Chapter 5 Zhang San is a big horse thief

  "Are we going for a run?"

  Li Xian watched as his uncle, brother and others were packing up their things and asked.

  Chen Que'er patted Li Xian's shoulder and said, "Having gained an advantage without running away, are you waiting for the Hu Bao Jingqi to come over and slaughter this stronghold? With just a few dozen people, we're not even enough for the enemy's large army to shoot at once. One on one or even one on five, which of our Iron Floating Pavilion men have ever been defeated? If it's one on a hundred, then let's run away."

  Li Xian curled his lip, thinking to himself that he had just taken down four men the day before. However, he knew what Chen Que'er meant, and also knew that these men were much more powerful than him. Moreover, he knew that a cavalry of over a thousand people was a kind of terrifying destructive force. The Iron Floating Pavilion had only sixty or so people, and no matter what, they couldn't withstand the group charge of the large cavalry troops.

  Chen Queer is a young man, sixteen years younger than Li Xian. He was shirtless, revealing a robust physique with well-developed muscles. His body was perfect, with not a single muscle lacking on his chest or abdomen. Especially those six-pack abs, which made Li Xian feel extremely envious. Every time he saw Chen Queer's six-pack, he wanted to draw a small turtle on it. Chen Queer had an excellent physique, but he didn't look handsome at all.

  On his body, seven intersecting scars that looked like crawling earthworms were shocking. Looking at these scars, Li Xian would think of the past when he was only one year old, Chen Que'er held him and killed her way out of the siege of dozens of government soldiers nine years ago. Chen Que'er never told Li Xian about the origin of these scars, nor did she think that a one-year-old child would remember that night's events. She didn't say it, but Li Xian remembered it in his heart.

  Seven knives, each one deep enough to see the bone. Li Xian silently told himself that in the future, when he stood in front of that person, he would return these seven knives multiplied by a hundred times to avenge Chen Que Er.

  "Little bird brother, where are we going this time?"

  Li Xian sat on a bench that was not much shorter than him, swinging his two legs and asking.

  "Big brother said he's going to Wei Yang County to cut grass, recently the Xianbei people have been getting more and more arrogant."

  Cutting grass is killing people.

  The prairie people ran into the Da Wei border to rob property, food and people as herding slaves, they called it hitting grass valley. What Chen Queer said about cutting grass means cutting off those who hit the grass valley.

  "Ah... Youyang County..."

  Li Xian sighed and said, "Our Great Sui is the smallest of all counties, right? It governs only one county, with just a handful of people. When we get there, it's hard to make a name for ourselves."

  Chen Que'er rubbed Li Xian's hair and said: "You're still so young, why do you always talk like an old man!"

  Li Xian was actually very unaccustomed to Chen Que'er's affectionate behavior, because he didn't think of himself as a little kid who should be pampered. But there was no way around it, he wasn't stronger than Chen Que'er, so he could only be bullied. Although in Chen Que'er's eyes this absolutely wasn't bullying Li Xian, it didn't stop Li Xian from secretly cursing Chen Que'er to not lift a finger.

  "Little bird brother, are we going together this time or separating like last time?"

  Li Xian furrowed his brow and asked.

  He ran his hand through his hair, restoring the smoothness of that head of long hair that made girls jealous. Li Xian had always insisted on being a bit awkward, clothes could be dirty, feet could go three days without washing, but hair must be kept clean and dry. This quirk was always ridiculed by everyone, saying he should have been born as a daughter. Every time they said this, Li Xian would proudly pull out his small bird that still had feathers growing on it, and let it pee, causing everyone to burst into laughter, then everyone would start teasing him about the worm in its nest.

  Li Xian is always very angry at this time, damn it, just looking at the size is enough, but must also discuss appearance? Must the hole for urinating also have double eyelids to be beautiful?

  "Why don't you go ask your grandfather?"

  Chen Que'er tied the package to the back of the Bota Wu horse while laughing and saying, "This Bota Wu is his beloved horse, more loved than a woman. The time they went to intercept the Turks, Chen Que'er rode this Bota Wu and trampled on the plate."

  "Ask him? He'll be leaving once he wakes up. All he knows is drinking, a wine ghost who can't even get drunk no matter how much he drinks."

  Chen Que'er burst out laughing and said: "You can't say that about your grandfather, if he hears it, he'll beat your butt to a pulp!"

  Li Xian waved his hand and said, "You know, from the age of six, my butt has always been very healthy. He won't scold me when he's not drunk, and when he is drunk, it's absolutely impossible to catch me. When he sobers up, he forgets what I said about him again."

  Chen Que'er smiled and said: "You're so clever! I don't know how to go either, which time isn't it that Big Brother decides on the route just before departure?"

  Li Xian rolled his eyes and said: "Every time we change countless routes, every time we are so tired that our eyelids can't even open."

  "Undoubtedly, each route is the most correct one."

  "Little bird brother, I heard you left a living mouth?"

  Li Xian suddenly asked seriously.

  "How could Grandfather become kind-hearted? If we don't leave any survivors, Lu Mengzi won't necessarily know it was us who did it, and we won't have to run away again after just settling down."

  "There are two girls, one looks like a young lady and the other is a servant girl. Together they're not even as old as I am. Those who deserve to die will be killed, but those two girls were just brought along by those people to experience the prosperity of Zhongyuan. They're still young and haven't committed any crimes, so they can't be killed. We've never killed women and children before. Besides, even if we don't leave anyone alive, won't Luo Manzi know it was us who did it? In this area of several hundred miles, who else would dare not to give face to Luo Manzi? In this area of several hundred miles, only Big Brother treats Luo Manzi like a piece of shit. Luo Manzi isn't an idiot!"

  "You're wrong!"

  A sturdy man, slightly more robust than Chen Queer, happened to walk over. He listened to Chen Queer's words and said seriously: "Firstly, in Big Brother's eyes, Luo Manzi is not even as good as a piece of shit. Secondly, Luo Manzi is indeed a stupid cunt."

  Li Xian's greatest pleasure was teaching Tie Fotu and those people the correct usage of the two words "sha bi".

  "Brother Tiger!"

  Li Xian looked very obedient and called out loudly.

  This sturdy man was called Fú Hǔ Nú, and he could be said to be one of the three most capable fighters among this group of horse thieves. Even Chen Qiū ér wasn't his match. It's said that he once killed many people on the territory of the Khitan people, single-handedly defeating dozens of Khitan warriors. Then, with great fanfare, he snatched a fine black horse from the hands of a Khitan noble and returned alone, riding triumphantly for a thousand miles. The reason he did such a mighty deed was that he had lost a bet to Chen Qiū ér, with the stake being a fine black horse. That day... they two got drunk on wine in Youzhou City, strolling through the pleasure quarters when they happened upon a famous courtesan hanging out her shingle for the first time. The two of them made a bet whether the woman was a "white tiger" or not. Fú Hǔ Nú said she was, Chen Qiū ér said she wasn't. So the two of them went upstairs and tossed the fat, wobbling guy who was on top of the woman out the window from the second floor, then spread the woman's legs apart to investigate. Actually, Fú Hǔ Nú lost very unjustly, because after searching high and low, they only found a tiny little pubic hair that curled up slightly.

  Fútú nú shì dà zhàng fu, yuàn dǔ fù shū.

  Translation:

  The crouching tiger is a great man, willing to admit defeat in a gamble.

  That poor woman was turned over and inspected by two drunken men, her most private parts touched dozens of times by the big hands of these two rascals. What made her even more unbearable with anger was that after these two seemingly decent-looking guys had looked enough and touched enough, they simply left without a care, being utterly unscrupulous.

  Isn't it attractive at all?

  She gritted her teeth and cursed those two drunks, they must be virgins and will remain virgins for the rest of their lives.

  "Stop showing off in front of me!"

  Fú Hǔ Nú glared at Lǐ Xián and scolded: "Speak! Was it you who threw stones into the toilet last time?"

  Li Xian said seriously and sincerely: "I guarantee, Tiger Niu brother, it's definitely not me."

  "Then who did you say it was?"

  "It's my grandfather, don't believe me? Go ask him!"

  Li Xian raised two fingers in an oath, then whispered in a very low voice: "But the stone was found by me."

  "You little brat! Dare to spout nonsense again? Believe it or not, I'll beat your butt to a pulp!"

  Majestic as a rhinoceros, robust as a fierce tiger, towering like a mountain range, Zhang Zhongjian glared with his tiger-like eyes and cursed: "I told you so, the one who betrayed me is always you, you little bastard!"

  Li Xian smiled and looked at Fuhu Nu.

  Fú Hǔ Nú was shocked and then furious: "Big Brother! Is it really you?"

  "Of course... not! Do you think I'd do something so despicable? That kind of naughty prank is something a kid would do. Tora, even if my brother could stuff you into a latrine, he wouldn't throw stones into the latrine."

  Fú Hǔ Nú thought for a moment and said: "What Big Brother says is also true."

  Zhang Zhongjian quickly changed the subject, saying: "Let's finish packing and leave. We'll rest our feet and have a meal at Yipaizigou. In three days we'll arrive in Wuzhong County, then find a place to settle down."

  "Go separately?"

  Chen Que'er asked.

  "Split up? Don't be ridiculous! It's less than 300 miles, no need to split up. Besides, if Luo is sensible, he won't make a move!"

  "Why don't we just run away then?"

  The tiger slave asks about the Tao.

  Zhang Zhongjian glanced at Fuhu Nu's bulging chest muscles and scolded: "You big-chested fool! If we don't leave, that Luo kid will definitely come! If we leave, he'll have to give the Turks an explanation. If we don't leave, he'll also have to give the Turks an explanation. Which one do you think is easier to explain?"

  The lazy Fú Hǔ said: "Whatever Big Brother says goes."

  Zhang Zhongjian was too lazy to bother with him, looked around and saw that everyone had almost finished packing up, and ordered: "Get rid of all the useless things! Xia Liu Zi, why are you still carrying that broken stool on your horse? Let's finish packing up and leave! The most famous thing about Yu Pai Zi Gou is the blind bear, we've hunted several times but haven't caught one yet. Let's try to eat bear paws before we leave!"

  A group of people laughed and mounted their tall horses, the horse thieves sang songs as they galloped northeast.

  The crowd rested for a night in Yuzigou and killed the bear that often came out to harm people, continuing on their journey early the next morning. Three days later, this team, which looked like it had no dust or fatigue, arrived at the county seat of Miyang, who would have thought that this trip would last five years? Sixty-odd heroic bandits returned to Zhuo County with only eighteen people left after five years.

  Yōshū

  A man dressed as a school lieutenant saluted the middle-aged man in brocade clothes behind the desk and said, "Report to General, when I went down, people... all ran away."

  The man in brocade clothes who was reading a book raised his head and glanced at the school lieutenant, then nodded and said, "I know, you can go out."

  The school lieutenant took a step back and asked nervously: "Do you want to send troops to intercept?"

  The middle-aged man frowned and said: "You can go after her yourself, but you can only walk."

  The school lieutenant reluctantly lowered his head and retreated, the brocade-robed man put down the book, remained silent for a while, then suddenly burst out laughing. He muttered to himself: "Zhang San, you fool, this time you didn't get arrogant or stupid."