it also brings back the painful memories.

  "Luò chén... This is the only secret I've kept from you, there's no more."

  The woman beside him remained silent, holding him tightly without saying a word. It was understandable that she couldn't accept this after all these years, let alone it being Si Lucheng; she needed time to slowly digest it.

  Quietly leaning on Si Luo Chen's shoulder, patiently waiting for his response. After all, he had made her wait for so long... So this was what she should do.

  It wasn't until that teardrop fell on the quilt, and Qian Tong looked up at Si Luo Chen, that she realized people's saddest moments weren't when they cried out loud, but when they silently shed tears.

  Looking at her tightly pursed and slightly trembling lips, Qian Tong knew that Si Luo Chen was forcing himself to continue speaking in order to reassure her.

  He stretched out his hand and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly.

  Looking back, it's been so long... At that time, I really thought her life was like this. But after recovering from illness, I often think of the various things with Si Luochen, each other under the night sky, her smile, thinking of her calling "Qian Tong" voice and appearance.

  I really want to know if she's doing well, if she has forgotten, that someone once appeared in her world. But... when she realized she was no longer qualified to accompany Si Luochen, Xian Tongcai understood, what hurt the most wasn't living as a test subject... but being unable to see Si Luochen again.

  It's okay, she is right in his arms now, and he can touch her by stretching out his hand.

  Gently stroking Luo Chen's raven-black long hair, he slowly said: "Luo Chen, I'm sorry, don't cry." Xiang Qian Tong raised his head, forcing a smile, and stretched out his hand to wipe away Luo Chen's tears.

  "Si Luo Chen's eyes were red as he gazed deeply at Xiang Qiong, biting his lip and speaking slowly: "The one who should be saying sorry is me. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have gone through all this suffering and torment. I can hardly imagine how you've spent the past few years... I'm filled with hatred, hatred towards myself for not finding you sooner. I hate those people, hate them to the point of wanting to tear them limb from limb. But... if it weren't for them, perhaps I would have lost you even earlier... In the end... I only have the right to hate myself..."

  "Luò Chén!" Xiàng Qiāngtóng didn't expect that Si Luòchén would say something like this, constantly helping her wipe away tears, but discovering that the source of the explosion was there, and no matter how hard she wiped, it couldn't be wiped clean.

  Si Luo Chen suddenly grasped Xiang Qian Tong's hand, disregarding her current appearance, and asked seriously with furrowed brows: "If I hadn't come to find you, were you planning on hiding from me for the rest of your life?"

  To Qian Tong: "......"

  "Coward! Is that how you see me? Do you think I'll forget about you, or do you think I'll just pretend nothing happened and continue living my life as if none of it mattered? Let me tell you, Qian Tong! Whatever you can do for me, Si Luochen will do the same for you! The time you wasted before, I'll slowly make up for it with you." Si Luochen's expression was strong, her tear-stained eyes shining with determination.

  Such stiff and awkward words, yet to Qian Tong's ears, they were the most beautiful love words in the world.

  Qian Tong smiled and wrapped Si Luo Chen in his arms again, holding him tightly and saying slowly: "Luo Chen has always been the most important person in my eyes and heart. Because the person I like the most, the person I care about the most, from beginning to end, is only you."

  Was it too harsh before, or was it too gentle and pleasant to hear Thousand Tong's words, Si Luochen's whole body stiffened in Thousand Tong's arms, his expression still a bit dazed.

  Didn't she hear it wrong?

  I didn't hear it wrong!

  "Don't think that just because you say this, I'll forgive the time you wasted before." Although his tone was still slightly overbearing, a happy yet bitter smile spread across Si Luo Chen's face.

  Because she waited for it, even if it's such a result.

  "Uh-huh."

  Decided to update at around 8-10 pm every night, focus on writing during the day _(:3∠)_. May take a rest on Wednesdays. Notification!