The Dumb Couple of Three Kingdoms (Repost! Hilarious)
Three Kingdoms' Dumb Couple (Repost! Hilarious)
Liu Bei invited Zhuge Liang three times, and didn't even see his shadow the first two times. On the third time, he finally met him, and began to talk about his own welfare treatment in order to move Zhuge. Zhuge said: I'll give you a riddle, if you can answer it, I'll follow you. If not, then don't come again in the future.
Liu Bei thought: What is this riddle? I don't know, what should I do? If I can't figure it out, I'll lose face. Thinking of this made him sweat.
Zhang Fei thought: What is this couplet? I've never seen my elder brother practice it before, if he can't come up with a matching line, he'll lose face. I might as well try, I'm just a butcher, everyone knows I'm uncultured, even if I fail to come up with a matching line, it won't be embarrassing, at worst, we can just forget about it and let my elder brother try again.
Liu Bei asked: Can you do it? Zhang Fei said: What's the big deal, isn't it just a duel? Even three-year-old kids in our village can do it. Liu Bei thought for a moment and said: I'll take a look first and learn from experience. If I really can't do it, then I'll go up.
Then dumb started:
Zhuge Liang points to the sky, Zhang Fei points to the ground.
Zhuge Liang stretched out one finger; Zhang Fei stretched out three fingers.
Zhuge Liang clapped three times; Zhang Fei clapped nine times.
Zhuge Liang drew a circle on his chest; Zhang Fei patted his head and fell silent.
Zhuge Liang didn't say another word and packed his bags to follow Liu Bei.
Thus Zhuge Liang followed Liu Bei, conquering the south and fighting in the north, achieving great merits and earning Liu Bei's respect. However, there was one thing that had always been stuck in Liu Bei's mind: what exactly did they say to each other on that day? One day, he finally asked Zhuge Liang about it: who won that day when you two were silent?
Zhuge Liang said: General Zhang has won, General Zhang is indeed a rare talent in the world!
Liu Bei asked again: What did you say in the end?
Zhuge Liang said: I point to the sky, representing knowledge of astronomy; he points to the ground, representing knowledge of geography. I stretch out one finger, representing unification of the world under heaven; he stretches out three fingers, representing the Three Kingdoms standing together. I clap my hands three times, representing the three virtues returning to the Han Dynasty; he claps nine times, representing the nine virtues returning to their origin. I draw a circle on my chest, representing a heart full of beautiful brocade; he pats his head once, representing the universe revolving around him!
Liu Bei thought: Is that what it means? No, I don't think so. With Zhang Fei's temperament, others may not know, but how could I not know? How much stuff is in his belly, and I wouldn't know? Calling him a fierce general is fine, but saying he's a peerless talent is going too far. I have to go ask him about it. So Liu Bei thought of Zhuge Liang and bid farewell to go find Zhang Fei.
Met Zhang Fei and asked: I said, Brother Zhang Xian, who won in the end that day?
Zhang Fei: Of course I won, otherwise this old man would not have come out.
Liu Bei: What did you all say then?
Zhang Fei: Chancellor Zhuge probably knows that I used to be a pig butcher, so he actually asks questions around pigs. At first, he points to the sky, saying that today's weather is particularly good, and I say it's just right to go down and catch pigs. He asks if I'm referring to catching one mouthful of pork? I say no way, at least three mouthfuls are needed, one mouthful isn't enough to kill. He then asks if the pig weighs thirty catties? I say that's not right, thirty catties is just a piglet, and big pigs weigh at least ninety catties. He also asks if the pig's heart, intestines, and other internal organs are sold together? I pat my head and tell him, as long as you have money, I'll even sell you this pig's head.
Liu Bei: ......
